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people in many countries are spending less time with their family. what are the causes and effects of this

people in many countries are spending less time with their family. what are the causes and effects of this

In today’s world, a notable trend is the reduced time people spend with their families, and this phenomenon has substantial effects on individuals and society.

A primary reason for this shift is the prolonged working hours and heightened career pressure individuals face. The contemporary workplace often demands extended workdays and involvement in intricate projects, compelling individuals to prioritize their careers over family time. This disrupts the delicate balance between work and family life. Another contributing factor to the decline in family time is the widespread use of digital devices and social media. Phones, tablets, and computers have become constant sources of entertainment, diverting people’s attention from face-to-face family interactions. Regrettably, this frequently results in family members being physically present but emotionally distant, thereby weakening family bonds.

The repercussions of diminished family time are manifold, with one of the most significant being the gradual weakening of emotional ties among family members. As individuals spend less time engaging in conversations and shared activities, emotional distance can develop. This may lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, particularly when family members miss out on the support and warmth that strong family connections offer. This emotional void can also have adverse effects on mental health, contributing to heightened stress, anxiety, and, in some instances, depression. Furthermore, reduced family time impacts the growth and socialization of children. Children require consistent interaction and guidance from parents and other family members to cultivate crucial life skills, values, and a sense of belonging. Limited family time may result in children not receiving the emotional and educational support essential for their development, potentially causing delays in their growth, behavioral issues, and challenges in forming healthy relationships in the future.

In conclusion, the decline in family time is a multifaceted issue driven by various factors, including increased work demands and the prevalent use of digital devices. Its consequences encompass weakened emotional bonds and impeded child development, impacting both individuals and society at large.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. “Notable trend” -> “Prominent trend”
    Explanation: Replacing “notable” with “prominent” maintains a formal tone and offers a more sophisticated term to describe the significant trend, aligning better with academic writing standards.
  2. “substantial effects” -> “significant ramifications”
    Explanation: The term “ramifications” elevates the language by providing a more nuanced expression for the impact, enhancing the essay’s formality and precision.
  3. “contemporary” -> “modern”
    Explanation: While “contemporary” is acceptable, “modern” is a more commonly used term in academic discourse and suits the context without compromising clarity or formality.
  4. “involvement” -> “engagement”
    Explanation: Substituting “involvement” with “engagement” offers a more refined term, aligning with academic style while maintaining the meaning of active participation in projects.
  5. “compelling individuals” -> “forcing individuals”
    Explanation: “Forcing individuals” adds strength to the statement, emphasizing the impact of work demands on prioritizing careers over family, without losing formality.
  6. “entertainment” -> “distraction”
    Explanation: Using “distraction” instead of “entertainment” emphasizes the negative impact of digital devices on family interactions, aligning with a more formal tone.
  7. “Regrettably” -> Remove
    Explanation: The use of “regrettably” introduces a slightly informal tone. Omitting it maintains a more objective and formal stance.
  8. “frequently results” -> “often leads”
    Explanation: “Often leads” conveys a more direct cause-and-effect relationship, fitting a more formal register and enhancing precision.
  9. “manifold” -> “numerous”
    Explanation: While “manifold” is acceptable, “numerous” offers a simpler yet academically appropriate term, maintaining formality and clarity.
  10. “heightened stress” -> “increased stress levels”
    Explanation: “Increased stress levels” is more formal and specific, enhancing the precision of the essay.
  11. “adverse effects” -> “negative repercussions”
    Explanation: “Negative repercussions” is a more academic phrase that retains the meaning while providing a more formal expression.
  12. “impacts” -> “affects”
    Explanation: “Affects” is a more common and formal term to describe the influence or consequences of reduced family time.
  13. “multifaceted issue” -> “complex issue”
    Explanation: “Complex issue” simplifies the language without losing the depth of meaning, maintaining a formal tone appropriate for academic writing.
  14. “driven by various factors” -> “stemming from multiple factors”
    Explanation: “Stemming from multiple factors” offers a more formal phrasing while retaining the essence of the causes contributing to the decline in family time.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: “In today’s world, a notable trend is the reduced time people spend with their families, and this phenomenon has substantial effects on individuals and society.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction effectively highlights the topic but lacks a clear and concise thesis statement that outlines the main points the essay will cover. A more explicit thesis statement would enhance the essay’s structure and guide the reader. For instance, you could state, “This essay will explore the causes of diminished family time, including prolonged working hours and increased reliance on digital devices, and discuss the resulting effects on emotional bonds and child development.”
    • Improved example: “In contemporary society, a concerning trend is the diminishing time individuals allocate to family interactions. This essay will delve into the primary causes behind this shift, such as prolonged working hours and the pervasive use of digital devices, and analyze the consequential effects on emotional bonds among family members and the development of children.”
  2. Quoted text: “This disrupts the delicate balance between work and family life.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea presented is valid, but it lacks development and specificity. To strengthen your argument, provide concrete examples or scenarios that illustrate how the delicate balance between work and family life is disrupted. This will add depth to your response and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: “This disrupts the delicate balance between work and family life, as individuals find themselves compelled to prioritize workplace demands over family commitments. For instance, a parent working long hours may miss crucial family events, leading to a gradual erosion of the quality time spent together.”
  3. Quoted text: “Regrettably, this frequently results in family members being physically present but emotionally distant, thereby weakening family bonds.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the point is valid, it would benefit from a specific example or scenario to illustrate how digital devices contribute to emotional distance. Provide a relatable anecdote or a hypothetical situation to make your argument more tangible and convincing.
    • Improved example: “Regrettably, this frequently results in family members being physically present but emotionally distant. For instance, during family meals, individuals may be engrossed in their phones, missing out on meaningful conversations and shared experiences, ultimately weakening the emotional bonds within the family.”

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the task, but improvements in thesis statement clarity and the use of specific examples would elevate the depth of idea development, making the essay more persuasive and impactful.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a strong level of coherence and cohesion, aligning with the Band 8 descriptor. Information and ideas are logically sequenced, creating a clear progression throughout the essay. The use of cohesive devices is managed well, contributing to the overall flow of the text. Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately, with each paragraph presenting a clear central topic. The essay effectively addresses the causes and effects of reduced family time, maintaining a logical organization and cohesion within and between sentences.

How to improve:
While the essay is strong, there is always room for improvement. Consider enhancing the variety of cohesive devices used to further elevate the overall coherence. Ensure that referencing is consistently clear and appropriate throughout the essay. Additionally, focus on refining the precision of language use and sentence structure to create an even more polished and cohesive piece of writing.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, contributing to a fluent and precise communication of ideas. There is a consistent application of a wide range of vocabulary, including sophisticated lexical features. The writer skillfully incorporates uncommon lexical items, showcasing a nuanced control over language. The essay is largely free from errors, with any minor inaccuracies considered as occasional slips that do not significantly impact overall comprehension. The writer effectively conveys the causes and effects of reduced family time, utilizing language that is both natural and sophisticated.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score further, the writer could consider incorporating a few more domain-specific or context-specific terms related to the causes and effects discussed in the essay. Additionally, ensuring an even more seamless integration of uncommon lexical items and refining word choice for utmost precision would contribute to elevating the lexical sophistication. Overall, maintaining the current level of accuracy and fluency while slightly diversifying and refining vocabulary would enhance the essay’s lexical quality.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a Band 7 score. The writer employs a mix of sentence forms, including complex structures, which enhances the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. There is good control of grammar and punctuation, with the majority of sentences being error-free. However, there are a few instances of minor errors that do not significantly impede communication; they can be considered as occasional ‘slips.’ Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical structures.

How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to identify and rectify the minor errors. Additionally, the writer could aim to incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more sophisticated complex sentences, to elevate the overall grammatical complexity. Paying close attention to detail in sentence construction will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

In our modern era, a significant trend is the decreased amount of time individuals spend with their families, which profoundly affects both individuals and society.

One primary cause of this change is the longer working hours and greater pressure people face in their careers. Today’s workplaces often demand extended hours and involvement in complex projects, causing individuals to prioritize their careers over spending time with their families. This upsets the delicate balance between work and family life. Additionally, the widespread use of digital devices and social media contributes to this decline. Phones, tablets, and computers have become constant sources of entertainment, diverting people’s attention away from face-to-face interactions with their families. Unfortunately, this often results in family members being physically present but emotionally distant, weakening family bonds.

The effects of reduced family time are numerous, with one of the most significant being the gradual weakening of emotional connections among family members. As individuals spend less time engaging in conversations and shared activities, emotional distance can grow. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, particularly when family members miss out on the support and warmth that strong family connections provide. This emotional gap can also negatively impact mental health, contributing to increased stress, anxiety, and, in some cases, depression. Furthermore, decreased family time affects the upbringing and socialization of children. Children need consistent interaction and guidance from parents and other family members to develop essential life skills, values, and a sense of belonging. Limited family time can result in children not receiving the emotional and educational support necessary for their growth, potentially causing delays in their development, behavioral issues, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships in the future.

In conclusion, the decline in family time is a complex issue driven by various factors, such as increased work demands and the widespread use of digital devices. Its consequences include weakened emotional bonds and hindered child development, impacting both individuals and society as a whole.

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