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People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons and effects of this?

People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons and effects of this?

It is true that there is an emerging phenomenon of declining family quality time among households in many parts of the world. This essay aims to indicate the primary driving forces behind the increasingly less family time and prove that this tendency spells trouble for both the family itself and the society as a whole.

To begin with, the absence of time dedicated to family can be attributed to some reasons, chief among which is the intense schedule. As a matter of fact, in this fast-paced society, many adults are fully occupied with their respective jobs while the youngsters are, similarly, overwhelmed with their academic training. This is believed to profoundly deprive people of opportunities for leisure and relaxation, let alone time spent for other family members. Furthermore, technology overuse also engenders some valid concerns regarding family together time. The inexorably rising ubiquity and proliferation of a plethora of technological devices has rendered more people, particularly the young addicted to social media and video games, leading to the isolation from the rest of the family. For instance, teenagers nowadays would rather text with their friends via virtual platforms than engage in face-to-face with their parents or siblings.

Personally, I contend that the growing trend towards reduced family time has palpable repercussions on not only the family but also on the society. On a family level, the insufficient family time may come at the expense of deteriorated family bonding. To substantiate, the distance between members can be furthered, giving rise to potential misunderstandings, conflicts and even divorce in the worst-case situation, where the children are the ones who suffer the most. From a societal perspective, diminished family relations can trigger numerous social evils. Neglectful parenting style can have adverse bearings on the comprehensive development of the offspring, making them vulnerable to toxic influences from friends and mass media. This actually acts as a precursor to the escalating rate of violence and juvenile delinquents.

In conclusion, hectic work and the universal appearance of technology are to blame for the lack of family together time, which does both the family and the community a disservice. It is recommended that every member should try to allocate their time to their relatives to strengthen the family ties.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "chief among which is" -> "primarily among them is"
    Explanation: Replacing "chief among which is" with "primarily among them is" enhances formality by using a more precise and sophisticated phrase to introduce the main reason.

  2. "As a matter of fact" -> "Indeed"
    Explanation: Substituting "As a matter of fact" with "Indeed" contributes to a more formal and concise expression, aligning with academic writing conventions.

  3. "fully occupied with their respective jobs" -> "fully engrossed in their respective professions"
    Explanation: Replacing "fully occupied with their respective jobs" with "fully engrossed in their respective professions" maintains formality and introduces a more sophisticated term for employment.

  4. "academic training" -> "educational pursuits"
    Explanation: Changing "academic training" to "educational pursuits" provides a more encompassing and formal description, fitting the academic context.

  5. "profoundly deprive people of opportunities" -> "significantly limit individuals’ chances"
    Explanation: Substituting "profoundly deprive people of opportunities" with "significantly limit individuals’ chances" maintains clarity while using a more formal and nuanced expression.

  6. "technology overuse" -> "excessive reliance on technology"
    Explanation: Replacing "technology overuse" with "excessive reliance on technology" offers a more precise and formal term, aligning with academic language expectations.

  7. "engenders some valid concerns" -> "raises legitimate concerns"
    Explanation: Changing "engenders some valid concerns" to "raises legitimate concerns" provides a more formal and assertive expression, emphasizing the seriousness of the issue.

  8. "a plethora of technological devices" -> "an array of technological devices"
    Explanation: Substituting "a plethora of technological devices" with "an array of technological devices" maintains formality while using a more varied and precise term.

  9. "rendered more people, particularly the young addicted" -> "resulted in increased addiction, especially among the youth"
    Explanation: Replacing "rendered more people, particularly the young addicted" with "resulted in increased addiction, especially among the youth" offers a clearer and more formal phrasing.

  10. "For instance" -> "For example"
    Explanation: Changing "For instance" to "For example" aligns with a more formal and standard usage in academic writing.

  11. "teenagers nowadays would rather" -> "contemporary teenagers prefer"
    Explanation: Substituting "teenagers nowadays would rather" with "contemporary teenagers prefer" introduces a more formal and precise expression.

  12. "I contend that" -> "I argue that"
    Explanation: Replacing "I contend that" with "I argue that" maintains formality and introduces a more common academic phrase for expressing one’s viewpoint.

  13. "palpable repercussions" -> "significant consequences"
    Explanation: Changing "palpable repercussions" to "significant consequences" maintains formality while using a more precise term for the outcomes of reduced family time.

  14. "the insufficient family time may come at the expense of deteriorated family bonding" -> "the inadequate family time may lead to weakened family bonds"
    Explanation: Substituting "the insufficient family time may come at the expense of deteriorated family bonding" with "the inadequate family time may lead to weakened family bonds" provides a more formal and concise expression.

  15. "Neglectful parenting style" -> "Negligent parenting practices"
    Explanation: Changing "Neglectful parenting style" to "Negligent parenting practices" uses a more formal term to describe inadequate parenting.

  16. "comprehensive development of the offspring" -> "holistic development of the offspring"
    Explanation: Substituting "comprehensive development of the offspring" with "holistic development of the offspring" maintains formality while using a more nuanced term for the overall growth of children.

  17. "toxic influences from friends and mass media" -> "negative influences from peers and mass media"
    Explanation: Replacing "toxic influences from friends and mass media" with "negative influences from peers and mass media" offers a more formal and specific term.

  18. "precursor to the escalating rate of violence and juvenile delinquents" -> "precursor to the increasing incidence of violence and juvenile delinquency"
    Explanation: Changing "precursor to the escalating rate of violence and juvenile delinquents" to "precursor to the increasing incidence of violence and juvenile delinquency" uses a more formal and accurate expression.

  19. "It is recommended that every member should try" -> "It is advisable for each member to make an effort"
    Explanation: Substituting "It is recommended that every member should try" with "It is advisable for each member to make an effort" offers a more formal and directive expression.

  20. "strengthen the family ties" -> "reinforce familial bonds"
    Explanation: Changing "strengthen the family ties" to "reinforce familial bonds" maintains formality while using a more elaborate term for enhancing family connections.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt: reasons for reduced family time and the effects on both the family and society. It identifies the reasons such as busy schedules and technology use while delving into the effects on family bonding, potential conflicts, and societal consequences.
    • How to Improve: While the essay covers the elements, it could benefit from more nuanced exploration of the effects on society beyond juvenile delinquency, perhaps considering economic impacts, social support structures, etc.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance by acknowledging the decline in family time as a problematic trend. It consistently argues for the negative impacts on both the family and society due to this decline.
    • How to Improve: To enhance clarity, consider providing a more explicit thesis statement within the introduction to highlight the position taken and maintain a direct link to this throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively by discussing reasons for reduced family time with examples like busy schedules and technology. It supports these ideas with reasoning and examples.
    • How to Improve: To further enhance, expand on the societal effects beyond juvenile delinquency, integrating more examples or statistics to strengthen the arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic, addressing reasons and effects of reduced family time. However, there are instances where the connection to the societal impacts could be more elaborately tied back to the central theme.
    • How to Improve: Ensure each point made ties explicitly to the overarching theme of declining family time by reinforcing how each element affects this decline directly.

Overall Feedback:
The essay comprehensively addresses the reasons for reduced family time and its consequences. To elevate the response to a higher band score:

  • Strengthen the link between societal impacts and reduced family time, exploring a wider range of effects.
  • Include a clear and explicit thesis statement in the introduction.
  • Elaborate on how societal consequences directly connect to the decline in family time, providing more detailed examples or explanations.

This essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt but could achieve a higher band score with deeper exploration and more explicit connections between the reasons and broader societal impacts of reduced family time.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It follows a classic essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph discusses a specific aspect of the reasons and effects of declining family time. However, there is a slight disconnect between the first and second paragraphs. The introduction introduces the reasons for declining family time, but the first body paragraph focuses more on the reasons, leading to a minor deviation from the intended logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a seamless transition between the introduction and the body paragraphs. The first body paragraph can be adjusted to more directly support the main idea introduced in the introduction.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to present different ideas. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and there is a smooth transition between them. However, the third paragraph, starting with "Personally, I contend," is quite lengthy and covers both family and societal effects. Breaking it into two separate paragraphs would enhance readability and provide a more distinct focus on each aspect.
    • How to improve: Divide the third paragraph into two smaller paragraphs: one focusing on the family-level effects and the other on societal effects. This will create a more structured and organized presentation.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "To begin with," "Furthermore," "In conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are instances where the connection between sentences could be strengthened for a smoother flow.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the use of transition words at the beginning of sentences and ensure that they effectively guide the reader through the logical progression of ideas. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices, including pronouns and parallel structures, to enhance overall coherence.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To further improve, focus on refining the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph, breaking the lengthy third paragraph into two, and fine-tuning the use of cohesive devices for a more seamless connection between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to employ a variety of words and phrases to convey ideas. For instance, terms like "intense schedule," "fast-paced society," and "proliferation of technological devices" showcase a certain level of lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this criterion, consider incorporating more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary. Instead of using common phrases like "chief among which," explore alternatives like "predominantly." Additionally, strive for precision by choosing more contextually fitting words.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage is generally precise, with terms like "to substantiate" and "precipitate" contributing to clarity. However, there are instances where more specific or vivid language could be employed for greater impact.
    • How to improve: Aim for specificity in expression. For instance, in the sentence "the insufficient family time may come at the expense of deteriorated family bonding," consider replacing "deteriorated" with a more vivid term such as "strained" or "fractured" to convey the extent of the impact more precisely.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. There are a few minor errors, such as "ubiquity" instead of "ubiquitous" and "toxic influences" instead of "influences," but these do not significantly impede comprehension.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to detail when proofreading to catch and correct minor spelling errors. Utilize spell-check tools to enhance accuracy. Additionally, consider expanding your vocabulary to reduce reliance on common terms that may be prone to misspelling.

In summary, while the essay exhibits an adequate command of vocabulary with some attempts at diversity and precision, there is room for improvement. To elevate the lexical resource score, focus on incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary, aiming for precision in expression, and ensuring meticulous spelling accuracy through careful proofreading and the use of spell-check tools.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, incorporating simple, compound, and complex sentences. It utilizes introductory phrases ("To begin with," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") to organize ideas. However, there’s a tendency towards repetitive sentence structures, affecting the essay’s overall variety. For instance, many sentences follow a subject-verb-object structure, limiting complexity and stylistic diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance structural variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences (e.g., If…, then…), inverted sentences ("Not only…, but also…"), or participial phrases ("Rushing to work, adults often overlook family time."). Varying the sentence length and using rhetorical devices like parallelism or rhetorical questions can also add depth and diversity to the essay’s structure.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with proficient control over verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence construction. However, occasional errors are present. For instance, there are instances of incorrect verb forms or word usage ("rendered more people" should be "has rendered many people," "the young addicted" should be "the young are addicted").
    • How to improve: Review specific areas like subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Proofreading and editing should focus on identifying and rectifying such errors. Consider seeking grammar resources or exercises to strengthen these areas.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs correct punctuation, utilizing commas, periods, and appropriate capitalization effectively. However, there are instances where punctuation could be improved. Some sentences lack variety in punctuation, relying predominantly on commas. For instance, a judicious use of semicolons or dashes to enhance sentence structure is lacking.
    • How to improve: Experiment with varied punctuation marks to convey different sentence structures. Incorporate semicolons to link related independent clauses or use dashes to add emphasis or insert explanatory information within sentences. This will enrich the essay’s overall punctuation diversity and readability.

In summary, while the essay exhibits a decent grasp of grammar and punctuation, enhancing structural variety, eliminating occasional errors, and experimenting with diverse punctuation can elevate the essay’s quality and coherence. Incorporating more complex sentence structures will add depth and sophistication to your writing, contributing to a higher band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Practice writing using different sentence structures and revise thoroughly to refine grammatical precision and punctuation diversity.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed true that there is a growing phenomenon of diminished quality family time in households around the world. This essay aims to highlight the main reasons behind this trend and demonstrate that it poses challenges for both the family and society at large.

To start with, the primary reason for the reduction in family time is the busy schedule. In our fast-paced society, adults are fully engrossed in their respective professions, while youngsters are similarly occupied with their educational pursuits. This significantly limits individuals’ chances for leisure and relaxation, let alone time spent with other family members. Additionally, there is a legitimate concern regarding the excessive reliance on technology, which further contributes to the decline in family time. The widespread use of various technological devices, especially among the youth, has resulted in increased addiction, isolating individuals from their families. For example, contemporary teenagers prefer texting friends on virtual platforms rather than engaging in face-to-face conversations with their parents or siblings.

I argue that this growing trend towards reduced family time has significant consequences not only for the family but also for society as a whole. On a family level, inadequate time spent together may lead to weakened family bonds. This can result in increased distance between family members, leading to potential misunderstandings, conflicts, and, in extreme cases, divorce, with children suffering the most. From a societal perspective, negligent parenting practices can hinder the holistic development of offspring, making them susceptible to negative influences from peers and mass media. This, in turn, can be a precursor to the increasing incidence of violence and juvenile delinquency.

In conclusion, the demanding work schedule and the pervasive use of technology are primarily responsible for the decline in family time, negatively impacting both the family and the community. It is advisable for each member to make an effort to reinforce familial bonds by allocating time to their relatives.

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