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People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons, and effects of this?

People in many countries are spending less time with their family.
What are the reasons, and effects of this?

In recent times, there are more and more people do not spend enough time on their families. This essay will mention some reasons and effects of this trend.

First of all, adults are significantly busy with work, they even must do overtime to earn enough money for their expenses. In addition, in a large number of families, the fathers often go to work before the kids get up and return home after the children go to bed almost every day.
They therefore do not have free time to care for their kids. Moreover, people spend a lot of time on modern devices such as smartphones, tablets or laptops. For instance, parents still have to tackle tasks after working and children are addicted to video games or surfing online. Consequently, they do not have a chance to communicate or share happiness and sadness together.

Due to several reasons mentioned above, it can lead to a loads of issue. Lacking time to talk together can gradually make members of their families have distance. Therefore, they do not empathize with their spouses and also do not understand their kids. It means that parents do not know about children’s hobbies or characteristics, which would make kids feel alone in their families. Moreover, indifference can cause conflict between husbands and wives or even lead to divorce.

In conclusion, in economic development times, spending less time with family can cause various detrimental effects. Therefore, people should
find an effective way to balance between their employment and their families.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. “In recent times, there are more and more people do not spend enough time on their families.”
    -> “Recently, an increasing number of individuals are neglecting family time.”
    Explanation: Replacing the informal structure with a more formal phrasing and reordering the sentence improves clarity and formality without losing the intended meaning.
  2. “First of all, adults are significantly busy with work, they even must do overtime to earn enough money for their expenses.”
    -> “Primarily, adults are heavily occupied with work, often necessitating overtime to meet their financial needs.”
    Explanation: Substituting “significantly busy” with “heavily occupied” and restructuring the sentence for better flow enhances the formality and precision of the statement.
  3. “In addition, in a large number of families, the fathers often go to work before the kids get up and return home after the children go to bed almost every day.”
    -> “Moreover, in numerous households, fathers routinely depart for work before their children awaken and return after their bedtime on a daily basis.”
    Explanation: Replacing “a large number of families” with “numerous households” and rephrasing the sentence using formal language improves its academic tone and clarity.
  4. “They therefore do not have free time to care for their kids.”
    -> “Consequently, they lack the leisure time to attend to their children’s needs.”
    Explanation: Substituting “free time” with “leisure time” and rephrasing the sentence elevates the formality while maintaining the intended meaning.
  5. “For instance, parents still have to tackle tasks after working and children are addicted to video games or surfing online.”
    -> “For example, parents confront additional tasks post-employment, while children exhibit addiction to video games or online browsing.”
    Explanation: Using “confront” instead of “tackle” and restructuring the sentence with more formal language improves the academic style and precision of expression.
  6. “Due to several reasons mentioned above, it can lead to a loads of issue.”
    -> “Due to the aforementioned reasons, this trend can result in numerous issues.”
    Explanation: Replacing “several reasons mentioned above” with “aforementioned reasons” and refining the phrasing enhances the academic tone and clarity of the statement.
  7. “Lacking time to talk together can gradually make members of their families have distance.”
    -> “A lack of time for shared communication can gradually create emotional distance among family members.”
    Explanation: Substituting “make members of their families have distance” with a clearer and more formal expression improves the precision and formality of the sentence.
  8. “Therefore, they do not empathize with their spouses and also do not understand their kids.”
    -> “Consequently, they lack empathy for their spouses and fail to comprehend their children.”
    Explanation: Using “fail to comprehend” instead of “do not understand” and rephrasing for conciseness and formality enhances the academic style.
  9. “Moreover, indifference can cause conflict between husbands and wives or even lead to divorce.”
    -> “Furthermore, apathy can incite marital conflicts and, in severe cases, culminate in divorce.”
    Explanation: Replacing “indifference” with “apathy” and using “incite” and “culminate” enhances the formality and precision of the statement.
  10. “Therefore, people should find an effective way to balance between their employment and their families.”
    -> “Hence, individuals ought to seek effective strategies to achieve a balance between their professional commitments and familial responsibilities.”
    Explanation: Replacing “find” with “seek,” and using “strategies” and “professional commitments” instead of “way,” and “employment” elevates the formality and specificity of the suggestion.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: “In recent times, there are more and more people do not spend enough time on their families. This essay will mention some reasons and effects of this trend.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting the writer’s position on the topic. It’s essential to clearly state whether the writer agrees, disagrees, or takes a balanced approach to the prompt. A more precise and engaging introduction would strengthen the overall structure.
    • Improved example: “In recent times, an increasing number of individuals find themselves devoting less time to their families. This essay will explore the reasons behind this trend and its consequential effects.”
  2. Quoted text: “Due to several reasons mentioned above, it can lead to a load of issues. Lacking time to talk together can gradually make members of their families have distance. Therefore, they do not empathize with their spouses and also do not understand their kids.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The explanation lacks specificity and depth. To enhance the response, elaborate on the consequences of family members growing distant. Provide concrete examples or scenarios to illustrate the impact of limited communication within the family.
    • Improved example: “Due to the aforementioned reasons, this trend can result in a myriad of issues. Insufficient communication can create emotional distance among family members, leading to a lack of empathy between spouses and a failure to understand the needs and interests of their children. For instance, when parents are unaware of their children’s hobbies, it may contribute to a sense of isolation for the children.”
  3. Quoted text: “Moreover, indifference can cause conflict between husbands and wives or even lead to divorce.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While this point is valid, it lacks development. To strengthen the argument, provide more details on how indifference can specifically contribute to conflicts between spouses and potentially lead to divorce. This will add depth and persuasiveness to the essay.
    • Improved example: “Moreover, the emotional indifference resulting from limited family time can escalate into conflicts between husbands and wives. For instance, when couples fail to understand each other’s daily experiences due to busy schedules, it may give rise to misunderstandings and unresolved issues, eventually straining the marital relationship and, in extreme cases, leading to divorce.”

Overall, while the essay addresses the task and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity in the introduction and the development of ideas throughout the essay. Adding specific examples and details will enhance the overall depth and persuasiveness of the response.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay falls into the Band 6 category for Coherence and Cohesion. It arranges information and ideas coherently, maintaining a clear overall progression. There is effective use of cohesive devices, but there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences may be faulty or mechanical. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically, and there are areas where referencing is not clear or appropriate.

The essay presents a clear central topic within each paragraph, and the overall structure is discernible. However, there are issues with sentence-to-sentence flow and cohesion, particularly in the transitions between ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing the reasons for less family time to the effects is somewhat abrupt.

How to improve:

  1. Cohesive Devices: Pay attention to the use of cohesive devices. Ensure that they are used more seamlessly to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This includes using transitional phrases and linking words effectively.
  2. Logical Progression: Work on ensuring a smoother transition between the reasons and effects of spending less time with family. Consider the use of clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
  3. Paragraphing: Review the logical organization of paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a specific idea or point. Ensure that the progression of ideas is clear, and paragraphs are appropriately structured.
  4. Referencing: Be mindful of referencing and substitution. Make sure that pronouns and references to previous ideas are used clearly and consistently to avoid confusion.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay falls into the Band 6 category for Lexical Resource. It demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task and attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation throughout the essay. For instance, the phrase “there are more and more people do not spend enough time on their families” could be more appropriately phrased as “an increasing number of people do not spend enough time with their families.” Additionally, there are instances of awkward collocations and word choices, such as “it can lead to a loads of issue,” where “a loads of issue” is imprecise and could be improved.

The essay also makes some errors in spelling and word formation, such as “In recent times, there are more and more people do not spend enough time on their families,” where the correct phrasing would be “In recent times, there are more and more people who do not spend enough time with their families.” These errors, while not impeding communication significantly, are noticeable and affect the overall lexical quality of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource and achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more accurate word choice and collocation. Additionally, careful proofreading is essential to eliminate spelling and word formation errors. Rewriting awkward or imprecise sentences and ensuring clarity in expression will contribute to a more sophisticated and accurate use of language.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and while there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they rarely hinder communication. The use of a variety of complex structures is evident, but there are noticeable errors throughout the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Proofreading for minor errors and ensuring consistency in tense usage can contribute to a more polished essay. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of sentence structures with greater precision will elevate the overall quality of the writing.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, an increasing number of individuals fail to allocate sufficient time to their families. This essay will explore some reasons and effects of this prevalent trend.

Primarily, adults find themselves engrossed in work-related commitments, often necessitating overtime to meet financial needs. In many households, fathers depart for work before their children wake up and return after the kids have already gone to bed, leaving minimal free time for parental involvement. Additionally, the pervasive use of modern devices, such as smartphones, tablets, or laptops, further contributes to this issue. For example, parents may find themselves occupied with tasks even after work hours, while children may become absorbed in video games or online activities. Consequently, opportunities for family members to engage in meaningful communication and share joys and sorrows diminish.

These aforementioned factors can give rise to a multitude of issues. Insufficient time for familial dialogue may gradually foster a sense of distance among family members. As a result, parents may struggle to empathize with their spouses and comprehend their children. This lack of understanding extends to a point where parents remain unaware of their children’s hobbies or unique traits, leaving the younger members feeling isolated within their own families. Furthermore, such indifference may escalate into conflicts between spouses, potentially leading to marital discord or even divorce.

In conclusion, during periods of economic development, the reduced time spent with family can yield various adverse effects. Consequently, individuals ought to seek effective ways to strike a balance between their professional commitments and their familial responsibilities.

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