People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons, effects?

The phenomenon of people interacting less with their families is gaining prevalence in many nations. I believe that this is attributed to their leading a hectic lifestyle and a lower preference for staying connected with their households than with their peers, which possibly lead to families suffering from a lack of company and they may not know if their sons and daughters are in trouble or similar problems.

One main factor leading to this situation is more people are prioritizing a busy life, in contrast to family time. Not only do they spend more time working at the offices, but they also determine to improve themselves. Based on this wish, more people concentrate on additional activities such as funding for philanthropies and charities, or attending voluntary work, which takes away time supposed for their families.

Another reason contributing to this phenomenon is their peers are more likely to be chosen instead of their relatives in demand of people to communicate with. This is popularly observed in most of the age groups as people tend to choose someone with same habits, same preference and same age ranges, which relatives are incapable of fulfilling those needs due to generation gap. To illustrate this point, I often contact with my school mates and occasionally hang out with them, rather than my parents as I and they have a lot in common while this is not true with I and my parents. Furthermore, it is also due to long distances between them and their families, or more family conflicts and the like.

Despite the benefits of a busy lifestyle such as enhanced working skills or expanded relationships, there remains some consequences when less engagement is for families. Firstly, households will suffer from insufficient companionship. Since work and additional activities constitute a great portion of time, much less time is spent with their families and even likely, not a single second is for connecting with families, thus, they won't have enough time to be present at family reunions. Secondly, with less contact, relatives won't stand good chance to know how they have been or if they are in danger. People may have peers or coworkers to help them overcome minor problems, however, it is not true for big ones, therefore people may be in trouble when they lack of help from their families in serious issues. For instance, a study mate can help you work at projects, however, not only are they not able to help with major problems, but your families also can't assist them, therefore they have to cope with such problems like financial burdens, injuries and the like on their own.

In conclusion, less time spent for families are partly for two mentioned key factors, which are busy lifestyles reigning supreme and less contact for relatives to check their situations. These two factors can lead to such consequences like increased loneliness from the families and themselves from less company and the possibility that you will get into trouble without help from families.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"gaining prevalence" -> "increasingly prevalent"
Explanation: "Increasingly prevalent" is a more precise and formal way to describe the growing trend, aligning better with academic style by emphasizing the ongoing nature of the phenomenon.
"their leading a hectic lifestyle" -> "their leading hectic lifestyles"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. "Their leading a hectic lifestyle" should be "their leading hectic lifestyles" to correctly attribute the characteristic to the subject, improving grammatical accuracy and formality.
"a lower preference for staying connected with their households" -> "a diminished preference for maintaining connections with their families"
Explanation: "Maintaining connections" is more formal and precise than "staying connected," and "families" is a more appropriate term than "households" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"possibly lead to families suffering from a lack of company" -> "may lead to families experiencing a lack of companionship"
Explanation: "Experiencing a lack of companionship" is more specific and formal than "suffering from a lack of company," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"they also determine to improve themselves" -> "they also strive to improve themselves"
Explanation: "Determine" is not the correct verb in this context; "strive" is more appropriate to convey the effort and intention to improve, which is more academically suitable.
"funding for philanthropies and charities" -> "funding for philanthropic and charitable organizations"
Explanation: "Philanthropic and charitable organizations" is a more precise and formal way to refer to these entities, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"takes away time supposed for their families" -> "takes away time intended for their families"
Explanation: "Supposed" is incorrectly used here; "intended" is the correct term to describe the planned or allocated time, improving the grammatical accuracy and formality of the sentence.
"their peers are more likely to be chosen instead of their relatives" -> "their peers are more likely to be preferred over their relatives"
Explanation: "Preferred over" is a more formal and precise way to express the preference for peers over relatives, aligning better with academic language standards.
"I and they" -> "I and my parents"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. "I and they" should be "I and my parents" to correctly refer to the speaker and their parents in the third person.
"long distances between them and their families" -> "long distances between them and their families"
Explanation: This is a redundant repetition. The phrase should be revised to avoid redundancy and maintain clarity.
"the like" -> "similar issues"
Explanation: "The like" is informal and vague; "similar issues" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing, enhancing clarity and formality.
"less time spent for families" -> "less time spent with families"
Explanation: "For" is incorrectly used here; "with" is the correct preposition to indicate the relationship between time and families, improving grammatical accuracy.
"busy lifestyles reigning supreme" -> "busy lifestyles that prevail"
Explanation: "Reigning supreme" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "That prevail" is a more formal and precise way to describe the dominance of busy lifestyles.
"less contact for relatives to check their situations" -> "less contact between relatives to monitor their situations"
Explanation: "For" is incorrectly used; "between" is the correct preposition for indicating the relationship between relatives, and "monitor" is more formal than "check," enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons for the decline in family time (hectic lifestyles and preference for peer interaction) and discussing the effects (lack of companionship and potential dangers from insufficient family support). However, the exploration of effects could be more nuanced, as it primarily focuses on loneliness and lack of support without delving into other potential consequences, such as emotional or psychological impacts.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a broader range of effects, such as the impact on mental health or family dynamics. Additionally, providing more specific examples or statistics related to these effects would strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the decline in family time is problematic, supported by the reasons and effects outlined. However, the phrasing in some areas can be ambiguous, such as "which possibly lead to families suffering," which could be more assertively stated. The use of phrases like "I believe" introduces a subjective tone that could detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim for a more assertive tone by eliminating phrases that suggest uncertainty. Instead of "I believe," the essay could directly state the position, e.g., "This decline is detrimental to family relationships." This would enhance the clarity and strength of the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented logically, with each paragraph focusing on a specific reason or effect. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the mention of "funding for philanthropies and charities" as a reason for reduced family time is somewhat vague and could be better explained. Additionally, the examples provided, such as the comparison between friends and family, could be more detailed to illustrate the point effectively.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, expanding on how busy lifestyles manifest in daily routines or providing specific examples of how family relationships suffer would enhance the essay’s persuasiveness. Including data or studies to support claims would also strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally remains on topic, discussing the reasons and effects of reduced family time. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of "long distances between them and their families," which could be more clearly linked back to the main reasons discussed. Some sentences are also convoluted, making it difficult to follow the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. Clarifying connections between ideas and avoiding tangential statements will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, simplifying complex sentences can improve readability and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, but there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and coherence. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific reason or effect related to the prompt. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the busy lifestyle, while the second focuses on the preference for peers over family. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing busy lifestyles to peer preference feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence like "In addition to the demands of a busy lifestyle, social dynamics also play a significant role in family interactions" would create a smoother transition to the next point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a distinct idea. The introduction sets the stage, and the conclusion summarizes the main points. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the preference for peers and another discussing long distances and family conflicts. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a new aspect of the discussion, such as the impact of long distances or family conflicts. This will help maintain clarity and focus within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also" and "for instance." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, the phrase "which relatives are incapable of fulfilling those needs due to generation gap" could be better integrated into the flow of the paragraph.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas within and between sentences. For instance, instead of starting a new sentence with "Furthermore," consider integrating it into the previous sentence to enhance flow: "This is popularly observed in most age groups, as people tend to choose someone with similar habits; furthermore, relatives often cannot fulfill these needs due to the generation gap."

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a better overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases like "gaining prevalence," "hectic lifestyle," and "insufficient companionship." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variation, such as the repeated use of "families" and "people." Additionally, phrases like "leading a hectic lifestyle" could be expressed in more varied ways, such as "maintaining a fast-paced lifestyle" or "juggling numerous commitments."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "families," alternatives like "households," "relatives," or "kin" could be employed. Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing can help in identifying varied vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are notable instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "they may not know if their sons and daughters are in trouble" could be more effectively stated as "they may be unaware of their children’s difficulties." Additionally, the phrase "same habits, same preference and same age ranges" is awkward and could be simplified to "similar interests and age groups."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness. This can be achieved by revising sentences to eliminate redundancy and ensure that word choices accurately convey the intended meaning. Practicing paraphrasing and summarizing can also help in honing this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, "voluntary work" is correctly spelled, but "funding for philanthropies" could be more clearly expressed as "fundraising for charitable organizations." The phrase "not a single second is for connecting with families" contains awkward phrasing that could lead to confusion, though it is not a spelling error per se.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing can also help improve overall spelling skills. Additionally, reading extensively can expose the writer to correct spellings in context, reinforcing their learning.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of vocabulary usage, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By actively working on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "Not only do they spend more time working at the offices, but they also determine to improve themselves" effectively combines multiple ideas into a cohesive thought. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as "which" clauses, that could be varied for greater impact. The phrase "which relatives are incapable of fulfilling those needs due to generation gap" could be restructured for clarity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied conjunctions and transition phrases. For example, using "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely," at the beginning of sentences can help diversify the flow. Additionally, employing different types of clauses, such as participial phrases or conditional sentences, could add complexity and richness to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "which possibly lead to families suffering from a lack of company" should use "leads" to agree with the singular subject "this." Additionally, the sentence "I often contact with my school mates" is awkward; it should be "I often contact my schoolmates." There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. A thorough proofreading process, possibly reading the essay aloud, could help identify awkward phrases and grammatical mistakes. Additionally, practicing with grammar exercises focused on common errors, such as verb forms and punctuation, would be beneficial. Using tools like grammar checkers can also aid in catching mistakes before submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The phenomenon of people interacting less with their families is increasingly prevalent in many nations. I believe that this is attributed to their leading hectic lifestyles and a diminished preference for maintaining connections with their households compared to their peers, which may lead to families experiencing a lack of companionship, and they may not know if their sons and daughters are in trouble or facing similar issues.

One main factor leading to this situation is that more people are prioritizing a busy life over family time. Not only do they spend more time working in offices, but they also strive to improve themselves. Based on this desire, more people concentrate on additional activities such as funding for philanthropic and charitable organizations or attending voluntary work, which takes away time intended for their families.

Another reason contributing to this phenomenon is that their peers are more likely to be preferred over their relatives when it comes to communication. This is commonly observed across most age groups, as people tend to choose someone with similar habits, preferences, and age ranges, which relatives are often unable to fulfill due to the generation gap. To illustrate this point, I often contact my schoolmates and occasionally hang out with them, rather than my parents, as I and they have a lot in common, while this is not true for my parents and me. Furthermore, it is also due to long distances between them and their families, or more family conflicts and the like.

Despite the benefits of a busy lifestyle, such as enhanced working skills or expanded relationships, there are some consequences when there is less engagement with families. Firstly, households will suffer from insufficient companionship. Since work and additional activities constitute a large portion of time, much less time is spent with their families, and it is likely that not a single second is dedicated to connecting with them. Thus, they won’t have enough time to be present at family reunions. Secondly, with less contact, relatives won’t have a good chance to know how they have been or if they are in danger. People may have peers or coworkers to help them overcome minor problems; however, this is not true for major issues. Therefore, people may find themselves in trouble when they lack help from their families during serious situations. For instance, a study mate can help you work on projects; however, they are not able to assist with major problems, and your family may also be unable to help, leaving individuals to cope with challenges such as financial burdens or injuries on their own.

In conclusion, less time spent with families is partly due to the two key factors mentioned: busy lifestyles that prevail and less contact between relatives to monitor their situations. These two factors can lead to consequences such as increased loneliness for families and themselves due to diminished company and the possibility of facing troubles without help from their families.