People in the community can buy cheaper products nowadays. Do you think that the advantages outweigh disadvantages?
People in the community can buy cheaper products nowadays.
Do you think that the advantages outweigh disadvantages?
In the globalization era, With the developing of economy the demand for cheaper brands is rising smoothly Although has some advantages for consumers to have more opportunities to experience inexpensive products. I recognize that these positive impacts are overshadowed by many adverse influences on a lot of part of economy and environment.
On the one hand, It is understandable that being able to buy cheaper products is substantially beneficial. Regarding economical merits for individual, everyone can enjoy inexpensive purchases of diverse types of goods, which is particularly favorable for the households with middle incomes or low incomes. Furthermore, instead of spending amount of expenditure on branded clothes or expensive electronics as they do in the previous years, consumers can save a lot money and spare a larger proportion of their budget on critical needs, including better education, health care and entertaining. Thanks to this, people from all walks of life can enjoy sufficient living without paying much.
On the other hand, despite the good impacts mentioned above, I believe that topic economy (cheaper products) is also a detrimental development trend to seen extent. The quality of good is major problem of this trend. The production of process requires a lot of capital and staffs, so selling it at a high cost is reasonable. However, if product is sold at a low price, it means low quality. To save costs, manufactures may accept the usage of unsafe cheap chemicals and low-quality ingredients, which undoubtedly affect customers’ health. The usage time of cheap items is also short, leading to the growth of plastic waste, affecting the ecosystem. It is not only create bad influence on health but also detrimental to the reputation of brands. Cheap goods are often fake from luxury brands, it maybe looks real but not. For instance, Gucci – an famous brand in the word have suffer a lot when the brand’s signature striped pattern was copied by small manufactures from many countries.
In conclusion, people’s access to cheaper products has its advantages. However, the shortcomings are more remarkable that they should be taken into serious consideration.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In the globalization era, With the developing of economy" -> "In the era of globalization, with the development of the economy"
Explanation: The phrase "In the globalization era" is redundant and awkwardly structured. "In the era of globalization" is more concise and grammatically correct. Additionally, "developing" should be "development" to maintain the correct form of the noun. -
"the demand for cheaper brands is rising smoothly" -> "the demand for cheaper brands is increasing steadily"
Explanation: "Rising smoothly" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Increasing steadily" is more precise and formal. -
"Although has some advantages" -> "Although there are some advantages"
Explanation: "Although has some advantages" is grammatically incorrect. "Although there are some advantages" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains formal tone. -
"a lot of part of economy and environment" -> "many aspects of the economy and environment"
Explanation: "A lot of part of economy and environment" is awkward and unclear. "Many aspects of the economy and environment" is clearer and more formal. -
"It is understandable that being able to buy cheaper products is substantially beneficial" -> "It is understandable that the ability to purchase cheaper products is substantially beneficial"
Explanation: "Being able to buy cheaper products" is a passive construction that can be improved by using "the ability to purchase cheaper products," which is more direct and formal. -
"Regarding economical merits for individual" -> "Regarding economic benefits for individuals"
Explanation: "Economical merits" is incorrect; "economic benefits" is the correct term. Also, "for individual" should be "for individuals" to agree with the plural subject. -
"spend amount of expenditure" -> "spend a significant amount of money"
Explanation: "Spend amount of expenditure" is grammatically incorrect. "Spend a significant amount of money" corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning. -
"save a lot money" -> "save a significant amount of money"
Explanation: "Save a lot money" is informal and grammatically incorrect. "Save a significant amount of money" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"topic economy (cheaper products)" -> "the trend of cheaper products"
Explanation: "Topic economy" is unclear and incorrect. "The trend of cheaper products" is a clearer and more appropriate term. -
"to seen extent" -> "to some extent"
Explanation: "To seen extent" is a typographical error. "To some extent" is the correct phrase. -
"The quality of good is major problem of this trend" -> "The quality of goods is a major problem with this trend"
Explanation: "The quality of good" is grammatically incorrect. "The quality of goods" corrects this, and "a major problem with this trend" is more precise. -
"manufactures may accept the usage of unsafe cheap chemicals" -> "manufacturers may use unsafe, cheap chemicals"
Explanation: "Manufactures" is a typo; "manufacturers" is the correct term. Also, "accept the usage of" is awkward; "use" is more direct and appropriate. -
"it maybe looks real but not" -> "it may appear authentic but is not"
Explanation: "It maybe looks real but not" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "It may appear authentic but is not" corrects these issues and enhances formality. -
"Gucci – an famous brand in the word" -> "Gucci, a famous brand worldwide"
Explanation: "In the word" is incorrect; "worldwide" is the correct adverbial phrase. Also, "an famous" should be "a famous" for grammatical correctness. -
"they should be taken into serious consideration" -> "they should be taken seriously into consideration"
Explanation: "Taken into serious consideration" is grammatically correct, but "taken seriously into consideration" emphasizes the importance of the consideration, which is more appropriate in this context.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt effectively. The writer discusses the advantages of cheaper products, such as increased accessibility and the ability for consumers to save money for other essential needs. The disadvantages are also explored, focusing on the potential for reduced quality and negative environmental impacts. However, the discussion on disadvantages tends to overshadow the advantages, which might not fully balance the comparison as required by the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide a more balanced discussion by expanding on the advantages, perhaps by including more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Additionally, directly addressing how these advantages might outweigh the disadvantages could provide a clearer answer to the prompt’s question.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the disadvantages of cheaper products outweigh the advantages. This stance is maintained consistently throughout the essay, from introduction to conclusion. The writer uses phrases like "I recognize that these positive impacts are overshadowed by many adverse influences," which clearly indicates their viewpoint.
- How to improve: To further clarify and strengthen the position, the writer could use more transitional phrases that reinforce the argumentative structure, such as "despite the aforementioned advantages, the overwhelming disadvantages include…". This would help in reinforcing the position throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas and extends them with explanations and examples. For instance, the discussion about the economic benefits for individuals is extended by mentioning how savings can be redirected towards essential needs like education and healthcare. The support for ideas about disadvantages includes potential health risks and environmental issues. However, some ideas lack depth or specific evidence, such as statistical data or studies that could make the arguments more compelling.
- How to improve: The writer could improve by incorporating more detailed examples, data, or citations that offer empirical support for the claims made. Additionally, exploring each idea more thoroughly would ensure that the extension and support are as robust as the presentation of the ideas.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of cheaper products in relation to the economy and the environment. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each example and argument directly relates to the impact of cheaper products. Avoiding general statements and focusing on specific impacts related to the prompt will enhance the relevance and coherence of the essay.
Overall, the essay achieves a band score of 7 by adequately addressing the prompt, maintaining a clear position, and discussing relevant ideas with some level of support. To improve further, the writer should aim for a more balanced discussion, deeper exploration of ideas, and stronger evidence to support claims.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of cheaper products to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt, particularly in the phrase "On the other hand, despite the good impacts mentioned above." This could be more smoothly integrated to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Using transitional phrases such as "Conversely," or "In addition to the benefits," can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, outlining the main points before writing could assist in maintaining a clear focus throughout the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to the advantages and another to the disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could be more focused and cohesive. For instance, the first body paragraph includes multiple ideas about economic benefits but lacks a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Following this, supporting sentences should elaborate on that idea with specific examples. This will not only improve clarity but also strengthen the overall argument. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One significant advantage of cheaper products is the economic relief they provide to low and middle-income households."
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is limited, and some phrases are used incorrectly or awkwardly, such as "the topic economy (cheaper products) is also a detrimental development trend to seen extent." This not only affects clarity but also detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Consequently," and "In contrast." Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used correctly will enhance clarity. For instance, instead of "to seen extent," the phrase could be revised to "to a certain extent," which is clearer and grammatically correct.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view. By focusing on improving logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the use of cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of their writing, potentially achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use a diverse range of vocabulary, particularly with terms like "globalization," "economical merits," "detrimental development trend," and "ecosystem." These terms help to elevate the discussion and reflect a certain level of lexical variety. However, the range is somewhat limited by occasional repetition of phrases such as "cheaper products" and "low quality," which could be expressed with more variations to enhance the lexical richness.
- How to improve: To broaden the vocabulary range, the writer could use synonyms and related phrases more effectively. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "cheaper products," alternatives like "cost-effective goods," "budget-friendly items," or "affordable merchandise" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating sector-specific vocabulary, such as "consumer goods," "retail economy," or "sustainable products," could provide more depth and precision.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows an attempt to use vocabulary that fits the context, such as "economical merits," "manufactures," and "signature striped pattern." However, there are instances of imprecise language use that could confuse readers or alter the intended meaning. For example, "manufactures" should be "manufacturers," and "the production of process" could be more clearly expressed as "the production process."
- How to improve: Precision in vocabulary can be enhanced by double-checking the meanings and usage contexts of words before employing them in the essay. Utilizing a thesaurus or a dictionary during the writing process can help ensure that the words chosen convey the exact intended meaning. For instance, revising "manufactures" to "manufacturers" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the sentence.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally adheres to correct spelling conventions, but there are noticeable errors that impact the overall readability and professionalism of the text. Errors such as "a lot money" (should be "a lot of money"), "manufactures" instead of "manufacturers," and "an famous brand" instead of "a famous brand" detract from the lexical resource score.
- How to improve: Regular practice with spelling exercises and the use of spell-check tools can significantly reduce spelling errors. Additionally, reading extensively and revising written work meticulously can help in recognizing and correcting common mistakes. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly could also be beneficial.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a fair attempt at employing a varied and precise vocabulary, there is room for improvement in both the range of vocabulary used and the precision with which it is employed. Enhancing these aspects can lead to a higher lexical resource score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, many sentences are either overly simplistic or contain errors that hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the demand for cheaper brands is rising smoothly" and "the quality of good is major problem of this trend" show a lack of complexity and precision in structure. The use of conjunctions is sometimes awkward, as seen in "Although has some advantages for consumers," which is grammatically incorrect.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences that incorporate subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "the quality of good is major problem," a more complex structure could be "the quality of goods presents a significant challenge in this trend." Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases and varying sentence beginnings can help create a more engaging flow.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity and professionalism. For instance, "With the developing of economy" should be "With the development of the economy," and "the quality of good is major problem" should read "the quality of goods is a major problem." There are also issues with capitalization, such as "It is understandable" and "Although has some advantages," where the initial capitalization is unnecessary or incorrect. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, also affect readability, as seen in "Thanks to this, people from all walks of life can enjoy sufficient living without paying much."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing sentence correction exercises can also help. For punctuation, the writer should focus on understanding where commas are necessary to separate clauses and enhance clarity. Reading essays aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that improve the overall flow and coherence of the writing.
In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of cheaper products, there are significant areas for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical correctness and punctuation, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the era of globalization, with the development of the economy, the demand for cheaper brands is increasing steadily. Although there are some advantages for consumers to have more opportunities to experience inexpensive products, I recognize that these positive impacts are overshadowed by many adverse influences on various aspects of the economy and environment.
On the one hand, it is understandable that the ability to purchase cheaper products is substantially beneficial. Regarding economic benefits for individuals, everyone can enjoy inexpensive purchases of diverse types of goods, which is particularly favorable for households with middle or low incomes. Furthermore, instead of spending a significant amount of money on branded clothes or expensive electronics as they did in previous years, consumers can save a considerable amount of money and allocate a larger portion of their budget to critical needs, including better education, healthcare, and entertainment. Thanks to this, people from all walks of life can enjoy a sufficient standard of living without incurring high costs.
On the other hand, despite the positive impacts mentioned above, I believe that the trend of cheaper products is also a detrimental development to some extent. The quality of goods is a major problem associated with this trend. The production process requires a significant amount of capital and staff, so selling products at a high cost is reasonable. However, if a product is sold at a low price, it often indicates low quality. To save costs, manufacturers may resort to using unsafe, cheap chemicals and low-quality ingredients, which undoubtedly affect customers’ health. The lifespan of cheap items is also short, leading to an increase in plastic waste and negatively impacting the ecosystem. This not only creates adverse effects on health but also damages the reputation of brands. Cheap goods are often counterfeit versions of luxury brands; they may appear authentic but are not. For instance, Gucci, a famous brand worldwide, has suffered significantly when its signature striped pattern was copied by small manufacturers from various countries.
In conclusion, while people’s access to cheaper products has its advantages, the shortcomings are more pronounced and should be taken seriously into consideration.