People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People from the 21st century enjoy more convenience than ever. These advancements, ranging from technological innovations to social progress, have undeniably elevated the quality of life for individuals in the 21st century. In the subsequent paragraphs, I will delve into specific reasons supporting my strong agreement with this notion, including improved infrastructure and positive societal changes
Admittedly, the development of infrastructure helps people to lead a quality life. Better transportation facilities which were enhanced through technological advancements have reduced traveling time to a great extent as well as improved the connectivity between various destinations, which was not enjoyed by our ancestors. For instance, in the past, families embarked on arduous sea voyages lasting months to reach foreign lands. Contrastingly, the advent of airplanes, high-speed trains, and automobiles in the 21st century has revolutionized travel. I vividly recall a personal experience where a relative was able to attend a crucial family event abroad within a few hours, a journey that would have been impractical and time-consuming in previous centuries.
The 21st century has emerged as an era of remarkable progress in social and human rights. The heightened awareness and advocacy for issues such as gender equality, LGBTQ+ rights, racial equality, and the empowerment of marginalized communities have not merely been symbolic gestures but have tangibly improved the lives of countless individuals. A poignant example from my community highlights how increased awareness has led to a more inclusive and supportive environment for LGBTQ+ individuals, fostering a sense of belonging and enhancing their overall well-being. Efforts to combat discrimination, promote exclusivity, and protect individual freedoms have resulted in a more just and equitable society. The recognition and protection of human rights have contributed to an improved element of life for a plethora of individuals who were historically marginalized or oppressed.
In conclusion, the 21st century has brought about significant improvements in the quality of life for individuals compared to previous centuries. The advancement of facilities has made living easier and more pleasant for everyone. Moreover, progress in social issues and human rights has contributed to a more equitable society. However, we should still appreciate what our ancestors have done to facilitate a better world for us to live in.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"People from the 21st century" -> "Individuals in the 21st century"
Explanation: Replacing "People from the 21st century" with "Individuals in the 21st century" adds formality and precision to the expression, aligning it with academic style.
"undeniably elevated the quality of life" -> "undeniably enhanced the quality of life"
Explanation: Substituting "elevated" with "enhanced" maintains clarity while introducing a slightly more sophisticated term, contributing to a more formal tone.
"delve into specific reasons supporting my strong agreement" -> "examine specific reasons bolstering my firm conviction"
Explanation: Replacing "delve into" with "examine" and "supporting" with "bolstering" enhances the formality of the language without sacrificing clarity.
"For instance" -> "For example"
Explanation: The use of "For example" is a more traditional and academically accepted phrase, providing a seamless transition to the illustrative example that follows.
"I vividly recall a personal experience" -> "I distinctly remember a personal anecdote"
Explanation: Substituting "vividly recall" with "distinctly remember" and "experience" with "anecdote" contributes to a more refined and academic expression.
"Contrastingly" -> "In contrast"
Explanation: Replacing "Contrastingly" with "In contrast" maintains the contrastive meaning while adhering to a more formal expression.
"poignant example" -> "compelling example"
Explanation: Substituting "poignant" with "compelling" maintains emotional impact while introducing a more formal term.
"highlight how increased awareness" -> "illustrate how heightened awareness"
Explanation: Replacing "highlight how increased" with "illustrate how heightened" provides a more precise and academically suitable description.
"fostering a sense of belonging and enhancing their overall well-being" -> "cultivating a sense of belonging and improving their overall well-being"
Explanation: The substitution of "fostering" with "cultivating" and "enhancing" with "improving" maintains the positive tone while using more formal and precise language.
"plethora of individuals" -> "multitude of individuals"
Explanation: Substituting "plethora" with "multitude" aligns with a more formal and precise vocabulary choice.
"element of life" -> "aspect of life"
Explanation: Replacing "element" with "aspect" contributes to a more formal and academically appropriate language choice.
"better world for us to live in" -> "improved world for our habitation"
Explanation: Substituting "better" with "improved" and "live in" with "habitation" introduces a more formal and sophisticated expression without sacrificing clarity.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both technological advancements and social progress as contributors to the improved quality of life in the 21st century. The examples provided, such as the evolution of transportation and the positive impact of increased awareness on marginalized communities, effectively support the position.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider exploring potential counterarguments or addressing nuances within the prompt to provide a more well-rounded perspective.
Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear, well-developed, and consistent stance throughout. The introduction clearly expresses a strong agreement with the notion that people in the 21st century have a better quality of life. Each paragraph builds upon this position, providing specific examples and supporting details.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the position, ensure that the thesis statement explicitly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented are relevant, extended, and well-supported. The discussion on improved infrastructure and social progress is detailed and includes specific examples, such as the impact of transportation advancements on travel time and the positive changes in the lives of LGBTQ+ individuals.
- How to improve: To enhance depth, consider delving into additional examples or providing further elaboration on the societal implications of the discussed advancements.
Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely on topic, discussing advancements in infrastructure and societal progress as contributors to an improved quality of life. However, the reference to appreciating what ancestors have done in the conclusion, while valid, slightly deviates from the specific focus on the 21st century.
- How to improve: Ensure that the concluding remarks directly tie back to the prompt and the main points discussed in the essay. Avoid introducing new elements that may distract from the central theme.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt, effectively presenting and supporting ideas with relevant examples. To further improve, consider refining the thesis statement for clarity and exploring additional dimensions of the topic for a more comprehensive analysis.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with a clear progression of ideas throughout. Each paragraph follows a coherent structure, and the essay as a whole maintains a logical flow from one point to the next. For example, the introduction introduces the idea of improved quality of life in the 21st century and provides a roadmap for the subsequent paragraphs, which are dedicated to specific reasons supporting this notion.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider explicitly linking ideas between paragraphs. While there is a general logical flow, adding transitional phrases or sentences can strengthen the connection between arguments and create a smoother progression.
Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs with mostly logical idea sequencing. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, such as improved infrastructure or societal progress. The ideas within paragraphs are well-developed, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that sentences within the paragraph directly support and relate to that main idea. Consider varying sentence structure to add complexity and nuance to the essay’s expression.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a flexible use of cohesive devices, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a clear use of cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases, which guide the reader through the progression of ideas. However, there are some instances where the use may be improved for greater precision.
- How to improve: Pay attention to the accuracy and appropriateness of cohesive devices. While the essay already uses them effectively, consider refining their use to create a more nuanced and precise connection between ideas. Ensure that transitional words and phrases are used where needed, and avoid any instances of overuse or redundancy.
Overall, the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Coherence and Cohesion, indicating a strong level of organization and coherence. To further improve, focus on explicit transitions between paragraphs and fine-tuning the use of cohesive devices for greater precision.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a commendable breadth of vocabulary, with a variety of terms utilized fluently. For instance, phrases like "technological innovations," "positive societal changes," and "heightened awareness" demonstrate a rich vocabulary.
- How to improve: While your range is solid, consider incorporating more nuanced and specialized terms where possible. For instance, instead of "advancements," you might use "pioneering technologies" or "cutting-edge innovations" for added precision.
Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally conveys clear meanings, but there are instances where precision could be enhanced. For example, the phrase "efforts to combat discrimination, promote exclusivity" might benefit from more precise language to capture the specific nature of these efforts.
- How to improve: Aim to replace vague terms with more specific ones. Instead of "efforts," consider "vigorous initiatives" or "systematic campaigns" to convey a stronger sense of purpose and action.
Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: Spelling errors are minimal and do not significantly detract from overall clarity. However, one notable instance is the word "exclusivity," where the intended term might be "inclusivity."
- How to improve: Maintain a careful eye for nuanced spelling, especially for words with similar sounds or structures. Proofreading can be beneficial in catching such errors and ensuring precise language use.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, but there’s room to enhance precision and address minor spelling concerns for an even more refined expression. Keep up the good work!
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 9
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures, showcasing a high level of flexibility and control. It employs diverse sentence types, including complex and compound structures. For example, the essay incorporates compound sentences such as "The 21st century has emerged as an era of remarkable progress in social and human rights," demonstrating an ability to handle sophisticated structures effectively.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures where appropriate. Experiment with the use of conditional sentences, inversion, and rhetorical questions to add nuance and depth to your expression.
Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar, with sentences being mostly error-free. However, occasional minor errors are present. For instance, in the sentence "efforts to combat discrimination, promote exclusivity," there is a minor parallelism issue. The phrase "combat discrimination" and "promote exclusivity" could be made parallel by rephrasing as "combat discrimination, promote inclusivity."
- How to improve: Pay close attention to parallelism, ensuring consistency in sentence structure. Review your writing for potential parallelism issues, especially when presenting contrasting or complementary ideas.
Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 9
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays appropriate and accurate punctuation throughout. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are used effectively to guide the reader and clarify the structure of sentences. For example, the correct use of commas in the sentence "Efforts to combat discrimination, promote exclusivity, and protect individual freedoms" enhances readability and comprehension.
- How to improve: Continue to maintain this high standard of punctuation. Consider exploring advanced punctuation, such as semicolons and colons, where appropriate, to further refine your writing style.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for minor refinements. Focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and consistently applying grammatical rules, paying particular attention to parallelism. Your adept use of punctuation contributes to the essay’s overall clarity and coherence. Keep up the excellent work.
Bài sửa mẫu
People living in the 21st century indeed experience a higher level of convenience compared to earlier times. These advancements, spanning from technological progress to societal changes, have unquestionably boosted the quality of life for individuals today. In this essay, I’ll delve into specific reasons backing my strong agreement with this idea, focusing on improved infrastructure and positive societal shifts.
The development of infrastructure plays a crucial role in enhancing people’s lives. Improved transportation, thanks to technological advances, has significantly reduced travel time and enhanced connectivity between different places, a luxury not available to our ancestors. For instance, in the past, families embarked on lengthy sea voyages lasting months to reach distant lands. Conversely, the introduction of airplanes, high-speed trains, and automobiles in the 21st century has transformed travel. I recall a personal experience where a relative attended a crucial family event abroad within a few hours, a journey unimaginable in previous centuries.
Moreover, the 21st century has seen remarkable progress in social and human rights. Increased awareness and advocacy for issues like gender equality, LGBTQ+ rights, racial equality, and the empowerment of marginalized communities have tangibly improved countless lives. In my community, heightened awareness has created a more inclusive and supportive environment for LGBTQ+ individuals, fostering a sense of belonging and boosting their overall well-being. Efforts to combat discrimination and promote individual freedoms have led to a fairer and more just society, significantly improving the lives of historically marginalized individuals.
In conclusion, the 21st century has ushered in significant improvements in the quality of life. Advancements in facilities have made daily living easier and more enjoyable. Furthermore, progress in social issues and human rights has contributed to a fairer society. However, acknowledging the contributions of our ancestors in facilitating a better world for us is crucial.