fbpx

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people opine that individuals in the modern era experience a better quality of life compared to previous centuries. In my opinion, I wholeheartedly agree with this thinking.
Firstly, the healthcare system has undergone transformational changes, significantly impacting the overall quality of life. Notable breakthroughs in healthcare have not only increased life expectancy but have also contributed to the overall well-being of individuals. In the past, people were plagued by threatening diseases like malaria, causing the deaths of thousands. However, in contemporary times, these diseases can be effectively treated with advanced medicines, including antibiotics and vaccines. This has resulted in more lives being saved, leading to a substantial improvement in the overall quality of life.
Furthermore, beyond healthcare, the enhancement in the quality of human life is also evident through educational progress. The internet has revolutionized access to education, providing online courses and e-learning platforms. This digital transformation has democratized knowledge, empowering people globally to pursue learning opportunities. For instance, during the Covid-19 pandemic, students could engage in online learning through platforms like Zoom, underscoring the adaptability of education in challenging circumstances. Furthermore, individuals also have the opportunity to access a broader range of choices in education. For example, instead of attending traditional universities, they can opt for part-time work-study programs or pursue online university education remotely, aiming for a better future job aligned with their interests. The progress in education significantly contributes to enhancing the quality of human life.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the quality of life in the 21st century has markedly improved due to advancements in healthcare and education.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "opine" -> "argue"
    Explanation: While "opine" isn’t entirely informal, "argue" presents a more direct and academically appropriate term, aligning better with a formal essay’s tone.

  2. "wholeheartedly agree" -> "strongly support"
    Explanation: "Wholeheartedly agree" is slightly informal. "Strongly support" maintains enthusiasm but in a more formal manner, suiting an academic context.

  3. "Notable breakthroughs" -> "Significant advancements"
    Explanation: "Breakthroughs" is less formal. "Significant advancements" portrays a more academic tone, aligning better with the context of scientific and medical progress.

  4. "plagued by threatening diseases" -> "afflicted by severe illnesses"
    Explanation: "Plagued" is somewhat informal. "Afflicted by severe illnesses" offers a more formal and descriptive phrase suitable for academic writing.

  5. "In contemporary times" -> "In the present era"
    Explanation: "Contemporary times" is slightly informal. "Present era" is more formal and retains the intended meaning without a loss in clarity.

  6. "engagement in online learning" -> "participation in online education"
    Explanation: "Engagement" might appear slightly casual. "Participation in online education" maintains a formal tone while expressing the involvement in learning activities.

  7. "underscoring the adaptability" -> "highlighting the adaptability"
    Explanation: "Underscoring" might be considered slightly informal. "Highlighting" maintains the emphasis but in a more academically suitable manner.

  8. "individuals also have the opportunity" -> "individuals additionally possess the opportunity"
    Explanation: While the original phrase is not incorrect, "additionally possess" conveys the same meaning in a more formal structure.

  9. "aiming for a better future job aligned with their interests" -> "aiming for careers aligned with their interests for future advancement"
    Explanation: Elaborating with "careers aligned with their interests for future advancement" enhances clarity and formality without losing the original meaning.

  10. "firmly believe" -> "strongly contend"
    Explanation: "Firmly believe" can be a touch informal. "Strongly contend" maintains conviction but in a more formal manner, fitting for an academic conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong ability to address all parts of the question. It discusses both healthcare and education as key factors influencing the quality of life in the 21st century. The mention of breakthroughs in healthcare and the transformative impact of the internet on education reflects a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
    • How to improve: While the essay effectively addresses the prompt, a more nuanced exploration of contrasting viewpoints could further strengthen the response. Including a brief acknowledgment of the opposing perspective and then refuting it would add depth to the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout. The writer unequivocally agrees that individuals in the modern era experience a better quality of life, and this position is evident in each paragraph.
    • How to improve: The clarity of the position is commendable. To enhance the response further, consider incorporating a counterargument and addressing it to demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay excels in presenting, extending, and supporting ideas. The discussion of healthcare and education is well-developed, with specific examples and details. The use of the Covid-19 pandemic as an illustration of the adaptability of education adds depth to the argument.
    • How to improve: While the essay is strong in its support of ideas, diversifying examples or providing additional details in certain areas could further enrich the content.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic, focusing on healthcare and education as key determinants of the quality of life in the 21st century. However, there are moments where the essay could be more concise, avoiding slight deviations.
    • How to improve: Streamlining certain sentences and ensuring that each paragraph consistently ties back to the main theme would enhance coherence and topic relevance.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt, presenting a clear position supported by well-developed ideas. To improve further, consider incorporating a counterargument, diversifying examples, and ensuring more concise language to enhance coherence. Overall, a well-executed response deserving of an 8 in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and coherent structure, effectively presenting ideas in a logical sequence. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The progression from discussing healthcare advancements to educational progress is well-connected and contributes to a cohesive argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow further, consider strengthening the transitions between ideas. While the essay maintains coherence, reinforcing transitional phrases or sentences between paragraphs can smoothen the progression for the reader, ensuring a seamless connection between the discussion of healthcare advancements and educational progress.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay’s paragraphing is generally effective in presenting distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as healthcare advancements or educational progress, contributing to the overall coherence. The ideas within paragraphs are logically sequenced, supporting the main argument.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Consider refining the transitions within paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas within each section. This will amplify the cohesion within individual sections of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a flexible use of cohesive devices, aiding in the overall coherence. Various cohesive devices such as linking words ("Furthermore," "Firstly") and cohesive ties ("this," "these") are employed to connect ideas and demonstrate relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
    • How to improve: While the essay effectively utilizes cohesive devices, ensuring their precise and accurate use throughout the essay will elevate coherence. Review the accuracy of transitional phrases to ensure they aptly link ideas and sections, avoiding any inaccuracies or over-reliance on particular terms.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, meeting the criteria for a Band 7 score. Strengthening transitional elements between paragraphs and refining the accuracy of cohesive devices will further enhance the essay’s logical flow and cohesion, contributing to an even more cohesive argument presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, showcasing fluency and flexibility. For instance, phrases such as "transformational changes," "notable breakthroughs," and "substantial improvement" exhibit a high level of lexical proficiency. However, there is room for improvement in incorporating more advanced or nuanced vocabulary in certain sections.
    • How to improve: Consider integrating more sophisticated vocabulary, particularly in areas where general terms like "transformational changes" could be replaced with more specific and refined language. This could elevate the overall lexical richness of the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally demonstrates precise vocabulary usage, there are instances where more careful word choices could enhance precision. For example, the phrase "plagued by threatening diseases like malaria" could be refined to provide a more specific description of the impact of diseases on people’s lives.
    • How to improve: Pay closer attention to the selection of words, aiming for the utmost precision. In the mentioned instance, consider specifying the impact of diseases, such as "ravaged by life-threatening diseases like malaria," to convey a clearer and more vivid picture.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with few errors that do not significantly detract from overall clarity. However, it’s crucial to note that there is always room for improvement, and vigilance in spelling remains important.
    • How to improve: Continue maintaining a high level of spelling accuracy. Consider revisiting the essay with a focus on specific words where errors may have occurred. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools can serve as a helpful precautionary measure to ensure flawless spelling.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, with a wide range employed fluently. To elevate the lexical resource score further, focus on incorporating more advanced vocabulary where appropriate and refining word choices for utmost precision. Additionally, continue maintaining a high level of spelling accuracy through thorough proofreading and spell-check tools.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, contributing to a smooth and engaging flow. For instance, you incorporate complex sentences, compound sentences, and rhetorical questions effectively. These structures enhance the overall coherence of your argument.
    • How to improve: While your use of structures is generally strong, consider incorporating more complex syntax, such as conditional sentences or inverted structures, to further elevate the sophistication of your writing. This could involve introducing hypothetical scenarios or exploring contrasting viewpoints within your sentences.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The majority of your sentences are error-free, showcasing a strong command of grammar. However, there are occasional minor errors that, while not detracting significantly from the overall clarity, can be addressed for a more polished piece. For instance, in the phrase "this thinking," consider specifying what "thinking" refers to for greater precision.
    • How to improve: Review your essay carefully for minor grammatical slips and ensure that all pronouns and references are explicit. Additionally, pay attention to subject-verb agreement to maintain grammatical accuracy consistently.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The punctuation in your essay is well-managed, contributing to the overall clarity and coherence. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are used judiciously and correctly. This skillful use of punctuation enhances the readability of your essay.
    • How to improve: Continue to refine your punctuation skills by exploring advanced punctuation techniques, such as em dashes or colons, to add nuance and emphasis where appropriate. Additionally, ensure consistent application of punctuation rules, especially in more complex sentence structures.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with minor areas for improvement. Focus on incorporating even more varied sentence structures, addressing occasional grammatical errors, and refining punctuation for an even more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people argue that individuals in the modern era strongly support a better quality of life compared to previous centuries. In my opinion, I strongly contend with this perspective.

Firstly, the healthcare system has undergone significant advancements, strongly supporting the overall quality of life. Notable breakthroughs in healthcare have not only increased life expectancy but have also contributed to the overall well-being of individuals. In the past, people were afflicted by severe illnesses like malaria, causing the deaths of thousands. However, in the present era, these diseases can be effectively treated with advanced medicines, including antibiotics and vaccines. This has resulted in more lives being saved, highlighting the adaptability of healthcare and leading to a substantial improvement in the overall quality of life.

Furthermore, beyond healthcare, the enhancement in the quality of human life is also evident through educational progress. The internet has revolutionized access to education, providing participation in online education through online courses and e-learning platforms. This digital transformation has democratized knowledge, empowering people globally to pursue learning opportunities. For instance, during the Covid-19 pandemic, students could engage in online learning through platforms like Zoom, underscoring the adaptability of education in challenging circumstances. Additionally, individuals also possess the opportunity to access a broader range of choices in education. For example, instead of attending traditional universities, they can opt for part-time work-study programs or pursue online university education remotely, aiming for careers aligned with their interests for future advancement. The progress in education significantly contributes to highlighting the adaptability and enhancing the quality of human life.

In conclusion, I strongly contend that the quality of life in the 21st century has markedly improved due to significant advancements in healthcare and education.

Bài viết liên quan

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice