People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals believe that the quality of life in this contemporary era has been enhanced compared to that of earlier times. From my perspective, I partially advocate this standpoint since besides several aspects improved such as technological advancements and transportation infrastructure, natural environment and the population well-being have been adversely affected.
On the one hand, unlike the past, fueled by digitalization and the booming technological development, now, human lives undoubtedly have become further convenient. For example, the proliferation of labour-saving devices like cleaning robots and washing machines enables residents to allocate their time for other recreational activities. Or adopting automatic production lines yields a better outcome. These positive shifts generally contribute to a higher living standard. Moreover, smooth traffic flow with high-speed trains and public transport further underpins the lives of the majority of residents, thus leading to an increasing life satisfaction.
Notwithstanding these benefits above, the 21st citizens are still facing a number of pressing issues regarding ecosystem degradation and psychological problems. To be more specific, due to the rapid economic growth in several nations, a huge amount of chemical waste has been discharged into the natural living habitats, thereby worsening the air and water quality, along with deteriorating the life of marine and terrestrial animals. Additionally, undergoing the fast life pace may potentially create a further stress on not only teenagers, but adults as well, consequently exerting the higher risk of serious mental diseases, including insomnia, depression and autism.
In conclusion, I partially agree that the 21st century residents enjoy a better life than those in previous centuries since they still encounter numerous urgent problems, namely environmental contamination and worse mental well-being, though their lives have been facilitated by technology and better infrastructure.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"From my perspective, I partially advocate this standpoint" -> "From my perspective, I partially support this standpoint"
Explanation: Replacing "advocate" with "support" maintains formality, as "advocate" might be considered too strong in this context. Additionally, "standpoint" can be replaced with "viewpoint" for a more academic tone.
"besides several aspects improved" -> "besides several improved aspects"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for better clarity. Placing "improved" before "aspects" improves the sentence structure.
"like cleaning robots and washing machines enables residents" -> "such as cleaning robots and washing machines enable residents"
Explanation: Replacing "like" with "such as" adheres to formal language standards. Also, changing "enables" to "enable" ensures subject-verb agreement.
"Or adopting automatic production lines yields a better outcome." -> "Moreover, the adoption of automatic production lines results in a better outcome."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality. "Moreover" better connects the sentences, and using "results in" is more formal than "yields."
"smooth traffic flow with high-speed trains and public transport further underpins" -> "efficient traffic flow facilitated by high-speed trains and public transport further supports"
Explanation: Replacing "smooth" with "efficient" and rephrasing the sentence for a more academic tone. "Underpins" is replaced with "supports" for better precision.
"21st citizens" -> "citizens of the 21st century"
Explanation: Using "citizens of the 21st century" is a more formal and precise way of referring to the people living in the current era.
"facing a number of pressing issues regarding ecosystem degradation" -> "confronting various pressing issues related to ecosystem degradation"
Explanation: Enhancing the formality by using "confronting" instead of "facing" and choosing a more elaborate expression for the environmental issues.
"a huge amount of chemical waste has been discharged" -> "a significant amount of chemical waste has been released"
Explanation: "Huge" is replaced with "significant" for a more formal tone, and "discharged" is replaced with "released" for a more precise term in this context.
"along with deteriorating the life of marine and terrestrial animals" -> "resulting in the deterioration of the lives of marine and terrestrial animals"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and precision. Using "resulting in" clarifies the cause-and-effect relationship.
"may potentially create a further stress on not only teenagers, but adults as well" -> "may potentially increase stress not only in teenagers but also in adults"
Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the sentence while maintaining formality. Using "increase stress" is more direct and precise.
"exerting the higher risk of serious mental diseases" -> "posing a higher risk of serious mental illnesses"
Explanation: Substituting "exerting" with "posing" for a more appropriate term in the context of risk. Also, using "illnesses" instead of "diseases" is more formal.
"though their lives have been facilitated by technology and better infrastructure" -> "despite the facilitation of their lives by technology and improved infrastructure"
Explanation: Enhancing the formality and clarity of the concluding statement by rephrasing and using "despite" instead of "though."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the prompt by acknowledging the improvements in the quality of life in the 21st century while also highlighting negative aspects such as environmental degradation and psychological issues.
- How to improve: To enhance completeness, ensure that each aspect is explored in more depth. Provide specific examples for both the positive and negative aspects, supporting your points with details and evidence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by stating partial agreement and supporting this stance throughout the essay. The use of phrases like "on the one hand" and "notwithstanding these benefits above" helps in conveying a nuanced perspective.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity, consider explicitly stating the degree of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. This will reinforce the overall stance of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, providing examples such as technological advancements and environmental degradation. However, some points lack elaboration, and the essay could benefit from more in-depth analysis and development of ideas.
- How to improve: Elaborate on each point by providing specific examples and extending the discussion. This will add depth to your analysis and contribute to a more thorough exploration of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the quality of life in the 21st century. However, the discussion on the negative aspects, particularly psychological problems, could be more directly linked to the prompt.
- How to improve: Ensure that all points made directly relate to the prompt. For instance, when discussing psychological problems, explicitly connect them to the overall quality of life in the 21st century.
In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering a balanced perspective on the quality of life in the 21st century. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples, elaborating on ideas, and ensuring a direct connection between points and the prompt.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally logical organization. The introduction sets up the main viewpoint, and each body paragraph discusses different aspects of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the overall flow. The shift from discussing the positive aspects in the first body paragraph to the negative aspects in the second could be smoother. Additionally, the conclusion repeats the partial agreement without adding new insights, making it less impactful.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider transitioning more smoothly between paragraphs. In the conclusion, aim to summarize key points rather than reiterating the partial agreement. This can provide a stronger and more conclusive end to the essay.
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, but the structure and effectiveness vary. The first body paragraph effectively discusses positive aspects of the argument, but the second paragraph, addressing negative aspects, could be more focused. The introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a solid framework for the essay.
- How to improve: In the second body paragraph, ensure that each idea is well-developed and contributes directly to the discussion of the negative aspects. Also, consider refining the topic sentences to provide a clear roadmap for each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there are instances where the connection between ideas is not as seamless. For instance, the transition between discussing positive and negative aspects could be improved.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the logical progression of ideas. Use cohesive devices strategically to guide the reader through the different points being made. Ensure that transitions between contrasting ideas are explicit and contribute to a cohesive argument.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion, refining the transitions between paragraphs and ensuring a more focused development of ideas can elevate the overall organization and effectiveness of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort to utilize a diverse range of vocabulary. There is an adequate use of varied terms, particularly in discussing technological advancements, transportation, and the negative impacts on the environment and mental health. The essay includes terms such as "digitalization," "labour-saving devices," "automatic production lines," and "life pace," showcasing a reasonably broad vocabulary.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more sophisticated and contextually fitting synonyms for commonly used words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "improved," try alternatives such as "enhanced," "upgraded," or "optimized" where appropriate. This will contribute to a more nuanced and polished expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The precision in vocabulary usage is generally effective. However, there are instances where the essay could benefit from more exact terminology. For example, the phrase "adopts automatic production lines yields a better outcome" could be refined for clarity. Additionally, in the context of mental health, specifying the psychological issues would add precision.
- How to improve: Aim for more specificity in certain expressions. Instead of a generic "better outcome," specify the positive results achieved through the adoption of automatic production lines. Furthermore, when discussing psychological problems, provide concrete examples like "increased anxiety levels" or "heightened risk of depression" to offer a clearer picture of the issues at hand.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where errors are present. For example, "wellbeing" should be written as two words, and "notwithstanding" is used correctly but may be considered somewhat formal.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully, paying particular attention to commonly misspelled words. Also, be mindful of the formality of certain terms in the context of the essay, ensuring they align with the intended tone.
In conclusion, the essay exhibits a solid grasp of vocabulary, though improvements can be made in precision and occasional spelling accuracy. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more polished and refined expression, aligning with the desired proficiency level.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is effective use of complex sentences, such as in the introductory paragraph. However, the essay could benefit from more variety in sentence structures, particularly in the body paragraphs, where there is a tendency to rely on simple sentence structures. For instance, in the second paragraph, most sentences follow a similar pattern, which may affect the overall fluency and engagement of the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance the band score in this criterion, consider incorporating a more diverse range of sentence structures. Introduce compound and complex sentences to add variety and sophistication to your writing. Varying the length and structure of sentences can contribute to a smoother flow and capture the reader’s attention more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. There are instances where prepositions or articles could be used more precisely, and some sentence structures could be refined for better clarity. Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are a few instances where commas or semicolons could be used more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to the use of prepositions and articles, ensuring they are used appropriately. Additionally, focus on refining sentence structures for clarity, especially in conveying complex ideas. Work on using punctuation more strategically; consider employing semicolons or commas to create a more sophisticated sentence structure and improve overall coherence. Revising these aspects will contribute to a more polished and precise piece of writing.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, further attention to sentence structure variety and fine-tuning of grammar and punctuation can elevate the essay to a higher band score in this criterion.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some people argue that the quality of life in the present era has improved compared to earlier times. From my perspective, I partially support this viewpoint, considering certain improved aspects such as technological advancements and transportation infrastructure. However, there are also notable drawbacks, including the adverse effects on the natural environment and the well-being of the population.
On one hand, the proliferation of digitalization and technological developments has undeniably made human lives more convenient. For instance, the widespread use of labor-saving devices like cleaning robots and washing machines enables residents to allocate their time for other recreational activities. Furthermore, the adoption of automatic production lines has led to better outcomes in various sectors. These positive changes contribute to an overall higher living standard. Moreover, efficient traffic flow facilitated by high-speed trains and public transport further supports the lives of citizens in the 21st century, leading to increased life satisfaction.
Despite these advancements, 21st-century citizens face pressing issues related to ecosystem degradation and psychological well-being. Specifically, rapid economic growth in several nations has resulted in the release of a significant amount of chemical waste into natural habitats, worsening air and water quality and negatively impacting marine and terrestrial animals. Additionally, the fast pace of modern life may increase stress not only in teenagers but also in adults, posing a higher risk of serious mental illnesses, including insomnia, depression, and autism.
In conclusion, while I agree to some extent that 21st-century residents enjoy a better life than those in previous centuries due to technological and infrastructural improvements, they still confront numerous urgent problems, namely environmental contamination and compromised mental well-being.