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People living in the 21st have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the 21st have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Opinions vary on whether the standard of living has become higher in comparison to the previous centuries. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly concur with this assertment due to advancements in healthcare and education.

To begin with, my compelling justification for my viewpoint is the improvement of people's health. A century ago, numerous illnesses such as smallpox or malaria were often deemed life-threatening because of inadequate disease prevention and the limitations in medical research and treatment at that time. However, in recent years, with the advancement of medical science, various medicines have been introduced such as new vaccines and antibiotics in order to enhance the quality of human well-being and increase years to their life span.

Furthermore, another rationale for supporting this argument is that the general population in this century also derive benefits from a more finer education. This is attributed to the fact that a growing number of schools and universities have been established over the world throughout 100 years; with technology, various forms of learning have emerged such as online platforms or video recording, meaning that more students can have a chance to access education with fewer financial and geographic constraints. In addition, increasing education standards contribute to making life better in the 21st century. Innovative educational methods employed in both teaching and learning undergo constant testing and application. This can facilitate the knowledge and skills students possess and result in a qualified workforce that forms the foundation for a nation's economic prosperity. A stronger, and more sustainable economy is, finally, one of the key factors contributing to a superior quality of life compared to the past.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that the standard of living in the 21st century has become better compared to the previous centuries thanks to the improvement of people's well-being and finer education which yields long-term economic benefits.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "assertment" -> "assertion"
    Explanation: The term "assertment" is not commonly used in academic writing. "Assertion" is a more appropriate and formal term to express a stated opinion or belief.

  2. "compelling justification for my viewpoint" -> "compelling rationale for my perspective"
    Explanation: "Justification for my viewpoint" is a bit colloquial. "Rationale for my perspective" maintains formality while conveying a similar meaning.

  3. "numerous illnesses" -> "various diseases"
    Explanation: "Numerous illnesses" is less precise. "Various diseases" provides a more specific and formal term in academic contexts.

  4. "deemed life-threatening" -> "considered life-threatening"
    Explanation: "Deemed" is a bit informal; "considered" fits better in academic writing.

  5. "more finer education" -> "enhanced education"
    Explanation: "More finer" is redundant. "Enhanced education" conveys the idea of improved quality more succinctly.

  6. "a growing number of schools and universities have been established over the world throughout 100 years" -> "an increasing proliferation of schools and universities worldwide over the past century"
    Explanation: This revision offers a more formal and precise description, avoiding repetition and enhancing the academic tone.

  7. "more students can have a chance to access education" -> "greater accessibility to education for a broader student population"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

  8. "result in a qualified workforce" -> "contribute to a skilled workforce"
    Explanation: The revised phrase maintains formality while conveying the idea more concisely.

  9. "stronger, and more sustainable economy" -> "a robust and sustainable economy"
    Explanation: This change provides a more succinct and academically fitting description.

  10. "long-term economic benefits" -> "long-lasting economic advantages"
    Explanation: "Benefits" is a bit general; "advantages" is more specific and formal in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay fully and appropriately addresses the prompt by discussing both healthcare and education as key factors contributing to the improved quality of life in the 21st century. It recognizes the advancements in medical science and the expansion of educational opportunities, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the question.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, consider explicitly referencing different aspects of the prompt in your introduction and conclusion. This can reinforce the direct connection between your thesis and the elements of the question.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout. The writer unambiguously agrees with the notion that the quality of life in the 21st century is superior, and this position is evident in the thesis statement, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
    • How to improve: To sustain this high level, ensure that each paragraph is tightly focused on supporting the central thesis. Avoid any ambiguity or deviation from the established position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant, fully developed, and well-supported. The discussion on healthcare and education is detailed and provides specific examples, such as advancements in medical science and the establishment of schools and universities. This effectively extends and supports the central argument.
    • How to improve: Consider further elaborating on the economic benefits of improved education and healthcare, connecting these ideas to the overall enhancement of the quality of life. This can add depth to your analysis.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing healthcare and education as key components of an improved quality of life. However, there is a slight deviation in the introduction where the phrase "I wholeheartedly concur with this assertment due to advancements in healthcare and education" could be more directly tied to the 21st-century context.
    • How to improve: Be precise in connecting introductory statements to the prompt, avoiding general affirmations. For instance, explicitly state that advancements in healthcare and education contribute specifically to the improved quality of life in the 21st century.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively develops and supports its central argument. To improve, focus on refining the connection between introductory and concluding statements and the specific elements of the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mostly coherent arrangement of ideas with a clear overall structure. The introduction establishes the writer’s viewpoint, and subsequent paragraphs delve into specific reasons supporting the argument. However, there are instances where the connection between ideas is somewhat abrupt, affecting the smooth flow of the essay. For example, the transition between discussing advancements in healthcare to education could be more seamless. Additionally, some points lack elaboration, leaving the reader expecting more depth in the argumentation.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between ideas for a smoother flow. Ensure that each point is sufficiently developed to provide a comprehensive argument. Introduce and conclude each paragraph effectively to guide the reader through the progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs effective paragraphing with mostly logical sequencing of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there are moments where the connection between paragraphs could be strengthened. For instance, the shift from discussing healthcare to education might benefit from a more explicit link to maintain a cohesive narrative.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, work on reinforcing the connections between paragraphs. Utilize topic sentences and concluding sentences to emphasize the link between ideas, providing a smoother transition for the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates flexible use of cohesive devices, contributing to coherence. Various linking words and phrases are employed, such as "To begin with," and "Furthermore," aiding in the organization of ideas. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more precise, and a few inaccuracies affect the overall effectiveness. For example, the phrase "due to advancements in healthcare and education" could benefit from a more specific connector to enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, focus on precision and accuracy. Choose connectors that explicitly indicate relationships between ideas. Ensure that each cohesive device contributes to the overall coherence without introducing confusion. Practice using a variety of cohesive devices to diversify and refine their application.

In conclusion, while the essay exhibits strengths in logical organization, paragraphing, and cohesive device usage, there is room for improvement in transitions between ideas, paragraph connections, and the precision of cohesive devices. Addressing these aspects will contribute to a more polished and coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. It effectively communicates ideas and exhibits flexibility. For example, terms such as "assertment," "compelling justification," and "well-being" contribute to a nuanced expression of the writer’s perspective. However, there is room for improvement as more precise and sophisticated vocabulary choices could elevate the lexical range.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary, particularly in discussing complex ideas. For instance, instead of "compelling justification," one might use "persuasive rationale" to convey a similar meaning.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its ideas clearly, there are instances where the vocabulary lacks precision. For instance, the phrase "wholeheartedly concur" is strong but could be more specific. The term "assertment" may be considered somewhat imprecise, as "assertion" might be a clearer choice.
    • How to improve: To achieve a higher score, focus on selecting words with precise meanings that align closely with the intended message. Additionally, explore alternatives to commonly used terms to add variety and depth to your vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a commendable level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors that do not significantly affect overall clarity. For instance, the use of "assertment" might be considered unconventional, and it would be advisable to use the more standard "assertion."
    • How to improve: While the spelling is generally sound, continue to be vigilant and opt for conventional terms to avoid any potential confusion. Proofreading carefully before submission can help identify and rectify any remaining minor spelling issues.

In summary, the essay exhibits a reasonably strong command of vocabulary, but subtle improvements in precision and a broader range could enhance the overall lexical resource score. Additionally, attention to detail in spelling conventions will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of sentence structures. There is evident use of varied sentence types, including compound and complex sentences, as well as some well-implemented sentence connectors. Instances like "To begin with," "Furthermore," and "In addition" showcase effective structural variety. However, some sentences follow a similar pattern, leading to occasional repetition in structure, which, while grammatically correct, slightly restricts the full potential of a broader structural range.
    • How to improve: To further enhance structural diversity, endeavor to incorporate more sophisticated sentence patterns. This can involve using conditional sentences (e.g., "Should advancements in technology continue, further improvements in healthcare are inevitable"), inverted sentences (e.g., "Not only does education impact individuals, but it also shapes societal progress"), or rhetorical questions (e.g., "Can we envision a world where healthcare remains stagnant?"). Experimenting with these structures will elevate the essay’s sophistication.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an overall strong grasp of grammar, evident through the construction of mostly error-free sentences. Minor errors, such as slight word choice issues ("assertment" instead of "assertion") and occasional incorrect preposition usage, slightly affect the essay’s flawless grammar. Nonetheless, these errors do not impede understanding or communication of ideas.
    • How to improve: To refine grammatical accuracy, focus on precise word choice and pay close attention to prepositions’ usage. Utilize tools like dictionaries or grammar guides to verify word usage and practice constructing sentences with various structures to solidify understanding. Additionally, proofreading after writing will assist in catching minor errors and enhancing overall accuracy.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally well-controlled punctuation. Commendably, there is an appropriate use of punctuation marks such as commas, semicolons, and full stops to convey ideas coherently. However, occasional minor errors are present, including missing or misplaced commas and inconsistent use of semicolons.
    • How to improve: Enhance punctuation skills by revisiting specific punctuation rules, especially related to comma usage in complex sentences, lists, and introductory phrases. Practice by constructing sentences that employ semicolons effectively to create stronger connections between related ideas. Reviewing essays with a focus on punctuation, or utilizing grammar-checking tools, can aid in refining punctuation accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates strong language proficiency, slight refinements in structural variety, meticulous attention to word choice and prepositions, and a deeper understanding of punctuation rules would further elevate the essay’s linguistic quality and potentially raise the Band Score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions vary on whether the standard of living has improved in the 21st century compared to previous centuries. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree with this assertion due to advancements in healthcare and education.

To begin with, my compelling rationale for this viewpoint is the improvement of people’s health. A century ago, numerous illnesses such as smallpox or malaria were often considered life-threatening due to inadequate disease prevention and limitations in medical research and treatment at that time. However, in recent years, with the advancement of medical science, various medicines have been introduced, such as new vaccines and antibiotics, to enhance the quality of human well-being and increase life expectancy.

Furthermore, another reason for supporting this argument is that the general population in this century also benefits from a more refined education. This is attributed to the increasing proliferation of schools and universities worldwide over the past century. With technology, various forms of learning have emerged, such as online platforms or video recordings, meaning that more students can access education with fewer financial and geographic constraints. In addition, the rising education standards contribute to making life better in the 21st century. Innovative educational methods employed in both teaching and learning undergo constant testing and application. This can facilitate the knowledge and skills students possess and result in a skilled workforce that forms the foundation for a nation’s economic prosperity. A robust and sustainable economy is, finally, one of the key factors contributing to long-lasting economic advantages and a superior quality of life compared to the past.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that the standard of living in the 21st century has become better compared to previous centuries thanks to the improvement of people’s well-being and finer education, which yields long-term economic benefits.

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