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People living in the 21st have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the 21st have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Opinions vary on whether the living standard has become higher in comparison to the previous centuries. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly concur with this statement due to better healthcare and education.

To begin with, my compelling justification for my belief is the improvement of people's health. A century ago, numerous illnesses such as smallpox or malaria were likely to be considered life-threatening due to the poor prevention of diseases, the limitation in medical research and treatment at that time. However, in recent years, with the advancement of medical science, various medicines are introduced such as new vaccines and antibiotics in order to enhance the quality of human well-being and increase years to their life span.

Furthermore, another rationale for supporting this argument is that the general population in this century also reap benefits from a finer education. This is attributed to the fact that a growing number of schools and universities have been constructed over the world throughout a 100-year period, along with the development of technology, there are numerous forms of learning such as online platforms or video recording, meaning that more students can have a chance to access education with less financial and geographic constraints. In addition, increasing education standards contribute to making life better in the 21st century. Innovating educational methods used in both teaching and learning are constantly tested and applied. This can facilitate the knowledge and skills students possess and results in a qualified workforce that serves as a basis for a nation's economic prosperity. A stronger, and more sustainable economy is, finally, one of the key factors driving a superior quality of life compared to the past.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that the standard of living in the 21st century has become better compared to the previous centuries due to the improvement of people's well-being and finer education which yields long-term economic benefits.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Opinions vary on whether the living standard has become higher in comparison to the previous centuries." -> "Opinions vary on whether the standard of living has improved compared to previous centuries."
    Explanation: Replacing "living standard" with "standard of living" is more precise and aligns with formal language conventions.

  2. "From my perspective, I wholeheartedly concur with this statement due to better healthcare and education." -> "From my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree with this assertion owing to advancements in healthcare and education."
    Explanation: Replacing "concur" with "agree" and using "assertion" instead of "statement" maintains a formal tone, and "owing to" is a more sophisticated alternative to "due to."

  3. "compelling justification for my belief" -> "compelling rationale for my viewpoint"
    Explanation: Substituting "justification" with "rationale" enhances formality, and "viewpoint" is a more academic alternative to "belief."

  4. "numerous illnesses such as smallpox or malaria were likely to be considered life-threatening" -> "various illnesses such as smallpox or malaria were often deemed life-threatening"
    Explanation: Using "various" instead of "numerous" and rephrasing to "were often deemed life-threatening" contributes to a more formal expression.

  5. "the poor prevention of diseases" -> "inadequate disease prevention"
    Explanation: Replacing "poor prevention of diseases" with "inadequate disease prevention" maintains formality and clarity.

  6. "numerous medicines are introduced such as new vaccines and antibiotics" -> "various medications, including new vaccines and antibiotics, have been introduced"
    Explanation: The use of "various medications" and restructuring the sentence enhances precision and formality.

  7. "reap benefits from a finer education" -> "derive benefits from a more refined education"
    Explanation: Substituting "finer" with "more refined" contributes to a higher level of formality.

  8. "a growing number of schools and universities have been constructed over the world" -> "an increasing number of schools and universities have been established globally"
    Explanation: Using "established" instead of "constructed" and "globally" instead of "over the world" aligns with academic language standards.

  9. "along with the development of technology, there are numerous forms of learning" -> "with technological advancements, various forms of learning have emerged"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using "emerged" instead of "are" enhances formality.

  10. "less financial and geographic constraints" -> "fewer financial and geographic constraints"
    Explanation: Replacing "less" with "fewer" maintains precision in formal writing.

  11. "Innovating educational methods used in both teaching and learning are constantly tested and applied." -> "Innovative educational methods employed in both teaching and learning undergo constant testing and application."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using "employed" instead of "used" enhances formality.

  12. "a qualified workforce that serves as a basis for a nation’s economic prosperity" -> "a qualified workforce that forms the foundation of a nation’s economic prosperity"
    Explanation: Using "forms the foundation of" instead of "serves as a basis for" contributes to a more formal expression.

  13. "A stronger, and more sustainable economy is, finally, one of the key factors driving a superior quality of life compared to the past." -> "Ultimately, a stronger and more sustainable economy is one of the key factors contributing to a superior quality of life compared to the past."
    Explanation: Improving sentence structure and removing unnecessary commas for better formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing both healthcare and education as contributors to the improved quality of life. Specific examples, such as advancements in medical science and the expansion of educational opportunities, support the argument effectively.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing a brief acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint before presenting your stance. This can demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The stance that the 21st century offers a higher quality of life is evident in the introduction, elaborated in the body paragraphs, and reinforced in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement needed in this aspect; the clarity of the position is commendable.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay excels in presenting, extending, and supporting ideas. Examples related to healthcare and education are well-developed and logically connected, contributing to a thorough exploration of the topic.
    • How to improve: Continue to vary sentence structures and consider exploring potential counterarguments to strengthen the depth of analysis.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently stays on topic, discussing healthcare and education as key elements contributing to a better quality of life. There are no significant deviations.
    • How to improve: Maintain focus on the main points while avoiding overly complex sentences that might slightly distract from the central arguments.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong response to the essay prompt, effectively addressing each checklist item. To further enhance the response, consider acknowledging counterarguments and ensuring sentence structures contribute to overall clarity. Great job!

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mostly coherent arrangement of ideas with a clear overall structure. The introduction sets the stage for the author’s perspective, followed by two well-defined body paragraphs that present arguments supporting the claim. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the thesis.
    • How to improve: While the overall organization is satisfactory, there is room for improvement in the transition between paragraphs. Consider using more explicit transitional phrases or sentences to enhance the flow from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme to strengthen the logical progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally effective paragraphing with mostly logical sequencing of ideas. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, and ideas within paragraphs are cohesively presented. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately developed and contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance paragraphing, pay attention to the length of paragraphs. The second paragraph is notably longer than the others, potentially affecting the balance of the essay. Consider breaking it down into smaller, more focused paragraphs to maintain consistency in paragraph length and improve overall readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits flexible use of cohesive devices with some inaccuracies or inappropriate amounts. There is a commendable attempt to employ various cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases ("To begin with," "Furthermore," "In addition," "In conclusion"). These contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the use of cohesive devices is generally effective, be cautious about the quantity and placement of these devices. Some sentences may benefit from more precise connectors or transitions to strengthen the logical flow. Additionally, ensure that the cohesive devices used are entirely appropriate to avoid any potential confusion in meaning.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 6. To improve, focus on refining the transitions between paragraphs, maintaining consistent paragraph length, and fine-tuning the use of cohesive devices for optimal clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, showcasing a range of terms to convey ideas. For instance, phrases like "compelling justification," "enhance the quality," and "reap benefits" exhibit a reasonable diversity of vocabulary usage. However, it slightly falls short of the Band 7 criteria. While there’s evident variety, there’s room for more nuanced and sophisticated vocabulary choices to further enhance the depth and precision of expression.
    • How to improve: Aim to incorporate more specialized or nuanced vocabulary within the context where appropriate. For example, instead of commonly used phrases like "improvement of people’s health," consider terms like "advancements in healthcare" or "enhancement of public health," elevating the discourse and showcasing a higher level of lexical resource.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains clarity in expression despite occasional lapses in precision. While the overall meaning is effectively conveyed, there are instances where more precise vocabulary could have been utilized. For instance, phrases like "numerous illnesses" or "finer education" could benefit from more specific terms to bolster the depth of analysis.
    • How to improve: Focus on incorporating more precise and contextually fitting vocabulary to strengthen the arguments. For instance, instead of using the broad term "numerous illnesses," consider specifying certain diseases or ailments, adding depth and accuracy to your assertions.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a commendable standard of spelling accuracy, with only occasional errors that do not significantly impede understanding. Minor errors like "reap" instead of "reaping" and "finer" instead of "fine" were noted. However, these instances do not disrupt comprehension.
    • How to improve: Keep practicing spelling accuracy by reviewing and revising written work. Pay closer attention to verb forms and nuances in adjectives to ensure precision in expression.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary, maintaining clarity and coherence throughout. To enhance the Lexical Resource score further, focus on incorporating a wider range of more specialized vocabulary and refining precision in word choice to elevate the depth of expression. Additionally, continue practicing spelling accuracy to minimize occasional errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to a well-developed and coherent argument. The writer effectively employs diverse sentence forms, such as compound and complex sentences, showcasing a good command of syntax.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures and experimenting with varied sentence beginnings. Introduce conditional sentences, inversion, or rhetorical questions to add sophistication to the writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only occasional minor errors. Most sentences are error-free, and the errors present do not impede the overall clarity of the message. The writer demonstrates a solid understanding of grammar rules.
    • How to improve: To further minimize errors, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Additionally, proofread the essay carefully to catch any minor grammatical lapses.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally well-controlled throughout the essay. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately used, contributing to the overall clarity of the writing. However, there are instances where a more sophisticated use of punctuation could enhance the writing further.
    • How to improve: Explore the use of semicolons, colons, and dashes to add variety and nuance to your sentences. Ensure consistent and accurate application of punctuation marks, especially in complex sentences. Review the use of commas in complex lists for optimal clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy, earning a Band Score of 7. To elevate the score, focus on refining punctuation use and consistently applying more sophisticated grammatical structures. Additionally, meticulous proofreading can help eliminate minor errors, contributing to an even more polished piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions differ on whether the quality of life has improved in the 21st century compared to previous centuries. From my standpoint, I wholeheartedly agree with this assertion, primarily due to advancements in healthcare and education.

To start with, my compelling rationale for this viewpoint is the enhancement of public health. A century ago, various illnesses like smallpox or malaria were often perceived as life-threatening, given inadequate disease prevention, limited medical research, and treatment options at that time. However, in recent years, with the progress in medical science, various medications, including new vaccines and antibiotics, have been introduced to improve human well-being and extend life expectancy.

Furthermore, another key reason supporting this argument is the widespread benefits derived from a more refined education. This is linked to the establishment of an increasing number of schools and universities globally over the past century. With technological advancements, various forms of learning, such as online platforms and video recordings, have emerged, resulting in fewer financial and geographic constraints for students. Additionally, the ongoing innovation in educational methods used in teaching and learning contributes to a higher standard of education. This, in turn, leads to the development of a qualified workforce, forming the foundation of a nation’s economic prosperity. Ultimately, a stronger and more sustainable economy is one of the key factors contributing to a superior quality of life compared to the past.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that the standard of living in the 21st century has indeed improved compared to previous centuries, thanks to advancements in healthcare and education, which have long-term economic benefits.

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