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People living in the twenty-first century generally have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

People living in the twenty-first century generally have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The comparison of the quality of life between the present and past generations has always sparked intricate debates. In my perspective, people today generally enjoy a better quality of life than those in previous centuries due to advancements in various facets such as healthcare, technology, and education, though this improvement is not without its drawbacks.

To begin with, one of the most significant factors contributing to a better quality of life today is medical advancements. In the past, common diseases could easily become epidemics, resulting in high mortality rates. Thanks to the development of vaccines, better hygiene, and advanced medical treatments, many diseases that were once fatal are now curable or well-managed. For instance, smallpox, a disease that claimed countless lives in the past, has been completely eradicated. Additionally, the average lifespan has significantly increased over the centuries, indicative of enhanced well-being.

Technological innovation is another area that has vastly improved people's lives. In prior centuries, daily tasks and labor were extremely strenuous and time-consuming. Today, household appliances, personal computers, and smartphones have streamlined everyday chores, provided access to instantaneous communication, and made information widely available. This convenience was unimaginable to our ancestors, who lived in an era without electricity or even running water. Thus, the modern individual enjoys a level of comfort and ease that significantly surpasses that of their predecessors.

Moreover, access to education has seen a transformative change. In previous centuries, education was a privilege of the wealthy. Currently, primary education is widely accessible and often mandated, giving rise to a more informed and skilled population. This democratization of knowledge has empowered individuals to innovate, pursue various career paths, and contribute more significantly to society’s advancement.

However, this discernible progress does not guarantee a universally better quality of life. Modern society is plagued with issues of mental health, environmental degradation, and stress related to the fast-paced nature of twenty-first-century life. Rates of depression and anxiety are on the rise, partially due to the overwhelming connectivity and the pressures of social media. Climate change, caused by centuries of industrialization, poses new health risks and challenges. These problems are a stark contrast to the slower, albeit tougher, life of past centuries, which some might argue allowed for a simpler existence with potentially fewer existential worries.

To conclude, I agree that the twenty-first century offers a better quality of life in terms of health, technology, and education. Despite this, it is crucial to address contemporary issues to ensure that the progress does not undermine the very quality of life it seeks to enhance. Balancing the gifts of modernity with the preservation of mental and environmental well-being is essential for sustaining the improvements made over past generations.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In my perspective" -> "From my perspective"
    Explanation: "In my perspective" is a less formal and slightly awkward phrase. Replacing it with "From my perspective" maintains a more standard and formal expression.

  2. "though this improvement is not without its drawbacks" -> "however, these advancements come with their own set of challenges."
    Explanation: "Though this improvement is not without its drawbacks" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "however, these advancements come with their own set of challenges" maintains formality while providing a clearer transition to the next point.

  3. "To begin with" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: "To begin with" is a more casual expression. "Firstly" is a formal and suitable alternative that enhances the academic tone.

  4. "indicative of enhanced well-being" -> "suggestive of improved well-being"
    Explanation: "Indicative of enhanced well-being" is clear but can be refined for a more sophisticated tone. "Suggestive of improved well-being" conveys the same idea with a slightly more formal language.

  5. "This convenience was unimaginable to our ancestors" -> "Such conveniences were unimaginable to our forebears"
    Explanation: "This convenience was unimaginable to our ancestors" is somewhat informal. The alternative, "Such conveniences were unimaginable to our forebears," maintains formality and adds a touch of sophistication.

  6. "currently mandated" -> "currently required"
    Explanation: "Currently mandated" is acceptable, but "currently required" is a more standard and formal alternative that fits better with academic style.

  7. "stress related to the fast-paced nature of twenty-first-century life" -> "stress associated with the rapid pace of twenty-first-century living"
    Explanation: "Stress related to the fast-paced nature of twenty-first-century life" is clear but can be refined for a more formal tone. "Stress associated with the rapid pace of twenty-first-century living" is a slightly more sophisticated expression.

  8. "contemporary issues" -> "present-day challenges"
    Explanation: "Contemporary issues" is acceptable, but "present-day challenges" is a more formal and precise alternative that aligns better with academic style.

  9. "ensure that the progress does not undermine" -> "ensure that advancements do not compromise"
    Explanation: "Undermine" is acceptable, but "compromise" is a more precise and academically appropriate term that enhances the clarity of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the improvements in quality of life in the present compared to previous centuries due to healthcare, technology, and education. The balanced exploration of both the positive and negative aspects of these improvements is evident throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: The essay is strong in this aspect. However, to enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing a brief roadmap of the essay in the introduction, explicitly mentioning that both the advantages and potential drawbacks of modern advancements will be discussed.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The writer agrees that the twenty-first century offers a better quality of life in terms of health, technology, and education. This position is evident in the introduction, maintained in each body paragraph, and reiterated in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: No significant improvement needed in terms of clarity and consistency. However, to further strengthen the essay, ensure that the thesis statement explicitly mentions the three main areas (health, technology, and education) that will be discussed.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect (health, technology, education) and provides examples and explanations. The examples are well-chosen, such as the eradication of smallpox and the transformative change in education.
    • How to improve: To enhance cohesion, consider using stronger transitional phrases between paragraphs, guiding the reader through the logical flow of ideas. For instance, you could use phrases like "Moreover," or "Furthermore" at the beginning of each body paragraph.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the advancements in healthcare, technology, and education. However, the mention of mental health and environmental issues in the last paragraph slightly deviates from the main focus. While these points are relevant, a more explicit connection to the prompt could strengthen the essay.
    • How to improve: To ensure alignment with the topic, connect the discussion of mental health and environmental issues more explicitly to the advancements in health and technology, framing them as potential challenges arising from progress.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and demonstrates a strong command of language and structure. To further improve, focus on enhancing the clarity of the thesis statement, providing a brief roadmap in the introduction, strengthening transitional phrases, and ensuring a more explicit connection between the last paragraph’s points and the main topic. Overall, a well-crafted essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and each subsequent paragraph presents a clear argument related to the prompt. Transitions between ideas are smooth, contributing to a coherent overall structure. For example, the essay first discusses healthcare, then technology, and finally education, providing a clear progression of ideas.
    • How to improve: While the overall organization is effective, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, explicitly signposting the structure in the introduction could enhance clarity for the reader.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs well-structured paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the prompt. However, the paragraph on contemporary issues disrupts the established pattern by addressing multiple concerns (mental health, environmental degradation, and stress) in a single paragraph. This may slightly affect the essay’s overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider dedicating separate paragraphs to each contemporary issue, providing a more focused and organized discussion. This adjustment will maintain the clarity and coherence observed in the rest of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and pronouns, to connect ideas and ensure a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, phrases like "To begin with," and "Moreover" guide the reader through the essay’s progression. Pronouns like "this improvement" help link concepts within sentences.
    • How to improve: Continue incorporating a variety of cohesive devices to strengthen the essay’s overall coherence. Consider introducing more advanced cohesive devices, such as parallel structures or rhetorical devices, to add depth to the essay’s cohesion.

In summary, the essay exhibits a strong organizational structure with clear logical progression and effective paragraphing. To enhance coherence, refine transitions between paragraphs and consider dedicating separate paragraphs to individual contemporary issues. Additionally, continue using a range of cohesive devices, including more advanced ones, to further strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a commendable range of vocabulary, especially concerning the topic of advancements in healthcare, technology, and education. Phrases like "vastly improved," "democratization of knowledge," and "existential worries" demonstrate an ability to employ nuanced vocabulary effectively.
    • How to improve: While the essay presents a strong vocabulary base, further diversification and more sophisticated terminology could enhance the depth of expression. Exploring synonyms or more specialized terms related to the discussed concepts could elevate the lexical richness even more. For instance, instead of "transformative change," consider using phrases like "paradigm shift" or "revolutionary transformation" to add depth to the expression of ideas.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas. Phrases such as "plagued with issues," "overwhelming connectivity," and "streamlined everyday chores" offer clear and specific descriptions.
    • How to improve: While the vocabulary usage is generally precise, some opportunities exist to further refine certain expressions for greater clarity and impact. For instance, replacing general terms like "issues" with more specific descriptors such as "pressing concerns" or "persistent challenges" could intensify the impact of the arguments presented.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of spelling accuracy throughout, with no noticeable spelling errors detracting from comprehension.
    • How to improve: To continue maintaining this high standard, it’s advisable to remain vigilant about proofreading for any potential spelling errors. Incorporating regular proofreading sessions and utilizing spelling-check tools can further fortify the accuracy of written work.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, utilizing a range of terms effectively to convey complex ideas. To elevate the lexical resource score, expanding the breadth of vocabulary by exploring more nuanced terms and refining precision in language usage could further enhance the richness and depth of expression. Additionally, maintaining the excellent spelling accuracy observed here will contribute to sustaining the high standard of written language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of complex and compound sentences, effectively enhancing the overall fluency and coherence. The use of introductory phrases and clauses adds sophistication to the writing. However, to further enrich the essay, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as inverted sentences or conditional constructions, to showcase an even broader grammatical range.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, experiment with more complex sentence forms. For example, incorporate conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations or use inversion for emphasis. This will contribute to a more diverse and sophisticated presentation of ideas.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy. There are minimal errors throughout, with the majority of sentences being structurally sound. Verb tenses are consistently used, and subject-verb agreement is maintained. However, a few instances of comma splices and run-on sentences are noted, which slightly affect the overall precision.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to sentence boundaries. Review the instances where comma splices or run-on sentences occur and consider using appropriate punctuation, such as semicolons or conjunctions, to rectify them. This will contribute to an even higher level of grammatical accuracy.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally accurate, contributing to the overall readability of the essay. However, there are instances where commas are either missing or overused. For example, in some sentences, an extra comma appears before coordinating conjunctions. Additionally, there are minor issues with the placement of commas in complex sentences.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining comma usage. Ensure that commas are appropriately placed to indicate pauses or separate clauses. Review the rules for using commas with coordinating conjunctions and within complex sentences. This precision will enhance the essay’s readability and punctuation accuracy.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy. To elevate the score further, continue diversifying sentence structures, rectify minor punctuation issues, and pay careful attention to sentence boundaries. These refinements will contribute to an even more polished and sophisticated expression of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The comparison of the quality of life between the present and past generations has always sparked intricate debates. From my perspective, people today generally enjoy a better quality of life than those in previous centuries due to advancements in various facets such as healthcare, technology, and education; however, these advancements come with their own set of challenges.

To begin with, one of the most significant factors contributing to a better quality of life today is medical advancements. In the past, common diseases could easily become epidemics, resulting in high mortality rates. Thanks to the development of vaccines, better hygiene, and advanced medical treatments, many diseases that were once fatal are now curable or well-managed. For instance, smallpox, a disease that claimed countless lives in the past, has been completely eradicated. Additionally, the average lifespan has significantly increased over the centuries, suggestive of improved well-being.

Technological innovation is another area that has vastly improved people’s lives. In prior centuries, daily tasks and labor were extremely strenuous and time-consuming. Today, household appliances, personal computers, and smartphones have streamlined everyday chores, provided access to instantaneous communication, and made information widely available. Such conveniences were unimaginable to our ancestors, who lived in an era without electricity or even running water. Thus, the modern individual enjoys a level of comfort and ease that significantly surpasses that of their predecessors.

Moreover, access to education has seen a transformative change. In previous centuries, education was a privilege of the wealthy. Currently, primary education is widely accessible and often mandated, giving rise to a more informed and skilled population. This democratization of knowledge has empowered individuals to innovate, pursue various career paths, and contribute more significantly to society’s advancement.

However, these present-day advancements come with their own set of challenges. Modern society is currently required to grapple with issues of mental health, environmental degradation, and stress associated with the rapid pace of twenty-first-century living. Rates of depression and anxiety are on the rise, partially due to the overwhelming connectivity and the pressures of social media. Climate change, caused by centuries of industrialization, poses new health risks and challenges. These present-day challenges are a stark contrast to the slower, albeit tougher, life of past centuries, which some might argue allowed for a simpler existence with potentially fewer existential worries.

To conclude, I agree that the twenty-first century offers a better quality of life in terms of health, technology, and education. Despite this, it is crucial to address present-day challenges to ensure that the progress does not compromise the very quality of life it seeks to enhance. Balancing the gifts of modernity with the preservation of mental and environmental well-being is essential for sustaining the improvements made over past generations.

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