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People living in the twenty-first century generally have a better quality of life than those living in the previous century. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the twenty-first century generally have a better quality of life than those living in the previous century. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In our modern society, it is widely acknowledged that people living in the twenty-first century have experienced an enormously crucial industrialization and modernization that modified our life. As a result, there is a relentless debate on whether or not twenty-first citizens possess a more valuable standard of living than in the past. While this thinking is valid to a certain extent, I tend to gravitate toward the idea that changes in nowadays help people have a better life.
Arguably those who living in twenty-first century have evil morality, attitude and behavior. Due to the existence of newly formed nations and rivalry between them. This would lead to disastrous wars in order to compete in the market of politics, economies, education, and finances. These effects will reduce people’s health, threaten their survival as well as the loss of property, doing people disservices.
Nevertheless, despite many the aforementioned influences, I concur with the view that the modern century will have a positive impact on citizens. Owing to the revolution of technology, myriad of state-of-the-art gadgets, artificial intelligence machines have constantly been invented, especially the Internet and robots. These machines have helped people in finding out information, handle difficult tasks. Furthermore, the mushroom of industrial factories, office, supermarkets helps people seize the opportunity to get occupation, have adequate income to cover their needs. Besides, the establishment of tourist areas has satisfied the curiosity and discovery of people about the whole world, enriching their deep knowledge.
To recapitulate, in spite of many identifiable impacts, it is logical to conclude that people’s standard of living is promptly improving on account of significant alternatives.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "enormously crucial" -> "profoundly significant"
    Explanation: Replacing "enormously crucial" with "profoundly significant" adds a higher level of formality and precision, aligning with academic style.

  2. "modified our life" -> "altered our way of life"
    Explanation: "Altered our way of life" is a more formal and descriptive phrase than "modified our life," contributing to the academic tone of the essay.

  3. "While this thinking is valid to a certain extent" -> "While this perspective holds merit to a certain extent"
    Explanation: Substituting "thinking" with "perspective" and rephrasing the sentence enhances the formality and clarity of expression.

  4. "tend to gravitate toward" -> "lean towards"
    Explanation: "Lean towards" is a more concise and academically appropriate alternative to "tend to gravitate toward."

  5. "those who living" -> "those living"
    Explanation: Removing the unnecessary "who" after "those" results in a grammatically correct and more streamlined expression.

  6. "evil morality" -> "questionable morality"
    Explanation: "Questionable morality" is a more nuanced and academically suitable phrase than "evil morality."

  7. "due to the existence of newly formed nations" -> "attributed to the emergence of newly established nations"
    Explanation: The replacement enhances the precision and formality of the sentence, avoiding a casual tone.

  8. "This would lead to disastrous wars" -> "This could potentially lead to devastating conflicts"
    Explanation: The suggested change introduces a more conditional and speculative tone, fitting for academic discourse.

  9. "in order to compete in the market of politics, economies, education, and finances" -> "to compete in political, economic, educational, and financial arenas"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and aligns better with formal language, avoiding unnecessary repetition of "market."

  10. "doing people disservices" -> "inflicting harm on individuals"
    Explanation: "Inflicting harm on individuals" is a more formal and specific phrase than "doing people disservices."

  11. "despite many the aforementioned influences" -> "despite the numerous aforementioned influences"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "numerous" corrects the grammar and enhances the formality of the expression.

  12. "Owing to the revolution of technology" -> "Due to the technological revolution"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more succinct and maintains a formal tone.

  13. "myriad of state-of-the-art gadgets" -> "a plethora of state-of-the-art gadgets"
    Explanation: Substituting "myriad" with "a plethora" adds variety to the vocabulary and maintains formality.

  14. "helped people in finding out information" -> "facilitated people in acquiring information"
    Explanation: "Facilitated people in acquiring information" is a more formal and precise alternative.

  15. "handle difficult tasks" -> "tackle challenging tasks"
    Explanation: "Tackle challenging tasks" is a more sophisticated way of expressing the idea.

  16. "mushroom of industrial factories" -> "proliferation of industrial factories"
    Explanation: "Proliferation" is a more formal term that conveys growth and expansion effectively.

  17. "seize the opportunity to get occupation" -> "seize employment opportunities"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and uses a more formal term ("employment") than "occupation."

  18. "the establishment of tourist areas has satisfied the curiosity and discovery of people about the whole world" -> "the development of tourist destinations has piqued people’s curiosity and facilitated exploration of the world"
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance the formality, precision, and flow of the sentence.

  19. "recapitulate" -> "In conclusion"
    Explanation: "In conclusion" is a more common and appropriate transition phrase in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally addresses all parts of the question by acknowledging the debate about the quality of life in the twenty-first century. The writer leans towards the belief that modern changes have positively impacted people’s lives. However, the analysis could be more detailed and specific, especially in discussing potential drawbacks.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, provide more specific examples and elaborate on potential drawbacks associated with the changes in the twenty-first century. This will contribute to a more comprehensive response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, expressing a belief in the positive impact of modern changes. However, there are instances where the writer introduces opposing arguments without a clear refutation.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly address opposing arguments and provide a strong refutation. This will strengthen the essay’s overall coherence and make the position more convincing.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and detailed support. For instance, the mention of "evil morality, attitude, and behavior" lacks elaboration and specific examples. The analysis of technological advancements is somewhat superficial.
    • How to improve: Extend the discussion by providing concrete examples and details to support arguments. For instance, explain in more detail how technological advancements have improved people’s lives and offer specific examples of negative impacts on morality and behavior.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, especially in the second paragraph. The discussion about wars and the rivalry between nations is relevant but could be more directly connected to the overall theme of the quality of life.
    • How to improve: To stay on topic, ensure that every point made directly contributes to the overall argument about the quality of life. Connect the discussion about wars and rivalry more explicitly to the impact on people’s well-being in the twenty-first century.

In summary, while the essay presents a generally coherent and clear response to the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, specificity of examples, and maintaining a more direct connection to the main theme throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. There is an attempt to present a clear position in the introduction and maintain it throughout the essay. However, the overall structure could be improved. For instance, the essay starts by discussing negative aspects of the twenty-first century but later shifts to positive aspects without a clear transition. This inconsistency affects the logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider a more structured approach. Clearly outline the main points in each paragraph, ensuring a smooth transition between ideas. A consistent and well-defined argument throughout the essay will contribute to a more logical organization.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but the structure within each paragraph needs improvement. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, making it challenging for readers to follow. Additionally, the transitions between paragraphs could be more explicit, facilitating a smoother flow.
    • How to improve: Focus on developing well-structured paragraphs. Each paragraph should revolve around a central idea, and ideas within a paragraph should be logically connected. Use topic sentences to introduce the main point of each paragraph. Explicitly signal transitions between paragraphs to guide readers through the essay seamlessly.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "arguably," "nevertheless," "furthermore"). However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and effectiveness. Some transitions are abrupt, and the overall cohesion could be strengthened.
    • How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used. Include a mix of conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional phrases to establish clear connections between sentences and ideas. Ensure that transitions are not only present but also contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. Consider the relationship between sentences and use appropriate cohesive devices to guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some varied words and expressions are used, there is room for improvement in showcasing a more extensive and nuanced vocabulary. For example, terms like "crucial industrialization" and "modernization" are appropriately used, but the essay could benefit from incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance precision and depth.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating advanced synonyms, idiomatic expressions, or academic terms. For instance, instead of using "enormously crucial industrialization," explore alternatives like "pivotal industrial advancements." Additionally, strive to integrate specialized vocabulary related to the essay topic, such as terms associated with socio-economic changes or technological advancements.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances where terms are used vaguely or inappropriately. For instance, the phrase "evil morality" lacks clarity and may be considered imprecise. Additionally, the term "mushroom of industrial factories" could be more accurately replaced with a term like "proliferation" or "expansion" for greater precision.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by carefully selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of using vague terms like "evil morality," provide specific examples or employ more precise language to articulate the negative impacts of certain behaviors. Similarly, replace less precise phrases with more accurate alternatives, such as "proliferation" or "expansion," to convey a clearer message.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling errors that affect overall coherence. For instance, the sentence "Arguably those who living in twenty-first century have evil morality" contains grammatical and spelling inaccuracies, such as missing articles ("those who are living") and the incorrect use of "morality." These errors can hinder comprehension and impact the reader’s perception of the writer’s language proficiency.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully for grammatical and spelling errors. Utilize tools like spell-check software or seek feedback from peers to identify and correct mistakes. Additionally, focus on mastering common grammatical rules and structures to improve overall writing quality. Consider revising sentences for clarity and accuracy, ensuring that each word is correctly spelled and appropriately used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is evidence of complex sentences, such as "Arguably those who living in the twenty-first century have evil morality, attitude and behavior." However, a more diverse range of structures, including compound and complex sentences, would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s grammatical range, try incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Vary sentence lengths to create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style. For instance, consider breaking down longer sentences into shorter, concise ones for clarity and impact.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For example, "evil morality" is an awkward phrase, and there are issues with subject-verb agreement in "Due to the existence of newly formed nations and rivalry between them." Punctuation, such as commas and periods, is generally used correctly, but there are instances where clarity could be improved.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and choose precise and appropriate vocabulary. Proofread the essay for punctuation errors, ensuring commas and periods are used correctly. For instance, consider revising the sentence "Arguably those who living in the twenty-first century have evil morality, attitude and behavior" to "Arguably, those living in the twenty-first century exhibit immoral attitudes and behaviors."

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of expression. Expanding the range of sentence structures and refining grammar will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In our contemporary society, it is widely recognized that individuals in the twenty-first century have undergone a profoundly significant period of industrialization and modernization that has altered our way of life. Consequently, there is an ongoing debate about whether those living in the twenty-first century enjoy a better quality of life than their predecessors. While this perspective holds merit to a certain extent, I lean towards the belief that the changes in our present era contribute to an enhanced quality of life.

Some argue that individuals in the twenty-first century exhibit questionable morality, attitudes, and behaviors, attributed to the emergence of newly established nations and the intense rivalry between them. This could potentially lead to devastating conflicts as nations strive to compete in political, economic, educational, and financial arenas, inflicting harm on individuals and resulting in the loss of property and well-being.

However, despite the numerous aforementioned influences, I concur with the view that the modern era has a positive impact on citizens. Due to the technological revolution, a plethora of state-of-the-art gadgets and artificial intelligence machines, especially the Internet and robots, have been constantly invented. These innovations have facilitated people in acquiring information and tackling challenging tasks. Furthermore, the proliferation of industrial factories, offices, and supermarkets has created employment opportunities, allowing individuals to have adequate income to cover their needs.

Moreover, the development of tourist destinations has piqued people’s curiosity and facilitated exploration of the world, enriching their deep knowledge. In conclusion, while acknowledging the identifiable impacts of the modern era, it is logical to conclude that people’s standard of living is promptly improving due to significant alternatives brought about by industrialization and modernization.

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