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People say that a country will benefit greatly if its students study abroad. To what extent do you agree or disagree?d give your own opinion.

People say that a country will benefit greatly if its students study abroad. To what extent do you agree or disagree?d give your own opinion.

It is not deniable that a coutry will get a enormous deal if its students decided to pursue foreign educational system. However, there are a vast number of people that may think that is a huge loss for that nation if pupils choose international educational program instead of domestics ones. In this essay, I would like to shed light in both perspective along with my veiw point in the upcoming paragraph.

First and Foremost, a nation would possess a international intellectual labour force. Study abroad is a golden chance for pupils to broaden their horizons. They are given opportunities to meet more citizens in different culture background and learn to cope with language barrier and foreign custom and food. Youngster may get a deeper insight into culture and make them more well-rounded. That serve as a stepping-stone for nations, especial developing countries when multinational companies intend to come and invest in these countries. Moreovers, cross-border educational programs allow students to get access to the most prestigious experts and professors in their fields. Students might be able to hold a international formal qualification that develop its general country workforce compared with other nation state.

On one hand, it has a detrimental impact on countries that let their youth fly to different lands. These countries may face to brain-drain problem when a large number of foreign pupils decide to stay in foreign countries on the ground that these nations provide greater salary, security, education and health care.

In conclusion, I am convinced that abroad study may bring some negative problem to a country but I could not deny immense advantage of this phenomenon. I believe that cross-border students would help countries become more and more thrive.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "a enormous deal" -> "a significant benefit"
    Explanation: Replacing "a enormous deal" with "a significant benefit" conveys the positive impact more formally and precisely, avoiding an overly informal expression.

  2. "that may think that is a huge loss" -> "who may perceive it as a substantial loss"
    Explanation: Substituting "that may think that is a huge loss" with "who may perceive it as a substantial loss" introduces a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic style.

  3. "domestics ones" -> "domestic ones"
    Explanation: Correcting "domestics ones" to "domestic ones" ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains the appropriate formal tone.

  4. "shed light in both perspective" -> "shed light on both perspectives"
    Explanation: Changing "shed light in both perspective" to "shed light on both perspectives" corrects the preposition and maintains proper phrasing.

  5. "First and Foremost" -> "First and foremost"
    Explanation: Capitalizing "Foremost" to "foremost" adheres to standard capitalization rules in formal writing.

  6. "possess a international intellectual labour force" -> "have an international intellectual workforce"
    Explanation: Replacing "possess a international intellectual labour force" with "have an international intellectual workforce" streamlines the expression and maintains formality.

  7. "different culture background" -> "different cultural backgrounds"
    Explanation: Changing "different culture background" to "different cultural backgrounds" ensures grammatical accuracy and precision.

  8. "foreign custom and food" -> "foreign customs and cuisine"
    Explanation: Substituting "foreign custom and food" with "foreign customs and cuisine" improves the precision of the description, using more appropriate vocabulary.

  9. "Youngster may get" -> "Youngsters may gain"
    Explanation: Changing "Youngster may get" to "Youngsters may gain" improves the grammatical structure and employs a more formal term.

  10. "deeper insight into culture" -> "deeper insight into cultures"
    Explanation: Correcting "deeper insight into culture" to "deeper insight into cultures" ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains clarity.

  11. "serve as a stepping-stone for nations" -> "serve as a catalyst for nations"
    Explanation: Substituting "serve as a stepping-stone for nations" with "serve as a catalyst for nations" employs a more sophisticated metaphor, enhancing the formal tone.

  12. "especial developing countries" -> "especially developing countries"
    Explanation: Correcting "especial developing countries" to "especially developing countries" ensures proper usage and maintains a formal tone.

  13. "Moreovers" -> "Moreover"
    Explanation: Correcting "Moreovers" to "Moreover" ensures proper usage of the transitional word.

  14. "hold a international formal qualification" -> "attain an international formal qualification"
    Explanation: Changing "hold a international formal qualification" to "attain an international formal qualification" uses a more precise verb, enhancing the formality of the statement.

  15. "compared with other nation state" -> "compared with other nations"
    Explanation: Correcting "compared with other nation state" to "compared with other nations" ensures grammatical accuracy and clarity.

  16. "On one hand, it has a detrimental impact" -> "On one hand, it has negative repercussions"
    Explanation: Substituting "On one hand, it has a detrimental impact" with "On one hand, it has negative repercussions" employs a more formal term, enhancing the academic tone.

  17. "brain-drain problem" -> "brain drain"
    Explanation: Simplifying "brain-drain problem" to "brain drain" maintains clarity and conciseness without sacrificing formality.

  18. "fly to different lands" -> "migrate to different countries"
    Explanation: Changing "fly to different lands" to "migrate to different countries" uses a more formal and precise term.

  19. "stay in foreign countries on the ground that" -> "stay in foreign countries because"
    Explanation: Substituting "stay in foreign countries on the ground that" with "stay in foreign countries because" improves the clarity and formality of the sentence.

  20. "I am convinced that abroad study may bring some negative problem" -> "I am convinced that studying abroad may pose some challenges"
    Explanation: Replacing "abroad study may bring some negative problem" with "studying abroad may pose some challenges" uses more precise language and maintains a formal tone.

  21. "cross-border students would help countries become more and more thrive" -> "cross-border students would contribute to the increasing prosperity of countries"
    Explanation: Changing "cross-border students would help countries become more and more thrive" to "cross-border students would contribute to the increasing prosperity of countries" uses more sophisticated vocabulary and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is not deniable that a coutry will get a enormous deal if its students decided to pursue foreign educational system."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting the writer’s position on the topic. It is crucial to explicitly state whether the writer agrees, disagrees, or holds a balanced view on the idea that studying abroad benefits a country. A more precise and clear thesis statement would enhance the essay’s overall coherence.
    • Improved example: "While some argue that a country gains significant benefits when its students pursue education abroad, others believe it leads to substantial losses. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives before presenting my stance on this matter."
  2. Quoted text: "Youngster may get a deeper insight into culture and make them more well-rounded. That serve as a stepping-stone for nations, especial developing countries when multinational companies intend to come and invest in these countries."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph provides a reasonable argument about the advantages of studying abroad, but the expression is unclear and could be refined for better coherence. The use of "make them more well-rounded" lacks specificity. Provide concrete examples or details to support this idea, making the argument more persuasive and vivid.
    • Improved example: "Youngsters may gain a deeper understanding of diverse cultures, fostering a well-rounded perspective. For instance, exposure to different customs and languages broadens their cultural competence, a quality highly valued in today’s globalized world. This, in turn, positions a nation to attract investments from multinational companies seeking a culturally adept workforce."
  3. Quoted text: "On one hand, it has a detrimental impact on countries that let their youth fly to different lands. These countries may face to brain-drain problem when a large number of foreign pupils decide to stay in foreign countries on the ground that these nations provide greater salary, security, education and health care."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph discusses the negative aspects of studying abroad, but the points lack specificity and development. To strengthen this argument, provide concrete examples or reasons illustrating the detrimental impact on countries, making the essay more convincing and nuanced.
    • Improved example: "However, the drawbacks of this trend cannot be ignored. For instance, countries experiencing a significant outflow of their youth may encounter a ‘brain-drain’ issue. This occurs when a substantial number of students choose to settle in foreign countries due to better financial incentives, enhanced security, superior education, and improved healthcare systems. This phenomenon can lead to a loss of skilled professionals and hinder the country’s overall development."

Overall, the essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction and more specific examples to support both the positive and negative aspects of studying abroad.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates overall coherence and cohesion, but there are some issues that prevent it from achieving a higher band score. The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, and there is a general progression of ideas throughout the body paragraphs. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as the use of unclear pronoun references and awkward transitions. The paragraphing is not always logical, with some ideas grouped together without clear connections. Additionally, there are grammatical errors and language issues that affect the overall coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Pay attention to pronoun references to ensure clarity and avoid confusion.
  2. Work on smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance overall coherence.
  3. Ensure logical grouping of ideas within paragraphs for a more organized structure.
  4. Address grammatical errors and language issues to improve overall clarity and coherence.
  5. Consider expanding on ideas with more specific examples and details to strengthen the overall argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a fairly good range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and some awareness of style and collocation is evident. While there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, they do not significantly impede communication.

The essay effectively discusses both perspectives on the impact of students studying abroad, highlighting benefits such as an international intellectual labor force, cultural insights, and access to prestigious experts. However, the discussion on the detrimental impact, particularly the brain-drain problem, could be more nuanced and detailed.

The vocabulary is generally varied, and there is an effort to convey ideas with some sophistication. However, there are noticeable errors in spelling, word formation, and grammar throughout the essay, which affect the overall coherence and clarity.

How to improve:

  1. Proofread for Errors: Thoroughly review the essay to correct spelling, word formation, and grammatical errors. This will enhance overall communication and readability.

  2. Nuanced Argumentation: Develop a more detailed and nuanced discussion of the potential drawbacks of students studying abroad, especially in addressing the brain-drain issue. Provide specific examples and evidence to support both perspectives.

  3. Complex Sentence Structures: Introduce more complex sentence structures to add depth and sophistication to the writing. This can contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in vocabulary use, addressing the highlighted areas for improvement would elevate it to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing some variety in structures. While there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly hinder communication. The use of vocabulary and expressions is generally appropriate, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear expression.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay close attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Revise sentences to ensure they are error-free and enhance the overall coherence.

  2. Clarity and Coherence: Refine expressions for better clarity and coherence. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, impacting the flow of ideas. Ensure that each sentence contributes effectively to the overall argument.

  3. Language Fluency: Aim for more fluency in expressing ideas. Practice constructing complex sentences with precision, ensuring they contribute to the overall sophistication of the essay.

Remember, maintaining a balance between complexity and accuracy is crucial. Continue refining language skills to elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that a country can benefit significantly if its students decide to pursue education abroad. However, there are many who argue that it could be a considerable loss for a nation if students opt for international educational programs instead of domestic ones. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives and provide my viewpoint in the upcoming paragraphs.

First and foremost, a nation would possess an international intellectual labor force. Studying abroad presents a golden opportunity for students to broaden their horizons. They have the chance to meet people from different cultural backgrounds and learn to overcome language barriers and adapt to foreign customs and cuisine. This exposure allows young individuals to gain a deeper insight into various cultures, making them more well-rounded. This, in turn, serves as a stepping stone for nations, especially developing countries, as multinational companies may show interest in investing in these countries. Moreover, cross-border educational programs provide students with access to the most prestigious experts and professors in their fields. Students may obtain an international formal qualification, enhancing their country’s overall workforce compared to other nations.

On the other hand, there is a downside for countries that allow their youth to study abroad. These nations may face a brain-drain problem when a considerable number of foreign students choose to remain in foreign countries due to better salary, security, education, and healthcare opportunities.

In conclusion, while I acknowledge that studying abroad may pose some challenges for a country, I cannot deny the immense advantages of this phenomenon. I firmly believe that cross-border students contribute significantly to a country’s growth and prosperity.

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