People spend too much time traveling to work or school. What are the reasons? Solutions?

In this day and age, with the incredibly escalating standard of living, some employees have to allocate an excessive amount of time traveling to work or school. There are many culprits breeding this issue including the cost of living and their preference, several solutions should be taken into consideration to tackle it.
On the one hand, there are two main reasons why workers occasionally allocate too much time commuting to work and school should be mentioned. Chief of these is that those living in the vicinity of workplaces usually bear the exorbitant cost from almost everything ranging from some basic necessities to other needs such as entertainment or education which most of them could not afford. In comparison with the average monthly income of blue and white collar workers in Vietnam, the costly lifestyle is unattainable. While settling down in the suburb areas is beneficial for some reasons from reaping the affordable price and ensuring the convenience with the aid of virtual assistants such as online shopping or ordering food through apps. Additionally, some people want to devote their time to occupations that are aligned with their passion and capacity, hence they accept the fact of traveling a long distance to work without hesitation. Even though there are several unexpected factors that could hinder their daily commuting, being dedicated to their passionate job gives them a sense of fulfillment and stands a higher chance of promotion.
On the other hand, some remedies should be adopted to cope with this issue. For one, it is necessary to lower the price of products sold surrounding workoffices. Not only does it mitigate the burden of monetary on employees but it also enhances purchasing goodwill among consumers. For others, both domestic and foreign firms should consider the idea of finding new areas where there are less companies built instead of focusing merely on the prospect of metropolises. This could alleviate the competition among many enemies and attract more talented workers, enhancing the prestige of a firm.
In conclusion, traveling to work or study these days requires a great amount of personal time due to the high cost of living and individuals’ passion, offering a lower price and relocating the company to a new place are good ideas that the sellers and the directors should think about.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a somewhat clichéd and informal expression. "Currently" is more concise and maintains an academic tone.
"incredibly escalating standard of living" -> "rapidly increasing standard of living"
Explanation: "Incredibly escalating" is an overused and somewhat informal phrase. "Rapidly increasing" is more precise and formal.
"allocate an excessive amount of time" -> "devote an excessive amount of time"
Explanation: "Allocate" can imply a more formal or official distribution of resources, whereas "devote" better conveys the personal commitment to time spent.
"culprits breeding this issue" -> "factors contributing to this issue"
Explanation: "Culprits" is an informal and somewhat negative term. "Factors contributing to" is neutral and appropriate for academic writing.
"should be taken into consideration" -> "should be considered"
Explanation: "Should be taken into consideration" is redundant. "Should be considered" is more direct and formal.
"Chief of these" -> "The primary reason"
Explanation: "Chief of these" is awkward and informal. "The primary reason" is clearer and more formal.
"bear the exorbitant cost from almost everything" -> "face exorbitant costs for almost everything"
Explanation: "Bear the exorbitant cost" is a bit informal and vague. "Face exorbitant costs" is more precise and formal.
"could not afford" -> "cannot afford"
Explanation: "Could not" is less direct and slightly informal. "Cannot" is more assertive and suitable for academic writing.
"settling down in the suburb areas" -> "residing in suburban areas"
Explanation: "Settling down" is informal and vague. "Residing" is more precise and formal.
"reaping the affordable price" -> "enjoying affordable prices"
Explanation: "Reaping the affordable price" is awkward and unclear. "Enjoying affordable prices" is clearer and more natural.
"ensuring the convenience with the aid of" -> "facilitating convenience through"
Explanation: "Ensuring the convenience with the aid of" is verbose and informal. "Facilitating convenience through" is concise and formal.
"being dedicated to their passionate job" -> "being dedicated to their passion for their work"
Explanation: "Passionate job" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Passion for their work" is more precise and formal.
"stands a higher chance of promotion" -> "increases the likelihood of promotion"
Explanation: "Stands a higher chance" is informal and less precise. "Increases the likelihood" is more formal and academically appropriate.
"lower the price of products sold surrounding workoffices" -> "reduce the prices of products near workplaces"
Explanation: "Lower the price of products sold surrounding workoffices" is awkward and incorrect. "Reduce the prices of products near workplaces" is clearer and grammatically correct.
"mitigate the burden of monetary on employees" -> "alleviate the financial burden on employees"
Explanation: "Mitigate the burden of monetary" is awkward and unclear. "Alleviate the financial burden" is more precise and formal.
"enhancing purchasing goodwill among consumers" -> "enhancing consumer goodwill"
Explanation: "Enhancing purchasing goodwill among consumers" is redundant. "Enhancing consumer goodwill" is concise and maintains the intended meaning.
"both domestic and foreign firms should consider" -> "both domestic and international firms should consider"
Explanation: "Foreign" is less specific and can be ambiguous. "International" is more precise and appropriate in this context.
"finding new areas where there are less companies built" -> "identifying areas with fewer companies"
Explanation: "Finding new areas where there are less companies built" is verbose and informal. "Identifying areas with fewer companies" is concise and formal.
"enhancing the prestige of a firm" -> "enhancing the reputation of the firm"
Explanation: "Prestige" can be vague and less formal. "Reputation" is a more specific and formal term in business contexts.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons for excessive commuting time, such as the high cost of living and personal passion for work. It also suggests solutions, including lowering prices around workplaces and relocating companies. However, while the reasons are somewhat elaborated, the solutions could be more thoroughly explored. For instance, the suggestion to lower prices is vague and lacks specific examples or mechanisms for how this could be achieved.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is fully developed. This could involve providing more detailed explanations of the reasons for long commutes, perhaps discussing urban planning or public transport issues. Additionally, the solutions could benefit from concrete examples or case studies that illustrate how these strategies have worked in other contexts.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that excessive commuting is a significant issue caused by economic factors and personal choices. However, the transition between discussing reasons and solutions could be smoother. The phrase "should be mentioned" in the first paragraph is somewhat passive and could lead to ambiguity about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should assert their position more confidently and use stronger transitional phrases. For instance, instead of stating "should be mentioned," the writer could say, "The primary reasons for this issue are…" This would reinforce the argument and guide the reader more effectively through the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the reasons for long commutes and potential solutions, but the development of these ideas is inconsistent. Some points, like the impact of living costs, are articulated well, while others, such as the suggestion to relocate companies, lack depth and supporting evidence. The mention of "virtual assistants" is an interesting point but is not fully explained in its relevance to commuting.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with examples, statistics, or anecdotes. For instance, discussing how specific companies have successfully relocated or how price reductions have positively impacted employee satisfaction could provide a more compelling argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons and solutions for excessive commuting. However, there are instances where the discussion becomes slightly convoluted, such as the mention of "entertainment or education," which feels tangential to the main argument about commuting.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main ideas before writing to ensure that all content is relevant. Additionally, revising sentences to eliminate any off-topic references would enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and focus on the topic. By addressing these areas, the writer could aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the context and outlines the issues at hand. However, the logical flow within the body paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses reasons for excessive commuting but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions between ideas. The second body paragraph presents solutions but lacks a strong connection to the problems outlined earlier, which can confuse the reader regarding how the proposed solutions directly address the issues raised.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," to guide the reader through the argument. Consider structuring the essay to explicitly link each solution back to the corresponding problem to reinforce coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each one focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first body paragraph is somewhat lengthy and contains multiple ideas that could be split into separate paragraphs for clarity. The second body paragraph also introduces two different solutions without adequately elaborating on each, which can dilute the impact of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. For example, consider separating the discussion of reasons for excessive commuting into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the cost of living and another on personal passion. This will allow for a deeper exploration of each point and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," to signal contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and the essay occasionally lacks clarity in how ideas are connected. For instance, phrases like "the costly lifestyle is unattainable" could be better linked to the subsequent discussion about suburban living and its advantages.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" to show cause and effect, and "In contrast" or "Nevertheless" to highlight differences. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and enhance the flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will elevate the coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "exorbitant," "culprits," "mitigate," and "prestige" effectively employed to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "allocate an excessive amount of time" could be simplified to "spend too much time," which is less formal but more direct. Additionally, the use of "several unexpected factors" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with more specific terms related to commuting challenges.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "time" and "cost," they might use alternatives like "duration" or "expense." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could be beneficial.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay showcases a good grasp of vocabulary, there are moments of imprecision. The phrase "the costly lifestyle is unattainable" could be misleading, as it suggests that the lifestyle is completely out of reach rather than simply expensive. Additionally, the term "monetary" in "burden of monetary" is awkward; it would be clearer to say "financial burden."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used. Regularly reviewing vocabulary in context and practicing paraphrasing can help ensure that the chosen words accurately reflect the intended meaning. For example, replacing "monetary" with "financial" in the context of burdens would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits good spelling, with no glaring errors that detract from understanding. However, the phrase "workoffices" should be separated into "work offices" for clarity. Additionally, the use of "enemies" in "competition among many enemies" is an incorrect choice; "competitors" would be more appropriate in this context.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on compound words and commonly confused terms. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors that may be overlooked during silent reading.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. By expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound structures. For instance, phrases like "those living in the vicinity of workplaces usually bear the exorbitant cost from almost everything" exhibit a good command of complex structures. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of variety in the use of subordinate clauses. For example, the phrase "some people want to devote their time to occupations that are aligned with their passion and capacity" could be restructured for greater impact.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider varying the placement of clauses and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "some people," try beginning with an adverbial phrase or a dependent clause. Additionally, incorporating more varied transition phrases can enhance the flow and complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the burden of monetary on employees" should read "the monetary burden on employees." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, can lead to confusion. For instance, the sentence "While settling down in the suburb areas is beneficial for some reasons from reaping the affordable price and ensuring the convenience with the aid of virtual assistants such as online shopping or ordering food through apps" is overly long and lacks necessary punctuation, making it difficult to follow.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, such as incorrect word forms and misplaced modifiers. Practicing sentence combining and breaking down overly complex sentences into clearer, more manageable parts can also help. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for complex sentences, will aid in improving clarity and readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, with the rapidly increasing standard of living, some employees have to allocate an excessive amount of time traveling to work or school. There are many factors contributing to this issue, including the cost of living and personal preferences. Several solutions should be considered to tackle it.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons why workers occasionally allocate too much time commuting to work and school. Chief among these is that those residing in the vicinity of workplaces usually face exorbitant costs for almost everything, ranging from basic necessities to other needs such as entertainment or education, which most of them cannot afford. In comparison with the average monthly income of blue and white-collar workers in Vietnam, this costly lifestyle is unattainable. While settling down in suburban areas is beneficial for several reasons, such as enjoying affordable prices and facilitating convenience through virtual assistants like online shopping or food delivery apps, some people still choose to commute long distances. Additionally, some individuals want to devote their time to occupations that align with their passion and capacity; hence, they accept the fact of traveling a long distance to work without hesitation. Even though there are several unexpected factors that could hinder their daily commuting, being dedicated to their passionate job gives them a sense of fulfillment and increases the likelihood of promotion.

On the other hand, some remedies should be adopted to cope with this issue. For one, it is necessary to reduce the prices of products sold near workplaces. Not only does this alleviate the financial burden on employees, but it also enhances consumer goodwill. Furthermore, both domestic and international firms should consider finding new areas with fewer companies instead of focusing merely on the prospects of metropolises. This could reduce competition among many firms and attract more talented workers, enhancing the reputation of the firm.

In conclusion, traveling to work or study these days requires a great amount of personal time due to the high cost of living and individuals’ passions. Offering lower prices and relocating companies to new areas are good ideas that both sellers and directors should think about.