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People tend to work longer hours nowadays. Working long hours has a negative effect on themselves, their families and society. so working hours should be restricted. Do you agree or disagree?

People tend to work longer hours nowadays. Working long hours has a negative effect on themselves, their families and society. so working hours should be restricted. Do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary life, there is no denying that people are likely to spend a long period of time in the workplace. However, it is argued that this brings no advantages to the employees, and should be prohibited. This essay will examine this point of view before giving my stance.
To begin with, there are various detrimental implications resulting from long working hours. One of the primary illustrations might be depression. When workers get involved in extra working time, they might reduce their relaxation space in order to relieve stress. As a result, their productivity may be directly affected, and they are likely to be sacked by employers. When it comes to their families, it is unavoidable that fired employees can be the main economic backbone of their family finances. If they become unemployed, this can bring an enormous burden to their family; therefore, pertaining to a significant decrease in the standard of living. Regarding society, with high unemployment rates, it is inevitable that crime rates might go up gradually due to poverty. When having no jobs, the unemployed tend to pickpocket others, and this brings the community to the verge of social security imbalance.
Conversely, I am convinced that the more working hours, the better life can be. It is evident that employers are willing to pay extra money for their workers’ dedication. This helps to shorten employee’s financial goals. Particularly, a worker needs 3 months to achieve his objectives without addictive payings; meanwhile, if they reduce their leisure times, they can gain another amount of salary to easily approach their goals. Moreover, employees can get a threshold to high promotion. This is because managers usually appreciate those who devote their time to the company. Thus, if employees willingly continue their work after working hours, they easily get promoted. This plays an important role in having a high paying job in the future.
In conclusion, it is obvious that prolonging working time can cause several impacts related to employees as well as their family and society. Fortunately, workers can get promotions with well-paid positions as well as gain their financial goals quickly.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In contemporary life" -> "In modern society"
    Explanation: "In modern society" is a more precise and formal phrase that better captures the context of contemporary times, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

  2. "no denying" -> "undeniable"
    Explanation: "Undeniable" is a more formal and concise alternative to the colloquial "no denying," aligning better with academic writing standards.

  3. "spend a long period of time" -> "devote extended periods"
    Explanation: "Devote extended periods" is a more formal expression that conveys the idea of prolonged time commitment in a more sophisticated manner.

  4. "brings no advantages" -> "offers no benefits"
    Explanation: "Offers no benefits" is a more precise and formal way to express the lack of advantages, fitting the academic style better.

  5. "should be prohibited" -> "should be discouraged"
    Explanation: "Should be discouraged" is a more appropriate term in this context, as it suggests a recommendation rather than a strict prohibition, which is more suitable for an academic discussion.

  6. "One of the primary illustrations" -> "One primary example"
    Explanation: "One primary example" is a more direct and formal way to introduce an illustration, avoiding the redundancy of "illustration" and enhancing clarity.

  7. "reduce their relaxation space" -> "reduce their leisure time"
    Explanation: "Reduce their leisure time" is a more precise and commonly accepted term in academic writing, replacing the less formal "relaxation space."

  8. "sacked by employers" -> "terminated by employers"
    Explanation: "Terminated" is a more formal and precise term than "sacked," which is colloquial and less appropriate for academic writing.

  9. "fired employees can be the main economic backbone" -> "fired employees often serve as the primary financial support"
    Explanation: "Often serve as the primary financial support" is a more formal and precise way to describe the role of employees in their families’ finances, avoiding the colloquial "main economic backbone."

  10. "pertaining to a significant decrease" -> "resulting in a significant decrease"
    Explanation: "Resulting in a significant decrease" is a clearer and more direct expression, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.

  11. "crime rates might go up gradually" -> "crime rates are likely to increase"
    Explanation: "Are likely to increase" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the potential rise in crime rates, avoiding the less formal "might go up gradually."

  12. "the verge of social security imbalance" -> "the brink of social instability"
    Explanation: "The brink of social instability" is a more precise and formal phrase that better captures the potential consequences of unemployment on societal stability.

  13. "the more working hours, the better life can be" -> "the longer the working hours, the better the quality of life"
    Explanation: "The longer the working hours, the better the quality of life" is a more precise and formal expression, enhancing clarity and aligning with academic standards.

  14. "addictive payings" -> "additional payments"
    Explanation: "Additional payments" is the correct term, replacing the incorrect and informal "addictive payings," which is not only grammatically incorrect but also unclear.

  15. "easily approach their goals" -> "more quickly achieve their goals"
    Explanation: "More quickly achieve their goals" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of reaching objectives in a timely manner, suitable for academic writing.

  16. "get a threshold to high promotion" -> "achieve a threshold for promotion to higher positions"
    Explanation: "Achieve a threshold for promotion to higher positions" is a clearer and more formal expression, improving the precision and formality of the sentence.

  17. "high paying job" -> "high-paying job"
    Explanation: "High-paying job" is the correct compound adjective form, enhancing the grammatical accuracy and formality of the text.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative effects of long working hours on individuals, families, and society, as well as presenting a counterargument that suggests longer hours can lead to financial benefits and promotions. The first part of the essay effectively highlights the negative implications of long working hours, such as depression and unemployment, which aligns well with the prompt’s focus on the negative effects. However, the counterargument is not as thoroughly developed, and the essay does not explicitly state whether the author agrees or disagrees with the need to restrict working hours until the conclusion, which may confuse the reader about the author’s position.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly state the author’s position in the introduction and consistently reference this stance throughout the body paragraphs. Additionally, each part of the question should be explicitly addressed, ensuring that the arguments for and against are balanced and clearly articulated.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, but it lacks consistency. The author begins by stating that long working hours should be prohibited, yet later argues that longer hours can be beneficial. This duality creates ambiguity regarding the author’s true stance on the issue. The conclusion reiterates the negative impacts but does not decisively conclude whether the author agrees or disagrees with the restriction of working hours.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should choose a definitive stance (either for or against restricting working hours) and ensure that all arguments and examples support this position. A clear thesis statement in the introduction and a reiteration of the stance in the conclusion would enhance clarity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the negative effects of long working hours, such as mental health issues and economic burdens on families. However, the support for the counterargument is less robust. For instance, while the author mentions financial benefits and promotions, these points are not sufficiently elaborated upon or backed with examples or evidence, making them less persuasive.
    • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should provide specific examples or data to substantiate claims, especially in the counterargument. Expanding on how longer hours lead to promotions or financial benefits with real-world examples or statistics would strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of long working hours. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the counterargument section, where the discussion of financial benefits could be perceived as detracting from the main argument about the negative effects of long hours.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central argument regarding the need to restrict working hours. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that ties back to the thesis, and any counterpoints should be framed in a way that acknowledges their relevance to the overall discussion of the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in clarity of position, depth of support for ideas, and focus on the prompt will help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by stating the issue and the writer’s stance. However, the transition between the points made in the body paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the negative impacts of long working hours to the positive aspects is somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use transitional phrases to better connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the negative effects, a phrase like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could be used to signal the shift to the opposing viewpoint. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph focuses on the negative implications of long working hours, while the second discusses the potential benefits. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first paragraph is more developed than the second, which may give the impression that the negative aspects are more significant than the positive ones.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should aim for a more balanced development of ideas. This could involve expanding the second body paragraph with more examples or evidence to support the claims made about the benefits of longer working hours. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph is roughly equal in length can help maintain a balanced argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and transitional phrases. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from a more varied vocabulary to enhance cohesion. For example, the use of "this," "therefore," and "moreover" is present, but the essay could incorporate additional devices like "furthermore," "in contrast," or "consequently" to add variety.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. This can be achieved by reviewing lists of cohesive devices and experimenting with them in different contexts. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately and not excessively will help maintain clarity and coherence in the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving the logical flow between ideas, balancing the development of paragraphs, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "detrimental implications," "economic backbone," and "social security imbalance." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation, particularly in discussing the negative impacts of long working hours. For instance, the phrase "working hours" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "working hours," alternatives like "work schedule," "employment hours," or "time spent at work" could be utilized. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "work-life balance," "employee well-being," or "job satisfaction," would enrich the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "pertaining to a significant decrease in the standard of living" is vague and could be more clearly articulated. The term "addictive payings" is also unclear and seems to misuse "addictive," which typically refers to substances rather than financial matters.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that the vocabulary used accurately conveys the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "addictive payings," a more appropriate phrase could be "additional earnings" or "extra compensation." Furthermore, clarifying statements such as "pertaining to a significant decrease in the standard of living" could be rephrased to "leading to a significant decline in the family’s standard of living," which would provide clearer context.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no major errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as the incorrect use of "employee’s" instead of "employees’" when referring to multiple workers, which indicates a misunderstanding of plural possessive forms.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should review the rules of plural possessives and practice common spelling patterns. Regularly proofreading the essay for grammatical and spelling errors before submission can also help catch these mistakes. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools or apps can assist in identifying potential errors.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and carefully proofreading, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional structures is evident in sentences like "If they become unemployed, this can bring an enormous burden to their family." Additionally, the essay employs introductory phrases and clauses, such as "To begin with" and "Conversely," which help to organize ideas effectively. However, some sentences are somewhat repetitive in structure, particularly in the second paragraph, where the phrase "this can" appears multiple times, leading to a lack of variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should experiment with different ways to express similar ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this can," alternative phrases like "this may lead to" or "this could result in" could be employed. Furthermore, incorporating more varied sentence beginnings and using a mix of active and passive voice could enrich the overall grammatical range.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of minor errors that affect clarity. For example, in the phrase "pertaining to a significant decrease in the standard of living," the word "pertaining" is awkwardly used and could be replaced with "leading to" for better clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma after "however" in the first sentence, which can lead to confusion. The use of semicolons and conjunctions is also inconsistent, which detracts from the overall flow of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay for awkward phrasing and punctuation errors. Focusing on the correct use of commas, especially in introductory clauses and transitional phrases, would enhance clarity. Additionally, practicing the use of semicolons and conjunctions can help create more complex sentences that convey nuanced ideas effectively. Engaging in grammar exercises that focus on common errors can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary life, there is no denying that people are likely to spend extended periods of time in the workplace. However, it is argued that this offers no benefits to the employees and should be discouraged. This essay will examine this point of view before giving my stance.

To begin with, there are various detrimental implications resulting from long working hours. One primary example might be depression. When workers devote extended periods to extra working time, they might reduce their leisure time in order to relieve stress. As a result, their productivity may be directly affected, and they are likely to be terminated by employers. When it comes to their families, it is unavoidable that fired employees often serve as the primary financial support of their family finances. If they become unemployed, this can bring an enormous burden to their family, resulting in a significant decrease in the standard of living. Regarding society, with high unemployment rates, it is inevitable that crime rates are likely to increase gradually due to poverty. When having no jobs, the unemployed tend to pickpocket others, and this brings the community to the brink of social instability.

Conversely, I am convinced that the longer the working hours, the better the quality of life can be. It is evident that employers are willing to pay additional payments for their workers’ dedication. This helps employees more quickly achieve their financial goals. Particularly, a worker needs three months to achieve his objectives without additional payments; meanwhile, if they reduce their leisure time, they can gain another amount of salary to easily approach their goals. Moreover, employees can achieve a threshold for promotion to higher positions. This is because managers usually appreciate those who devote their time to the company. Thus, if employees willingly continue their work after working hours, they can easily get promoted. This plays an important role in having a high-paying job in the future.

In conclusion, it is obvious that prolonging working time can cause several impacts related to employees as well as their families and society. Fortunately, workers can get promotions with well-paid positions as well as achieve their financial goals quickly.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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