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People think that the government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems. Give your opinion.

People think that the government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems. Give your opinion.

It is said that the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles should be raised by the government as a measure to tackle environmental issues. In my opinion, I believe that the government should promulgate policy in improving environmental challenges.
On the one hand, it is true that dealing with ecological concern is significant with increasing the price of fuel for transportation because of two primary reasons. Firstly, purchasing power of citizens for private vehicles such as motorcycles, cars which contribute carbon dioxide emissions, leading to environmental pollution. This means that if the government reduce the buying power for private vehicles, they might limit solutions like climate change and carbon footprint. Secondly, it is essential for the government to invest public funds in awareness campaigns and projects aimed at natural preservation, such as reforestation, alternative energy resources. Hence, implementing a policy that raise the cost of fuel for public vehicles becomes vital to develop public funds for these initiatives.
On the other hand, if the government opts not increase the cost of fuel, it is equally crucial for them to limit environment degration degradation. The first reason is that citizens’ lives are significantly impacted by escalating of fuel cost. For instance, affecting of high price of essential facilities and public services which directly influence to the lower-income segments of society. The second reason is that there are tons of people (hoặc many people) are willing to purchase private vehicles if the cost of fuel is affordable. As a result, this not only increases exhausted gas emissions which lead to seriously air pollution but also leads to excessive exploitation of natural resource, and further harming the environment.
In conclusion, while many people argue that increasing in the cost of fuel for public transportation as a solution to environmental issues., I believed that the government should have reasonable policy to balance between developing society and safeguarding the environment.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is said that the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles should be raised by the government as a measure to tackle environmental issues. In my opinion, I believe that the government should promulgate policy in improving environmental challenges."
    -> "It is proposed that the government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles as a measure to address environmental issues. In my view, the government should formulate policies to address environmental challenges."
    Explanation: Replacing "It is said that" with "It is proposed that" adds a more formal tone. Also, changing "promulgate policy in improving environmental challenges" to "formulate policies to address environmental challenges" improves clarity and formality.

  2. "On the one hand, it is true that dealing with ecological concern is significant with increasing the price of fuel for transportation because of two primary reasons."
    -> "On one hand, addressing ecological concerns is crucial through the increment of fuel prices for transportation, for two main reasons."
    Explanation: Removing the unnecessary "it is true that" and rephrasing to "On one hand" enhances the formality of the statement. Also, replacing "dealing with ecological concern is significant with increasing" with "addressing ecological concerns is crucial through the increment" improves clarity.

  3. "Firstly, purchasing power of citizens for private vehicles such as motorcycles, cars which contribute carbon dioxide emissions, leading to environmental pollution."
    -> "Firstly, the purchasing power of citizens for private vehicles, such as motorcycles and cars, which contribute to carbon dioxide emissions, results in environmental pollution."
    Explanation: The revised sentence clarifies the relationship between purchasing power and private vehicles. Additionally, separating "motorcycles, cars" with "and" improves the list’s structure.

  4. "This means that if the government reduce the buying power for private vehicles, they might limit solutions like climate change and carbon footprint."
    -> "This implies that by reducing the purchasing power for private vehicles, the government might constrain solutions to issues like climate change and carbon footprint."
    Explanation: The use of "implies" is more formal, and the rephrasing provides a clearer connection between reducing purchasing power and limiting solutions.

  5. "Secondly, it is essential for the government to invest public funds in awareness campaigns and projects aimed at natural preservation, such as reforestation, alternative energy resources."
    -> "Secondly, it is imperative for the government to allocate public funds to awareness campaigns and projects focused on natural preservation, including reforestation and alternative energy resources."
    Explanation: The word "imperative" adds emphasis, and the revised structure with "including" improves the clarity and formality of the sentence.

  6. "On the other hand, if the government opts not increase the cost of fuel, it is equally crucial for them to limit environment degration degradation."
    -> "On the other hand, if the government chooses not to increase the cost of fuel, it is equally crucial for them to mitigate environmental degradation."
    Explanation: The use of "opts not" is replaced with "chooses not to" for a more formal tone, and "limit" is replaced with "mitigate" for precision in describing actions against environmental degradation.

  7. "The first reason is that citizens’ lives are significantly impacted by escalating of fuel cost."
    -> "The first reason is that citizens’ lives are significantly impacted by the escalation of fuel costs."
    Explanation: The revised sentence corrects the grammar by changing "escalating of fuel cost" to "escalation of fuel costs."

  8. "For instance, affecting of high price of essential facilities and public services which directly influence to the lower-income segments of society."
    -> "For instance, the impact of the high prices of essential facilities and public services directly influences the lower-income segments of society."
    Explanation: The revised sentence corrects the structure and grammar, improving clarity and formality.

  9. "The second reason is that there are tons of people (hoặc many people) are willing to purchase private vehicles if the cost of fuel is affordable."
    -> "The second reason is that many people are willing to purchase private vehicles if the cost of fuel is affordable."
    Explanation: The parenthetical inclusion is removed as it adds unnecessary informality, and the sentence is streamlined for conciseness and formality.

  10. "As a result, this not only increases exhausted gas emissions which lead to seriously air pollution but also leads to excessive exploitation of natural resource, and further harming the environment."
    -> "As a result, this not only increases harmful gas emissions, contributing to severe air pollution, but also leads to excessive exploitation of natural resources, further harming the environment."
    Explanation: The revision improves the precision and formality by specifying "harmful gas emissions," refining the connection to air pollution, and adjusting the phrase "excessive exploitation of natural resource" to "excessive exploitation of natural resources."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses all parts of the question by discussing both perspectives—raising the cost of fuel for cars and not increasing it. The reasons supporting each viewpoint are presented coherently.
    • How to improve: While the essay successfully covers both perspectives, it would benefit from more depth in analysis. Providing specific examples or statistics could strengthen the arguments and make the essay more convincing.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by expressing the opinion that the government should have a reasonable policy to balance societal development and environmental preservation. This stance is consistently upheld throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the position in the introduction and conclusion. This can reinforce the essay’s stance for the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with reasonable development, particularly in outlining the consequences of increasing or not increasing fuel costs. Examples, such as the impact on lower-income segments, provide support.
    • How to improve: To further improve, expand on the consequences of the proposed solutions. For instance, elaborating on the potential outcomes of investing in awareness campaigns or reforestation projects could enhance the depth of analysis.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the environmental impact of fuel cost changes. However, there are instances of vague or repetitive language that may slightly deviate from the main point.
    • How to improve: Be mindful of language use. Clarify expressions like "hoặc many people" to avoid ambiguity. Additionally, ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the central argument, avoiding unnecessary repetition.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a balanced discussion of the issue. To enhance its quality, it could benefit from more in-depth analysis, explicit statement of the position, and careful language use to avoid ambiguity. Additionally, providing specific examples and statistics would add weight to the arguments, making the essay more persuasive.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly presents the writer’s opinion, and the body paragraphs present supporting points in a structured manner. However, there is a minor issue with sentence fluency and word choice, affecting the overall clarity of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider revising sentences for clarity and coherence. For example, in the introduction, the phrase "I believe that the government should promulgate policy in improving environmental challenges" could be rephrased for better clarity, such as "I believe that the government should implement policies to address environmental challenges."
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but there is room for improvement in terms of structure and effectiveness. The body paragraphs should focus on specific points, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, leading to a lack of clear organization.
    • How to improve: Consider restructuring paragraphs to ensure each one addresses a single main point. For instance, in the second paragraph, the discussion on reducing the purchasing power for private vehicles and the importance of government investment in awareness campaigns could be separated into distinct paragraphs. This would enhance the clarity and effectiveness of each argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs, contributing to coherence. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetition that hinder the overall effectiveness of cohesive devices.
    • How to improve: Work on refining the use of cohesive devices to avoid repetition and ensure smoother transitions between ideas. For example, in the second paragraph, the phrase "fuel for transportation" is repeated, impacting the essay’s fluency. Replacing repetitive terms with synonyms or rephrasing sentences can improve the overall cohesiveness.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion, refining sentence structure, paragraph organization, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument. These improvements will contribute to a more polished and cohesive response to the essay prompt.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words, but the diversity is limited, and some terms are repeated. For example, the frequent use of "environmental" and "vehicles" could be substituted with alternative expressions to enhance variety.
    • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "environmental," explore alternatives such as "ecological," "environmental concerns," or "sustainability." This will enrich your vocabulary and make your writing more engaging.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances of imprecise or awkward word choices. For example, "promulgate policy" could be replaced with "implement policies," and "dealing with ecological concern" could be refined to "addressing environmental concerns."
    • How to improve: Aim for more precise word choices. Use words and phrases that accurately convey your intended meaning. Avoid overly complex terms when simpler ones suffice. Proofread carefully to identify and rectify any instances of imprecise language.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory, but there are notable errors, such as "degration" instead of "degradation," "exhausted" instead of "exhaustive," and "hoặc" instead of "or."
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your essay to catch spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar check tools or seeking feedback from others. Practice writing regularly to enhance spelling skills. Review common spelling patterns and rules to build confidence in spelling accuracy.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, incorporating a wider vocabulary, using words more precisely, and improving spelling accuracy would enhance the overall quality of the writing and potentially elevate the band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. It employs complex sentences, such as those in the second paragraph, which use subordination effectively. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety. Simple and compound sentences dominate, and there is limited use of more sophisticated structures, like inverted sentences or conditional sentences.

    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions. Experiment with different types of clauses, such as relative clauses or conditional clauses, to add depth and complexity to your sentences. This will contribute to a more varied and engaging writing style.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair degree of grammatical accuracy, with few notable errors. However, there are instances of grammatical inaccuracies, such as the use of "promulgate policy" which should be "promulgate policies," and the misuse of "exhausted" instead of "exhaustive" in the third-to-last sentence. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where it could be refined for clarity and effectiveness.

    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and word choice. Proofread carefully to catch errors like using the wrong word form. Additionally, refine your use of punctuation for better clarity. For instance, review the placement of commas and experiment with more advanced punctuation, such as semicolons, to add variety and precision to your writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures, but refining sentence variety and addressing specific grammatical errors will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is suggested that the government should raise the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to address environmental issues. In my opinion, the government should enact policies to tackle environmental challenges.

On one hand, addressing ecological concerns is crucial through the increment of fuel prices for transportation, for two main reasons. Firstly, the purchasing power of citizens for private vehicles, such as motorcycles and cars, which contribute to carbon dioxide emissions, results in environmental pollution. This implies that by reducing the purchasing power for private vehicles, the government might constrain solutions to issues like climate change and carbon footprint. Secondly, it is imperative for the government to allocate public funds to awareness campaigns and projects focused on natural preservation, including reforestation and alternative energy resources. Hence, implementing a policy that raises the cost of fuel for public vehicles becomes vital to develop public funds for these initiatives.

On the other hand, if the government chooses not to increase the cost of fuel, it is equally crucial for them to mitigate environmental degradation. The first reason is that citizens’ lives are significantly impacted by the escalation of fuel costs. For instance, the impact of the high prices of essential facilities and public services directly influences the lower-income segments of society. The second reason is that many people are willing to purchase private vehicles if the cost of fuel is affordable. As a result, this not only increases harmful gas emissions, contributing to severe air pollution, but also leads to excessive exploitation of natural resources, further harming the environment.

In conclusion, while many people argue that an increase in the cost of fuel for public transportation is a solution to environmental issues, I believe that the government should have a reasonable policy to balance between developing society and safeguarding the environment.

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