People today increasingly use credit cards to make monthly purchases. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In this day and age, there is increasing demand for using credit cards for monthly expenditure. While this trend exerts some negative effects on society, I am of the opinion that it is more beneficial for residents to use credit cards.

On the one hand, credit cards can be useless in developing countries. In fact, these countries, which still focus on agricultural growth, own various traditional markets. Hence, local residents might suffer from technological shocks which make them struggle with this trend. Also, owning credit cards can attract a great deal of criminals, especially with the high crime rate in developing countries since its unpopularity. Therefore, people using credit cards can be put at risk if they use these equipment.
Notwithstanding some disadvantages that using credit cards result in, it is more beneficial for people to apply it in daily life. First, the security when using credit cards can be a prime advantage for using these equipment. Specifically, credit cards provide users with different amenities like immediate locking and high protecting systems. Especially with the increasing cases for robbery and burglary in some countries. For instance, users can lock their cards immediately after being robbed. Moreover, it is more comfortable for the users when they want to purchase as it is difficult to peek over the private information. Therefore, users can protect their own fortune from criminals.
To sum up, despite the fact that using credit cards lead to some detrimental impact in some developing countries, it is beneficial for residents to follow this trend by its security system.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"increasing demand for using credit cards" -> "growing trend of using credit cards"
Explanation: "Increasing demand" is somewhat vague and informal. "Growing trend" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"it is more beneficial for residents to use credit cards" -> "it is more advantageous for residents to utilize credit cards"
Explanation: "Beneficial" is somewhat informal and vague. "Advantageous" is more precise and formal. "Utilize" is also more formal than "use."
"can be useless" -> "may be ineffective"
Explanation: "Useless" is too absolute and informal for academic writing. "Ineffective" is more precise and appropriate.
"own various traditional markets" -> "operate traditional markets"
Explanation: "Own" is not the correct term here; "operate" is more accurate in describing the management of markets.
"technological shocks" -> "technological disruptions"
Explanation: "Shocks" is not typically used in this context; "disruptions" is the correct term for describing the impact of technology on society.
"attract a great deal of criminals" -> "attract a significant number of criminals"
Explanation: "A great deal of" is informal and vague. "A significant number of" is more precise and formal.
"its unpopularity" -> "its lack of popularity"
Explanation: "Its unpopularity" is grammatically incorrect. "Its lack of popularity" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning.
"using these equipment" -> "using these devices"
Explanation: "Equipment" is not the correct term for credit cards; "devices" is more appropriate.
"Notwithstanding some disadvantages that using credit cards result in" -> "Despite the disadvantages resulting from the use of credit cards"
Explanation: "Notwithstanding" is somewhat archaic and less clear. "Despite" is more straightforward and formal. Also, rephrasing for better grammatical structure.
"it is more beneficial for people to apply it in daily life" -> "it is more advantageous for individuals to employ credit cards in their daily lives"
Explanation: "Apply it" is informal and vague. "Employ credit cards" is more specific and formal. "In their daily lives" is more precise than "in daily life."
"the security when using credit cards can be a prime advantage" -> "the security features of credit cards offer a significant advantage"
Explanation: "The security when using credit cards" is awkward and unclear. "The security features of credit cards offer a significant advantage" is clearer and more formal.
"high protecting systems" -> "advanced security systems"
Explanation: "High protecting systems" is awkward and unclear. "Advanced security systems" is more precise and formal.
"it is difficult to peek over the private information" -> "it is challenging to access private information"
Explanation: "Peek over" is informal and imprecise. "Access private information" is more formal and accurate.
"using credit cards lead to some detrimental impact" -> "the use of credit cards leads to some detrimental impacts"
Explanation: "Using credit cards lead" is grammatically incorrect. "The use of credit cards leads" corrects the verb agreement, and "impacts" should be plural to match the plural subject.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of using credit cards. The author acknowledges the negative effects, particularly in developing countries, and presents a clear argument that the benefits outweigh these drawbacks. However, the exploration of disadvantages is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For instance, while the essay mentions the risk of crime, it does not elaborate on other potential disadvantages, such as debt accumulation or financial mismanagement, which are significant concerns associated with credit card use.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide a more balanced analysis by discussing a wider range of disadvantages. Including specific examples or statistics related to debt or consumer behavior could strengthen the argument and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that credit cards are more beneficial than detrimental. This stance is evident from the beginning and is reiterated in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother. The phrase "Notwithstanding some disadvantages that using credit cards result in" feels somewhat abrupt and could confuse readers about the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should use clearer transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, explicitly stating how the advantages counterbalance the disadvantages would help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas effectively, particularly regarding the security benefits of credit cards. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat lacking. For instance, while the mention of immediate locking features is relevant, the essay does not provide enough context or examples to fully illustrate how these features benefit users in practical situations. Additionally, the discussion on the disadvantages could be more developed.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, elaborating on how credit cards can help users manage their finances or discussing specific security features in greater detail would enhance the argument. Including statistics or studies related to credit card usage could also provide more substantial support.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of credit card use. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off-topic, particularly in the section discussing the disadvantages. The mention of "technological shocks" and "traditional markets" feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about credit cards.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the advantages and disadvantages of credit cards. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the central argument. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements that stray from the topic will help keep the essay concise and focused.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs are divided into two distinct sections: one discussing the disadvantages of credit cards and the other highlighting their advantages. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the phrase "Notwithstanding some disadvantages that using credit cards result in" feels abrupt and could benefit from a more explicit connection to the previous paragraph’s discussion on disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the disadvantages, you could use a phrase like "Despite these challenges, there are significant advantages to using credit cards." This would create a more cohesive transition and reinforce the contrast between the two viewpoints.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph addresses disadvantages, while the second focuses on advantages. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined with topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first paragraph could start with a sentence like, "While credit cards offer convenience, they also present significant challenges, especially in developing countries."
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes its main point. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains a balance of explanation and examples to support the claims made. This will help readers follow your argument more easily and understand the significance of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, "using these equipment" appears multiple times, which can detract from the overall fluency of the essay. Additionally, the use of "especially" and "for instance" could be varied to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," "Consequently," and "As a result." This will enhance the essay’s flow and make the argument more compelling. Additionally, consider rephrasing repetitive phrases to maintain reader engagement and improve clarity.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "expenditure," "technological shocks," and "amenities." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety, and certain phrases are repeated, such as "using credit cards" and "beneficial." This repetition indicates a lack of lexical diversity, which can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "using credit cards," alternatives like "utilizing credit cards" or "employing credit cards" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to finance and security could elevate the essay’s sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "credit cards can be useless in developing countries." This phrase lacks clarity; it would be more accurate to say that credit cards may not be widely accepted or that their utility is limited in certain contexts. Additionally, the phrase "these equipment" is incorrect, as "equipment" is an uncountable noun and should not be preceded by "these."
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of "useless," the writer could use "less effective" or "not widely adopted." Furthermore, reviewing grammatical rules regarding countable and uncountable nouns would help avoid errors like "these equipment."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "residents" (spelled correctly) and "equipment" (misspelled as "equipment" in the context of "these equipment"). While the overall spelling is generally accurate, these minor errors indicate a need for careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a consistent proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using digital tools like spell checkers. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing tasks.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and implementing effective proofreading strategies, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "While this trend exerts some negative effects on society" and "Notwithstanding some disadvantages that using credit cards result in" showcase the use of complex structures. However, there are instances where sentence construction could be more varied. For example, the sentence "In fact, these countries, which still focus on agricultural growth, own various traditional markets" could be restructured for better flow.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice combining shorter sentences into more complex ones and using different introductory phrases. Incorporating a mix of passive and active voice can also add depth. For example, instead of saying "credit cards can be useless in developing countries," the writer could say, "In developing countries, the utility of credit cards is often limited."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "people using credit cards can be put at risk if they use these equipment" contains a grammatical error; "equipment" is uncountable and should be replaced with "devices" or "tools." Additionally, the sentence "the security when using credit cards can be a prime advantage for using these equipment" is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are areas where commas could enhance readability, such as before "especially" in the sentence discussing the crime rate.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of countable versus uncountable nouns. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on common pitfalls, can be beneficial. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and conciseness will help; for example, rephrasing "the security when using credit cards can be a prime advantage for using these equipment" to "the security features of credit cards provide significant advantages" would enhance clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, there is a growing trend of using credit cards for monthly expenditures. While this trend exerts some negative effects on society, I am of the opinion that it is more advantageous for residents to utilize credit cards.

On the one hand, credit cards may be ineffective in developing countries. In fact, these countries, which still focus on agricultural growth, operate various traditional markets. Hence, local residents might struggle with technological disruptions that accompany this trend. Additionally, owning credit cards can attract a significant number of criminals, especially given the high crime rate in developing countries due to its lack of popularity. Therefore, individuals using credit cards may be put at risk if they rely on these devices.

Despite the disadvantages resulting from the use of credit cards, it is more beneficial for people to employ them in their daily lives. First, the security features of credit cards offer a significant advantage. Specifically, credit cards provide users with various amenities like immediate locking and advanced security systems. This is particularly important given the increasing cases of robbery and burglary in some regions. For instance, users can lock their cards immediately after being robbed. Moreover, it is more comfortable for users when making purchases, as it is challenging to access private information. Therefore, users can better protect their own finances from criminals.

To sum up, despite the fact that the use of credit cards leads to some detrimental impacts in certain developing countries, it is more advantageous for residents to embrace this trend due to its security features.