People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who often change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

people have different views regarding whether job security gives people more satisfaction than other factors. This essay will show how it agrees with the given statement. I believe that staying with the job give people more potential progression and well work/life balance.
on the one hand, people who keep doing their only job during their life experience more opportunities to go further on their career, which in turn gives satisfaction. furthermore, long-term provide the stability to support their family. for example, in particular family where children are still continue their higher education, it is necessary for the parents to ensure the reasonable income, and this only be reached by staying with the same job for a long time.
on the other hand, changing jobs frequently can be benefical for people who want to explore every aspect of the job market in case of they have the strong financial support from their family. however, they may face with lot of pressure from peole around them who consider a certain career path is the only way to survive in this society since the standard of living is high and job security is the only way to achieve life balance. over time, they will at risk from unemployment, as the demand and supply of labor market need the commitment of employees to operate the flow of economic.
i conclusion, although the appealling of trying various kind of job is undeniable, people need to have the right perception of how to keep the prosperity of each individual and also the society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"people have different views" -> "individuals hold diverse perspectives"
Explanation: "Individuals hold diverse perspectives" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"This essay will show how it agrees with the given statement." -> "This essay will demonstrate how it aligns with the given statement."
Explanation: "Demonstrate" is more formal than "show," and "aligns" is a more precise verb choice than "agrees," which is somewhat vague in this context.
"staying with the job give people more potential progression" -> "remaining in the same job offers greater potential for career advancement"
Explanation: "Remaining in the same job" is more precise than "staying with the job," and "offers greater potential for career advancement" is a more formal and specific phrase.
"well work/life balance" -> "a better work-life balance"
Explanation: "A better work-life balance" is grammatically correct and more formal than "well work-life balance."
"people who keep doing their only job" -> "individuals who remain in their sole occupation"
Explanation: "Individuals who remain in their sole occupation" is more formal and precise than "people who keep doing their only job."
"during their life experience" -> "throughout their working lives"
Explanation: "Throughout their working lives" is a more specific and formal expression than "during their life experience."
"furthermore, long-term provide the stability" -> "furthermore, long-term employment provides stability"
Explanation: "Long-term employment" is a more specific term than "long-term," and "provides" is grammatically correct compared to "provide."
"it is necessary for the parents to ensure the reasonable income" -> "it is essential for parents to secure a reasonable income"
Explanation: "It is essential for parents to secure a reasonable income" is more formal and precise than "it is necessary for the parents to ensure the reasonable income."
"this only be reached by staying with the same job for a long time" -> "this can only be achieved by remaining in the same job for an extended period"
Explanation: "This can only be achieved by remaining in the same job for an extended period" is more formal and precise than "this only be reached by staying with the same job for a long time."
"changing jobs frequently can be benefical" -> "frequent job changes can be beneficial"
Explanation: "Frequent job changes" is grammatically correct and more formal than "changing jobs frequently," and "beneficial" is the correct spelling.
"in case of they have the strong financial support" -> "if they have strong financial support"
Explanation: "If they have strong financial support" corrects the awkward phrasing and grammatical error in the original sentence.
"face with lot of pressure" -> "face a lot of pressure"
Explanation: "Face a lot of pressure" corrects the grammatical error and is more idiomatic.
"peole" -> "people"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error.
"the only way to achieve life balance" -> "the only way to achieve a balanced life"
Explanation: "Achieve a balanced life" is grammatically correct and more formal than "achieve life balance."
"at risk from unemployment" -> "at risk of unemployment"
Explanation: "At risk of unemployment" is the correct idiomatic expression.
"the demand and supply of labor market need the commitment" -> "the labor market demands the commitment"
Explanation: "The labor market demands the commitment" is more concise and formal.
"appealling of trying various kind of job" -> "appealing aspect of trying various types of jobs"
Explanation: "Appealing aspect of trying various types of jobs" corrects grammatical errors and improves formality.
"how to keep the prosperity of each individual and also the society" -> "how to maintain the prosperity of both individuals and society"
Explanation: "Maintain the prosperity of both individuals and society" is grammatically correct and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding job stability and satisfaction. It acknowledges the benefits of staying in one job for career progression and work-life balance, while also mentioning the potential advantages of changing jobs. However, the response could be more explicit in stating the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt. The phrase "this essay will show how it agrees with the given statement" is vague and does not clearly articulate the author’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position at the beginning and reinforce it throughout the essay. A more definitive statement such as "I strongly agree that staying in one job leads to greater satisfaction" would provide clarity. Additionally, the conclusion should reiterate this stance more forcefully.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that leans towards agreeing with the statement, but the clarity of this position fluctuates. The introduction suggests agreement, but the discussion of job changes introduces ambiguity. The phrase "can be beneficial" implies a level of neutrality that undermines the initial stance.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a consistent viewpoint by clearly distinguishing between the advantages of job stability and the drawbacks of frequent job changes. Using phrases like "while there are benefits to changing jobs, the advantages of staying in one position far outweigh them" would help solidify the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as job stability leading to career progression and financial security. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient examples. For instance, the mention of parents needing stable income lacks depth and could benefit from a more detailed explanation of how this contributes to job satisfaction.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should provide more specific examples and elaborate on their points. For instance, discussing how long-term employment can lead to promotions or increased job satisfaction through familiarity with the work environment would strengthen the argument. Additionally, integrating statistics or studies on job satisfaction could provide more substantial support.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing job stability versus job changes. However, some sentences introduce ideas that are not directly relevant to the main argument, such as the pressure from society regarding career choices. While this is related, it distracts from the central thesis of job satisfaction linked to stability.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the main argument. It would be beneficial to limit discussions of societal pressure and instead focus on how job stability directly impacts personal satisfaction and career development.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from clearer positioning, more developed ideas, and a tighter focus on the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of job stability leading to greater satisfaction. The introduction outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs provide supporting points. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the arguments for job stability and the counterargument regarding job changes is somewhat abrupt. The use of phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" indicates an attempt to present contrasting views, but the connection between these ideas could be more fluid.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, providing transitional phrases that summarize the previous point before introducing the next can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. For example, after discussing job stability, a sentence like "Conversely, some argue that job changes can also offer unique benefits" could better prepare the reader for the shift in focus.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, but the effectiveness of these paragraphs varies. The first paragraph serves as an introduction, while the second and third paragraphs attempt to present arguments for both sides. However, the paragraphs are not clearly delineated in terms of their purpose, and some sentences lack clarity, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the second paragraph contains several ideas that could be better organized into distinct sentences or sub-points.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, supported by examples and explanations. Consider breaking down complex sentences and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. For instance, the second paragraph could be split into two: one focusing solely on the benefits of job stability and the other on the drawbacks of frequent job changes. This would enhance clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to contrast different viewpoints. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Additionally, some devices are misused or awkwardly placed, which can disrupt the flow of ideas. For example, phrases like "for example" and "however" are effective but could be supplemented with other devices such as "moreover," "in addition," or "conversely" to create a more varied and sophisticated structure.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases that indicate addition, contrast, and cause-effect relationships. For instance, after presenting a point about job stability, you could add "Moreover, long-term employment often leads to…" to introduce additional supporting information. This not only enhances cohesion but also enriches the overall quality of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some range in vocabulary, such as "job security," "satisfaction," and "career progression." However, the overall vocabulary usage is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "keep doing their only job" could be expressed more diversely, perhaps as "remain in the same position" or "maintain long-term employment." The use of "beneficial" is appropriate, but the essay could benefit from synonyms or more varied expressions to enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary related to employment and job satisfaction. This could include terms like "career advancement," "job stability," "professional development," and "work-life integration." Engaging with synonyms and exploring different ways to express similar ideas will enhance the essay’s lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the stability to support their family," which could be clearer if rephrased to "financial stability to support their family." Additionally, the phrase "the only job during their life" is vague and could be more accurately articulated as "a single career throughout their life." The use of "appealing" in "the appealing of trying various kind of job" is also awkward; it would be better stated as "the appeal of trying various kinds of jobs."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This involves selecting words that fit the context better and avoiding vague expressions. Practicing paraphrasing and using contextually appropriate terms will help in achieving this.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "benefical" (should be "beneficial"), "peole" (should be "people"), "i conclusion" (should be "In conclusion"), and "appealling" (should be "appealing"). These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Reading more widely can also enhance spelling skills by exposing the writer to correctly spelled words in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding their vocabulary, focusing on precise language, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the writing. For example, sentences like "on the one hand, people who keep doing their only job during their life experience more opportunities to go further on their career" primarily use straightforward constructions. There are few instances of complex sentences, which would show a greater range of grammatical structures.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "people who keep doing their only job," the writer could say, "While some people argue that changing jobs frequently can lead to greater satisfaction, those who remain in a single career often find more opportunities for advancement." This not only adds variety but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "give people more potential progression" should be "gives people more potential for progression," and "long-term provide the stability" should be "long-term employment provides stability." Additionally, there are missing articles and prepositions, such as "the reasonable income" instead of "reasonable income." Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas in compound sentences, which can lead to confusion in meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those that focus on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and reading it aloud can help identify awkward phrasing or missing punctuation, ensuring clarity and correctness.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the writing quality and potentially increase the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Individuals hold diverse perspectives regarding whether job security provides greater satisfaction than other factors. This essay will demonstrate how it aligns with the given statement. I believe that remaining in the same job offers greater potential for career advancement and a better work-life balance.

On the one hand, individuals who remain in their sole occupation throughout their working lives experience more opportunities for progression in their careers, which in turn leads to greater satisfaction. Furthermore, long-term employment provides stability to support their families. For example, in families where children are continuing their higher education, it is essential for parents to secure a reasonable income, and this can only be achieved by staying in the same job for an extended period.

On the other hand, frequent job changes can be beneficial for individuals who wish to explore various aspects of the job market, especially if they have strong financial support from their families. However, they may face a lot of pressure from people around them who consider a certain career path to be the only way to survive in society, given the high standard of living. Job security is often viewed as the only way to achieve a balanced life. Over time, these individuals may be at risk of unemployment, as the labor market demands the commitment of employees to maintain the flow of the economy.

In conclusion, although the appealing aspect of trying various types of jobs is undeniable, individuals need to have the right perception of how to maintain the prosperity of both themselves and society.