People who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily life. What are the most significant of these problems? How can these problems be tackled?
People who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily life. What are the most significant of these problems? How can these problems be tackled?
These days, people who live in central areas are facing a wide range of problems which are affecting their daily life. In this essay, I will highlight some of the main problems of living in urban cities as well as its solutions to tackle these issues.
To begin with, one of the main reasons that affects residents’ daily life in the metropolitan area is environmental problems. This is because, in some urban areas, residents tend to have their own vehicle, which leads to the excessive use of private transportation. Consequently, the growing number of private vehicles on the road as well as the emission of CO2 rises dramatically. Furthermore, the standard of living are exorbitant. Living in urban area is now costing an arm and a leg for many middle class workers, making them move to outskirts because they can not afford to buy a house in the cities. Besides that, food prices are also unaffordable, especially for the lower class.
To tackle these issues, there are some feasible measurements that can be taken into account. Firstly, regarding the environmental problem caused by excessive use of private vehicle, commuters should utilize public transport instead of their own cars. In addition, the government should encourage residents to use more eco-friendly transport to reduce the amount of carbon dioxide which is the main cause of air pollution. Secondly, in order to manage the living prices, the government should regulate the price of the living standard in some center cities by introduce new laws that support people who are in need. Moreover, the authorities can provide stimulus package for the lower class people so they can access accommodation, education and health care.
In conclusion, in order to ameliorate environmental problems as well as costly living prices, solutions such as taking advantage of public transport and managing the market price should be put into actions.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days." -
"people who live in central areas" -> "residents of central areas"
Explanation: "Residents of central areas" is a more formal and specific term that clearly identifies the group being discussed. -
"a wide range of problems" -> "a multitude of challenges"
Explanation: "A multitude of challenges" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone. -
"its solutions" -> "these solutions"
Explanation: Using "these solutions" clarifies that the solutions refer to those discussed in the essay, improving readability and precision. -
"affects residents’ daily life" -> "impacts the daily lives of residents"
Explanation: "Impacts the daily lives of residents" is more formal and grammatically correct, improving the sentence structure. -
"the metropolitan area" -> "metropolitan areas"
Explanation: Using "metropolitan areas" pluralizes the noun to match the plural context of the discussion. -
"the standard of living are exorbitant" -> "the cost of living is exorbitant"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and clarifies that it is the cost of living that is excessive, not the standard. -
"Living in urban area is now costing an arm and a leg" -> "Living in urban areas now costs an arm and a leg"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure and removes the unnecessary article "an" before "arm and a leg," which is an idiomatic expression not suitable for formal writing. -
"because they can not afford" -> "because they cannot afford"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "cannot" to maintain professionalism and consistency in the text. -
"Besides that, food prices are also unaffordable" -> "Furthermore, food prices are also unaffordable"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Besides that," enhancing the academic tone. -
"there are some feasible measurements" -> "there are some feasible measures"
Explanation: "Measures" is the correct noun form for referring to actions or steps taken to achieve a goal, improving the accuracy and formality of the sentence. -
"the government should encourage residents to use more eco-friendly transport" -> "the government should encourage the use of more eco-friendly transportation"
Explanation: "The use of more eco-friendly transportation" is a more formal and precise way to express the recommendation. -
"the amount of carbon dioxide which is the main cause of air pollution" -> "the amount of carbon dioxide, a primary cause of air pollution"
Explanation: Replacing "which is the main cause" with "a primary cause" avoids redundancy and maintains a formal tone. -
"in order to manage the living prices" -> "to manage housing costs"
Explanation: "Housing costs" is a more specific and formal term than "living prices," which is vague and informal. -
"by introduce new laws" -> "by introducing new laws"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form to "introducing" for grammatical accuracy and formality. -
"provide stimulus package for the lower class people" -> "offer stimulus packages to lower-income individuals"
Explanation: "Offer stimulus packages to lower-income individuals" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "lower class people." -
"should be put into actions" -> "should be implemented"
Explanation: "Should be implemented" is a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively identifies significant problems faced by urban residents, such as environmental issues and high living costs. It addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the problems and suggesting solutions. However, the essay could benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of additional problems, such as overcrowding or social isolation, which are also significant in urban settings.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider expanding the discussion to include a wider range of urban issues. For instance, mentioning problems like traffic congestion or lack of green spaces would provide a more balanced view. Additionally, ensure that each problem is paired with a corresponding solution to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the prompt.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the problems and solutions related to urban living. The introduction outlines the intent to discuss both problems and solutions, and the conclusion reiterates the need for action. However, the transitions between problems and solutions could be smoother, which would help reinforce the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, use transitional phrases to link ideas more effectively. For example, when moving from discussing a problem to its solution, phrases like "In response to this issue…" or "To address this concern…" can help guide the reader and maintain a cohesive argument throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, particularly in discussing environmental issues and living costs. However, some points, such as the suggestion for government intervention, lack depth and specific examples. For instance, the mention of "stimulus packages" is vague and could benefit from elaboration on what these packages might entail.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, provide specific examples or data where possible. For instance, when discussing public transport, mention successful case studies from other cities that have implemented similar strategies. This not only extends the ideas but also adds credibility to the arguments presented.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the problems and solutions related to urban living. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused, particularly in the second paragraph where the transition from environmental issues to living costs feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the prompt. Additionally, avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion; instead, summarize the key points discussed in the body paragraphs to reinforce the main arguments without deviating from the topic.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Task Response, demonstrating a more comprehensive understanding of the prompt and a stronger overall argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the problems and solutions to be discussed. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, which aids in logical progression. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses environmental issues, while the second addresses living costs. This separation of ideas allows for a coherent flow of information. However, the connection between problems and solutions could be more explicit, particularly in linking specific problems to their respective solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect problems to their solutions. For example, after discussing the environmental issues, you could introduce the solutions with a phrase like, "To address these environmental challenges, several measures can be implemented." This would create a clearer relationship between the identified problems and the proposed solutions.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the use of topic sentences helps to guide the reader. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the problem being addressed before delving into solutions.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to ensure they clearly reflect the content that follows. For instance, in the second body paragraph, you might start with, "Another significant issue faced by urban residents is the high cost of living," before discussing the solutions. This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "in addition," and "moreover," which help to organize ideas and indicate relationships between them. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance fluidity. For example, the phrase "in addition" appears multiple times, which can make the writing feel formulaic.
- How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Instead of relying heavily on "firstly" and "moreover," consider incorporating alternatives such as "furthermore," "on the other hand," or "conversely" to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can help maintain cohesion without redundancy.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further enhancing its overall effectiveness in communicating ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "excessive use," "metropolitan area," and "stimulus package." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "living in urban cities" is used multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms like "residing in metropolitan areas" or "inhabiting city environments" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and phrases. Engaging with vocabulary lists related to urban living and societal issues could help. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing sentences could enhance the range of vocabulary used throughout the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the standard of living are exorbitant." The subject-verb agreement is incorrect here; it should be "the standard of living is exorbitant." Additionally, the phrase "costing an arm and a leg" is colloquial and may not be appropriate for an academic essay.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of "costing an arm and a leg," a more formal phrase like "is prohibitively expensive" could be used. Furthermore, reviewing grammar rules related to subject-verb agreement and practicing formal writing can help in achieving greater precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "measurements" instead of "measures" and "by introduce" instead of "by introducing." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors, as can usingspell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can lead to improved spelling skills over time.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the range and precision of vocabulary, along with improving spelling accuracy, will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "This is because, in some urban areas, residents tend to have their own vehicle, which leads to the excessive use of private transportation." However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the government should regulate the price of the living standard in some center cities by introduce new laws" contains a grammatical error and lacks complexity. The use of simple and compound sentences is evident, but the essay could benefit from more varied introductory phrases and subordinate clauses to enhance the overall fluency.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For instance, instead of starting sentences with the subject, try beginning with adverbial phrases or using participial phrases. Additionally, practice using conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations, which can add depth to your arguments.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "the standard of living are exorbitant" should be "the standard of living is exorbitant," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. Additionally, the phrase "by introduce new laws" should be corrected to "by introducing new laws." Punctuation is generally used correctly, but there are a few instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "which leads to" in the first paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review subject-verb agreement rules and practice identifying common errors in your writing. Additionally, consider using grammar-checking tools to catch mistakes before finalizing your essay. For punctuation, familiarize yourself with the rules regarding the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, to ensure clarity and flow. Reading your essay aloud can also help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on the suggested improvements will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
These days, residents of central areas are facing a multitude of challenges that significantly impact their daily lives. In this essay, I will highlight some of the most significant problems associated with living in metropolitan areas, as well as propose solutions to tackle these issues.
To begin with, one of the primary concerns affecting residents’ daily lives in urban areas is environmental problems. This is largely due to the fact that many residents tend to rely on their own vehicles, leading to excessive use of private transportation. Consequently, the growing number of private vehicles on the road results in a dramatic increase in CO2 emissions. Furthermore, the cost of living is exorbitant. Living in urban areas now costs an arm and a leg for many middle-class workers, forcing them to relocate to the outskirts because they cannot afford to buy a house in the cities. Additionally, food prices are also unaffordable, particularly for lower-income individuals.
To tackle these issues, there are some feasible measures that can be taken into account. Firstly, in response to the environmental problems caused by the excessive use of private vehicles, commuters should utilize public transport instead of their own cars. In addition, the government should encourage residents to adopt more eco-friendly transportation options to reduce the amount of carbon dioxide, a primary cause of air pollution. Secondly, to manage housing costs, the government should regulate living expenses in certain central cities by introducing new laws that support those in need. Moreover, authorities can offer stimulus packages to lower-income individuals, enabling them to access affordable accommodation, education, and healthcare.
In conclusion, to ameliorate environmental problems and the high cost of living, solutions such as promoting public transport and regulating market prices should be implemented effectively.