People who read for pleasure in their free time have a better imagination than those who prefer to watch TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree
From my perspective, readers who spend time on their pleasurable habits generally develop their imagination rather than those who watch TV.
Reading is a highly immersive activity that requires active engagement from the reader. When we read, we are required to visualize the characters, settings, and events described in the text, which exercises our imaginative faculties. Additionally, reading often involves interpreting the author's descriptions and inferring meaning from the text, which further stimulates the imagination. From a figure published in The Guardian, it is estimated that 90% of readers have such a vivid imagination when they read at least 30 minutes per day.
On the flip side, watching TV is a more passive activity that provides visual and auditory stimuli without requiring the same level of mental engagement as reading. While TV shows and movies can certainly be imaginative and visually stimulating, they often present a more concrete and predetermined interpretation of the story, leaving less room for individual imagination and interpretation.
In conclusion, while both reading for pleasure and watching TV have their merits, reading generally offers greater benefits for stimulating the imagination. However, it is essential to recognize that individual preferences and habits play a significant role, and some individuals may find that they can stimulate their imagination effectively through TV as well.
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Errors and Improvements:
"pleasurable habits" -> "leisure activities"
Explanation: Replacing "pleasurable habits" with "leisure activities" introduces a more formal term, aligning with the academic style. It also adds clarity to the sentence.
"develop their imagination" -> "cultivate their imaginative faculties"
Explanation: Substituting "develop their imagination" with "cultivate their imaginative faculties" enhances formality and precision. It emphasizes the active nurturing of imaginative abilities.
"When we read, we are required to visualize" -> "Engaging in reading demands the visualization"
Explanation: The replacement, "Engaging in reading demands the visualization," conveys the same idea with a more academic tone, avoiding the casual "When we read."
"figure published in The Guardian" -> "data published in The Guardian"
Explanation: Changing "figure" to "data" provides a more precise term, aligning with the context of statistics presented in The Guardian.
"it is estimated that" -> "according to estimates"
Explanation: Substituting "it is estimated that" with "according to estimates" maintains formality and introduces a more academic expression.
"watching TV is a more passive activity" -> "viewing television is a less actively engaging pursuit"
Explanation: Replacing "watching TV is a more passive activity" with "viewing television is a less actively engaging pursuit" employs more formal language and emphasizes the lack of active involvement in TV viewing.
"they often present a more concrete and predetermined interpretation" -> "they frequently convey a predetermined and tangible interpretation"
Explanation: The suggested alteration enhances the formality of the sentence by replacing "often present" with "frequently convey" and reordering the words for better flow.
"individual preferences and habits play a significant role" -> "personal preferences and habits exert a substantial influence"
Explanation: Substituting "individual" with "personal," and "play a significant role" with "exert a substantial influence," contributes to a more sophisticated and academic expression.
"stimulate their imagination effectively through TV as well" -> "effectively stimulate their imagination through television as well"
Explanation: Rearranging the words to "effectively stimulate their imagination through television as well" maintains the natural flow while adhering to a more formal structure.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay provides a clear response to the prompt by expressing a position on whether readers or TV watchers have a better imagination. It discusses both activities, emphasizing the imaginative aspects of reading and the comparatively passive nature of watching TV. However, the essay doesn’t explicitly address the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the prompt. To improve, the writer should ensure that the position on the spectrum of agreement or disagreement is explicitly stated.
How to improve: The essay can be enhanced by explicitly stating the degree of agreement or disagreement with the prompt. For instance, the author can include a sentence in the introduction or conclusion indicating a strong agreement, partial agreement, neutrality, partial disagreement, or strong disagreement with the given statement.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position by arguing in favor of reading as a better stimulator of imagination compared to watching TV. This stance is evident throughout the essay, from the introduction to the conclusion.
How to improve: The essay excels in maintaining a clear position. To further enhance this, the writer could strengthen the thesis statement in the introduction, explicitly stating the position on the issue, making it even more evident to the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides specific examples, such as the need to visualize characters and settings while reading, and cites a figure from The Guardian to support the claim about the correlation between reading and imagination.
How to improve: The essay could benefit from including additional examples or case studies to further illustrate the impact of reading on imagination. This would strengthen the overall argument and provide more robust support for the stated position.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the imaginative benefits of both reading and watching TV. However, the acknowledgment in the conclusion that individual preferences may vary slightly deviates from the initial focus on the comparison between reading and watching TV.
How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should either eliminate the deviation in the conclusion or address it within the context of the main argument. If the acknowledgment of individual preferences is essential, it should be integrated into the discussion of the prompt rather than introduced as a new point in the conclusion.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly presents the author’s perspective, followed by well-structured body paragraphs that provide detailed arguments supporting the viewpoint. The use of evidence, such as the figure from The Guardian, adds depth to the argument and enhances the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing a stronger concluding paragraph that summarizes key points and reinforces the main argument. This will ensure a more comprehensive closure to the essay.
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. Transitions between paragraphs are smooth, contributing to a coherent and well-structured essay. The logical progression of ideas within paragraphs aids in conveying the author’s message.
- How to improve: While the current paragraph structure is effective, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on a single point. Avoid the introduction of multiple ideas within a single paragraph to prevent potential confusion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (‘Additionally,’ ‘On the flip side,’ ‘In conclusion’), which enhance the overall cohesion. These devices effectively guide the reader through the different stages of the argument, creating a smooth and connected flow.
- How to improve: Continue using a diverse range of cohesive devices to strengthen connections between ideas. Consider incorporating more advanced linking phrases to elevate the essay’s coherence further. Additionally, pay attention to the use of pronouns to ensure clarity and smooth transitions between sentences.
Overall, the essay exhibits a strong understanding of coherence and cohesion. To elevate the score, focus on refining the conclusion, maintaining clarity within paragraphs, and expanding the repertoire of cohesive devices.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use diverse words and expressions, such as "immersive activity," "imaginative faculties," and "predetermined interpretation." However, there is room for improvement as some vocabulary choices are repetitive, and a more extensive variety could enhance the richness of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, consider incorporating a broader range of synonyms and more specialized vocabulary related to the topic. For instance, instead of frequently using "imagination," explore alternative terms like "creative faculties," "mental imagery," or "imaginative prowess." This will add depth to your lexical repertoire.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary. Certain terms, such as "active engagement," "visualize," and "stimulates the imagination," are aptly chosen to convey specific meanings. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as the repeated use of "imagination" without exploring nuanced synonyms.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, delve into the specificity of your language. Instead of relying on broad terms like "imagination," consider using words that capture distinct facets of mental engagement, such as "creative visualization," "conceptualization," or "cognitive interpretation." This will add precision and depth to your expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of correct spelling. However, there are a few minor spelling errors, such as "pleasurable habits" (should be "pleasure habits") and "watch TV" (should be "watching TV"). While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, refining spelling accuracy will contribute to an overall polished presentation.
- How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to spelling details. Consider proofreading your work carefully, utilizing spelling and grammar tools, and practicing with a focus on commonly misspelled words. Developing a habit of thorough review will help eliminate minor errors and contribute to a more polished piece.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of vocabulary use, with areas for improvement in diversifying and refining word choices. Addressing these aspects will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated expression, enhancing the overall lexical resource score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs a variety of sentence structures, enhancing the overall quality of expression. There is a balance between simple and complex sentences, and the writer utilizes phrases and clauses to convey ideas with precision. For instance, the essay begins with a complex sentence ("From my perspective, readers who spend time on their pleasurable habits generally develop their imagination rather than those who watch TV.") and maintains this diversity throughout the response.
- How to improve: While the variety of sentence structures is commendable, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences, to further demonstrate linguistic proficiency. This can be achieved by introducing more dependent clauses and varying the placement of phrases within sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. Complex grammatical structures are handled well, and the sentences are grammatically sound. Punctuation is generally used correctly to enhance clarity and convey the intended meaning. An example of effective punctuation is seen in the use of commas in the sentence: "While TV shows and movies can certainly be imaginative and visually stimulating, they often present a more concrete and predetermined interpretation of the story, leaving less room for individual imagination and interpretation."
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tenses. For instance, in the sentence "From a figure published in The Guardian, it is estimated that 90% of readers have such a vivid imagination when they read at least 30 minutes per day," consider maintaining the past tense by saying, "From a figure published in The Guardian, it was estimated that 90% of readers had such a vivid imagination when they read at least 30 minutes per day." Additionally, strive for precision in word choice to avoid potential ambiguity.
Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammar and a commendable range of sentence structures. Improvements can be made by incorporating even more complex sentence structures and refining precision in grammar and word choice.
Bài sửa mẫu
In my view, individuals who indulge in leisure activities that involve reading tend to cultivate their imaginative faculties more effectively compared to those who prefer watching TV.
Engaging in reading demands the visualization of characters, settings, and events described in the text, actively exercising our imaginative faculties. Reading also entails interpreting the author’s descriptions and inferring meaning, providing additional stimuli for the imagination. According to estimates from data published in The Guardian, around 90% of readers exhibit a vivid imagination when they dedicate at least 30 minutes per day to reading.
On the contrary, viewing television is a less actively engaging pursuit, offering visual and auditory stimuli without requiring the same level of mental involvement as reading. Although TV shows and movies can be imaginative and visually stimulating, they frequently convey a predetermined and tangible interpretation of the story, limiting room for individual imagination and interpretation.
In conclusion, while both reading for pleasure and watching TV have their merits, reading generally offers greater benefits for stimulating the imagination. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that personal preferences and habits exert a substantial influence, and some individuals may find that they can effectively stimulate their imagination through television as well.