People’s shopping habits are affected the most by their age group rather than by any other factors, to what extent do you agree or disagree.
These days, It is true that people show an inclination for shopping depending on various groups of age instead of different reasons. However, I completely disagree with this viewpoint and I will elaborate on my reasons in the following paragraphs.
On the one hand, the favorite of shopping may depend on the finances of each person, regardless of the group age. For instance, those with low incomes tend to purchase clothes, groceries, and products at an affordable price. By contrast, the wealthy excessively spend the amount of money on high-quality products at an expensive cost. It is crucial to recognize that taking burdensome finance affects shoppers' consumption of products at various prices, this is not decided by different ages.
On the other hand, lifestyle greatly influences individuals’ shopping habits, regardless of their age. People who prioritize environmental substantiality may choose to buy eco-environment products, while others who intend to prioritize popular trends tend to purchase fashionable alternatives. Moreover, individuals with specific diets such as vegetarians or veganisms certainly opt for organic foods compared to the rest of the people that not follow any religion. The phenomenon of shopping as mentioned above is not dependent on the various groups' ages.
In conclusion, although the favorite of shopping partly depends on various groups of age, I believe that other factors also play a crucial on people’s shopping habits for a few reasons I mentioned above.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: Replacing the informal expression "These days" with "Currently" maintains a formal tone and aligns better with academic writing.
"show an inclination for shopping" -> "display a preference for shopping"
Explanation: "Show an inclination for" is more colloquial, while "display a preference for" is a more formal phrase suitable for academic writing.
"depending on various groups of age" -> "based on different age groups"
Explanation: "Depending on various groups of age" is awkward; "based on different age groups" offers a clearer and more academic expression.
"I completely disagree with this viewpoint" -> "I strongly disagree with this perspective"
Explanation: The phrase "completely disagree" can be intensified with "strongly disagree" in a more formal manner.
"elaborate on my reasons" -> "expand upon my reasons"
Explanation: "Elaborate on" is slightly informal, whereas "expand upon" maintains formality and clarity in academic writing.
"On the one hand" and "On the other hand" -> "Firstly" and "Secondly"
Explanation: Replacing these phrases with "Firstly" and "Secondly" provides a more direct and formal structure for academic essays.
"the favorite of shopping" -> "shopping preferences"
Explanation: "The favorite of shopping" is not idiomatic; "shopping preferences" is a more appropriate and concise term.
"By contrast" -> "Conversely"
Explanation: "By contrast" can be replaced with "Conversely" for a more formal transition between ideas.
"the wealthy excessively spend the amount of money" -> "wealthy individuals tend to spend significantly"
Explanation: Replacing "excessively spend the amount of money" with "tend to spend significantly" offers a more formal and precise description.
"burdensome finance" -> "financial constraints"
Explanation: "Burdensome finance" is an awkward phrase; "financial constraints" is a clearer and more formal term.
"affects shoppers’ consumption of products" -> "impacts consumers’ purchasing habits"
Explanation: "Affects shoppers’ consumption of products" can be rephrased as "impacts consumers’ purchasing habits" for better clarity and formality.
"eco-environment products" -> "environmentally-friendly products"
Explanation: "Eco-environment products" is awkward; "environmentally-friendly products" is a more common and suitable term.
"individuals with specific diets such as vegetarians or veganisms" -> "individuals following specific diets such as vegetarianism or veganism"
Explanation: "Individuals with specific diets such as vegetarians or veganisms" is grammatically incorrect; "individuals following specific diets such as vegetarianism or veganism" offers proper phrasing.
"the rest of the people that not follow any religion" -> "those who do not adhere to any specific dietary regimen"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and precision; the suggested replacement offers a clearer description of people not following a specific dietary regimen.
"the favorite of shopping partly depends on various groups of age" -> "shopping preferences are partly influenced by different age groups"
Explanation: The revised phrase provides a clearer and more academically appropriate expression of the idea, maintaining formal language.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay acknowledges the premise that age can influence shopping habits but primarily argues against it, stating that finances and lifestyle choices are more impactful. It partially addresses the prompt by recognizing age as a partial influencer but lacks a comprehensive exploration of how age might still play a role despite other factors.
- How to improve: To improve, delve deeper into how age interacts with and potentially outweighs other factors in shaping shopping habits. Explore scenarios where age might have a more pronounced influence, even amidst financial or lifestyle preferences.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay takes a clear stance against the notion that age significantly determines shopping habits. It consistently argues for the dominance of financial status and lifestyle choices in influencing consumer behavior.
- How to improve: Strengthen the stance by reinforcing the argument with more diverse and specific examples. This could involve discussing various age groups and demonstrating how each might exhibit distinct shopping patterns despite financial or lifestyle considerations.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present ideas about the dominance of financial status and lifestyle in shopping choices. However, the examples provided lack depth and specificity, making the argument less convincing. The concepts presented could be further developed to illustrate how these factors relate to and potentially interact with age.
- How to improve: Elaborate on each point with concrete examples and detailed explanations. Offer statistical data or case studies to bolster the argument about the significance of finances and lifestyle in shopping preferences across different age groups.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains focus on the general topic of shopping habits and the influence of factors like finances and lifestyle choices. However, it occasionally veers off-topic by briefly discussing religion and dietary preferences without fully connecting these back to the main argument.
- How to improve: Ensure all examples and discussions directly align with the argument. Avoid tangential points that do not contribute directly to the main thesis.
This essay presents a clear position against the dominance of age in shaping shopping habits, asserting that financial status and lifestyle preferences hold more weight. To enhance the argument, it needs deeper exploration of how age might intersect with these factors and stronger, more detailed examples to support its claims. Additionally, maintaining a tighter focus on directly relevant points would strengthen the overall coherence and effectiveness of the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting contrasting views, and a concise conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. However, there is room for improvement in the development of ideas within paragraphs. For example, the second paragraph could be more detailed in explaining how financial considerations impact shopping habits.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, provide more in-depth explanations within each paragraph. Elaborate on the connection between finances and shopping preferences, offering specific examples or scenarios to strengthen the argument.
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to organize ideas, and there is a clear division of content into an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the second paragraph is relatively short and lacks detailed development, affecting the overall balance of the essay. Additionally, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to improve the overall cohesion.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph is well-developed, providing sufficient supporting details and examples. Extend the second paragraph to offer a more comprehensive discussion of the financial aspect of shopping habits. Use transition words and phrases to create a seamless flow between paragraphs, enhancing the coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand." However, there is limited variety in the use of cohesive devices, and their effectiveness could be improved. For instance, the transitions between paragraphs could be more sophisticated to create a smoother flow.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporating a range of transition words and phrases to enhance the overall coherence. Focus on creating a more nuanced connection between ideas, ensuring that the reader can easily follow the progression of the argument. Experiment with a variety of transitional expressions to add sophistication to the essay’s structure.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, but refining the development of ideas within paragraphs, extending certain sections, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and cohesive piece of writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, utilizing words such as "inclination," "substantiality," and "phenomenon." However, there is room for improvement as certain ideas could be expressed using more diverse and sophisticated language. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "high-quality products" and "affordable price" could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To further enrich your vocabulary, consider using synonyms or alternative expressions for commonly used words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "high-quality products," explore synonyms like "premium goods" or "luxury items." This will add nuance and depth to your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, but there are instances where words could be chosen more carefully for greater clarity. For example, the phrase "those with low incomes tend to purchase clothes, groceries, and products at an affordable price" could benefit from a more specific term than "products." Clarity is enhanced when specific words are chosen for the context.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by using specific terms. In the mentioned example, consider replacing "products" with a more precise term based on the context. For instance, "those with low incomes tend to purchase essential goods, groceries, and affordable commodities."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally acceptable, with only minor errors such as "eco-environment" instead of "eco-friendly" and "vegetarianism" instead of "veganism." However, these are relatively minor and do not significantly impact overall comprehension.
- How to improve: Continue practicing careful proofreading to catch and correct minor spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar-check tools to enhance accuracy. Additionally, be mindful of hyphenation rules, as in the case of "eco-environment," which could be improved to "eco-friendly."
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, albeit with some inconsistency. For instance, while there are instances of compound sentences ("On the one hand, the favorite of shopping may depend on the finances of each person, regardless of the group age"), the complexity could be enhanced with the inclusion of more compound-complex or complex sentences to elevate the writing style and fluency.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, aim for a more consistent integration of complex and compound-complex sentences. Utilize subordinate clauses, relative pronouns, and varied sentence openings to add depth and sophistication to the writing.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at conveying ideas; however, there are frequent grammatical errors present. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the wealthy excessively spend the amount of money"), incorrect verb forms ("is not decided by different ages"), and occasional article misuse ("the favorite of shopping"). These errors occasionally hinder the clarity and precision of the message.
- How to improve: Focus on refining grammatical accuracy by paying closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and article usage. Consider proofreading sentences for clarity and correctness, identifying and rectifying errors to ensure precision in conveying ideas.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is utilized to a certain extent, but inconsistencies and errors are noticeable. Commas are often missing where needed, affecting the flow and clarity of sentences ("Taking burdensome finance affects shoppers’ consumption of products at various prices, this is not decided by different ages"). There are instances of incorrect comma placement and missing punctuation at the end of sentences.
- How to improve: To refine punctuation skills, practice using commas appropriately to separate clauses, phrases, and items in lists. Review the rules governing punctuation marks such as commas, periods, and apostrophes to ensure their accurate placement, thereby enhancing the coherence and readability of the essay.
Overall, to improve the Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, the writer should focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures, refining grammatical accuracy, and mastering correct punctuation usage. These improvements will enhance the overall coherence, clarity, and sophistication of the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary times, it is commonly observed that people currently display a preference for shopping based on different age groups rather than other influencing factors. However, I strongly disagree with this perspective and will expand upon my reasons in the following paragraphs.
Conversely, shopping preferences are not solely determined by age groups, as financial considerations play a pivotal role in shaping consumer habits. For instance, individuals with limited incomes tend to opt for more affordable items, spanning categories like clothing, groceries, and various products. In contrast, wealthy individuals tend to spend significantly on high-quality, albeit expensive, products. It is essential to note that financial constraints significantly impact consumers’ purchasing habits, and this is not inherently linked to diverse age groups.
Moreover, lifestyle choices wield considerable influence over individuals’ shopping preferences, irrespective of their age. Those who prioritize environmental sustainability are inclined to choose environmentally-friendly products, while others who follow current trends may opt for fashionable alternatives. Additionally, individuals adhering to specific diets, such as vegetarianism or veganism, are likely to favor organic foods over those who do not adhere to any specific dietary regimen. This illustrates that shopping preferences are partly influenced by different age groups but are also profoundly shaped by lifestyle choices.
In conclusion, while it is acknowledged that shopping preferences may be influenced to some extent by various age groups, I believe that other factors, such as financial considerations and lifestyle choices, also play a crucial role in shaping people’s shopping habits.