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Protect the environment

Protect the environment

*Climate change : Climate change is the alteration of global temperatures and weather patterns due to the increase of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. The impacts include rising sea levels, extreme weather, and negative effects on the ecosystem.
*Pollution : Air, water, and soil pollution severely impact human and animal health. Waste from industries, vehicles, and harmful chemicals are the main causes of pollution.
*Loss of Biodiversity : Biodiversity refers to the variety of species on Earth. When species go extinct due to habitat loss, overexploitation, or climate change, ecosystems become less stable.
Protecting the environment is essential because it provides all the necessary resources for humans and other living organisms to survive, such as clean water, air, food and natural resources. Environmental destruction can lead to climate change, pollution, loss of biodiversity, and negative impacts on human health.
*Reduce greenhouse gas emissions : Using renewable energy sources such as solar and wind, reducing energy consumption, and limiting the use of polluting vehicles can help reduce greenhouse gas emissions and mitigate climate change.
*Protect Biodiversity : Protecting forests, oceans, and other ecosystems helps maintain biodiversity. Limiting the extraction of natural resources and implementing conservation efforts will safeguard the habitats of many species.
*Reduce Plastic Use : Plastic is a major cause of ocean and soil pollution. Using cloth bags, reusable water bottles, and recycling plastic are ways to reduce the negative impact of plastic on the environment.
*Individual actions : Everyone can contribute to environmental protection through small daily actions such as conserving energy, limiting water use, using eco-friendly products, and participating in environmental movements.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Climate change : Climate change" -> "Climate change: Climate change"
    Explanation: The colon after "Climate change" is unnecessary and incorrect in this context. It is likely a typographical error and should be removed to maintain proper punctuation.

  2. "the increase of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere" -> "the increase in atmospheric greenhouse gases"
    Explanation: The phrase "the increase of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere" is slightly awkward and verbose. "The increase in atmospheric greenhouse gases" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.

  3. "extreme weather" -> "extreme weather events"
    Explanation: "Extreme weather" is a vague term. "Extreme weather events" specifies the type of weather, enhancing clarity and precision in academic writing.

  4. "negative effects on the ecosystem" -> "adverse impacts on ecosystems"
    Explanation: "Negative effects" is somewhat informal and general. "Adverse impacts" is more precise and formal, and using "ecosystems" in plural form acknowledges the variety of ecosystems affected.

  5. "Air, water, and soil pollution" -> "air, water, and soil pollution"
    Explanation: This is a list and should be grammatically parallel. Adding a comma after "water" corrects this.

  6. "Waste from industries, vehicles, and harmful chemicals" -> "waste generated by industries, vehicles, and the use of harmful chemicals"
    Explanation: "Waste from" is vague; "waste generated by" specifies the source more clearly. Adding "the use of" before "harmful chemicals" clarifies the context.

  7. "Biodiversity refers to the variety of species on Earth" -> "Biodiversity refers to the variety of species across the planet"
    Explanation: "On Earth" is too simplistic and informal for academic writing. "Across the planet" is more formal and precise.

  8. "When species go extinct" -> "When species become extinct"
    Explanation: "Go extinct" is less formal and slightly informal. "Become extinct" is the correct term and is more formal.

  9. "Protecting the environment is essential" -> "Environmental protection is crucial"
    Explanation: "Protecting the environment is essential" is a bit informal and verbose. "Environmental protection is crucial" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

  10. "all the necessary resources for humans and other living organisms to survive" -> "all essential resources necessary for human and other organism survival"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured. The revised version is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

  11. "Using renewable energy sources such as solar and wind" -> "utilizing renewable energy sources such as solar and wind power"
    Explanation: "Using" is somewhat informal; "utilizing" is more precise and formal. Adding "power" after "wind" clarifies the type of energy.

  12. "reducing energy consumption, and limiting the use of polluting vehicles" -> "reducing energy consumption and limiting the use of polluting vehicles"
    Explanation: Removing the comma after "consumption" corrects the punctuation error, making the sentence grammatically correct.

  13. "Protecting forests, oceans, and other ecosystems" -> "the conservation of forests, oceans, and other ecosystems"
    Explanation: "Protecting" is a bit vague; "the conservation of" specifies the action more clearly and formally.

  14. "Limiting the extraction of natural resources" -> "reducing the extraction of natural resources"
    Explanation: "Limiting" is less specific than "reducing," which is more precise in the context of environmental conservation.

  15. "Implementing conservation efforts" -> "initiating conservation efforts"
    Explanation: "Implementing" implies a more practical, immediate action, whereas "initiating" suggests the beginning of a process, which is more appropriate in this context.

  16. "Everyone can contribute to environmental protection" -> "each individual can contribute to environmental protection"
    Explanation: "Everyone" is informal; "each individual" is more formal and precise in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt "Protect the environment" by discussing various aspects of environmental issues such as climate change, pollution, and loss of biodiversity. Each section provides a clear definition and highlights the importance of these issues, which aligns well with the prompt. However, while the essay outlines problems and solutions, it could benefit from a more explicit connection between the issues discussed and the overarching theme of protection. For example, the section on pollution could explicitly state how reducing pollution contributes to environmental protection.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each point made directly ties back to the concept of environmental protection. Including a brief introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed can help clarify the connection between the issues and the need for protection.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that protecting the environment is essential for sustaining life on Earth. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding remarks. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement that encapsulates the main argument, as the current structure lacks a strong opening that clearly states the writer’s position.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity of position, the writer should include a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines their stance on environmental protection. Additionally, reinforcing this position in each paragraph with linking phrases can enhance coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas related to environmental protection, such as reducing greenhouse gas emissions and protecting biodiversity. Each idea is introduced clearly, but some sections lack depth in explanation and supporting details. For instance, the suggestion to "reduce plastic use" could be expanded with specific examples of how individuals can implement these changes effectively.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. This will not only enhance the persuasiveness of the arguments but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issues.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on various environmental issues and solutions. However, some sections could be more tightly focused. For example, while the discussion on individual actions is relevant, it could be better integrated into the broader context of collective responsibility and systemic change.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph connects back to the central theme of environmental protection. This could be achieved by framing individual actions within the larger context of societal and governmental responsibilities, thus reinforcing the importance of collective action in protecting the environment.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas effectively. By refining the connections between points, enhancing the depth of discussion, and maintaining a clear focus, the writer can further elevate their score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a logical sequence, starting with an introduction to climate change, followed by pollution and loss of biodiversity, which are all relevant to the topic of environmental protection. Each section builds upon the previous one, creating a coherent narrative that effectively outlines the issues and solutions. For example, the transition from discussing the impacts of climate change to pollution is smooth, as both are interconnected environmental issues. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit introduction and conclusion to frame the discussion more clearly.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding a brief introductory paragraph that outlines the main points to be discussed. Additionally, a concluding paragraph summarizing the key arguments and reiterating the importance of environmental protection would provide a stronger closure to the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses bullet points to separate different topics, which can hinder the effectiveness of paragraphing. While each bullet point addresses a distinct aspect of environmental protection, they do not form cohesive paragraphs that develop a single idea. This format makes it difficult for readers to follow the argument as a unified whole.
    • How to improve: Transform the bullet points into well-structured paragraphs. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For instance, instead of listing "Reduce greenhouse gas emissions" as a bullet point, develop it into a paragraph that explains the importance of this action, provides examples, and discusses its potential impact.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and transitional phrases, to connect ideas. For example, phrases like "such as" and "including" effectively introduce examples. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "however." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents information logically, improvements in paragraph structure and the use of cohesive devices will enhance its overall coherence and cohesion. Implementing these suggestions can help achieve an even higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to environmental issues, such as "greenhouse gases," "biodiversity," and "pollution." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in the sections discussing pollution and climate change. For instance, the phrase "reduce greenhouse gas emissions" appears without variation, which could limit the lexical diversity expected at a higher band score.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "pollution," alternatives like "contamination" or "environmental degradation" could be employed. Additionally, introducing more sophisticated terms related to environmental science, such as "sustainability" or "ecosystem services," would elevate the lexical variety.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses relevant vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the term "negative impacts on human health" is vague and could be more specific. The phrase could be improved by specifying the types of health issues, such as "respiratory diseases" or "waterborne illnesses," which would provide clearer meaning.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to use more specific language that conveys exact meanings. This can be achieved by providing examples or elaborating on concepts. For instance, instead of stating "negative impacts," the writer could specify the consequences, such as "increased incidence of asthma due to air pollution."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains no spelling errors, indicating a solid grasp of spelling conventions. Words are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall clarity of the writing.
    • How to improve: While the current spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to practice spelling, especially with more complex vocabulary that may arise in future essays. Regular reading and writing exercises can help reinforce correct spelling patterns and enhance overall language proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range and precision. By diversifying vocabulary choices and providing more specific language, the writer can enhance the quality of their lexical resource, potentially raising their band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "Protecting the environment is essential because it provides all the necessary resources for humans and other living organisms to survive" effectively combines a main clause with a subordinate clause, showcasing complexity. Additionally, the use of lists (e.g., "Using renewable energy sources such as solar and wind, reducing energy consumption, and limiting the use of polluting vehicles") indicates an ability to structure information clearly. However, the essay could benefit from more varied introductory phrases and transition words to enhance flow and coherence between ideas.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory clauses and using a mix of active and passive voice. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Using," try beginning with phrases like "By implementing…" or "Through the adoption of…". Additionally, employing more complex sentences that include relative clauses or conditional structures could enhance the sophistication of the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For instance, the phrase "Waste from industries, vehicles, and harmful chemicals are the main causes of pollution" contains a subject-verb agreement error; "waste" is singular and should be followed by "is" instead of "are." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences. The use of colons to introduce lists is appropriate, but ensuring consistent punctuation throughout would enhance readability.
    • How to improve: Focus on subject-verb agreement by double-checking singular and plural forms in sentences. Additionally, review the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, to ensure they are placed correctly to separate clauses. For example, in the sentence "Protecting the environment is essential because it provides all the necessary resources for humans and other living organisms to survive," consider adding a comma before "and" to clarify the list of resources. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading well-structured essays can also help reinforce these skills.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially reaching a band score of 9.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Climate Change:** Climate change refers to the alteration of global temperatures and weather patterns due to the increase in atmospheric greenhouse gases. The impacts include rising sea levels, extreme weather events, and adverse effects on ecosystems.

**Pollution:** Air, water, and soil pollution severely affect both human and animal health. Waste generated by industries, vehicles, and the use of harmful chemicals are the primary causes of pollution.

**Loss of Biodiversity:** Biodiversity refers to the variety of species across the planet. When species become extinct due to habitat loss, overexploitation, or climate change, ecosystems become less stable.

Protecting the environment is crucial because it provides all essential resources necessary for human and other organism survival, such as clean water, air, food, and natural resources. Environmental destruction can lead to climate change, pollution, loss of biodiversity, and negative impacts on human health.

**Reduce Greenhouse Gas Emissions:** Utilizing renewable energy sources such as solar and wind power, reducing energy consumption, and limiting the use of polluting vehicles can help reduce greenhouse gas emissions and mitigate climate change.

**Protect Biodiversity:** The conservation of forests, oceans, and other ecosystems helps maintain biodiversity. Reducing the extraction of natural resources and initiating conservation efforts will safeguard the habitats of many species.

**Reduce Plastic Use:** Plastic is a major contributor to ocean and soil pollution. Using cloth bags, reusable water bottles, and recycling plastic are effective ways to reduce the negative impact of plastic on the environment.

**Individual Actions:** Each individual can contribute to environmental protection through small daily actions such as conserving energy, limiting water use, using eco-friendly products, and participating in environmental movements.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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