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Qualities which a person needs to become successful in today’s world cannot be learnt at university or similar academic institutions. Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

Qualities which a person needs to become successful in today’s world cannot be learnt at university or similar academic institutions. Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

Many people believe that universities and other academic institutions can not impart students with the qualities necessary for their success in life. However, I totally disagree with the view that the qualities can be learned at school as well as the student is conscious of self-improvement.

The first reason is that at school students can improve their soft skills such as time management and leadership skills through doing assignments. First, they can manage their time successfully by finishing their homework or assignments before the deadline. By finishing the homework assigned before the deadlines, they can know how to manage their time budget appropriately. Second, they can better their ability to lead a team by doing projects or presentations at school. After school time, students can become better at organizing by improving their leadership abilities as well and they can know how to do a job when they are a group leader, which increases their chance for a promotion at work. Therefore, students can learn at school for qualities abilities such as time management and leading a group for their success in life.

Secondly, they can be well-trained in their fields. When attending school, students can acquire basic knowledge for their major, which universities often provide theories that are collected by experienced experts after many years of searching. That is a great number of materials that help students enhance their understanding of the subject, which helps them easily approach knowledge without putting in so much effort. Also, students are supported by their lecturers and tutors, who attend higher education, they can raise the students’ questions quickly and effectively. As a result, students who attend schools and universities can have a huge fund of knowledge of their fields by the lead of their lectures and tutors, who have the experts for many years.

In conclusion, I partially disagree with the point that an individual can not learn the qualities at school for their success in life. Nowadays, people can have the qualities necessary by learning well at school and academic institutions that help them improve their soft skills and enhance their knowledge, which can be the materials to help them become successful in life.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "can not" -> "cannot"
    Explanation: Using "cannot" is the more formal and standard way to express negation in academic writing.

  2. "totally disagree" -> "strongly disagree"
    Explanation: "Strongly disagree" is a more formal and precise expression, aligning better with academic tone.

  3. "qualities can be learned at school as well as the student is conscious of self-improvement" -> "qualities can be acquired through education, provided the student is self-aware and committed to self-improvement"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more concise and formal expression of the idea, avoiding redundancy.

  4. "soft skills" -> "interpersonal skills"
    Explanation: "Interpersonal skills" is a more formal and specific term that encompasses the idea of soft skills.

  5. "First, they can manage their time successfully" -> "First, they can effectively manage their time"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative uses a more precise and formal expression while maintaining clarity.

  6. "better their ability to lead a team" -> "enhance their ability to lead a team"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more sophisticated term that conveys improvement in a formal manner.

  7. "After school time" -> "Outside of school hours"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative is a more formal and precise way to refer to time beyond regular school hours.

  8. "become better at organizing" -> "improve their organizational skills"
    Explanation: The alternative uses a more formal and precise expression to convey the idea of enhancement in organizational abilities.

  9. "for qualities abilities" -> "in essential abilities"
    Explanation: The suggested change corrects the grammatical error and employs more formal language.

  10. "their chance for a promotion at work" -> "their prospects for career advancement"
    Explanation: The alternative uses a more formal expression to convey the idea of advancing in one’s career.

  11. "well-trained" -> "adequately trained"
    Explanation: "Adequately trained" is a more formal and precise term for describing proficiency in a particular field.

  12. "That is a great number of materials" -> "This comprises a vast amount of material"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more formal and articulate way to express the idea.

  13. "helps them easily approach knowledge without putting in so much effort" -> "facilitates their access to knowledge with minimal effort"
    Explanation: The alternative uses more formal language to convey the idea of making knowledge more accessible.

  14. "lectures and tutors, who have the experts for many years" -> "lecturers and tutors, who are experts with years of experience"
    Explanation: The suggested change corrects the grammatical error and provides a more precise expression.

  15. "I partially disagree with the point" -> "I disagree to some extent with the assertion"
    Explanation: The alternative offers a more formal and nuanced way to express a partial disagreement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Many people believe that universities and other academic institutions can not impart students with the qualities necessary for their success in life. However, I totally disagree with the view that the qualities can be learned at school as well as the student is conscious of self-improvement."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While your introduction clearly states your disagreement with the idea, it lacks a brief roadmap of the main points you will discuss. Adding a sentence outlining the key arguments could enhance the overall structure of your essay and provide a clearer path for the reader.
    • Improved example: "Many people argue that universities fail to impart crucial life skills, but I firmly disagree. In this essay, I will explore how academic institutions contribute to the development of essential qualities, focusing on soft skills and subject expertise."
  2. Quoted text: "First, they can manage their time successfully by finishing their homework or assignments before the deadline. By finishing the homework assigned before the deadlines, they can know how to manage their time budget appropriately."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your point about time management is valid, but it lacks depth. Expand on how completing assignments before deadlines translates into real-world time management skills. Provide a specific example or scenario to illustrate the practical application of this skill.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, completing assignments before deadlines cultivates effective time management. For instance, meeting project deadlines prepares students for professional life, where time constraints are common. This skill becomes particularly valuable in demanding work environments."
  3. Quoted text: "Second, they can better their ability to lead a team by doing projects or presentations at school. After school time, students can become better at organizing by improving their leadership abilities as well and they can know how to do a job when they are a group leader, which increases their chance for a promotion at work."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While you mention leadership skills, the connection to success in the professional world is somewhat vague. Provide a specific example or scenario illustrating how leadership skills gained in school directly contribute to career advancement.
    • Improved example: "Secondly, engaging in group projects enhances leadership abilities. For instance, leading a team project develops organizational skills and fosters teamwork. This proficiency not only positions students for success in academia but also increases their employability, making them viable candidates for leadership roles in their future careers."

Overall, your essay adequately addresses the task but could benefit from deeper development of ideas and more specific examples to support your arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction and conclusion provide a coherent structure to the essay. The use of cohesive devices is evident, although there are instances of slight overuse or underuse. The essay effectively presents a central topic within each paragraph, enhancing clarity. Paragraphing is generally logical, contributing to the overall coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a more balanced use of cohesive devices, avoiding occasional instances of overuse or underuse. Additionally, focus on maintaining a consistently logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Aim for greater precision in referencing and substitution to further strengthen cohesion. Overall, the essay is well-organized, but fine-tuning these aspects can elevate it to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, and the writer shows some awareness of style and collocation. The essay contains occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication. The writer successfully conveys ideas using varied vocabulary, and although there are some inaccuracies, they are not pervasive.

The essay effectively discusses the development of soft skills such as time management and leadership through academic activities. The writer employs a mix of common and less common vocabulary to convey ideas clearly. Some sentences exhibit a good command of language, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are instances of errors in word choice (e.g., "better their ability" might be improved to "enhance their ability") and occasional misspellings (e.g., "lead" instead of "led").

How to Improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on refining word choice and paying attention to spelling and word formation. Reviewing and revising sentences for precision and accuracy, especially in the use of less common vocabulary, can further elevate the lexical sophistication. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammar errors will contribute to a more polished and refined essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It effectively communicates the main ideas, but there are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. The writer makes occasional slips, affecting the overall fluency and accuracy. There is a reasonable attempt at using a variety of complex structures, but the errors, though not pervasive, impact the overall quality of expression.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation to minimize errors. Proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct these mistakes.

  2. Sentence Structure: Continue to work on incorporating a wider range of complex sentence structures. Ensure that complex sentences are used accurately to enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.

  3. Clarity and Coherence: Make sure that the ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner. Ensure that each paragraph follows a logical progression of thought, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas, you can enhance the grammatical range and accuracy of your writing and move towards a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many argue that universities and academic institutions are incapable of instilling the essential qualities crucial for success in life. I, however, hold a contrasting opinion, believing that these qualities can indeed be cultivated within educational settings, provided the students are proactive in their self-improvement.

One fundamental reason behind my stance is the platform schools offer to develop vital soft skills like time management and leadership. Students can refine their time management abilities by meeting assignment deadlines promptly. This practice aids them in understanding the importance of effectively allocating their time. Additionally, engagements such as group projects or presentations enable them to hone their leadership skills. Post-school activities further enhance their organizational capabilities as they take on leadership roles, thereby increasing their prospects for career advancement. Thus, schools serve as grounds where students can learn pivotal qualities like time management and group leadership, integral for their future success.

Furthermore, educational institutions serve as hubs for specialized training in respective fields. Attending these institutions equips students with foundational knowledge in their chosen majors. Universities offer theories curated by seasoned experts, amassed over years of rigorous exploration. This wealth of resources facilitates students’ comprehension of subjects, easing their acquisition of knowledge. Moreover, the guidance of experienced lecturers and tutors, well-versed in higher education, swiftly addresses students’ queries, bolstering their understanding. Consequently, students enrolled in academic institutions amass substantial expertise in their fields under the mentorship of seasoned educators.

To conclude, while I acknowledge the argument against schools fostering qualities necessary for success, I contend that educational institutions indeed play a pivotal role. They facilitate the development of crucial soft skills and furnish students with specialized knowledge essential for success in today’s competitive world. Therefore, conscientious learning within academic settings can equip individuals with the attributes imperative for achieving success in their lives.

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