Question: It is suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? (Opinion-based - Advantages và Disadvantages)

Question: It is suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? (Opinion-based – Advantages và Disadvantages)

Many people argue that youngsters at the primary level should acquire knowledge about producing homegrown vegetables and caring for animals.While there are some drawbacks to primary children cultivating crops and tend to animals.I maintain the opinion that the strengths will likely be more significant.
On the one hand,Certain educators might perceive animal and plant care as a distraction from academic pursuits.The first advantage of them,This practice may come at a high price.Schools need to set aside funds for the purchase of equipment and materials, as well as for maintaining their gardens or farms.It poses a huge challenge for schools with limited budgets, as they may struggle to afford the necessary resources. The second advantage of teaching students to tend to animals and cultivate crops requires close supervision and management by teachers.Student safety is a top priority when they're interacting with animals or gardening.Inadequate supervision may lead to mischievous behavior and potential harm among students.
Nevertheless, I believe that this trend I firmly believe that the benefits of teaching students to tend to animals and plants are more important.One clear advantage is that it teaches valuable life skills.By engaging in this practice, students can learn to grow their own food and appreciate the importance of sustainable farming.This benefit is especially important for students in urban areas,where elementary school children often have limited exposure to agriculture.By teaching them to cultivate homegrown vegetables and care for animals, schools help them reconnect with the natural world.Additionally, teaching children to farm and garden teaches important virtues such as patience, empathy , and compassion.Students must be patient as they cultivate crops and raise animals, observing the seeds grow from the ground.It also fosters empathy and compassion/ sympathy as they tend to the well-being of living organisms.These experiences help students develop a more complete understanding of the world at this age.
In conclusion,while there are many disadvantages regarding youngsters at the primary level should be taught how to obtain information about doing the gardening and tending to animals.I believe benefitS / practice are of more vital significance. It is recommended that a lot of produce homegrown vegetables and care for animals programs should be implemented

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many people argue" -> "It is widely argued"
Explanation: "It is widely argued" shifts the passive voice to a more formal and impersonal tone, which is preferred in academic writing.
"youngsters at the primary level" -> "primary school students"
Explanation: "Primary school students" is a more precise and formal term than "youngsters at the primary level," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"acquire knowledge about producing homegrown vegetables and caring for animals" -> "learn about cultivating vegetables and caring for animals"
Explanation: "Learn about cultivating vegetables and caring for animals" is more specific and academically appropriate than "acquire knowledge about producing homegrown vegetables and caring for animals," which is redundant and verbose.
"Certain educators might perceive" -> "Some educators may perceive"
Explanation: "Some educators may perceive" is a more natural and formal way to express uncertainty in academic writing than "Certain educators might perceive," which sounds overly definitive.
"This practice may come at a high price" -> "This practice may incur significant costs"
Explanation: "Incur significant costs" is more precise and formal than "come at a high price," which is somewhat colloquial.
"Schools need to set aside funds" -> "Schools must allocate funds"
Explanation: "Must allocate" is a stronger, more formal expression than "need to set aside," which is less direct and less formal.
"The second advantage of them" -> "Another advantage is"
Explanation: "Another advantage is" corrects the grammatical error and improves the flow of the sentence, making it more formal and clear.
"This practice requires close supervision and management by teachers" -> "This practice necessitates close supervision and management by teachers"
Explanation: "Necessitates" is a more formal and precise term than "requires," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"Student safety is a top priority" -> "Student safety is paramount"
Explanation: "Paramount" is a more formal and concise way to express "a top priority," fitting better in academic writing.
"I firmly believe" -> "I strongly believe"
Explanation: "Strongly believe" is a more formal alternative to "firmly believe," aligning better with academic style.
"teaches valuable life skills" -> "teaches essential life skills"
Explanation: "Essential" is more precise and formal than "valuable," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"By engaging in this practice" -> "Through this practice"
Explanation: "Through this practice" is a more concise and formal way to express the means by which something is achieved.
"teaches important virtues such as patience, empathy, and compassion.Students must be patient as they cultivate crops and raise animals" -> "teaches virtues such as patience, empathy, and compassion, as students must cultivate crops and raise animals with patience"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "compassion" corrects the punctuation error, and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and flow, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"It is recommended that a lot of produce homegrown vegetables and care for animals programs should be implemented" -> "It is recommended that numerous programs promoting the cultivation of homegrown vegetables and animal care be implemented"
Explanation: "Numerous programs promoting" is more precise and formal than "a lot of produce homegrown vegetables and care for animals," which is awkward and unclear in its structure and vocabulary.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of teaching primary children to grow vegetables and care for animals. However, the disadvantages are not fully explored; the essay mentions that it might be seen as a distraction and that there are financial implications, but it lacks depth in discussing these points. The advantages are presented more thoroughly, which skews the balance expected in an advantages vs. disadvantages essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide a more detailed exploration of the disadvantages. This could include discussing potential negative impacts on children’s academic performance or the challenges of maintaining such programs in schools. A clearer structure that dedicates equal attention to both sides would also strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position favoring the advantages of teaching children about gardening and animal care. Phrases like "I maintain the opinion that the strengths will likely be more significant" indicate a strong stance. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother, as the essay occasionally feels disjointed.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should use transitional phrases more effectively to guide the reader through the argument. For example, explicitly stating the shift from disadvantages to advantages can help maintain a coherent flow. Additionally, reiterating the main position in the conclusion could reinforce the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about the benefits of teaching children to grow vegetables and care for animals, such as developing life skills and virtues like patience and empathy. However, some points are not fully developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, while the essay mentions that students learn to appreciate sustainable farming, it does not provide specific examples or anecdotes that could illustrate this point more vividly.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or data. For instance, citing studies or real-life instances where children have benefited from such programs would provide a stronger foundation for the argument. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is clearly linked back to the main thesis will enhance coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of teaching children about gardening and animal care. However, there are moments where the writing strays slightly, such as the mention of "mischievous behavior" and "potential harm," which could be better tied back to the main argument about the educational benefits.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the central thesis. Avoiding tangential ideas and ensuring that all examples and arguments are relevant to the prompt will help keep the essay on track. A clear outline before writing could assist in organizing thoughts and maintaining topic relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the organization could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing disadvantages to advantages is somewhat abrupt. The essay begins with a mention of drawbacks but then quickly shifts to advantages without a clear transition, which can confuse the reader. Additionally, the points made within the paragraphs sometimes lack a clear hierarchy, such as when discussing the disadvantages of costs and supervision.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. For example, after discussing the disadvantages, a transitional phrase like "However, the advantages of this practice are significant" could help guide the reader. Additionally, ensure that each point is introduced and concluded effectively, reinforcing how it relates to the overall argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. The first body paragraph discusses disadvantages, while the second focuses on advantages. However, the paragraphs could be more distinct and focused. For example, the first paragraph combines two different disadvantages without clearly separating them, which can dilute the impact of each point. Furthermore, the conclusion introduces new ideas rather than summarizing the main points discussed.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single idea. Consider splitting the first body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one for the financial drawbacks and another for the supervision issues. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each disadvantage. In the conclusion, summarize the key points made in the essay rather than introducing new concepts.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "nevertheless," which help indicate contrasting ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and can feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "the first advantage of them" is awkward and unclear, and the use of "additionally" could be varied with other devices to enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "for instance." This will help create smoother transitions between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately; for example, instead of "the first advantage of them," a clearer phrase like "one significant advantage" would enhance clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on clearer organization, more distinct paragraphs, and a broader range of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "cultivating," "tend," "supervision," and "sustainable farming." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "tend" and "cultivate," which appear multiple times without variation. Additionally, phrases like "this practice may come at a high price" could be expressed with more varied language to enhance sophistication.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "tend" and "cultivate," you might use "nurture," "manage," or "grow." Expanding your vocabulary to include more nuanced words can elevate the overall quality of your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the strengths will likely be more significant" could be more clearly articulated as "the advantages will outweigh the disadvantages." Additionally, the term "mischievous behavior" may not accurately convey the potential risks associated with unsupervised interactions with animals.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that directly conveys your intended meaning. For instance, instead of "mischievous behavior," you could say "unsafe behavior" or "harmful actions." Always consider whether the words you choose accurately reflect the context and meaning you wish to convey.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "benefitS" (should be "benefits"), "sympathy" (should be separated from "compassion"), and "doing the gardening" (should be "gardening"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing your essay, take a moment to read it aloud or use spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and practice writing them correctly.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria for your IELTS Task 2 essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "Many people argue that youngsters at the primary level should acquire knowledge about producing homegrown vegetables" showcases a complex structure. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way advantages and disadvantages are introduced. For instance, the phrases "The first advantage of them" and "The second advantage" could be varied further to enhance the flow and engagement of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more introductory clauses or phrases to vary the rhythm of the writing. For example, instead of starting with "The first advantage of them," you might say, "One significant benefit of this practice is…" Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitions can help create a smoother connection between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the sentence "While there are some drawbacks to primary children cultivating crops and tend to animals" should be rephrased for grammatical accuracy, as it mixes gerunds and infinitives incorrectly. Punctuation errors are evident, such as the lack of spaces after commas and periods (e.g., "the first advantage of them,This practice" should be "the first advantage of this practice is"). Additionally, the use of "sympathy" in "empathy and compassion/ sympathy" is incorrect due to the slash, which is not standard punctuation.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay carefully. Focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms. For instance, instead of "tend to animals," it should be "tending to animals." For punctuation, ensure that there is a space after commas and periods, and avoid using slashes in formal writing. Practicing grammar exercises and reading more academic texts can also help reinforce correct usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people argue that primary school students should acquire knowledge about cultivating homegrown vegetables and caring for animals. While there are some drawbacks to this practice, I maintain the opinion that the advantages will likely outweigh the disadvantages.

On the one hand, some educators may perceive animal and plant care as a distraction from academic pursuits. The first disadvantage is that this practice may incur significant costs. Schools must allocate funds for the purchase of equipment and materials, as well as for maintaining their gardens or farms. This poses a huge challenge for schools with limited budgets, as they may struggle to afford the necessary resources. The second disadvantage is that teaching students to tend to animals and cultivate crops necessitates close supervision and management by teachers. Student safety is paramount when they are interacting with animals or gardening. Inadequate supervision may lead to mischievous behavior and potential harm among students.

Nevertheless, I strongly believe that the benefits of teaching students to care for animals and plants are more significant. One clear advantage is that it teaches essential life skills. Through this practice, students can learn to grow their own food and appreciate the importance of sustainable farming. This benefit is especially important for students in urban areas, where primary school children often have limited exposure to agriculture. By teaching them to cultivate homegrown vegetables and care for animals, schools help them reconnect with the natural world. Additionally, this practice teaches virtues such as patience, empathy, and compassion, as students must cultivate crops and raise animals with patience. They observe the seeds grow from the ground, fostering empathy and compassion as they tend to the well-being of living organisms. These experiences help students develop a more complete understanding of the world at this age.

In conclusion, while there are some disadvantages regarding whether primary school students should learn about gardening and animal care, I believe the benefits of this practice are of greater significance. It is recommended that numerous programs promoting the cultivation of homegrown vegetables and animal care be implemented.