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Question: Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

Question: Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught.
To what extent do you agree/disagree?

People have differing views with regards to the question whether students should be equipped with academic knowledge instead of also studying soft skills such as cooking and dressing or not. While I believe that there is some truth to the idea that it is essential to focus on learning academic knowledge only, I strongly agree with the view that it is necessary for students to learn both theoretical expertise and soft skills. This essay will explore the reasons behind this perspective.
There are several factors supporting my assertion that could be named. Firstly, the primitive nature of humans was survival which includes hunting, gathering for food in raw. Gradually, humans learned how to cook and how to get dressed to avoid being sick from some potential risks of eating raw food and being cold. Hence, it is vital for humans as well as students nowadays to continue learning these skills as basic needs to keep clear of health issues. For example, since a person doesn’t know how to cook, he often relies on fast food or pre-packaged meals, which are typically unhealthy. This poor diet can lead to health problems such as obesity, heart disease, and diabetes.
Secondly, eating out or buying pre-packaged meals regularly can be more expensive than cooking at home. Overtime, this can lead to financial strain. Besides, the inability to dress appropriately can affect how others perceive a person nowadays. For instance, if a man attends a formal event dressed casually, it may be seen as disrespectful or indicate that he doesn’t care about the event. Therefore, this can negatively impact his personal and professional relationships.
In conclusion, while academic or professional success is important, it is also crucial to develop basic life skills such as cooking or dressing due to the need of maintaining both physical and mental health. There is no doubt that balance is a key to a healthy and fulfilling life.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "People have differing views with regards to the question whether students should be equipped with academic knowledge instead of also studying soft skills such as cooking and dressing or not." -> "Individuals hold varying perspectives regarding whether students should exclusively acquire academic knowledge or also delve into soft skills like cooking and dressing."
    Explanation: Replacing "People have differing views with regards to the question whether" with "Individuals hold varying perspectives regarding whether" enhances formality and eliminates redundancy. The revised sentence is more concise and aligns better with academic style.

  2. "While I believe that there is some truth to the idea that it is essential to focus on learning academic knowledge only, I strongly agree with the view that it is necessary for students to learn both theoretical expertise and soft skills." -> "While I acknowledge the validity of emphasizing academic knowledge, I strongly endorse the notion that students should acquire both theoretical expertise and soft skills."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains clarity while introducing more sophisticated vocabulary. The use of "acknowledge" instead of "believe" and "endorse" instead of "strongly agree" contributes to a more formal tone.

  3. "There are several factors supporting my assertion that could be named." -> "Various factors substantiate my assertion and merit consideration."
    Explanation: The alternative phrase "Various factors substantiate my assertion" is more concise and formal, avoiding unnecessary repetition of "that could be named."

  4. "Firstly, the primitive nature of humans was survival which includes hunting, gathering for food in raw." -> "Firstly, humans initially focused on survival, encompassing activities such as hunting and gathering raw food."
    Explanation: The revised sentence clarifies the point by specifying activities related to survival. Additionally, it eliminates the informal phrase "in raw" and uses more precise language.

  5. "Hence, it is vital for humans as well as students nowadays to continue learning these skills as basic needs to keep clear of health issues." -> "Therefore, it is crucial for both humans and contemporary students to continually acquire these skills as fundamental necessities to mitigate health risks."
    Explanation: The replacement enhances formality and clarity by using "therefore" instead of "hence" and expressing the idea more precisely.

  6. "For example, since a person doesn’t know how to cook, he often relies on fast food or pre-packaged meals, which are typically unhealthy." -> "For instance, lacking cooking skills may lead individuals to depend on fast food or pre-packaged meals, known for their generally poor nutritional content."
    Explanation: The alternative provides a more detailed and academic description of the consequences of not knowing how to cook, avoiding the use of the informal "which are typically unhealthy."

  7. "Secondly, eating out or buying pre-packaged meals regularly can be more expensive than cooking at home." -> "Secondly, frequent dining out or purchasing pre-packaged meals can incur higher expenses compared to preparing meals at home."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality while using more precise language, replacing "more expensive" with "incur higher expenses."

  8. "Besides, the inability to dress appropriately can affect how others perceive a person nowadays." -> "Moreover, the inability to dress appropriately can significantly influence contemporary perceptions of an individual."
    Explanation: The alternative introduces a more formal transition ("Moreover") and enhances the precision of expression.

  9. "Therefore, this can negatively impact his personal and professional relationships." -> "Consequently, this may adversely affect both his personal and professional relationships."
    Explanation: The replacement provides a more formal and nuanced expression of the consequence, using "consequently" instead of "therefore" and "adversely affect" for greater clarity.

  10. "In conclusion, while academic or professional success is important, it is also crucial to develop basic life skills such as cooking or dressing due to the need of maintaining both physical and mental health." -> "In conclusion, while academic and professional success hold significance, cultivating fundamental life skills like cooking and dressing is imperative for the maintenance of both physical and mental well-being."
    Explanation: The revised conclusion maintains formality and clarity while using more precise language, avoiding the repetition of "important" and emphasizing the imperative nature of acquiring basic life skills.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "While I believe that there is some truth to the idea that it is essential to focus on learning academic knowledge only, I strongly agree with the view that it is necessary for students to learn both theoretical expertise and soft skills. This essay will explore the reasons behind this perspective."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your introduction is clear in expressing your position, but it would benefit from a more explicit roadmap of the main points you intend to discuss. Consider briefly outlining the key reasons supporting your belief in the importance of both academic knowledge and soft skills. This will provide readers with a clearer understanding of the structure of your essay.
    • Improved example: "While I acknowledge the importance of academic knowledge, I firmly believe that a well-rounded education should encompass both theoretical expertise and practical soft skills. In this essay, I will elucidate on the reasons supporting the significance of this dual approach, emphasizing the holistic development of students."
  2. Quoted text: "Firstly, the primitive nature of humans was survival which includes hunting, gathering for food in raw. Gradually, humans learned how to cook and how to get dressed to avoid being sick from some potential risks of eating raw food and being cold. Hence, it is vital for humans as well as students nowadays to continue learning these skills as basic needs to keep clear of health issues."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument regarding the historical context is relevant, but it lacks specificity and depth. Instead of a broad statement about the primitive nature of humans, provide a concise example or anecdote illustrating how the lack of cooking skills might have led to health issues. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "For instance, our ancestors learned to cook to eliminate harmful bacteria in raw food, reducing the risk of foodborne illnesses. This historical perspective highlights the practical importance of culinary skills in safeguarding health."
  3. Quoted text: "Secondly, eating out or buying pre-packaged meals regularly can be more expensive than cooking at home. Overtime, this can lead to financial strain. Besides, the inability to dress appropriately can affect how others perceive a person nowadays."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your point about the financial strain is valid, it would enhance your argument to provide a concrete example or statistic to illustrate the cost difference between regularly dining out and cooking at home. Additionally, elaborate on how the perception of dressing appropriately can impact personal and professional relationships for a more thorough argument.
    • Improved example: "Research shows that individuals who frequently dine out spend X% more annually than those who cook at home. This financial strain can impede long-term financial stability. Furthermore, dressing appropriately is not merely a matter of personal style but plays a crucial role in shaping first impressions, affecting professional opportunities and personal relationships."

Overall, your essay presents a clear position, but strengthening the depth of your examples and providing more specific details will enhance the overall persuasiveness and coherence of your arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, maintaining a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses cohesive devices, with a range employed appropriately, although there are minor instances of under-/over-use. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, contributing to the overall coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay could benefit from more consistent and varied use of cohesive devices. While the majority are appropriately employed, ensuring a seamless flow between sentences and paragraphs would further strengthen cohesion. Additionally, paying attention to maintaining a consistent tone and refining transitions between ideas can contribute to an even smoother progression throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision, falling in line with Band 7. The writer uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. While there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and/or word formation, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay successfully addresses the prompt, providing arguments and examples to support the perspective that students should learn both academic knowledge and practical skills.

How to improve:
To elevate the lexical resource score to a Band 8, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary with even more natural and sophisticated control. Attention to precision in word choice and avoiding occasional inaccuracies will enhance the essay’s overall lexical quality. Additionally, ensuring a more consistent and precise application of less common lexical items would contribute to a more polished piece.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy, utilizing a variety of complex structures throughout the text. There is an attempt to incorporate a range of sentence structures, from compound to complex sentences, which contributes to the coherence and overall structure of the essay. The majority of the sentences are error-free and exhibit good control of grammar and punctuation. There are, however, a few instances where minor errors occur, such as minor issues with subject-verb agreement or word choice, but these do not significantly hinder the overall communication or understanding of the text. The use of vocabulary and linking devices enhances the flow of ideas and aids in coherence.

How to improve:
To achieve a higher band score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures and paying attention to precision in grammar and vocabulary usage. Proofreading the essay to rectify minor errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice could further elevate the overall accuracy and sophistication of the language. Expanding the range of complex structures while maintaining accuracy will strengthen the essay’s grammatical aspect and potentially lead to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

People hold diverse opinions regarding whether students should solely focus on acquiring academic knowledge rather than learning practical skills like cooking and dressing. While some argue for the sole emphasis on academic knowledge, I strongly advocate that students should attain both theoretical expertise and soft skills. This essay will delve into the reasons supporting this perspective.

Several factors bolster my belief in the necessity of acquiring both academic and practical skills. Initially, humans’ primal need for survival involved activities like hunting and gathering raw food. Over time, they learned the significance of cooking and dressing to prevent health risks associated with consuming raw food and exposure to cold weather. Therefore, it remains imperative for students today to learn these fundamental skills to safeguard their well-being. For instance, individuals lacking cooking skills often resort to fast food or pre-packaged meals, which tend to be unhealthy. Such a diet can result in health issues such as obesity, heart disease, and diabetes.

Moreover, frequent dining out or purchasing pre-packaged meals can incur higher expenses compared to cooking at home, leading to financial strain over time. Additionally, the inability to dress appropriately can influence how others perceive an individual. Attending a formal event dressed casually might be interpreted as disrespectful or a lack of regard for the occasion, potentially harming personal and professional relationships.

In conclusion, while academic achievements hold significance, the development of essential life skills like cooking and dressing is crucial for maintaining both physical and mental well-being. Striking a balance between theoretical knowledge and practical abilities is indispensable for leading a healthy and fulfilling life.

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