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Recent advances in technology leads the fact that human workforce is gradually replaced with machinery. What are some problems caused by this trend, and how could they be dealt with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. You should write at least 250 words.

Recent advances in technology leads the fact that human workforce is gradually replaced with machinery.

What are some problems caused by this trend, and how could they be dealt with?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

You should write at least 250 words.

In today's world, technological advancements have become increasingly convenient and modern, significantly impacting both human life and factory operations. However, the prevalent use of machinery alongside human labor introduces some drawbacks that must be addressed. It is imperative to recognize that many factories currently confront shortages in meeting human requirements, making the incorporation of machinery a novel means of production with both advantages and disadvantages.
To begin with, machinery appears to be a new means of production playing a crucial role in factories. It is more convenient and more rapid than human workers, requiring no recharging. However, it also poses a high risk of unemployment, as machines replace human labor. Additionally, these machines are subject to occasional combustion during operation, presenting safety concerns.
The issue extends beyond unemployment and safety concerns. Machinery, often reliant on non-renewable resources like electricity, raises environmental issues. The excessive use of such resources may not be sustainable in the long run. Governments and factory owners, both key stakeholders, necessitate developing strategies to mitigate these problems.
In conclusion, while the use of machinery in factories has its benefits in terms of convenience and speed, it brings about challenges that must be addressed. The high risk of unemployment, safety hazards, and environmental implications demand attention. It is crucial for both governments and factory owners to work collaboratively and implement sustainable strategies to improve modes of production, ensuring a balance between technological advancements and the well-being of society.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "convenient and modern" -> "convenient and contemporary"
    Explanation: Replacing "modern" with "contemporary" maintains a formal tone and aligns with academic language, conveying the idea that technological advancements are current and up-to-date.

  2. "It is imperative to recognize that" -> "It is essential to acknowledge that"
    Explanation: Substituting "recognize" with "acknowledge" and "imperative" with "essential" enhances the formality of the sentence, making it more suitable for academic writing.

  3. "confront shortages in meeting human requirements" -> "face challenges in meeting human needs"
    Explanation: The phrase "confront shortages in meeting human requirements" is somewhat awkward. Replacing it with "face challenges in meeting human needs" maintains clarity and a more formal tone.

  4. "a novel means of production" -> "an innovative mode of production"
    Explanation: Using "innovative mode of production" instead of "novel means of production" adds sophistication to the language while conveying the idea that machinery is a new and advanced method of production.

  5. "To begin with" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: "To begin with" is slightly informal for academic writing. "Firstly" is a more formal transition phrase that aligns better with the essay’s tone.

  6. "more convenient and more rapid" -> "more efficient and faster"
    Explanation: Substituting "convenient" with "efficient" and "rapid" with "faster" maintains the meaning while using more precise and formal vocabulary.

  7. "requiring no recharging" -> "with no need for recharging"
    Explanation: The phrase "requiring no recharging" can be refined to "with no need for recharging" for a more formal and concise expression.

  8. "plays a crucial role" -> "plays a pivotal role"
    Explanation: Replacing "crucial" with "pivotal" adds nuance and formality, enhancing the description of machinery’s significance in factories.

  9. "poses a high risk of unemployment" -> "poses a significant risk of unemployment"
    Explanation: Substituting "high" with "significant" elevates the level of risk, providing a more precise and formal characterization.

  10. "safety concerns" -> "safety hazards"
    Explanation: Changing "concerns" to "hazards" emphasizes the potential dangers associated with machinery operation, contributing to a more formal tone.

  11. "extends beyond unemployment" -> "extends beyond issues of unemployment"
    Explanation: Adding "issues of" clarifies the scope of the discussion, making it more specific and suitable for academic writing.

  12. "often reliant on non-renewable resources like electricity" -> "often dependent on non-renewable resources such as electricity"
    Explanation: The phrase "reliant on" can be replaced with "dependent on" for a more formal expression, and "like" can be changed to "such as" for greater precision.

  13. "may not be sustainable in the long run" -> "might not be environmentally sustainable in the long term"
    Explanation: Adding "environmentally" and "in the long term" provides a more comprehensive and formal evaluation of the sustainability issue.

  14. "both key stakeholders" -> "two key stakeholders"
    Explanation: Using "two" instead of "both" adds precision to the description of the stakeholders, making the sentence more formal.

  15. "demand attention" -> "require attention"
    Explanation: Substituting "demand" with "require" maintains the urgency while contributing to a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a comprehensive analysis of the problems arising from the increasing use of machinery in the workforce. It touches upon unemployment, safety concerns, and environmental issues. However, the essay falls short of the minimum word requirement, limiting the depth of analysis.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should expand on each point and provide more detailed examples and explanations. This can be achieved by exploring the implications of machinery in different sectors and considering a wider range of consequences.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance on the challenges posed by the use of machinery in the workforce. The writer consistently acknowledges both the advantages and disadvantages, offering a balanced perspective.
    • How to improve: The essay could strengthen its position by explicitly stating a preference or recommending a specific approach to address the identified problems. This would add more depth to the argument and provide a clearer direction for the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately but lacks in-depth development and support. While it mentions unemployment, safety concerns, and environmental issues, it could benefit from providing more examples, statistics, or real-world instances to bolster the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, the writer should include specific examples or case studies illustrating the impact of machinery on unemployment, safety, and the environment. This would add credibility and depth to the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the problems associated with the increasing use of machinery in the workforce. However, it briefly touches on the convenience and speed of machinery without a thorough exploration.
    • How to improve: The writer should ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the prompt. If discussing the advantages of machinery, provide more details or examples related to the prompt to maintain focus and relevance.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the issues related to machinery in the workforce, it falls short of the word requirement and could benefit from more in-depth analysis, stronger supporting examples, and a more explicit stance on potential solutions. Expanding the essay’s content will contribute to a more thorough and well-rounded response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic, and each subsequent paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the problems caused by the trend of replacing human labor with machinery. The progression from discussing the advantages and disadvantages to addressing the broader implications is coherent.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the transition between paragraphs. Ensure that the flow between ideas is seamless, creating a more interconnected narrative. Additionally, emphasize a stronger conclusion that succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces the overall argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is generally effective; each paragraph addresses a distinct sub-topic related to the drawbacks of machinery replacing human labor. However, the fourth paragraph introduces a new aspect (environmental concerns) that might benefit from its own paragraph for clearer structuring.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down the fourth paragraph into two paragraphs: one focused on the broader implications of machinery use and another specifically addressing environmental concerns. This adjustment would provide a more balanced and organized structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "To begin with," "Additionally," "In conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of these devices to create smoother connections between ideas.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, parallel structures, and synonyms, to establish more nuanced relationships between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, consider using pronouns like "these issues" or employing parallel structures to enhance the coherence and cohesion of your argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonably strong coherence and cohesion. By refining the organization of information, paragraph structure, and incorporating a more diverse range of cohesive devices, the essay has the potential to achieve an even higher band score in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "technological advancements," "novel means of production," "safety concerns," and "sustainable strategies." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further by incorporating more specific and nuanced terms related to the essay’s theme.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider using more domain-specific terms related to technology and employment. For example, instead of repeatedly using the term "machinery," explore alternatives like "automated systems" or "robotic solutions." Additionally, incorporate specialized terms when discussing environmental concerns, such as "sustainable practices" or "ecological repercussions."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs vocabulary effectively to convey ideas, but there are instances where the usage could be more precise. For example, the phrase "shortages in meeting human requirements" might be clarified for greater precision. Moreover, the term "combustion" may be too strong for describing potential issues with machinery during operation, as it typically refers to a fire, which might not be the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, consider rephrasing vague expressions for clarity. Instead of "shortages in meeting human requirements," specify the shortages (e.g., "shortages in skilled labor"). Regarding the term "combustion," use a more accurate term like "malfunctions" or "technical glitches" to better represent the potential problems without implying a fire hazard.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances where typographical errors or word usage issues exist. For instance, in the phrase "leads the fact," it appears there may be a typographical error, and the intended word might be "to" or "to the fact." Additionally, there’s an agreement issue in the sentence "It is more convenient and more rapid than human workers, requiring no recharging," where "more rapid" might be better expressed as "more rapid than."
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay thoroughly to catch typographical errors or usage issues. In this case, correcting the phrase to "leads to the fact" would eliminate the error. Regarding the agreement issue, rephrase the sentence to read "It is more convenient and more rapid than human workers and requires no recharging." This ensures grammatical accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of language, improvements in vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy can contribute to achieving a higher band score for Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It employs a mix of simple and complex sentences. There is an attempt to use varied sentence beginnings, but more diversity could enhance the overall quality. For instance, while there are complex sentences, a greater variety in their structures (e.g., compound-complex sentences) would add sophistication to the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a broader range of sentence structures. Experiment with compound-complex sentences and explore different ways to combine ideas. This will add complexity and depth to your writing, contributing to a higher score in this criterion.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is appropriately used. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing occur. For example, "machinery appears to be a new means of production playing a crucial role" could be revised for clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure sentences are grammatically sound. Additionally, strive for clarity in sentence construction, avoiding convoluted structures. Proofread the essay to catch and rectify any awkward phrasing or ambiguous expressions. This will enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of your writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation, improvements in sentence structure variety and clarity can contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, technological advancements have become both convenient and contemporary, significantly impacting human life and factory operations. However, the widespread integration of machinery alongside human labor introduces some challenges that must be acknowledged and addressed. It is essential to acknowledge that many factories face challenges in meeting human needs, leading to the adoption of machinery as an innovative mode of production with both advantages and disadvantages.

Firstly, machinery serves as a more efficient and faster means of production compared to human workers, with no need for recharging. However, it plays a pivotal role in posing a significant risk of unemployment as machines gradually replace human labor. Additionally, these machines may occasionally face safety hazards, such as combustion during operation, raising concerns about the well-being of workers.

The impact of this trend extends beyond issues of unemployment and safety. Machinery, often dependent on non-renewable resources such as electricity, might not be environmentally sustainable in the long term. The excessive use of such resources raises environmental issues that require attention from both governments and factory owners, who are two key stakeholders in this scenario.

In conclusion, while the integration of machinery in factories brings about benefits in terms of convenience and speed, it also poses challenges that demand attention. The high risk of unemployment, safety hazards, and potential environmental implications highlight the need for sustainable strategies. It is crucial for both governments and factory owners to work collaboratively and implement measures that strike a balance between technological advancements and the overall well-being of society.

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