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Recent advances in technology leads the fact that human workforce is gradually replaced with machinery. What are some problems caused by this trend, and how could they be dealt with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. You should write at least 250 words.

Recent advances in technology leads the fact that human workforce is gradually replaced with machinery.

What are some problems caused by this trend, and how could they be dealt with?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

You should write at least 250 words.

In this day and age, advances in technology are more and more convenient and mordern for human's life and factory However, most factory is using machinery in addition to human; therefore, this trend have a disadvantageous impact on human's life for following reason. To begin with, people should recognize that almost factory now are facing up with lacking of products for human's requirement, therefore, machinery apper to be a new mean of production that play rode as a worker. Furthermore , machinery is used.. widely as it is move convenient, a rapid than workers and it also needtn't any charge . Nevertheless, mechinery is one of the main reason for the high risk of unemployement as well as without eco-friendly and using a great deal of source like electricity and it also is burned anywhen while working last but not least, both goverments and owner factory need to give some strategies and solutions that helping reducing this kinds of issue. In a nutshell this problem are more and more serious; therefore, every government and factory owners necel should improve means of production


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "convenient and mordern" -> "convenient and modern"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "mordern" to "modern" ensures proper spelling and maintains a formal tone.

  2. "human’s life and factory" -> "human life and industry"
    Explanation: Replacing "human’s life and factory" with "human life and industry" provides a more precise and formal expression, avoiding an overly casual reference to "factory."

  3. "this trend have" -> "this trend has"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb agreement from "have" to "has" ensures grammatical accuracy in line with formal writing conventions.

  4. "people should recognize that almost factory now are facing up with lacking of products for human’s requirement" -> "it is imperative to recognize that many factories currently confront shortages in meeting human requirements"
    Explanation: The suggested revision enhances clarity and formality by rephrasing the sentence, using more advanced vocabulary, and adopting a more structured expression.

  5. "machinery apper to be a new mean of production" -> "machinery appears to be a novel means of production"
    Explanation: Substituting "apper" with "appears" and "mean" with "means" corrects spelling errors and improves the overall formal tone of the sentence.

  6. "it is move convenient" -> "it is more convenient"
    Explanation: Correcting the comparative form from "move" to "more" ensures grammatical accuracy and improves the formality of the statement.

  7. "a rapid than workers" -> "more rapid than human workers"
    Explanation: Replacing "a rapid than workers" with "more rapid than human workers" clarifies the comparison and uses a more academic style.

  8. "it also needtn’t any charge" -> "it also requires no recharging"
    Explanation: Substituting "needtn’t" with "requires no" improves clarity and replaces informal language with a more formal expression.

  9. "high risk of unemployement" -> "high risk of unemployment"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "unemployement" to "unemployment" ensures accuracy, and the revised phrase maintains a formal tone.

  10. "burned anywhen while working last but not least" -> "subject to occasional combustion during operation, lastly"
    Explanation: Refining the expression to "burned anywhen while working last but not least" to "subject to occasional combustion during operation, lastly" improves the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  11. "both goverments" -> "both governments"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "goverments" to "governments" ensures proper usage and maintains a formal tone.

  12. "necel should" -> "necessitate should"
    Explanation: Replacing "necel should" with "necessitate should" corrects the misspelling and ensures proper usage, enhancing the formality of the statement.

  13. "means of production" -> "modes of production"
    Explanation: Substituting "means of production" with "modes of production" introduces a more sophisticated term while maintaining the context and improving the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2

Band Score for Task Response: 2 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay fails to fully address all parts of the prompt. It touches upon the negative impact of machinery on human life and briefly mentions the issue of unemployment. However, it lacks depth and fails to explore potential solutions to the problems posed by the trend. There is a lack of relevant examples from the writer’s own experience or knowledge.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should carefully analyze each aspect of the prompt and ensure that the essay provides a more comprehensive discussion. It’s essential to delve deeper into the problems caused by the increasing use of machinery and propose specific, well-developed solutions. Additionally, incorporating personal examples or relevant knowledge would enhance the essay’s overall quality.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear and consistent position. It begins by suggesting that machinery is convenient and modern but quickly shifts to discussing its disadvantageous impact. The lack of a well-defined stance throughout the essay contributes to its overall lack of coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should establish a clear thesis statement in the introduction and maintain this position throughout the essay. It’s important to provide a nuanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages of the trend, presenting a balanced perspective.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective presentation, development, and support of ideas. Ideas are presented in a disjointed manner, making it challenging for the reader to follow the essay’s logic. Examples are sparse and not well-elaborated, undermining the overall persuasiveness of the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should organize ideas logically, ensuring a smooth flow of information. Each point should be developed with sufficient detail and supported by relevant examples or evidence. Elaborating on the consequences of machinery use and providing concrete examples would strengthen the essay’s overall structure.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay deviates from the topic at times, such as discussing the convenience and rapidity of machinery without tying it back to the problems caused by the trend. The lack of coherence affects the essay’s overall relevance to the given prompt.
    • How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should carefully structure each paragraph to directly address the prompt’s requirements. Avoiding irrelevant details and maintaining a clear connection to the problems and solutions associated with the increasing use of machinery will significantly improve the essay’s relevance.

In conclusion, this essay, while attempting to address the prompt, falls short in various key areas. Improvements in addressing all parts of the question, maintaining a clear position, presenting well-supported ideas, and staying on topic are crucial for achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 3

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and logical organization of information. Ideas are presented in a somewhat haphazard manner, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument. The lack of a coherent structure affects the overall clarity and impact of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start with a clear introduction that introduces the main ideas to be discussed. Follow a structured body with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. Finally, conclude the essay summarizing the key points.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphing in the essay is inconsistent, with some ideas grouped together in lengthy paragraphs, while others are fragmented into short ones. This disrupts the overall flow and readability of the essay.
    • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced and consistent paragraph structure. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence. This will contribute to a more cohesive and well-organized essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to connect ideas and create a smooth transition between sentences and paragraphs. This absence hinders the coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: Integrate a variety of cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "however," "nevertheless," and "in a nutshell," to signal relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and other referencing words are used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

In summary, the coherence and cohesion in this essay are hindered by a lack of logical organization, inconsistent paragraphing, and inadequate use of cohesive devices. Improvements in these areas will significantly enhance the overall clarity and structure of the essay, ultimately contributing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 4

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a wide range of vocabulary. Many words are repeated, and there is a limited use of diverse vocabulary to express ideas. For instance, the frequent use of the word "machinery" could be replaced with synonyms or alternative phrases to enhance variety.
    • How to improve: To improve this aspect, try incorporating a broader spectrum of vocabulary. Instead of repeating words like "machinery," consider using synonyms such as "automation," "technology," or "mechanized systems." This not only adds variety but also demonstrates a more nuanced command of language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary is an area that needs improvement. The essay contains imprecise language and errors, such as "mordern" instead of "modern," "apper" instead of "appear," and "burned anywhen" instead of "burned anytime." These inaccuracies can affect the clarity and impact of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, proofread the essay carefully for spelling errors and choose words with exact meanings. Consider using a spell-check tool or seeking feedback from others to catch and correct errors. This will contribute to a more polished and precise use of vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is a noticeable weakness in the essay, as evident in words like "mordern," "apper," and "needtn’t." These errors undermine the overall quality of the essay and can create confusion for the reader.
    • How to improve: To address spelling issues, it’s crucial to proofread the essay thoroughly. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar check tools available in word processing software. Developing the habit of reviewing and correcting spelling errors systematically will significantly improve the accuracy of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 3

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in sentence structures, predominantly utilizing simple and compound sentences. For example, the repetition of phrases like "advances in technology" and "machinery" contributes to monotony. Additionally, the essay demonstrates struggles with sentence clarity and coherence, impacting overall readability.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and coherence, incorporate a mix of sentence structures, such as complex and compound-complex sentences. Introduce varied sentence openings and lengths to create a more engaging flow. Consider rephrasing repetitive phrases to avoid monotony and improve clarity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits significant grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies. For instance, issues with subject-verb agreement ("most factory is"), inappropriate word choices ("mordern" instead of "modern"), and missing articles ("a disadvantageous impact") compromise clarity. Punctuation errors, including comma splices and missing commas, further hinder understanding.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread for grammar and punctuation errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and appropriate word choices. Use commas appropriately to separate ideas and improve overall sentence structure. Consider seeking assistance from language resources or tools for additional support.

In conclusion, while the essay attempts to address the prompt, it is hindered by grammatical shortcomings and a lack of sentence structure variety. Improvements in these areas would significantly enhance the clarity and overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, technological advancements have become increasingly convenient and modern, significantly impacting both human life and factory operations. However, the prevalent use of machinery alongside human labor introduces some drawbacks that must be addressed. It is imperative to recognize that many factories currently confront shortages in meeting human requirements, making the incorporation of machinery a novel means of production with both advantages and disadvantages.

To begin with, machinery appears to be a new means of production playing a crucial role in factories. It is more convenient and more rapid than human workers, requiring no recharging. However, it also poses a high risk of unemployment, as machines replace human labor. Additionally, these machines are subject to occasional combustion during operation, presenting safety concerns.

The issue extends beyond unemployment and safety concerns. Machinery, often reliant on non-renewable resources like electricity, raises environmental issues. The excessive use of such resources may not be sustainable in the long run. Governments and factory owners, both key stakeholders, necessitate developing strategies to mitigate these problems.

In conclusion, while the use of machinery in factories has its benefits in terms of convenience and speed, it brings about challenges that must be addressed. The high risk of unemployment, safety hazards, and environmental implications demand attention. It is crucial for both governments and factory owners to work collaboratively and implement sustainable strategies to improve modes of production, ensuring a balance between technological advancements and the well-being of society.

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