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Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after they are released. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem?

Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after they are released. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem?

It is true that a significant number of released convicts end up reoffending. This phenomenon can be attributed to several reasons, and solutions should be taken by both governments and individuals to alleviate the circumstance.

There are two key reasons why ex-offenders often revert to crime after being released. First of which is the lack of rehabilitation programs in prisons. It is obvious that in many cases, criminals do not receive the necessary support, proper education and life skills to reintegrate into societies after their sentences. In Vietnam, for example, the prison systems tend to focus on strict punishments rather than rehabilitation, leading to a lack of resources and programs aimed at helping prisoners to address the root causes of their criminal behaviors, triggering strengthened criminal intentions among hardened criminals. Another point to make is the discrimination against ex-convicts. This can be explained by the fact that the public tends to harbor a hostile attitude towards people who carry a stigma to being an offender even though they have been successfully rehabilitated. For instance, many employers are not willing to hire individuals with a criminal record, making it challenging for ex-convicts to secure a decent job. This can lead to a situation where they have to return to a life of crime as they struggle to meet their basic needs.

Fortunately, several measures could be taken to tackle this issue. The first solution would be for governments to invest in rehabilitation and support programs. This could be done by providing access to education, vocational training and health services, thereby decreasing the rate of reoffending. The second measure requires cooperation of individuals to
support the reintegration of prisoners and give them a second chance at life. This can create a supportive environment and reduce the stigma associated with reentry, therefore, ex-prisoners might not feel a sense of isolation and exclusion within communities.

In conclusion, the cycle of crime can be explained by the inadequate rehabilitation programs in prison and stigmatization faced by ex-convicts. To address this issue, it is vital to spend more on effective rehabilitation initiatives and work towards creating a more inclusive and positive society that supports the reintegration of former inmates.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "end up reoffending" -> "recidivate"
    Explanation: Replacing "end up reoffending" with "recidivate" is a more formal and precise term commonly used in academic contexts, enhancing the overall professionalism of the statement.

  2. "solutions should be taken" -> "measures should be implemented"
    Explanation: Replacing "solutions should be taken" with "measures should be implemented" conveys a more formal tone and aligns with academic language, providing a clearer expression of the intended action.

  3. "There are two key reasons why" -> "Two primary factors contribute to"
    Explanation: Substituting "There are two key reasons why" with "Two primary factors contribute to" offers a more refined and structured introduction to the subsequent points, adhering to academic writing conventions.

  4. "First of which is" -> "The first of these is"
    Explanation: Replacing "First of which is" with "The first of these is" maintains formality and improves the flow of the sentence, avoiding an informal construction.

  5. "It is obvious that" -> "Evidently"
    Explanation: Replacing "It is obvious that" with "Evidently" introduces a more sophisticated and concise expression, enhancing the overall academic tone of the sentence.

  6. "prison systems" -> "penal systems"
    Explanation: Substituting "prison systems" with "penal systems" is a more precise and formal term commonly used in academic discussions about criminal justice, contributing to a more scholarly language.

  7. "triggering strengthened criminal intentions" -> "fueling criminal proclivities"
    Explanation: Replacing "triggering strengthened criminal intentions" with "fueling criminal proclivities" offers a more nuanced and formal description, emphasizing the development of criminal tendencies.

  8. "Another point to make is" -> "Another contributing factor is"
    Explanation: Replacing "Another point to make is" with "Another contributing factor is" maintains a formal and organized structure, improving the coherence of the essay.

  9. "carry a stigma to being an offender" -> "bear the stigma of being an offender"
    Explanation: Substituting "carry a stigma to being an offender" with "bear the stigma of being an offender" provides a more grammatically accurate and formal expression.

  10. "decent job" -> "meaningful employment"
    Explanation: Replacing "decent job" with "meaningful employment" is a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic language conventions.

  11. "several measures could be taken" -> "several measures could be implemented"
    Explanation: Replacing "several measures could be taken" with "several measures could be implemented" maintains consistency with the earlier suggestion and ensures a more formal tone.

  12. "This can create a supportive environment" -> "This can foster a supportive environment"
    Explanation: Substituting "create" with "foster" adds a more sophisticated touch to the sentence, emphasizing the active role in nurturing a supportive environment.

  13. "reduce the stigma associated with reentry" -> "mitigate the stigma associated with reintegration"
    Explanation: Replacing "reduce the stigma associated with reentry" with "mitigate the stigma associated with reintegration" employs a more formal and precise term within the context of reintegrating individuals into society.

  14. "To address this issue" -> "To tackle this issue"
    Explanation: Substituting "To address this issue" with "To tackle this issue" provides a more dynamic and assertive expression, maintaining the formality of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay thoroughly addresses all parts of the question. It identifies reasons for post-release criminal behavior and suggests solutions for the problem.
    • How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, adding more specific examples or statistics related to the lack of rehabilitation programs and the discrimination against ex-convicts could enhance the depth of analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position, asserting that the issue stems from inadequate rehabilitation programs and societal stigmatization. This position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
    • How to improve: The essay is strong in maintaining its stance. However, strengthening the connection between each body paragraph and the thesis statement could enhance coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas effectively. It provides examples such as the situation in Vietnam and the reluctance of employers to hire ex-convicts to substantiate its points.
    • How to improve: To further improve, consider elaborating on the potential impact of the suggested solutions. Providing more details on how investments in rehabilitation programs can specifically reduce recidivism rates would strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively stays on topic, consistently addressing the reasons behind post-release criminal behavior and proposing solutions.
    • How to improve: While the essay maintains focus, adding a brief roadmap in the introduction could offer readers a clearer understanding of the essay’s structure and intentions.

Overall Comments:

This essay successfully addresses the prompt, providing a well-structured and coherent response. It effectively discusses the reasons behind the post-release criminal behavior and proposes practical solutions. To enhance the essay further, consider incorporating more specific examples, statistics, or real-world cases to strengthen the argument’s credibility. Additionally, ensure a seamless connection between the thesis statement and each body paragraph for improved coherence. Overall, it demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction that introduces the problem and provides a thesis statement. The body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, discussing reasons and solutions in a sequential manner. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information. The use of transitional phrases contributes to the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use explicit transition phrases that guide the reader through the flow of ideas. For instance, words like "furthermore," "however," or "in conclusion" can strengthen the connectivity between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs effective paragraphing. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately developed, and the body paragraphs are well-structured with a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a unified theme and transitions logically to the next. Consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs for added fluency. In the first body paragraph, for instance, the sentence "Another point to make is the discrimination against ex-convicts" could be rephrased for smoother integration.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas. Transitional phrases like "First of which," "For instance," and "In conclusion" guide the reader through the essay. Pronouns and lexical cohesion (repetition of words like "rehabilitation" and "criminal") contribute to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: While the essay already uses cohesive devices well, consider exploring more varied synonyms or alternative expressions to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "rehabilitation," consider using phrases like "reintegration programs" or "reformative initiatives" to diversify language and maintain reader engagement.

In summary, the essay effectively organizes information logically, uses paragraphs appropriately, and employs a range of cohesive devices to achieve a cohesive and coherent piece of writing. To further enhance coherence, focus on improving transition phrases, maintaining paragraph unity, and diversifying language use.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. It effectively communicates ideas and maintains coherence throughout. There is a variety of words used, such as "reoffending," "rehabilitation," "stigmatization," and "inadequate rehabilitation programs." However, some areas could benefit from more nuanced or varied expressions, especially in the use of transition words and phrases.
    • How to improve: To enhance the use of a wide range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and alternative expressions for commonly used terms. Additionally, explore more diverse transitional phrases to elevate the overall vocabulary range.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision. Examples include "lack of rehabilitation programs," "strengthened criminal intentions," and "supportive environment." However, there are instances where the wording could be more specific or refined, such as the repeated use of "reoffending."
    • How to improve: To use vocabulary more precisely, consider avoiding repetitive terms. For instance, instead of consistently using "reoffending," vary expressions with synonyms like "recidivism" or explore different phrases to convey the same idea.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally good throughout the essay. There are no glaring spelling errors that hinder understanding. However, a few minor errors, such as "stigmatization" instead of "stigmatism," were noted.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread carefully and consider using spell-check tools. Attention to minor details like suffixes and prefixes will contribute to a flawless presentation. Additionally, reviewing the spelling of less common terms can further improve precision.

In summary, while the essay effectively utilizes vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Attention to detail, particularly in avoiding repetition and refining terminology, can elevate the lexical resource. Additionally, maintaining consistent spelling accuracy enhances overall language proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are utilized effectively throughout the essay. For example, in the introduction, the writer uses a complex sentence to present the issue, stating, "This phenomenon can be attributed to several reasons, and solutions should be taken by both governments and individuals to alleviate the circumstance." This showcases the ability to employ diverse sentence structures to convey complex ideas.

    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range further, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures and varying sentence lengths. Introduce elements like appositives, participial phrases, or conditional sentences where appropriate. This can add sophistication to the writing and demonstrate a higher level of syntactic complexity.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits sound grammatical accuracy. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is appropriately used. For instance, the sentences "Fortunately, several measures could be taken to tackle this issue" and "To address this issue, it is vital to spend more on effective rehabilitation initiatives" are grammatically sound.

    • How to improve: While the grammar is generally accurate, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. Ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. Additionally, consider using more varied punctuation marks, such as semicolons or dashes, to enhance sentence variety and structure.

Overall, the essay effectively employs a variety of sentence structures, showcasing a strong command of grammar and punctuation. To further improve, focus on incorporating even more complex structures and fine-tuning grammatical nuances for an enhanced overall writing proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a fact that a significant number of released convicts end up committing crimes again. This phenomenon can be attributed to several reasons, and both governments and individuals should take measures to alleviate the circumstance.

Two primary factors contribute to why ex-offenders often return to crime after release. The first of these is the lack of rehabilitation programs in prisons. Evidently, in many cases, criminals do not receive the necessary support, proper education, and life skills to reintegrate into societies after their sentences. In Vietnam, for example, the penal systems tend to focus on strict punishments rather than rehabilitation, leading to a lack of resources and programs aimed at helping prisoners address the root causes of their criminal behaviors, thereby fueling criminal proclivities among hardened criminals. Another contributing factor is the discrimination against ex-convicts. This can be explained by the fact that the public tends to bear the stigma of being an offender, even though they have been successfully rehabilitated. For instance, many employers are not willing to hire individuals with a criminal record, making it challenging for ex-convicts to secure meaningful employment. This can lead to a situation where they have to return to a life of crime as they struggle to meet their basic needs.

Several measures should be implemented to tackle this issue. The first solution would be for governments to invest in rehabilitation and support programs. This can be done by providing access to education, vocational training, and health services, thereby mitigating the stigma associated with reintegration and decreasing the rate of reoffending. The second measure requires the cooperation of individuals to support the reintegration of prisoners and give them a second chance at life. This can foster a supportive environment and reduce the stigma associated with reentry, therefore, ex-prisoners might not feel a sense of isolation and exclusion within communities.

In conclusion, the cycle of crime can be explained by the inadequate rehabilitation programs in prison and stigmatization faced by ex-convicts. To tackle this issue, it is vital to implement effective rehabilitation initiatives and work towards creating a more inclusive and positive society that supports the reintegration of former inmates.

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