Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison cimmit crimes after they are released. Why is this case ? What can be done to solve this problem ?

Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent
to prison cimmit crimes after they are released.
Why is this case ?
What can be done to solve this problem ?

It is widely recognized that incarceration is the most commonly employed method of countering serious crimes. Recent studies, however, indicate that the majority of former convicts revert to crime following their release. I posit that the roots of this issue stem from the challenges faced by ex-prisoners in social reentry, and in order to curb recidivism, the government should focus more on rehabilitation programs and awareness-raising campaigns.
Most former inmates return to a life of crime largely because they find it extremely difficult to reintegrate into society. The public seemingly still has a hostile attitude towards ex-convicts, even when they have been successfully rehabilitated. This stigma manifests itself clearly in the way those with criminal records are often turned down when looking for employment, and in the way they frequently receive derogatory remarks of their previous criminal activities. Being jobless and socially marginalized, as a consequence, could make them hold a grudge against society, which then becomes the breeding ground for further crimes.
To mitigate recidivism, the following measures should be implemented. First, it is important that the government launch comprehensive campaigns aimed at mitigating social discrimination against former convicts. In tandem with this, rehabilitation and support programs for this group of people are also a great necessity to ensure that they find a job to support themselves, and more importantly, that they do not feel a sense of exclusion from society. This has proven successful in Norway, a country with reportedly the lowest recidivism rate in the world. Their success is mostly attributed to their focus on giving ex-prisoners a second chance at life by providing education, special job opportunities and mental health counseling.
To summarize, the underlying factor contributing to former inmates' recidivism is the countless challenges involved in their social reintegration. For this reason, the government should intensify its efforts to reduce the social stigmatization of these individuals, as well as offer better rehabilitation and support systems. By doing so, their likelihood of falling back into crime could be reduced.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "It is widely recognized that incarceration is the most commonly employed method of countering serious crimes." -> "It is widely acknowledged that imprisonment is the most frequently utilized approach to addressing serious crimes."
   Explanation: Replacing "widely recognized" with "widely acknowledged" and "method" with "approach" adds formality and precision to the statement.

2. "I posit that the roots of this issue stem from the challenges faced by ex-prisoners in social reentry…" -> "I argue that the origins of this issue lie in the challenges encountered by former prisoners during social reintegration…"
   Explanation: Substituting "posit" with "argue" and changing "stem from" to "lie in" enhances the academic tone, making the language more precise and formal.

3. "Most former inmates return to a life of crime largely because they find it extremely difficult to reintegrate into society." -> "A significant number of ex-convicts revert to criminal activities primarily due to the formidable challenges they encounter in reintegrating into society."
   Explanation: Replacing "Most" with "A significant number of" and "find it extremely difficult" with "encounter formidable challenges" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement.

4. "This stigma manifests itself clearly in the way those with criminal records are often turned down when looking for employment…" -> "This stigma is evident in the frequent rejection of individuals with criminal records when seeking employment…"
   Explanation: Substituting "manifests itself clearly" with "is evident" and rephrasing "are often turned down" to "are frequently rejected" enhances the clarity and formality of the sentence.

5. "Being jobless and socially marginalized, as a consequence, could make them hold a grudge against society…" -> "Unemployment and social marginalization, as consequences, may lead them to harbor resentment against society…"
   Explanation: Replacing "Being jobless" with "Unemployment" and "could make them hold" with "may lead them to harbor" improves formality and precision in expression.

6. "To mitigate recidivism, the following measures should be implemented." -> "To alleviate recidivism, the following measures should be enacted."
   Explanation: Substituting "mitigate" with "alleviate" and "implemented" with "enacted" maintains the formal tone and provides a more precise expression.

7. "First, it is important that the government launch comprehensive campaigns aimed at mitigating social discrimination against former convicts." -> "First, it is crucial that the government initiate comprehensive campaigns targeting the reduction of social discrimination against former convicts."
   Explanation: Replacing "launch" with "initiate" and "mitigating" with "targeting the reduction of" enhances the precision and formality of the sentence.

8. "Their success is mostly attributed to their focus on giving ex-prisoners a second chance at life by providing education, special job opportunities, and mental health counseling." -> "Their success is primarily attributed to their emphasis on affording ex-prisoners a second chance through the provision of education, specialized job opportunities, and mental health counseling."
   Explanation: Substituting "mostly" with "primarily" and rephrasing "giving ex-prisoners a second chance at life" to "affording ex-prisoners a second chance" improves precision and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

1. Quoted text: "Most former inmates return to a life of crime largely because they find it extremely difficult to reintegrate into society."

   • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This statement effectively highlights the challenge faced by ex-convicts during social reintegration. However, it lacks specific examples or instances that illustrate these difficulties. Adding personal anecdotes or detailed scenarios would enhance the essay’s persuasiveness and make the argument more relatable.
   • Improved example: "Most former inmates find it overwhelmingly challenging to reintegrate into society due to the pervasive societal stigma against individuals with a criminal record. For instance, John, a reformed ex-convict, faced insurmountable barriers when seeking employment despite having completed rehabilitation programs successfully. He encountered closed doors at job interviews solely due to his past, which exacerbated his struggles in adapting back to societal norms."

2. Quoted text: "This stigma manifests itself clearly in the way those with criminal records are often turned down when looking for employment, and in the way they frequently receive derogatory remarks of their previous criminal activities."

   • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This segment aptly highlights the issue of societal stigma affecting employment opportunities for former convicts. To strengthen this argument, integrating statistics or referencing specific studies could add weight to the claim without compromising the focus on personal experiences.
   • Improved example: "This stigma is evident in statistics that reveal a high rate of job rejection for individuals with criminal records. According to a recent study by XYZ Organization, nearly 70% of employers admit to discriminating against ex-convicts during the hiring process. Moreover, derogatory remarks and preconceptions about their criminal past exacerbate their struggle for societal acceptance."

3. Quoted text: "Their success is mostly attributed to their focus on giving ex-prisoners a second chance at life by providing education, special job opportunities, and mental health counseling."

   • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The mention of successful strategies employed by Norway is insightful. However, expanding on the specific aspects of these programs, such as how education or mental health counseling contributed to reducing recidivism, would enrich the discussion.
   • Improved example: "Norway’s success primarily hinges on multifaceted approaches like comprehensive educational programs tailored to ex-prisoners’ needs. These programs offer vocational training and educational courses that equip individuals with skills directly applicable in the job market. Additionally, their emphasis on mental health counseling and rehabilitation not only aids in reintegration but also significantly reduces the psychological triggers that often lead to re-offending behaviors."

Overall, the essay articulates the challenges faced by ex-prisoners upon release and proposes effective measures to mitigate recidivism. To enhance the argument’s depth, incorporating more vivid personal experiences or detailed examples and expanding on successful rehabilitation strategies could further strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, primarily evident in its logical organization and use of cohesive devices. The essay maintains a clear structure, with well-developed paragraphs that contribute to a cohesive flow of ideas. The introduction introduces the topic and presents the writer’s stance effectively. Each paragraph thereafter offers coherent points that logically progress the argument. The essay effectively employs cohesive devices, linking ideas within and between sentences, ensuring a smooth transition and maintaining the coherence of the discussion. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed without introducing new information.

How to Improve:
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining paragraph transitions to ensure even greater fluidity between ideas. Additionally, strive for a more varied and nuanced use of cohesive devices without overusing any particular type. While the essay effectively addresses the coherence and cohesion criteria for a Band 8 score, continued practice in structuring paragraphs and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to an even stronger presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of words fluently and flexibly. The language is sophisticated and precise, contributing to a coherent and well-articulated argument. Uncommon lexical items are skillfully employed, and any errors in word choice and collocation are rare and minor. Spelling and word formation are accurate throughout the essay. The author effectively conveys ideas with clarity and uses a variety of expressions to enhance the overall lexical resource.

How to improve:
To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a few more advanced and nuanced vocabulary choices where applicable. While the essay effectively uses a wide range of vocabulary, there is always room for subtle improvement. Additionally, ensure consistency in the tone and style of lexical items throughout the essay. Overall, maintain the current level of sophistication while occasionally introducing even more complex expressions to elevate the lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There is a consistent use of complex structures, contributing to a varied and engaging writing style. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the essay maintains overall clarity. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as the typo "cimmit" instead of "commit" in the essay prompt and a missing article in the phrase "lowest recidivism rate in the world." These errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct minor errors. Additionally, attention to detail in terms of article usage and word choice can further refine the language. Overall, maintaining the sophisticated sentence structures while minimizing minor errors will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It’s widely acknowledged that imprisonment is commonly used to tackle serious crimes. Yet, recent studies show that many released criminals end up committing crimes again. I believe this issue originates from the difficulties ex-prisoners encounter when trying to reintegrate into society. To address this and prevent reoffending, the government should prioritize rehabilitation programs and awareness campaigns.

Most former inmates return to crime mainly because they struggle to fit back into society. The public often maintains a hostile attitude towards them, even after successful rehabilitation. This is evident in the rejection ex-convicts face when seeking jobs and the negative comments they receive about their past. Being jobless and marginalized can lead them to resent society, which then fosters further criminal behavior.

To reduce reoffending, specific actions should be taken. Firstly, the government needs comprehensive campaigns to reduce discrimination against former convicts. Alongside this, providing support programs for jobs and ensuring they feel included in society are vital. Norway, known for having the lowest reoffending rate, has succeeded by giving ex-prisoners a second chance through education, tailored job opportunities, and mental health counseling.

In conclusion, the key reason for ex-inmates returning to crime is the challenges they face in reintegrating socially. To combat this, the government should intensify efforts to reduce social stigma and improve rehabilitation and support systems. This way, their chances of reoffending could significantly drop.