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Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison cimmit crimes after they are released. Why is this case ? What can be done to solve this problem ?

Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent
to prison cimmit crimes after they are released.
Why is this case ?
What can be done to solve this problem ?

It is widely recognized that incarceration is the most commonly employed method of countering serious crimes. Recent studies, however, indicate that the bulk of ex-convicts reverts to crime following their release. I believe the causes of this problem lie in ex-prisoners difficulties in social reentry, and in order to curb recidivism, the government should focus more on rehabilitation programs and awareness-raising campaigns. Most former inmates return to a life of crime largely because they find it extremely difficult to reintegrate into society. The public seemingly still has a hostile attitude towards ex-convicts, even when they have been successfully rehabilitated. This stigma manifests itself starkly in the way those with criminal records are often turned down when looking for employment, and in the way they frequently receive insulting criticisms of their previous criminal activities. Being jobless and ostracized, as a consequence, could make them hold a grudge against society, which then becomes the breeding ground for further crimes.
To reduce recidivism, the following steps should be taken. First, it is important that the government mount more campaigns aimed at mitigating social discrimination against former convicts. In tandem with this, rehabilitation and support programs for this group of people are also a great necessity to ensure that they find a job to support themselves, and more importantly, that they do not feel a sense of exclusion from society. This has proven successful in Norway, a country with reportedly the lowest recidivism rate in the world. Their success is mostly attributed to their focus on giving ex-prisoners a second chance at life by providing education, special job opportunities and mental health counseling.
To summarize, what seems to be at the core of former inmates recommitting crimes is the countless challenges involved in their social reintegration. For this reason, the government should ramp up its efforts to reduce the social stigmatization of these individuals, as well as offer better rehabilitation and support systems. By doing so, their likelihood of falling back into crime could be reduced.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "bulk of ex-convicts reverts" -> "majority of ex-convicts revert"
    Explanation: Replacing "bulk of ex-convicts reverts" with "majority of ex-convicts revert" corrects the subject-verb agreement and introduces a more formal term, "majority," contributing to a more academically appropriate tone.

  2. "I believe the causes of this problem lie in ex-prisoners difficulties" -> "I posit that the causes of this issue stem from the challenges ex-prisoners face"
    Explanation: Substituting "I believe the causes of this problem lie in ex-prisoners difficulties" with "I posit that the causes of this issue stem from the challenges ex-prisoners face" enhances formality and precision in expressing the speaker’s stance on the issue.

  3. "government should focus more on" -> "government should prioritize"
    Explanation: Replacing "government should focus more on" with "government should prioritize" maintains clarity while introducing a more sophisticated term, "prioritize," aligning with academic language conventions.

  4. "find it extremely difficult" -> "encounter formidable obstacles"
    Explanation: Substituting "find it extremely difficult" with "encounter formidable obstacles" elevates the language, offering a more nuanced description of the challenges ex-convicts face during reintegration into society.

  5. "seemingly still has" -> "reportedly maintains"
    Explanation: Changing "seemingly still has" to "reportedly maintains" adds a degree of formality and reliability to the statement, indicating that the information is based on reports or studies rather than a subjective impression.

  6. "criticisms of their previous criminal activities" -> "criticisms of their prior criminal conduct"
    Explanation: Replacing "criticisms of their previous criminal activities" with "criticisms of their prior criminal conduct" introduces a more formal term, "conduct," contributing to a more academically appropriate tone.

  7. "campaigns aimed at mitigating social discrimination" -> "campaigns aimed at alleviating social discrimination"
    Explanation: Substituting "campaigns aimed at mitigating social discrimination" with "campaigns aimed at alleviating social discrimination" maintains the intended meaning while employing a more formal term, "alleviating."

  8. "rehabilitation and support programs" -> "rehabilitation and support initiatives"
    Explanation: Changing "rehabilitation and support programs" to "rehabilitation and support initiatives" introduces a more formal and encompassing term, "initiatives," contributing to an elevated academic tone.

  9. "find a job to support themselves" -> "secure employment for self-sustainability"
    Explanation: Substituting "find a job to support themselves" with "secure employment for self-sustainability" introduces a more formal and precise expression, emphasizing the goal of self-sustainability through employment.

  10. "What seems to be at the core" -> "At the crux"
    Explanation: Replacing "What seems to be at the core" with "At the crux" introduces a more concise and formal expression, contributing to a more academically appropriate conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is widely recognized that incarceration is the most commonly employed method of countering serious crimes. Recent studies, however, indicate that the bulk of ex-convicts reverts to crime following their release."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your introduction clearly states the topic and your stance, adhering well to the Task Response criteria. However, consider adding a brief preview of the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs to enhance the clarity of your essay structure. For example, mention that you will explore the challenges of social reintegration and propose solutions through rehabilitation programs and awareness campaigns.
    • Improved example: "It is widely recognized that incarceration is the most commonly employed method of countering serious crimes. In this essay, I will delve into the challenges faced by ex-convicts in reintegrating into society, examining the social stigma they encounter. Furthermore, I will propose solutions, emphasizing the importance of rehabilitation programs and awareness campaigns."
  2. Quoted text: "Most former inmates return to a life of crime largely because they find it extremely difficult to reintegrate into society."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This statement is clear and aligns with the Task Response criteria. However, to bolster your argument, consider providing a specific example or anecdote to illustrate the challenges faced by ex-convicts in social reintegration. This would add depth to your essay and make your points more convincing.
    • Improved example: "Most former inmates return to a life of crime largely because they find it extremely difficult to reintegrate into society. For instance, a study conducted in [specific location] revealed that a significant percentage of ex-convicts faced rejection and discrimination when seeking employment, exacerbating their struggles with social reintegration."
  3. Quoted text: "To reduce recidivism, the following steps should be taken."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your transition to the solution is clear, meeting the criteria. However, instead of a general statement, specify the steps you will discuss in the subsequent paragraphs. This will provide a roadmap for your readers, ensuring they understand the structure of your essay.
    • Improved example: "To reduce recidivism, the following steps should be taken. First, the government should launch extensive campaigns to mitigate social discrimination against former convicts. Concurrently, robust rehabilitation and support programs must be implemented, focusing on education, job opportunities, and mental health counseling, as exemplified by the successful model in Norway."

Overall, your essay adequately addresses the Task Response criteria by presenting a clear position and supporting ideas. To enhance it further, provide specific examples and ensure a more detailed preview of the main points in your introduction.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, aligning well with the Band 8 descriptor. The information is logically sequenced, and there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. The introduction sets the stage, followed by well-organized body paragraphs that effectively explore the causes of recidivism and propose solutions. The use of cohesive devices is skillful, contributing to the overall flow of the essay. Paragraphing is managed well, with each paragraph focusing on a clear central topic.

How to improve:
While the essay is strong, a few enhancements could elevate it further. Ensure a seamless connection between sentences within and between paragraphs by consistently using a variety of cohesive devices. Additionally, strive for precision in language to avoid any potential ambiguity. Overall, maintaining this level of coherence and cohesion while fine-tuning language usage would contribute to achieving a Band 9 score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. The writer uses less common lexical items with a reasonable awareness of style and collocation. Although there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a coherent argument with well-developed ideas.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer can focus on refining the use of uncommon lexical items, ensuring greater accuracy in word choice and collocation. Additionally, meticulous proofreading to minimize errors in spelling and word formation would contribute to an improvement in overall lexical control. Incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, particularly in specific contexts, could further elevate the essay’s lexical richness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, such as the use of introductory clauses and compound sentences. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as the use of "cimmit" instead of "commit" in the first sentence and a missing article in "the government should mount more campaigns" in the penultimate paragraph. These errors do not significantly impede communication but prevent the essay from achieving a higher band score.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to minor errors, especially typos and missing articles. Additionally, further incorporation of diverse sentence structures and grammatical forms could enhance the overall complexity of the essay, contributing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that imprisonment is a commonly employed approach to combat serious crimes. However, recent studies suggest that a majority of released criminals engage in criminal activities once again. I believe the causes of this issue lie in the challenges ex-prisoners face during social reintegration. To address recidivism, the government should prioritize rehabilitation programs and awareness campaigns.

Many former inmates return to a life of crime primarily because they struggle to reintegrate into society. The public often maintains a hostile attitude towards ex-convicts, even after successful rehabilitation. This stigma is evident when individuals with criminal records encounter difficulties securing employment and face insulting criticisms of their past actions. The resulting unemployment and social ostracism may foster resentment towards society, creating conditions conducive to further criminal activities.

To diminish recidivism, certain measures should be implemented. Firstly, the government should launch campaigns aimed at reducing social discrimination against former convicts. Simultaneously, it is imperative to establish rehabilitation and support programs for this group. This approach has proven successful in Norway, a country boasting the world’s lowest recidivism rate. Their success can be attributed to granting ex-prisoners a second chance through education, special employment opportunities, and mental health counseling.

In conclusion, the primary reason for former inmates returning to criminal behavior is the numerous challenges they face during social reintegration. To address this, the government should intensify efforts to decrease social stigmatization and enhance rehabilitation and support systems. By doing so, the likelihood of ex-convicts reverting to crime could be significantly reduced.

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