Recently, many people have called for the victims in the areas affected by natural disasters. However, there is a belief that this trend will create chance for online frauds. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Recently, many people have called for the victims in the areas affected by natural disasters. However, there is a belief that this trend will create chance for online frauds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The trend towards influencers using their reputation to seek assistance for numerous affected dwellers suffering from catastrophic events has gained a high interest in today’s society. However, there is a belief that this multifaceted phenomenon may allow cybercriminals to commit illicit activities. In my opinion, I partially agree with this statement due to many convincing arguments.
This phenomenon is advantageous owing to a number of compelling reasons. Chief of these is that each famous figure has a wide reach and influence. The driving force behind this is that well-known people, those with large followings, have the potential to reach millions of people with a single post or status. It is undeniable that this rapid dissemination of information is crucial in times of cirisis, allowing immediate awareness of the situation and quick responses from individuals to help with recovery efforts during challenging situations. Additionally, influnencers tend to have highly engaged followers who trust their opinions, when they advocate for a cause, their admirers are likely to response positively and feel a personal connection to the provided message. This, in turn, enhances the likelihood of donations or participation in relief efforts. To illustrate, when those dwellers in Central region are struggling to rebuild their lives in the aftermath of serous flood in 2019. Thủy Tiên, a talented singer in Vietnam, had posted a number of short videos sharing her charity activities in affected areas, her actions not only helped underpriviledged families cope with financial burden but also aroused citizens’ empathy with affected people.
The dark side of this debatable trend is that some individuals posing as influencers to exploit puplic goodwill during crisis and set up fraudulent campaigns. This can be seen in the way scammers impersonate well-known figures and use their name to attract donations, putting potential donors at risk. Neverthless, I believe that citizens could address this proplem by staying alert and giving their own supports after having the authentic envidence of the volunteering activities from promoters.
All in all, despite the potential of scams and frauds on the social media, I opine that the advantages of this phenomenon are much more significant than the obstacles. It is advisable that famous figures should appeal admirers’s attention on the detrimental effects of natural hazards and it is notable for each individual to be more cautious when giving their assistance to a particular campaign.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"in today’s society" -> "in contemporary society"
Explanation: "Contemporary society" is a more formal and precise term that enhances the academic tone of the essay, replacing the more casual "today’s society." -
"a high interest" -> "significant interest"
Explanation: "Significant interest" is a more formal and precise term that better fits the academic style, replacing the vague "a high interest." -
"cybercriminals to commit illicit activities" -> "cybercriminals to engage in illicit activities"
Explanation: "Engage in" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "commit," which is often associated with more severe or violent actions, making it less suitable for this context. -
"I partially agree" -> "I partially concur"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," which is preferred in academic writing to maintain a professional tone. -
"compelling reasons" -> "compelling arguments"
Explanation: "Arguments" is more specific and academically appropriate than "reasons" in this context, as it directly relates to the discussion of logical points. -
"well-known people" -> "celebrities"
Explanation: "Celebrities" is a more specific and formal term than "well-known people," which is vague and informal. -
"in times of cirisis" -> "during crises"
Explanation: "During crises" is grammatically correct and more formal than "in times of cirisis," which contains a typographical error. -
"influnencers" -> "influencers"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of the word. -
"response positively" -> "respond positively"
Explanation: "Respond" is the correct verb form in this context, aligning with the passive voice used in the sentence. -
"underpriviledged" -> "underprivileged"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of the word. -
"cope with financial burden" -> "cope with financial burdens"
Explanation: "Burdens" is the plural form necessary to match the plural subject "families." -
"puplic goodwill" -> "public goodwill"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of the word. -
"set up fraudulent campaigns" -> "establish fraudulent campaigns"
Explanation: "Establish" is a more formal and precise verb than "set up" in this context, fitting better in an academic essay. -
"Neverthless" -> "Nevertheless"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of the word. -
"proplem" -> "problem"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of the word. -
"envidence" -> "evidence"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of the word. -
"opine" -> "believe"
Explanation: "Believe" is a more commonly used and understood term in academic writing than "opine," which is less typical in formal texts. -
"admirers’s attention" -> "their attention"
Explanation: Corrects a possessive error, ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity. -
"it is notable for each individual to be more cautious" -> "it is essential for each individual to exercise caution"
Explanation: "Exercise caution" is a more formal and precise phrase than "be more cautious," enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of influencers seeking assistance for victims of natural disasters. The writer partially agrees with the notion that this trend may lead to online fraud, which is a direct response to the question. However, the discussion could be more balanced; while the advantages are elaborated upon, the potential for fraud is mentioned but not explored in depth. For instance, the essay mentions scammers impersonating influencers but lacks specific examples or a thorough analysis of how this impacts the overall effectiveness of fundraising efforts.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are given equal weight. This could involve providing more detailed examples of online fraud cases and discussing their implications, as well as presenting counterarguments to the benefits of influencer-led fundraising.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear position by indicating partial agreement with the prompt. However, the phrase "I partially agree" could lead to ambiguity about the extent of this agreement. The essay’s structure suggests a leaning towards the benefits of influencer involvement, but the conclusion reiterates the potential for fraud without a strong reaffirmation of the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state the degree of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. Using phrases like "I strongly believe" or "I fully support" could clarify the position. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument throughout the essay would help solidify the stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding the benefits of influencers in raising awareness and funds for disaster victims. The example of Thủy Tiên is a strong point that illustrates the positive impact of influencer involvement. However, the support for the negative aspect of online fraud is less developed, lacking depth and specific examples that could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific instances of fraud or providing statistics on the prevalence of scams during disasters could enhance the argument. Additionally, linking back to the main thesis after presenting each point would help maintain coherence.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the role of influencers in disaster relief and the associated risks of fraud. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the personal connection followers feel towards influencers, which, while relevant, could be more tightly linked to the main argument about fraud.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the main thesis after presenting supporting details. Additionally, avoiding tangential points that do not directly contribute to the argument will help keep the essay on track.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. However, addressing the areas for improvement will enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, while the body paragraphs logically follow the introduction by first outlining the advantages and then addressing the potential drawbacks. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the positive impact of influencers to the negative aspects feels abrupt, lacking a clear transitional phrase that would guide the reader more fluidly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" when moving from one argument to another. Additionally, summarizing the main point of each paragraph at the end can help reinforce the logical progression of ideas.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages of influencers in disaster relief, while the second addresses the potential for fraud. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first body paragraph is significantly longer and more detailed than the second, which may lead to an imbalance in the overall argument.
- How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraphs by ensuring that each point is elaborated upon with similar depth. For example, the second body paragraph could benefit from additional examples or explanations about how scams occur and their impact on genuine relief efforts. This would create a more even distribution of information across paragraphs.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "additionally," and "all in all," which help to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be expanded. For example, the phrase "This can be seen in the way scammers impersonate well-known figures" could be better linked to the previous sentence to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify and strengthen the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using "for instance" or "in addition" can help introduce examples more seamlessly. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and connection between sentences and ideas.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and logical flow. By focusing on smoother transitions, balanced paragraph lengths, and a wider range of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "catastrophic events," "cybercriminals," and "fraudulent campaigns." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, terms like "high interest" and "compelling reasons" are somewhat generic and could be replaced with more nuanced expressions to enhance the overall quality.
- How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms or more specific terms. Instead of "high interest," you might use "growing concern" or "increasing scrutiny." Additionally, using phrases like "the gravity of the situation" instead of "the situation" would add depth to your writing.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, there are several instances of imprecise usage. For example, "influnencers" is a misspelling, and "response positively" should be "respond positively." Moreover, phrases like "the dark side of this debatable trend" could be more clearly articulated; "the potential drawbacks of this trend" would be more precise.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that terms are used correctly and in context. Double-check spelling and grammar before finalizing your essay. For instance, replace "puplic goodwill" with "public goodwill" and ensure that verbs agree with their subjects, as in "their admirers are likely to respond positively."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "influnencers," "cirisis," "underpriviledged," "puplic," "Neverthless," and "proplem." These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing your essay, take a break and then review it with fresh eyes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing software can help catch errors. Practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can also be beneficial.
By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling accuracy—the overall quality of the essay can be significantly enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as, "The driving force behind this is that well-known people, those with large followings, have the potential to reach millions of people with a single post or status." This shows an ability to connect ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "this phenomenon" and "this trend," which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance variety, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "this phenomenon," you could use phrases like "One significant aspect of this issue is…" or "Another important factor to consider is…". Additionally, mixing in shorter sentences for emphasis can create a more dynamic flow.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "cirisis" is a misspelling of "crisis," and "influnencers" is another spelling error. Additionally, the phrase "to exploit puplic goodwill" contains a misspelling of "public." There are also punctuation errors, such as the lack of a comma before "when they advocate for a cause," which can confuse readers about the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully, focusing on common spelling errors and ensuring that all words are spelled correctly. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding clauses and lists, will help clarify sentence meaning. Consider using grammar-checking tools or peer reviews to catch mistakes before finalizing the essay.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
The trend towards influencers using their reputation to seek assistance for numerous affected individuals suffering from catastrophic events has gained significant interest in contemporary society. However, there is a belief that this multifaceted phenomenon may allow cybercriminals to engage in illicit activities. In my opinion, I partially concur with this statement due to several compelling arguments.
This phenomenon is advantageous for a number of reasons. Chief among them is that each famous figure has a wide reach and influence. The driving force behind this is that well-known individuals, those with large followings, have the potential to reach millions of people with a single post or status update. It is undeniable that this rapid dissemination of information is crucial during crises, allowing for immediate awareness of the situation and quick responses from individuals to assist with recovery efforts. Additionally, influencers tend to have highly engaged followers who trust their opinions; when they advocate for a cause, their admirers are likely to respond positively and feel a personal connection to the message. This, in turn, enhances the likelihood of donations or participation in relief efforts. For instance, when residents in the central region were struggling to rebuild their lives after the serious floods in 2019, Thủy Tiên, a talented singer in Vietnam, posted several short videos showcasing her charity activities in the affected areas. Her actions not only helped underprivileged families cope with financial burdens but also evoked public goodwill towards those in need.
Nevertheless, the darker side of this trend is that some individuals pose as influencers to exploit public goodwill during crises and establish fraudulent campaigns. This can be seen in the way scammers impersonate well-known figures and use their names to attract donations, putting potential donors at risk. I believe that citizens can address this problem by exercising caution and providing their support only after verifying the authenticity of the volunteering activities promoted by these figures.
All in all, despite the potential for scams and fraud on social media, I opine that the advantages of this phenomenon are much more significant than the obstacles. It is advisable for famous figures to draw their admirers’ attention to the detrimental effects of natural disasters, and it is essential for each individual to exercise caution when contributing to a particular campaign.
