Research indicates that some consumers nowadays are less influenced by advertising than in the past. What are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

With the developments of technology, many companies and organizations are being founded which leads to the competitiveness among the companies as well as retailers in the global market. The key of many of those taking advantages and achieving a top spot in the global market is advertising but it has now much less influencing consumers recently. So, let me examine both sides of this development.

In one hand, it is clearly that advertisements appear in almost everywhere we go daily. Take for example we often see some advertising banners of products in the street or some pop-up advertisements while surfing the internet which is kind of annoying for most people. Those types of advertising is pretty common for people nowadays and there are also many other ways of advertising that may take our money away or even make us spend more. However, people are now becoming more responsible for their own life than ever so money management is extremely essential for everyone. Deciding what to spend money for and try to avoid interesting advertisement is a good choice for teenagers and also adults to adapt in the lifestyle.

In the other hand, advertising is known to be the most important key to success but some people still don’t know how to do not know how to make use of it well. Traditional ways of advertising is currently becoming less effective among people so try to some breakthrough with our creativity should be strongly recommended. For instance, Ford, a truck company that is now famous all over the world used to make a advertisement that shocks the whole world, the founder of the brand tried to balance himself on the top of two moving trucks without using any CGI is what incredibly amazed many people including me. By and large, it is true also and necessary for people to not be influenced by advertisement and also positive for brands and companies to try some breakthroughs of advertising in order to achieve customers heart.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"With the developments of technology" -> "With technological advancements"
Explanation: "Technological advancements" is a more precise and formal term that better captures the concept of ongoing improvements in technology, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"many companies and organizations are being founded" -> "numerous companies and organizations are being established"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "many" in an academic context, and "established" is a more formal synonym for "founded," aligning better with the formal style of the essay.
"leads to the competitiveness among the companies as well as retailers" -> "leads to increased competitiveness among companies and retailers"
Explanation: "Increased competitiveness" is a more specific and formal phrase than "the competitiveness," and removing "the" before "companies and retailers" corrects the grammatical structure for plural nouns.
"The key of many of those taking advantages" -> "The key to many of these companies’ success"
Explanation: "The key to" is the correct idiomatic expression, and specifying "companies’ success" clarifies the subject and enhances clarity.
"achieving a top spot in the global market" -> "achieving a leading position in the global market"
Explanation: "Leading position" is a more formal and precise term than "top spot," which is colloquial.
"it has now much less influencing consumers" -> "its influence on consumers has decreased significantly"
Explanation: "Its influence on consumers has decreased significantly" is more grammatically correct and provides a clearer, more formal expression of the idea.
"In one hand" -> "On one hand"
Explanation: "On one hand" is the correct idiomatic expression for presenting contrasting views or arguments.
"Take for example we often see" -> "For example, we frequently observe"
Explanation: "For example" is the correct introductory phrase for providing illustrations, and "frequently observe" is more formal than "often see."
"Those types of advertising is" -> "Such types of advertising are"
Explanation: "Such types of advertising are" corrects the subject-verb agreement error and maintains the formal tone.
"take our money away or even make us spend more" -> "deplete our funds or encourage excessive spending"
Explanation: "Deplete our funds" and "encourage excessive spending" are more precise and formal alternatives to the colloquial "take our money away" and "make us spend more."
"Deciding what to spend money for" -> "making informed financial decisions"
Explanation: "Making informed financial decisions" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the idea of budgeting wisely.
"try to some breakthrough with our creativity" -> "attempt innovative approaches with our creativity"
Explanation: "Attempt innovative approaches" is a more formal and precise way to suggest trying new methods, and "approaches" is more specific than "breakthroughs," which can be vague.
"the founder of the brand tried to balance himself on the top of two moving trucks" -> "the brand’s founder attempted to balance himself on the roofs of two moving trucks"
Explanation: "Attempted" is more formal than "tried," and "roofs" is the correct term for the top of vehicles, not "top."
"is what incredibly amazed many people including me" -> "which astonished many people, including myself"
Explanation: "Which astonished" is grammatically correct, and "myself" is the correct reflexive pronoun to use after "including."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both reasons why consumers are less influenced by advertising and the implications of this trend. However, the analysis is somewhat superficial and lacks depth. For instance, while the essay mentions that advertisements are everywhere and can be annoying, it does not delve into specific reasons such as increased consumer awareness or the rise of ad-blocking technology. Additionally, the second part of the prompt—whether this trend is positive or negative—is not clearly articulated; the conclusion is vague and does not provide a definitive stance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly identify and elaborate on specific reasons for the decline in advertising influence, such as the saturation of ads, the rise of social media, or changing consumer values. Furthermore, a clear conclusion that states whether the writer believes this trend is positive or negative, supported by reasons, would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear position throughout. While it mentions both sides of the argument, the writer does not consistently express their own viewpoint. Phrases like "it is true also and necessary for people to not be influenced by advertisement" are ambiguous and do not clearly indicate whether the writer believes this is a positive or negative development.
- How to improve: The writer should establish a clear thesis statement in the introduction that reflects their position on the issue. Throughout the essay, they should consistently refer back to this position, ensuring that each paragraph supports their overall argument. A concluding statement that reinforces their opinion would also help clarify their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the ineffectiveness of traditional advertising and the need for creativity in advertising strategies. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient examples. For instance, the mention of Ford’s advertising stunt is interesting but lacks a clear connection to the overall argument about consumer influence.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to present a more structured argument with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Each idea should be expanded with relevant examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing consumer responsibility, the writer could provide statistics or studies that illustrate changing consumer behaviors.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the topic. While it discusses advertising and consumer behavior, some sentences, such as those about money management, feel tangential and do not directly relate to the prompt. This can confuse the reader about the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to answering the prompt. They could outline their essay before writing to ensure that each paragraph stays relevant to the main question. Additionally, using clear transitions between ideas can help guide the reader and reinforce the topic’s relevance.

Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should focus on deepening their analysis, clarifying their position, supporting their ideas with relevant examples, and maintaining a clear focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a somewhat logical sequence, but the organization could be improved. The introduction sets the stage for discussing the decline in advertising influence, but the transition into the body paragraphs is abrupt. For instance, the phrase "In one hand" is misleading and should be "On one hand." The first body paragraph discusses the omnipresence of advertisements and consumer awareness, but it lacks a clear connection to the thesis. The second body paragraph shifts focus to the effectiveness of traditional advertising without a clear transition, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should use clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "Moreover" can help guide the reader through the argument. Structuring the essay with clear points that build on each other will create a more cohesive argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness are inconsistent. The first paragraph introduces the topic but does not clearly separate the two sides of the argument. The second paragraph begins with "In the other hand," which is incorrect and should be "On the other hand." This inconsistency in phrasing detracts from the clarity of the argument. Moreover, the paragraphs do not sufficiently explore each point, leading to a lack of depth in the discussion.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples and explanations. The writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and ends with a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. Additionally, using a consistent structure (introduction, body, conclusion) will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "for instance," but the range is limited. The use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward or incorrect, such as "the key of many of those taking advantages," which lacks clarity. The essay also lacks varied connectors that could enhance the flow between sentences and ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "additionally," "consequently," "in summary," and "to illustrate." Practicing the use of these devices in context will help the writer create smoother transitions between ideas. Furthermore, ensuring that cohesive devices are used correctly and appropriately will improve the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "competitiveness," "influencing," "responsible," and "breakthrough." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "advertising" and "advertisements," which detracts from the overall lexical variety. The phrase "make use of it well" is vague and could be expressed more precisely.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "advertising," alternatives like "promotion," "marketing," or "publicity" could be employed. Additionally, expanding the use of adjectives and adverbs can add depth to the descriptions, such as using "innovative" instead of just "new" when referring to advertising strategies.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "money management is extremely essential for everyone" could be more effectively expressed as "effective financial management is crucial." The phrase "interesting advertisement" is also vague and could be replaced with "persuasive advertising" or "enticing promotions" to convey a clearer meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing word choices and considering their connotations. Utilizing a thesaurus can help identify more precise alternatives. Additionally, practicing writing sentences that require specific vocabulary can aid in developing this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "influencing" (should be "influence"), "advertising" (used inconsistently), and "advertisement" (incorrectly pluralized as "advertisements" in some contexts). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary usage, there is considerable room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the opening sentence uses a simple structure: "With the developments of technology, many companies and organizations are being founded." While it is grammatically correct, it lacks complexity. The essay predominantly relies on simple and compound sentences, such as "In one hand, it is clearly that advertisements appear in almost everywhere we go daily." This sentence could be more effectively expressed using a complex structure. The use of phrases like "the key of many of those taking advantages" is awkward and lacks clarity, which detracts from the overall effectiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For example, instead of saying, "Traditional ways of advertising is currently becoming less effective among people," the writer could say, "Although traditional advertising methods have been effective in the past, they are becoming less influential as consumers seek more authentic engagement." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence openings can also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, "the key of many of those taking advantages" should be "the key for many of those taking advantage." Additionally, the phrase "in one hand" is incorrect; it should be "on one hand." The sentence "However, people are now becoming more responsible for their own life than ever so money management is extremely essential for everyone" is a run-on sentence that lacks appropriate punctuation. The lack of commas in complex sentences often leads to confusion about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper use of prepositions, and the correct formation of plural nouns. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify recurring mistakes. Additionally, the writer should pay attention to punctuation, particularly the use of commas to separate clauses and enhance readability. For example, breaking the aforementioned run-on sentence into two sentences or using a semicolon would clarify the relationship between the ideas.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Engaging in targeted practice and seeking constructive feedback will be beneficial in this regard.

Bài sửa mẫu

With the developments in technology, many companies and organizations are being founded, which leads to increased competitiveness among companies as well as retailers in the global market. The key to many of those taking advantage and achieving a top spot in the global market is advertising, but it has now much less influence on consumers recently. So, let me examine both sides of this development.

On one hand, it is clear that advertisements appear almost everywhere we go daily. For example, we often see advertising banners for products in the street or pop-up advertisements while surfing the internet, which can be quite annoying for most people. These types of advertising are pretty common for people nowadays, and there are also many other ways of advertising that may deplete our funds or even encourage excessive spending. However, people are now becoming more responsible for their own lives than ever, so money management is extremely essential for everyone. Deciding what to spend money on and trying to avoid interesting advertisements is a good choice for teenagers and adults alike to adapt to this lifestyle.

On the other hand, advertising is known to be the most important key to success, but some people still don’t know how to make good use of it. Traditional ways of advertising are currently becoming less effective among people, so attempting innovative approaches with our creativity should be strongly recommended. For instance, Ford, a truck company that is now famous all over the world, used to make an advertisement that shocked the whole world; the brand’s founder attempted to balance himself on the roofs of two moving trucks without using any CGI, which incredibly amazed many people, including me. By and large, it is true and necessary for people not to be influenced by advertising, and it is also positive for brands and companies to try some breakthroughs in advertising in order to win customers’ hearts.