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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to poor countries rather than financial aid. Do you agree or disagree?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to poor countries rather than financial aid. Do you agree or disagree?

It is increasingly prevalent for people to express concern about the situation that financial aid given by affluent nations can not tackle poverty in some underprivileged countries that demand other solutions. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly concur with this notion, however, financial support is still paramount for the development of any country.

On the one hand, the idea that subsidy is essential seems reasonable since it is the cornerstone of any improvement. Having received decent funds, a nation can equip itself with a number of state-of-the-art facilities that can upgrade not only resident’s standard of living but also their benefits. A prime example of this is that instead of harvesting crops manually, machines can substitute for a labor workforce that can boost productivity. In other words, the country itself can yield greater profit and improve faster with sufficient budget.

On the other hand, besides financial assistance, educational support also plays an irreplaceable role in helping destitute nations to confront indigence. Once given educational support, impoverished countries not only have more opportunities to raise their residents’ awareness about national problems but also increase the number of professional employees that offer them a potential workforce who help these countries overcome challenges more effortlessly . Study abroad scholarships, for instance, offer students in deprived cities more chances to study overseas, in which they can comprehend more knowledge and skills. This can give rise to the growth in the number of skilled workers, therefore, the country itself can come up with some innovations which can be taken into consideration to deal with national issues independently.

Taking everything into account, while supplying money to impoverished countries is crucial to help them develop as it can lay the foundation of the development of these regions, wealthy states also need to pay attention to supporting education since it will help underprivileged nations to improve separately.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is increasingly prevalent for people to express concern about the situation that financial aid given by affluent nations can not tackle poverty in some underprivileged countries that demand other solutions."
    -> "It is increasingly common for individuals to express concern regarding the situation where financial assistance from affluent nations cannot address poverty in certain underprivileged countries that require alternative solutions."
    Explanation: Replacing "prevalent" with "common" and rephrasing the sentence enhances formality and precision. Additionally, replacing "not" with "cannot" improves grammatical accuracy.

  2. "From my perspective, I wholeheartedly concur with this notion, however, financial support is still paramount for the development of any country."
    -> "From my standpoint, I wholeheartedly agree with this perspective; nevertheless, financial support remains paramount for the development of any nation."
    Explanation: Using "standpoint" instead of "perspective" and "nevertheless" instead of "however" enhances formality. "Concur" is replaced with "agree" for simplicity without sacrificing clarity.

  3. "On the one hand, the idea that subsidy is essential seems reasonable since it is the cornerstone of any improvement."
    -> "On one hand, the concept that subsidies are essential appears reasonable, given that they constitute the cornerstone of any developmental initiative."
    Explanation: Eliminating the unnecessary article "the" before "one hand" and replacing "idea" with "concept" contributes to a more formal tone. Using the plural "subsidies" enhances accuracy.

  4. "Having received decent funds, a nation can equip itself with a number of state-of-the-art facilities that can upgrade not only resident’s standard of living but also their benefits."
    -> "With substantial funds, a nation can equip itself with a range of state-of-the-art facilities that can enhance not only residents’ standard of living but also their well-being."
    Explanation: Replacing "decent" with "substantial" and rephrasing the sentence for clarity and precision improve the overall academic tone.

  5. "A prime example of this is that instead of harvesting crops manually, machines can substitute for a labor workforce that can boost productivity."
    -> "An exemplary illustration of this is the substitution of manual crop harvesting with machines, thereby replacing a labor workforce and enhancing productivity."
    Explanation: Using "exemplary" instead of "prime" and rephrasing for clarity and precision contribute to a more formal and academically appropriate expression.

  6. "On the other hand, besides financial assistance, educational support also plays an irreplaceable role in helping destitute nations to confront indigence."
    -> "On the other hand, in addition to financial assistance, educational support plays an indispensable role in aiding destitute nations in addressing poverty."
    Explanation: Replacing "irreplaceable" with "indispensable" and rephrasing for clarity and precision enhance the formal and academic tone.

  7. "Once given educational support, impoverished countries not only have more opportunities to raise their residents’ awareness about national problems but also increase the number of professional employees that offer them a potential workforce who help these countries overcome challenges more effortlessly."
    -> "With educational support, impoverished countries not only gain opportunities to raise awareness about national issues among their residents but also increase the number of skilled professionals, providing a potential workforce to help these nations overcome challenges more effectively."
    Explanation: Simplifying the sentence for clarity and replacing "more effortlessly" with "more effectively" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  8. "Study abroad scholarships, for instance, offer students in deprived cities more chances to study overseas, in which they can comprehend more knowledge and skills."
    -> "Study abroad scholarships, for example, provide students in economically disadvantaged cities with additional opportunities to pursue education overseas, enabling them to acquire a broader range of knowledge and skills."
    Explanation: Using "for example" instead of "for instance" and rephrasing for clarity and precision enhance the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is increasingly prevalent for people to express concern about the situation that financial aid given by affluent nations can not tackle poverty in some underprivileged countries that demand other solutions. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly concur with this notion, however, financial support is still paramount for the development of any country."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction is clear in presenting the writer’s agreement with the idea that financial aid alone is insufficient to address poverty in underprivileged countries. However, there is a slight contradiction in stating agreement with the notion but also emphasizing the importance of financial support. To enhance clarity, you can rephrase it to express agreement with the need for additional solutions while acknowledging the significance of financial support. An improved example could be: "While I wholeheartedly agree with the notion that financial aid alone cannot eradicate poverty in underprivileged countries, it’s crucial to acknowledge the paramount role of financial support in a nation’s overall development."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, the idea that subsidy is essential seems reasonable since it is the cornerstone of any improvement."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The statement recognizes the importance of financial assistance, but it lacks specificity and depth. To strengthen this point, provide concrete examples or reasons supporting the claim that financial aid is the cornerstone of improvement. For instance, you could elaborate on how funds can be utilized for infrastructure development, healthcare, or technology, leading to tangible improvements in people’s lives.
  3. Quoted text: "Once given educational support, impoverished countries not only have more opportunities to raise their residents’ awareness about national problems but also increase the number of professional employees that offer them a potential workforce who help these countries overcome challenges more effortlessly."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the idea of educational support is presented, it is somewhat convoluted. Break down the sentence into two distinct points for clarity. For example: "Educational support provides impoverished countries with opportunities to raise awareness about national problems among their residents. Additionally, it increases the number of skilled professionals, creating a potential workforce that helps these countries overcome challenges more effortlessly."

Overall, the essay addresses the task and maintains a clear position throughout the response. However, some points lack specificity and could benefit from more detailed examples or elaboration to fully develop the ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph revolves around a central topic relevant to the argument. Cohesive devices are used effectively, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The essay maintains a coherent flow by employing phrases that connect ideas smoothly. However, there might be a slight tendency towards overusing certain phrases or expressions, which could be more varied for improved coherence. Paragraphing is well-managed, though some minor adjustments could enhance the logical flow between paragraphs.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence further, consider diversifying the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Introduce a wider variety of linking words or phrases to prevent repetition and create a more nuanced flow between ideas. Additionally, ensure each paragraph’s opening and closing sentences directly link to the essay’s central argument, reinforcing the coherence within and between paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with varied lexical choices used throughout the text. There is an attempt to employ sophisticated vocabulary and less common lexical items, contributing to the richness of expression. The candidate effectively uses vocabulary related to the topic, discussing concepts like financial aid, indigence, destitute, awareness, and innovations. However, occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are evident, which slightly affect precision. For instance, "supporting education since it will help underprivileged nations to improve separately" could be refined for clearer expression.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, aim for more precise word choices and ensure accurate collocation. Refine the use of less common vocabulary items to better fit the context, allowing for more nuanced and accurate expression. Additionally, strive for greater consistency in maintaining a sophisticated level of language throughout the essay without occasional slips in word choice or expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, producing frequent error-free sentences. The candidate employs a variety of complex structures, such as using subordinate clauses and incorporating advanced vocabulary. There are, however, a few minor errors that do not significantly impede communication, like the use of "substitute for" instead of "substitute a labor workforce," and the phrase "comprehend more knowledge" could be refined for clarity. Overall, the essay showcases a commendable range of sentence structures with relatively infrequent errors.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the candidate could focus on refining sentence structures further. Avoiding occasional awkward phrasing, like "substitute for a labor workforce," and opting for more concise expressions would contribute to clarity. Additionally, careful proofreading to catch minor errors, such as the phrase "comprehend more knowledge," would elevate the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a growing concern among people that financial aid from wealthy nations may not effectively address poverty in some disadvantaged countries, prompting the need for alternative solutions. I completely agree with this perspective; however, it’s crucial to recognize that financial support remains essential for a country’s development.

On one hand, the argument supporting the necessity of financial assistance is valid as it serves as the cornerstone for improvement. Adequate funding enables a nation to acquire state-of-the-art facilities, elevating not only the standard of living for residents but also their overall well-being. For instance, the introduction of machines in agriculture, replacing manual labor, can significantly enhance productivity, leading to increased profits and faster development with a sufficient budget.

On the other hand, beyond financial aid, educational support plays an irreplaceable role in helping impoverished nations combat poverty. Educational assistance provides opportunities to raise awareness about national issues and increases the number of skilled professionals, creating a potential workforce that can assist these countries in overcoming challenges more efficiently. Scholarships for studying abroad, for instance, offer students in deprived areas more chances to acquire knowledge and skills, contributing to the growth of a skilled workforce. Consequently, the nation can generate innovations to address its issues independently.

In conclusion, while providing monetary assistance is crucial for the foundational development of impoverished countries, affluent nations should also focus on supporting education. This dual approach is essential as it empowers underprivileged nations to progress independently by addressing both immediate needs and fostering long-term growth through education.

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