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Robots and Jobs Machines are taking over more and more jobs previously done by humans. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Robots and Jobs Machines are taking over more and more jobs previously done by humans. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is evident that a lot of occupations implemented by humans are almost supplanted by robots and machines. This essay will examine both the merits and drawbacks of this issue before determining the most prudent course of action.

The advancement of technology has led to a massive utilization of robots and machines to maintain human’s tasks, generating a number of benefits. The most noteworthy advantage is that efficiency is enhanced considerably when adopting these artificial intelligence to address problems in the industrial sites. Since both robots and machines run by algorithm, the massive number of repetitive tasks in mass production can be accomplished in a short time, abstaining from errors and creating large quantities of products, which is completely in stark contrast to manual workers. A prime example is Vinamilk company in Vietnam, which applies the rail guided vehicle to transport not only materials but also packages to production machines without human intervention. Another point to consider is that robots and machines enable companies to save a substantial amount of money on employing unskilled workers. These mobile technology devices allow enterprises to mitigate the cost of training employees since they operate based on coding of the machines and robots without monitoring or training. As a result, companies can boost productivity and reach various types of customers.

Nevertheless, there are a number of drawbacks associated with robots and machines’ replacement in performing work. Firstly, if tasks are completely maintained by these machines, it will result in worker redundancy for people who do not have academic performance. There are fewer job opportunities for these groups of employees to get commitment from companies. Thus, they will be more likely to engage in illegal activities to earn money for themselves as well as support their family members such as stealing properties from others. Furthermore, the automation chain of machines and robots requires a big investment in purchasing these devices in the initial stage as well as maintaining them in the following years. The possible rationale is that machines several years later are not as modern as they used to be in the beginning. Companies need to allocate budgets for hiring professionals to fix these machines, which encourages them to run smoothly.

In conclusion, the disruptive technology of machines and robots facilitate efficiency and minimized costs of recruiting manual workers. In my perspective, the merits of these artificial intelligences would outweigh the drawbacks since their utilization enhances better performance in the working places.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "a lot of occupations" -> "many professions"
    Explanation: Replacing "a lot of occupations" with "many professions" is more formal and precise, aligning with academic style.

  2. "almost supplanted" -> "nearly replaced"
    Explanation: "Almost supplanted" can be replaced with "nearly replaced" to sound more academically precise while maintaining a natural flow.

  3. "before determining" -> "prior to establishing"
    Explanation: Substituting "before determining" with "prior to establishing" enhances the formality of the sentence without sacrificing clarity.

  4. "massive utilization" -> "extensive utilization"
    Explanation: Changing "massive utilization" to "extensive utilization" adds a more sophisticated touch to the language.

  5. "benefits" -> "advantages"
    Explanation: Using "advantages" instead of "benefits" is a more academic choice of words.

  6. "noteworthy advantage" -> "salient advantage"
    Explanation: "Salient advantage" is a more formal and precise term compared to "noteworthy advantage."

  7. "abstaining from errors" -> "avoiding errors"
    Explanation: "Avoiding errors" is a more common and formal phrase in academic writing.

  8. "completely in stark contrast to" -> "in sharp contrast to"
    Explanation: Replacing "completely in stark contrast to" with "in sharp contrast to" maintains a formal tone while being more concise.

  9. "A prime example is Vinamilk company" -> "A prime illustration is the Vinamilk company"
    Explanation: Adding "illustration" and specifying "the Vinamilk company" makes the sentence more precise and formal.

  10. "unskilled workers" -> "untrained labor force"
    Explanation: "Untrained labor force" is a more formal term for the context.

  11. "mitigate the cost of training employees" -> "reduce the expense of employee training"
    Explanation: "Reduce the expense of employee training" is a more formal and precise expression.

  12. "reach various types of customers" -> "appeal to diverse customer segments"
    Explanation: "Appeal to diverse customer segments" is a more formal way to express the idea.

  13. "drawbacks associated with" -> "limitations linked to"
    Explanation: Replacing "drawbacks associated with" with "limitations linked to" adds formality and precision to the sentence.

  14. "worker redundancy for people" -> "job redundancy for individuals"
    Explanation: Using "job redundancy for individuals" is more specific and formal.

  15. "engage in illegal activities" -> "resort to illicit activities"
    Explanation: "Resort to illicit activities" is a more formal phrase.

  16. "stealing properties from others" -> "committing theft from others"
    Explanation: "Committing theft from others" is a more formal expression for this context.

  17. "automation chain of machines" -> "automation process involving machines"
    Explanation: "Automation process involving machines" is a more precise and formal phrase.

  18. "run smoothly" -> "operate seamlessly"
    Explanation: "Operate seamlessly" is a more formal way to describe the machines’ performance.

  19. "In my perspective" -> "From my perspective"
    Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more appropriate phrase to start the concluding statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is evident that a lot of occupations implemented by humans are almost supplanted by robots and machines. This essay will examine both the merits and drawbacks of this issue before determining the most prudent course of action."

    • Explanation and Improvement: The introduction sets the stage for the essay, stating the topic and the intention to discuss advantages and disadvantages. However, it could be more concise and engaging. Instead of using the phrase "before determining the most prudent course of action," you could briefly outline the main points you’ll discuss in the body paragraphs. For example, you could mention efficiency gains and job displacement as key points you will explore.
    • Improved example: "Many jobs once performed by humans are now being taken over by robots and machines. This essay will analyze the benefits and drawbacks of this trend, focusing on increased efficiency and potential job loss."
  2. Quoted text: "The advancement of technology has led to a massive utilization of robots and machines to maintain human’s tasks, generating a number of benefits."

    • Explanation and Improvement: While you state the benefits of technology, it would be more persuasive to provide specific examples or reasons that support this claim. For instance, you could mention how robots and machines have improved productivity in manufacturing by reducing errors and increasing output. Additionally, avoid using possessive form like "human’s tasks"; it should be "human tasks."
    • Improved example: "Technological advancements have led to the widespread use of robots and machines in various industries, resulting in numerous advantages. For example, they have significantly enhanced efficiency in manufacturing by minimizing errors and increasing production rates."
  3. Quoted text: "Nevertheless, there are a number of drawbacks associated with robots and machines’ replacement in performing work."

    • Explanation and Improvement: While you acknowledge the drawbacks, it’s important to specify them clearly in the introduction to give the reader a better understanding of what to expect in the essay. Instead of using the vague term "drawbacks," you could mention job displacement and the initial investment required for automation as specific challenges.
    • Improved example: "However, the increasing role of robots and machines in the workforce brings several challenges, including potential job displacement and the substantial initial investment required for automation."

Overall, your essay has a clear structure and addresses both sides of the argument. To improve further, provide more specific examples and reasons to support your points, and ensure your introduction succinctly outlines the main topics you’ll discuss in the body paragraphs. This will enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic and stating the purpose of the essay. Each body paragraph is dedicated to discussing either advantages or disadvantages, contributing to a coherent structure. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, facilitating smooth transitions between sentences and ideas. For instance, phrases like "Nevertheless" and "Furthermore" help connect contrasting points. There is also clear referencing within paragraphs, such as citing the Vinamilk company as an example. The essay successfully presents a central topic within each paragraph, contributing to overall clarity.

How to improve:
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the concluding paragraph. While it succinctly restates the preference for the advantages, adding a sentence that summarizes the key points discussed in the body paragraphs would strengthen the essay’s coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are consistently used, avoiding any underuse or overuse. Careful proofreading for sentence-level cohesion, especially within and between sentences, will contribute to a more polished essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating some less common lexical items and attempting to use vocabulary for specific purposes. The writer makes efforts to convey ideas using a variety of words and phrases, such as "efficiency," "redundancy," "commitment," and "automation chain." However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For example, the phrase "generate a number of benefits" could be more precisely expressed, and "efficiency is enhanced considerably" might benefit from a more varied choice of words. There are also some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "abstaining" (which should be "abstaining from"), "utilization" (which could be "use"), and "intelligences" (which should be "intelligence"). Despite these issues, the vocabulary usage does not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should aim for more precise and nuanced vocabulary choices. Careful proofreading and editing for spelling and word formation errors will also enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay. Expanding the range of less common lexical items and ensuring accurate word choice and collocation will contribute to a higher band score. Additionally, considering a greater variety of vocabulary for expressing ideas and avoiding repetitive phrases could further elevate the lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy, which aligns with Band 7 criteria. Here are the key points that contribute to this score:

  1. Variety of Complex Structures: The essay employs a variety of complex sentence structures, showcasing the ability to use complex sentences and connect ideas effectively. For example, "The advancement of technology has led to a massive utilization of robots and machines to maintain human’s tasks, generating a number of benefits."

  2. Frequent Error-Free Sentences: The majority of sentences in the essay are error-free, indicating a strong command of grammar and punctuation. For instance, "These mobile technology devices allow enterprises to mitigate the cost of training employees since they operate based on coding of the machines and robots without monitoring or training."

  3. Good Control of Grammar and Punctuation: The essay maintains good control of grammar and punctuation throughout the text. While there are some minor errors, they do not significantly impact comprehension. For example, "it will result in worker redundancy for people who do not have academic performance" could be improved by saying "it will result in worker redundancy for people who lack academic qualifications."

  4. Effective Use of Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates an effective use of vocabulary and technical terms related to the topic, contributing to the overall coherence and clarity.

How to improve:

  1. While the essay is well-structured and largely error-free, some sentences could be further improved for clarity and precision. Proofreading for minor errors and refining sentence structures can help achieve a higher score.

  2. Aim to consistently use more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to enhance the overall quality of writing.

  3. Ensure that complex sentences are well-constructed and do not become overly convoluted. Maintain a balance between complexity and clarity in sentence structure.

Overall, this essay is at the upper end of Band 7 due to its effective use of complex structures and relatively minor grammatical errors. With some minor refinements, it could potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that many jobs once done by humans are now being taken over by robots and machines. This essay will explore both the advantages and disadvantages of this trend before determining the most sensible course of action.

The advancement of technology has led to a widespread use of robots and machines to handle human tasks, bringing about several benefits. The most significant advantage is the considerable enhancement of efficiency when employing artificial intelligence to address issues in industrial settings. Since both robots and machines operate based on algorithms, numerous repetitive tasks in mass production can be completed quickly, avoiding errors and producing large quantities of products, unlike manual workers. A notable example is Vinamilk, a company in Vietnam, which uses rail-guided vehicles to transport materials and packages to production machines without human intervention. Another point to consider is that robots and machines enable companies to save a substantial amount of money on employing unskilled workers. These mobile technology devices allow enterprises to reduce the cost of training employees, as they operate based on the coding of the machines and robots without the need for monitoring or training. Consequently, companies can increase productivity and reach various types of customers.

However, there are drawbacks associated with the replacement of humans by robots and machines in the workforce. Firstly, if tasks are entirely taken over by these machines, it will lead to job redundancy for individuals with lower academic qualifications. This situation reduces job opportunities for these individuals, making it more likely for them to resort to illegal activities to earn money for themselves and support their families, such as stealing properties from others. Furthermore, the automation chain of machines and robots requires a significant initial investment in purchasing these devices, as well as ongoing maintenance costs in the following years. The rationale behind this is that machines become less modern several years later than they were initially. Companies need to allocate budgets for hiring professionals to fix these machines, ensuring they continue to operate smoothly.

In conclusion, the disruptive technology of machines and robots enhances efficiency and reduces the costs of recruiting manual workers. In my perspective, the benefits of these artificial intelligences outweigh the drawbacks, as their utilization leads to improved performance in workplaces.

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