Schools are less important for students since there is various knowledge on the Internet for them to study. To what extend do you agree or disagree

Some contend that studying at school should not be compulsory for everyone, as students can benefit from free information on the Internet. In this essay, however, I will challenge this school of thought.

Admittedly, with the development of the Internet, students are provided with numerous sources of information to enrich their knowledge. From that convenient approach, they may find various documentaries with clear explanations for self-studying strategy. Therefore, it seems to be unnecessary to enroll in schools' lessons while having all kinds of information online. However, students may well run a risk of entering erroneous and even illegal sources, leading to their misinformation. This is because although the government has some certain attempts to prevent such information, they are usually too overwhelming in numbers to be tackled immediately. As a result, there is no guarantee that students, who tend to be lacking in experience, will not be misled by false knowledge. Besides, in schools, teachers can undoubtedly convey ascertained information to students, given their pedagogical expertise.

Granted, not only in the aspect of providing knowledge, attending in school’s classes has also been proven to be beneficial for students by developing their disciplines and other proper manners. In such an academic environment, schools’ regulations are applied strictly to every student, guiding them to form a habit of following dignified behaviours. Consequently, they are inclined to effectively control their attitudes and set themselves into righteous morale. For example, the requirement of punctuality for school’s lessons can definitely benefit their time management skill in the long term. Other forbidden activities such as bullying, swearing or unreasonable absence from lectures are also advantageous for complementing their manners. Without going to schools, students would be less likely to improve their disciplines and behaviours due to the deficiency in rules or punishment at home.

In conclusion, while studying at home still enables people to gather information from the Internet, I strongly argue that enrollment in school’s lessons ensure students accumulate precise knowledge and ameliorate their self-control and dignity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some contend" -> "Some argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "contend," which can imply a more confrontational or biased perspective, which is not suitable for an academic essay.
"not be compulsory for everyone" -> "not be mandatory for all"
Explanation: "Mandatory" is a more formal and precise term than "compulsory," and "all" is more appropriate than "everyone" in formal academic writing.
"students can benefit from free information" -> "students can access free information"
Explanation: "Access" is a more precise term than "benefit from," which can imply a more subjective or indirect advantage.
"From that convenient approach" -> "Through this convenient approach"
Explanation: "Through" is more appropriate than "from" in this context, as it correctly indicates the means by which students access information.
"self-studying strategy" -> "self-study strategies"
Explanation: "Strategies" is plural to reflect the variety of approaches students may use, and "self-study" is a more formal term than "self-studying."
"it seems to be unnecessary" -> "it appears unnecessary"
Explanation: "Appears" is a more formal and academically appropriate verb than "seems," which can be seen as less precise.
"run a risk of entering" -> "risk entering"
Explanation: Simplifying "run a risk of entering" to "risk entering" maintains the same meaning but in a more concise and formal manner.
"some certain attempts" -> "certain attempts"
Explanation: "Some certain" is redundant; "certain" alone is sufficient and more formal.
"too overwhelming in numbers to be tackled immediately" -> "too numerous to be addressed immediately"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise and formal than "overwhelming in numbers," and "addressed" is a more appropriate verb than "tackled" in this context.
"will not be misled by false knowledge" -> "may not be misled by false information"
Explanation: "May" is more appropriate than "will" as it indicates possibility rather than certainty, and "information" is more general and appropriate than "knowledge" in this context.
"in the aspect of providing knowledge" -> "in terms of knowledge provision"
Explanation: "In terms of" is a more formal and precise phrase than "in the aspect of," which is somewhat awkward and less commonly used in academic writing.
"attending in school’s classes" -> "attending school classes"
Explanation: Removing "in" before "school’s classes" corrects the grammatical error and improves the flow of the sentence.
"schools’ regulations are applied strictly" -> "school regulations are strictly applied"
Explanation: "School regulations" is grammatically correct and more formal than "schools’ regulations," which is awkwardly phrased.
"set themselves into righteous morale" -> "develop a righteous moral compass"
Explanation: "Develop a righteous moral compass" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of students developing moral character.
"requirement of punctuality for school’s lessons" -> "requirement of punctuality for school lessons"
Explanation: Removing "for" after "school’s" corrects the grammatical error and improves readability.
"deficiency in rules or punishment at home" -> "lack of rules or consequences at home"
Explanation: "Lack of rules or consequences" is more precise and formal than "deficiency in rules or punishment," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"enrollment in school’s lessons" -> "enrollment in school lessons"
Explanation: Removing "’s" after "school" corrects the possessive error and aligns with the formal style of academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument against the notion that schools are less important due to the availability of information on the Internet. The author acknowledges the benefits of online resources but counters this by emphasizing the risks of misinformation and the value of structured learning environments. The essay covers both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced response. However, the prompt specifically asks for the extent of agreement or disagreement, and while the author clearly disagrees, a more nuanced exploration of the degree of this disagreement could enhance the response.
- How to improve: To improve, the author could explicitly state the extent of their disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. For instance, they could quantify their stance (e.g., "I completely disagree" or "I partially disagree") and elaborate on the implications of this position throughout the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that schools are less important, consistently supporting this stance with logical reasoning and examples. The use of phrases like "I strongly argue" reinforces the author’s position. However, there are moments where the language could be more assertive to further clarify the stance, particularly in the transition between acknowledging the benefits of the Internet and emphasizing the importance of schools.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author could use more definitive language when transitioning between points. For example, instead of saying "may well run a risk," they could state "are at significant risk." This would strengthen the assertiveness of their position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the dangers of misinformation from the Internet and the benefits of discipline learned in schools. Each point is supported with relevant examples, such as the importance of punctuality and the role of teachers in providing accurate information. However, the essay could benefit from more depth in the discussion of how schools specifically contribute to skills beyond academic knowledge.
- How to improve: To improve, the author could expand on the examples provided, perhaps by including specific studies or statistics that illustrate the benefits of school attendance on students’ long-term success. Additionally, integrating counterarguments more thoroughly could provide a richer discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the implications of online learning versus traditional schooling. The author does not deviate from the main argument, which is commendable. However, there are slight tangents, such as the mention of "unreasonable absence from lectures," which, while relevant, could be more tightly connected to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point directly ties back to the central argument regarding the importance of schools. They could also consider limiting the scope of examples to those that most directly support their thesis, thereby avoiding any potential distractions.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task, presenting a clear and well-supported argument. With minor adjustments to clarify the extent of disagreement, enhance the depth of examples, and tighten focus, the essay could achieve an even higher score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that schools are less important due to the availability of information on the Internet. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph follows a logical progression. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the risks of misinformation online, while the second body paragraph shifts focus to the benefits of school in developing discipline and manners. This logical organization aids the reader’s understanding of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "While the Internet offers vast resources, it also poses significant risks that schools help mitigate." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which contributes to its overall coherence. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easy for the reader to follow. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother; the shift from discussing misinformation to the benefits of discipline feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph transitions, consider adding linking phrases or sentences that connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the risks of misinformation, a transitional sentence could be, "In addition to the dangers of online learning, schools also play a crucial role in fostering essential life skills." This would create a more seamless flow between the two points.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Admittedly," "However," and "Consequently," which help to guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively signal shifts in the argument and the relationship between ideas. However, there are moments where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance readability and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "However," consider alternatives like "On the other hand," or "Nevertheless." Additionally, using phrases like "Furthermore" or "Moreover" can help in expanding on points and providing additional support to the argument, thereby enriching the essay’s cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively presenting a well-structured argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and flow of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "erroneous," "pedagogical expertise," and "dignified behaviours" showcasing the writer’s ability to use varied language. However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with phrases like "students may" and "knowledge." The use of synonyms or alternative expressions could enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and phrases to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeatedly using "students may," alternatives like "learners might" or "pupils could" could be employed. Additionally, varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more dynamic vocabulary use.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "self-studying strategy" and "ascribed information." However, there are moments where word choice could be more accurate. For instance, the phrase "the government has some certain attempts" is awkward; "certain attempts" is redundant and could be replaced with "specific measures."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. Reviewing phrases for redundancy and ensuring that each word adds value to the sentence will strengthen the overall argument. For example, revising "some certain attempts" to "specific measures" would improve clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits good spelling, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as the use of "to what extend" instead of "to what extent" in the prompt. This indicates a need for careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in thorough proofreading of their work. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing them can lead to improved spelling in future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "students may well run a risk of entering erroneous and even illegal sources" and "attending in school’s classes has also been proven to be beneficial for students by developing their disciplines and other proper manners" showcase the writer’s ability to construct intricate ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as the frequent use of "students" and "schools," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use synonyms or pronouns to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "students," the writer could use phrases like "these learners" or "individuals in educational settings." Additionally, integrating more passive constructions or conditional clauses could further enrich the grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "there are usually too overwhelming in numbers to be tackled immediately" should be revised to "they are usually too overwhelming in number to be tackled immediately." Additionally, the use of apostrophes in possessive forms, such as "school’s lessons" and "schools’ regulations," is inconsistent. The punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "however" in the first sentence of the second paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch minor errors and ensure consistency in the use of possessives. Practicing the correct forms of common phrases and reviewing punctuation rules regarding conjunctions and transitional phrases could also be beneficial. Furthermore, utilizing grammar-checking tools may help identify overlooked mistakes before finalizing the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, but attention to detail in sentence variety and minor grammatical issues could elevate the writing to an even higher standard.

Bài sửa mẫu

Admittedly, with the development of the Internet, students are provided with numerous sources of information to enrich their knowledge. Through this convenient approach, they may find various documentaries with clear explanations for self-study strategies. Therefore, it appears unnecessary to enroll in school lessons while having all kinds of information online. However, students may well run the risk of entering erroneous and even illegal sources, leading to misinformation. This is because, although the government has made certain attempts to prevent such information, they are usually too numerous to be addressed immediately. As a result, there is no guarantee that students, who tend to lack experience, will not be misled by false knowledge. Besides, in schools, teachers can undoubtedly convey accurate information to students, given their pedagogical expertise.

Granted, not only in terms of knowledge provision, attending school classes has also been proven to be beneficial for students by developing their discipline and other proper manners. In such an academic environment, school regulations are strictly applied to every student, guiding them to form a habit of following dignified behaviors. Consequently, they are inclined to effectively control their attitudes and develop a righteous moral compass. For example, the requirement of punctuality for school lessons can definitely benefit their time management skills in the long term. Other forbidden activities such as bullying, swearing, or unreasonable absence from lectures are also advantageous for complementing their manners. Without attending school, students would be less likely to improve their discipline and behavior due to the lack of rules or consequences at home.

In conclusion, while studying at home still enables people to gather information from the Internet, I strongly argue that enrollment in school lessons ensures students accumulate precise knowledge and enhance their self-control and dignity.