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Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking, and woodwork not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking, and woodwork not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There is an thought stream indicating that learners should concentrate on their academic career and pass the examinations with flying colors. Some skilled subjects such as cookery, dressmaking, and woodwork could be skipped or not be taught in the school environment. These, instead, are better to learn from family members or peers. From my perspective, I believe this statement is totally true, the academic success should be placed on top.
First, a number of countries have a strong belief that the success of life is based on the achievement academic that they acquired. Due to this, getting a high mark can be seen as a significant step toward continuing their academic careers. Obviously, in the learning environment, the success of academic insight is leading on top, which is the primary goal for each learner. This not only satisfies their ambitions of themselves and their parents but also gives them the opportunity to reach higher levels of the academy. To illustrate, in China, learners have to hit on books all the time to study with the big aim that being an administration in a reputable university – Tsinghua University, which allows them to have a rich life in the future.
Moreover, learners should only focus on subjects in school, this training for a good brain to address their problems such as statistical assessment, and self-study, which is necessary for jobs in the future. At the same time, it emphasizes the importance of the academy in fast-moving work and also promotes the rank of education systems of their country in the world, enhancing the position in the view learning of people. In addition, the focus on academic success is the premise for the development of various technology industries, step by step encouraging the growth of their nation and the common development of the world. This is obviously seen in Chinese with the promotion of learners to take part in prime industry, increasing the qualify of spacecraft, for example.
To sum up, academic achievement is one of the significant steps for the development of individuals, countries, and even the world. Focus on passing with flying color also enhance the opportunity for learners to reach a higher point in their learning careers


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "There is an thought stream indicating that learners should concentrate on their academic career and pass the examinations with flying colors."
    -> "There is a prevailing notion suggesting that learners should prioritize their academic careers and excel in examinations."
    Explanation: Replacing "thought stream" with "prevailing notion" adds a more formal tone, and "prioritize" and "excel" convey a stronger sense of commitment and success in academic pursuits.

  2. "Some skilled subjects such as cookery, dressmaking, and woodwork could be skipped or not be taught in the school environment. These, instead, are better to learn from family members or peers."
    -> "Certain practical subjects, such as culinary arts, dressmaking, and carpentry, may be omitted from the school curriculum. Instead, these skills are better acquired through familial or peer instruction."
    Explanation: Replacing "skipped" with "omitted" and using more precise terms like "culinary arts" and "carpentry" enhances the formality of the sentence. Additionally, the phrase "better acquired through familial or peer instruction" maintains a formal tone while suggesting alternative sources for learning.

  3. "From my perspective, I believe this statement is totally true, the academic success should be placed on top."
    -> "In my view, this statement holds true; academic success should be prioritized."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a personal perspective while improving formality by replacing "totally true" with "holds true" and rephrasing to emphasize the prioritization of academic success.

  4. "Due to this, getting a high mark can be seen as a significant step toward continuing their academic careers."
    -> "As a result, obtaining high marks can be viewed as a crucial milestone in advancing their academic careers."
    Explanation: The phrase "Due to this" is replaced with "As a result" for a more formal transition. "Crucial milestone" adds emphasis, and "advancing" is more precise than "continuing."

  5. "This not only satisfies their ambitions of themselves and their parents but also gives them the opportunity to reach higher levels of the academy."
    -> "This not only fulfills their personal and parental ambitions but also provides them the opportunity to ascend to higher echelons of academia."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more formal language, such as "fulfills" and "ascend," to enhance the academic tone.

  6. "To illustrate, in China, learners have to hit on books all the time to study with the big aim that being an administration in a reputable university – Tsinghua University, which allows them to have a rich life in the future."
    -> "For example, in China, students diligently immerse themselves in their studies with the overarching goal of attaining positions in esteemed institutions like Tsinghua University, ensuring a prosperous future."
    Explanation: The replacement of "hit on books" with "diligently immerse themselves in their studies" and the use of "overarching goal" contribute to a more formal and precise expression.

  7. "Moreover, learners should only focus on subjects in school, this training for a good brain to address their problems such as statistical assessment, and self-study, which is necessary for jobs in the future."
    -> "Furthermore, students should exclusively concentrate on school subjects as this hones their cognitive abilities to tackle complex issues, including statistical assessments and self-directed learning essential for future employment."
    Explanation: The revision employs more formal language, replacing "only focus" with "exclusively concentrate," and specifies the cognitive benefits of focusing on academic subjects.

  8. "At the same time, it emphasizes the importance of the academy in fast-moving work and also promotes the rank of education systems of their country in the world, enhancing the position in the view learning of people."
    -> "Simultaneously, it underscores the significance of academic preparation in dynamic workplaces and contributes to elevating their country’s education systems on the global stage, thereby enhancing the public perception of learning."
    Explanation: The revised sentence improves formality by replacing "fast-moving work" with "dynamic workplaces" and provides a more nuanced expression of the impact on the global perception of education.

  9. "increasing the qualify of spacecraft, for example."
    -> "enhancing the quality of spacecraft, for example."
    Explanation: Correcting the typo by replacing "qualify" with "quality" maintains the accuracy of the sentence.

  10. "To sum up, academic achievement is one of the significant steps for the development of individuals, countries, and even the world. Focus on passing with flying color also enhance the opportunity for learners to reach a higher point in their learning careers."
    -> "In conclusion, academic achievement stands as a pivotal factor in the development of individuals, countries, and the world. Emphasizing excellence also enhances learners’ prospects of reaching higher echelons in their educational journeys."
    Explanation: The revised conclusion employs more formal language, replacing "sum up" with "in conclusion," and enhances clarity by rephrasing the sentence for a more formal and precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "There is an thought stream indicating that learners should concentrate on their academic career and pass the examinations with flying colors. Some skilled subjects such as cookery, dressmaking, and woodwork could be skipped or not be taught in the school environment. These, instead, are better to learn from family members or peers."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting your stance on the topic. While you express agreement with the statement, it would be more effective to clearly state this in the introduction. Consider rephrasing the introduction to explicitly mention your position and provide a brief preview of the main points you will discuss. For instance, you could say, "I strongly agree with the notion that academic success should be prioritized in schools, as it forms the foundation for future opportunities. In this essay, I will delve into the reasons supporting this perspective."
    • Improved example: "I strongly agree with the notion that academic success should be prioritized in schools, as it forms the foundation for future opportunities. In this essay, I will delve into the reasons supporting this perspective, emphasizing the significance of academic achievements in shaping individual careers and contributing to national and global development."
  2. Quoted text: "Moreover, learners should only focus on subjects in school, this training for a good brain to address their problems such as statistical assessment, and self-study, which is necessary for jobs in the future."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The connection between focusing on academic subjects and the development of essential skills for future jobs is somewhat unclear. It would be beneficial to elaborate on how academic focus contributes specifically to skills like statistical assessment and self-study. Provide concrete examples or scenarios to strengthen this connection and make your argument more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, concentrating on academic subjects in school hones critical thinking skills, such as the ability to conduct statistical assessments and engage in self-study. For instance, tackling complex mathematical problems fosters analytical thinking, a skill highly sought after in various professions. This training not only equips students with subject-specific knowledge but also cultivates cognitive abilities crucial for their future careers."
  3. Quoted text: "To sum up, academic achievement is one of the significant steps for the development of individuals, countries, and even the world. Focus on passing with flying color also enhances the opportunity for learners to reach a higher point in their learning careers."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and does not provide a concise summary of your main arguments. Instead of restating the importance of academic achievement, consider summarizing the key points you made in the essay. Reinforce the idea that academic success opens doors for individuals and contributes to the overall development of nations.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, prioritizing academic achievement serves as a pivotal step in individual development and contributes to the progress of nations. By focusing on academic success, learners not only enhance their personal growth but also contribute to the broader advancement of society. This emphasis on academic excellence propels individuals towards higher learning achievements and positions them for success in their chosen careers."

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the task, it can benefit from clearer positioning in the introduction, stronger connections between academic focus and future skills, and a more concise and impactful conclusion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and some cohesion in presenting ideas. There is an attempt at logical organization and progression, primarily achieved through introducing arguments and examples to support the stance taken. The essay attempts to follow a structure, starting with an introduction, presenting arguments in the body paragraphs, and ending with a conclusion. However, there are issues with the use of cohesive devices within and between sentences, leading to occasional disjointedness and mechanical phrasing. Paragraphing is attempted but lacks consistency in its logical flow.

How to improve:

  1. Cohesive Devices: Focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., pronouns, transitional phrases) more effectively to create smoother connections between ideas.
  2. Sentence Structure: Work on sentence structure to ensure clear and concise expression of ideas, avoiding repetition and mechanical phrasing.
  3. Paragraphing: Ensure a more consistent and logical structure in paragraphing to enhance the overall coherence and flow of ideas.

Improving these areas will contribute significantly to achieving a higher coherence and cohesion band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. There are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "thought stream" instead of "train of thought" and "hit on books" instead of "hit the books." Additionally, there are spelling and word formation errors, such as "qualify" instead of "quality" and "promote" instead of "participate." Despite these errors, the essay communicates its message reasonably well.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary more accurately. Careful attention to word choice, spelling, and word formation is crucial. The use of idiomatic expressions and more sophisticated language can contribute to a higher band score. Additionally, varying sentence structures and avoiding repetitive language can enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. While there is an attempt to use a variety of structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay. The essay’s overall communication is not significantly hindered by these errors, but they are present and impact the clarity of some sentences. Punctuation is also occasionally faulty, contributing to some issues in sentence structure. However, the essay maintains a reasonable level of coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Review and practice using grammatical structures and punctuation. Focus on areas such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper comma usage.

  2. Sentence Structure: Strive for more accuracy in complex sentence structures. Ensure that sentences are clear and free from ambiguity, contributing to a smoother flow of ideas.

  3. Vocabulary: While not directly assessed in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria, expanding your vocabulary can enhance the overall quality of your writing.

  4. Proofreading: Before submitting, carefully proofread your essay to catch and correct any remaining errors in grammar and punctuation. This step is crucial for improving the overall accuracy of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a prevailing belief that students should prioritize their academic pursuits and excel in examinations. Some practical subjects like cookery, dressmaking, and woodwork may be omitted or not included in school curricula, as it is argued that these skills are better acquired from family or friends. In my view, I wholeheartedly agree with this perspective; academic success should take precedence.

Firstly, in many countries, there is a strong conviction that life success hinges on academic achievements. Attaining high marks is often regarded as a crucial step toward advancing one’s educational journey. Clearly, within the educational setting, the emphasis on academic prowess remains paramount, serving as the primary objective for every learner. This not only fulfills their personal ambitions and those of their parents but also opens doors to higher echelons of academic institutions. For instance, in China, students diligently immerse themselves in their studies with the ultimate goal of gaining admission to esteemed universities like Tsinghua University, paving the way for a prosperous future.

Furthermore, students should concentrate solely on academic subjects in school. This sharpens their cognitive abilities to tackle complex issues such as statistical assessments and self-directed study, essential skills for future employment. Simultaneously, it underscores the pivotal role of education in a rapidly evolving job market and contributes to the global standing of their country’s educational system. Additionally, the emphasis on academic success serves as a catalyst for advancements in various technological industries, fostering the progress of the nation and contributing to global development. This is evident in China’s efforts to encourage students to participate in cutting-edge industries, elevating the quality of spacecraft, for example.

In conclusion, academic achievement stands as a significant milestone in the personal, national, and global development of individuals. Focusing on excelling academically also enhances students’ prospects for reaching greater heights in their educational journeys.

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