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Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree?

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree?

Public opinion remains divided on whether vocational skills such as cookery and wood-related work should be included in the school curriculum to equip students with more various skillset or it is better for them to acquire those skills from outside of institutional context. I concur with the latter viewpoint for reasons outlined below.

Granted, one may argue that the inclusion of vocational skill-related courses in the curriculum can undoubtedly urge students to become competent in a particular capacity. This is because such a system is more likely to provide well-structured and age-appropriate guidance which is believed to be effective in comparison to when they learn from their parents or friends. However, this line of reasoning is not firmly grounded in facts as it failed to factor in the pleasure and creativity that they can extract and be fueled when engaging in real-life experience. In contradiction to traditional classes, on-hand situations certainly would not give detailed step-to-step instruction which allow individuals to utilize their own ability to the most, fostering creative thinking to get underway.

Furthermore, there are several reasons to support the concept of learning from relatives and peers. Chief among these is the nature of real-life vocational lessons which is the accessibility being at the core. Parents are always the first to understand their children’s attributes and hobbies, thereby creating a learning environment where teenagers can practice with more personally approachable manners, making this source of learning ideal entity to teach such life skills. Moreover, an increase in cooperation within friendship is also worth being taken into account. With nearly all age-related factors, friends can be the second best option to learn from as, for example, they would not feel hesitant to inquiry about the incomprehensible session due to the close divide in age and hierarchical backgrounds. Consequently, this successfully provides students with a more conductive environment for asking question and seeking clarification.

Inconclusion, I firmly believe that with the ability of relatives and friends to provide a more accessible lessons and trigger interactive channels of communication, they suites the most for the task of teaching youngsters life skills.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "more various skillset" -> "a broader range of skills"
    Explanation: "More various skillset" lacks precision and formality. "A broader range of skills" is a clearer and more formal phrase that better conveys the idea.

  2. "I concur" -> "I agree"
    Explanation: "I concur" is more formal, but "I agree" is equally suitable and more commonly used in academic writing, maintaining formality without being overly complex.

  3. "urged" -> "encourage"
    Explanation: "Urge" in this context feels slightly informal. "Encourage" maintains formality and clarity in expressing the impact of vocational skill-related courses.

  4. "step-to-step instruction" -> "step-by-step instructions"
    Explanation: "Step-to-step" is an incorrect expression. "Step-by-step instructions" is the appropriate phrase for clarity and formality.

  5. "allow individuals to utilize their own ability to the most" -> "enable individuals to maximize their abilities"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and informal. "Enable individuals to maximize their abilities" is more concise and academically appropriate.

  6. "fostering creative thinking to get underway" -> "promoting the initiation of creative thinking"
    Explanation: The phrase "fostering creative thinking to get underway" is awkward and informal. "Promoting the initiation of creative thinking" maintains formality and clarity.

  7. "entity" -> "means"
    Explanation: "Entity" is not the most suitable term here. "Means" is a more appropriate word to refer to the source of learning.

  8. "conductive" -> "conducive"
    Explanation: "Conductive" is a misspelling; "conducive" is the correct term to indicate a favorable or suitable environment.

  9. "Inconclusion" -> "In conclusion"
    Explanation: "Inconclusion" is incorrect; it should be "In conclusion" to maintain the appropriate structure for academic writing.

  10. "suites" -> "suits"
    Explanation: "Suites" is incorrect; it should be "suits" for grammatical accuracy.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Granted, one may argue that the inclusion of vocational skill-related courses in the curriculum can undoubtedly urge students to become competent in a particular capacity. This is because such a system is more likely to provide well-structured and age-appropriate guidance which is believed to be effective in comparison to when they learn from their parents or friends."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The essay acknowledges a viewpoint favoring the inclusion of vocational courses in the curriculum, citing structured guidance as a benefit. However, it lacks development regarding the drawbacks or limitations of solely relying on institutional learning. To enhance the argument, consider illustrating potential limitations of structured guidance in contrast to real-life experiences. For instance, elaborate on how structured guidance might limit creativity or fail to adapt to individual learning styles. You could mention personal experiences or anecdotes to reinforce this perspective.
    • Improved example: "While structured guidance within institutional learning environments may appear advantageous for teaching vocational skills, it often restricts the scope for creativity and personalized learning. In my own experience, following step-by-step instructions sometimes hindered my creative thinking in woodwork, limiting my ability to explore innovative approaches to crafting. Real-life experiences outside the classroom allowed me to experiment freely and discover unique methods, fostering my creative thinking."
  2. Quoted text: "However, this line of reasoning is not firmly grounded in facts as it failed to factor in the pleasure and creativity that they can extract and be fueled when engaging in real-life experience."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument here introduces the idea of pleasure and creativity derived from real-life experiences. Yet, it lacks depth and specific examples to substantiate this claim. To strengthen this point, delve deeper into how real-life experiences foster creativity and pleasure. Offer personal anecdotes or specific instances that demonstrate how learning such skills outside the classroom environment can be more enjoyable and enhance creativity.
    • Improved example: "However, the joy and creativity stemming from real-life experiences significantly impact skill acquisition. For instance, when I learned cooking from my grandmother, the experience was not only enjoyable but also encouraged experimentation. Unlike classroom settings, where rigid instructions prevail, the freedom to explore various recipes and techniques outside school led to a deeper understanding and appreciation for culinary skills."
  3. Quoted text: "Inconclusion, I firmly believe that with the ability of relatives and friends to provide a more accessible lessons and trigger interactive channels of communication, they suites the most for the task of teaching youngsters life skills."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion reiterates the preference for learning life skills from family and friends due to accessibility and interactive communication. However, it lacks a summary of key points discussed in the essay. To strengthen the conclusion, summarize the main arguments briefly and restate your position clearly, reinforcing why learning from relatives and friends is more effective than institutional learning.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, while institutional learning may offer structured guidance, the flexibility, accessibility, and personal understanding provided by family and friends outweigh the limitations of classroom settings. The anecdotal evidence and personal experiences shared throughout this essay support the view that learning life skills from relatives and friends not only enhances accessibility but also fosters a deeper and more engaging learning experience for young individuals."

Overall, while the essay presents arguments for learning life skills from family and friends, it would benefit from more elaboration on the drawbacks of institutional learning and further development of personal experiences to strengthen the points made. Additionally, summarizing the main arguments in the conclusion would improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, presenting the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs maintain a clear central topic within each, supporting the thesis. There is effective use of cohesive devices, such as transitions and linking words, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The writer also employs a range of cohesive devices appropriately, enhancing the flow of ideas.

Paragraphing is generally logical, contributing to the overall organization of the essay. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument and contributes to the overall coherence of the response. The use of examples and supporting details further strengthens the essay’s coherence and cohesion.

How to improve:
While the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis and development of ideas. Providing more nuanced examples or expanding on existing ones could enhance the overall argument. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing key points and reinforcing the writer’s stance.

Overall, maintaining this level of organization and refining the analysis would contribute to a more comprehensive and nuanced response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using a mix of common and less common lexical items. There is an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary, and while there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay also makes some errors in spelling and word formation, but these do not obstruct understanding.

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the topic, with phrases like "competent in a particular capacity" and "fostering creative thinking." However, there are instances where the language could be more precise, and some awkward phrasing may slightly impact fluency. The essay effectively communicates the main ideas, but there is room for improvement in terms of lexical sophistication and accuracy.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer should aim for a more varied and precise vocabulary. Paying closer attention to word choice and collocation can reduce occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, thorough proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will contribute to a cleaner presentation. Integrating more sophisticated and contextually appropriate terms will elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, with a variety of complex structures used throughout. Most sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. The writer employs a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing a reasonable range of structures. While there are some minor errors, they do not significantly impede understanding. The essay effectively presents arguments and ideas with clarity.

How to improve:
To further enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay attention to sentence structure consistency. Some sentences could be refined for better clarity, and a more consistent application of complex structures can be employed. Additionally, a careful proofreading to eliminate minor errors will contribute to achieving a higher band score. Overall, maintaining this level of complexity and refining sentence structures will lead to continued improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate over whether schools should prioritize academic success and exam results over teaching practical skills like cooking, dressmaking, and woodworking outside the academic setting continues to be a topic of contention. I agree with the perspective that these skills are better acquired from family and friends, as opposed to being formally integrated into the school curriculum, for the reasons outlined below.

Some argue that including vocational courses in schools can effectively equip students with specific competencies, thanks to well-structured guidance. However, this viewpoint overlooks the joy and creativity that real-life experiences can offer. Unlike traditional classes, hands-on situations may lack detailed step-by-step instructions, but they encourage individuals to tap into their own abilities, fostering creative thinking.

Moreover, there are compelling reasons to favor learning from relatives and peers. One key advantage is the personalized nature of real-life lessons. Parents, being intimately familiar with their children’s attributes and interests, create an environment where teenagers can practice in a more personally approachable manner. This makes learning from family an ideal way to acquire life skills. Additionally, the collaborative aspect of friendships is noteworthy. Friends, due to their close age and similar backgrounds, become valuable learning companions. They are less hesitant to ask questions about unclear aspects, fostering a conducive environment for seeking clarification.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that the accessibility and interactive communication provided by relatives and friends make them the most suitable instructors for teaching youngsters life skills. The personal touch and collaborative atmosphere offered by learning from family and friends enhance the overall learning experience for students.

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