Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by governments rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The question of whether a scientific investigation should be conducted by a government or a private organization has been a controversial topic on the Internet in today's society. As far as I'm concerned, both perspectives have valid points and a balanced approach is needed to tackle this complex issue.
On the one hand, being manipulated by these businesses has many benefits. First of all, private scientific institutions are often able to attract more elite and professional talent thanks to excellent financial incentives. Therefore, they can research the most advanced techniques and achieve many technological breakthroughs to accelerate the pace of scientific innovation. Furthermore, private companies often compete with each other and aim to maximize profits, which will stimulate companies to research further to achieve technological breakthroughs to reduce production costs and operate more efficiently.
On the other hand, the presence of the regime also plays an essential role. First and foremost, strategic technologies such as weapons production can only be carried out by the government because they are state secrets. Second, the government has enough funding to support research facilities such as equipment and laboratories, thereby promoting working conditions that ensure the government's cost-benefit analysis to maintain social stabilization.
In conclusion, both private corporations and governments conducting scientific research have advantages and disadvantages. In that situation, the best way is to combine both sides so that the state subsidizes and supports private companies when conducting research.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"has been a controversial topic on the Internet" -> "has sparked controversy in online discourse"
Explanation: Replacing "controversial topic on the Internet" with "sparked controversy in online discourse" maintains a formal tone and offers a more specific description of where the controversy is taking place.
"As far as I’m concerned" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "As far as I’m concerned" is too informal for an academic essay. "In my opinion" is a more formal and appropriate phrase to express the author’s viewpoint.
"manipulated by these businesses" -> "influenced by these enterprises"
Explanation: "Manipulated" carries a negative connotation and is somewhat informal. "Influenced" is a more neutral and academically suitable term.
"excellent financial incentives" -> "generous financial incentives"
Explanation: "Excellent" is a somewhat informal term. Replacing it with "generous" maintains a formal tone and conveys the idea more precisely.
"technological breakthroughs" (repeated) -> "significant technological advancements"
Explanation: Repeating "technological breakthroughs" can be improved by using "significant technological advancements" to avoid redundancy and provide a more formal expression.
"stimulate companies to research further" -> "encourage companies to conduct further research"
Explanation: "Stimulate" is somewhat informal in this context. Replacing it with "encourage" maintains a formal tone.
"presence of the regime" -> "government’s involvement"
Explanation: "Presence of the regime" is an unusual and somewhat informal phrase. "Government’s involvement" is a clearer and more formal alternative.
"strategic technologies" -> "crucial technologies"
Explanation: "Strategic technologies" can be replaced with "crucial technologies" for a more common and formal term.
"because they are state secrets" -> "due to their classified nature"
Explanation: "Because they are state secrets" can be replaced with "due to their classified nature" for a more formal and descriptive phrase.
"funding to support research facilities such as equipment and laboratories" -> "funding to support research infrastructure, including equipment and laboratories"
Explanation: Expanding on "research facilities such as equipment and laboratories" with "research infrastructure, including equipment and laboratories" provides a more precise and formal description.
"cost-benefit analysis to maintain social stabilization" -> "cost-benefit analysis to ensure social stability"
Explanation: "Maintain social stabilization" can be rephrased as "ensure social stability" for a more concise and formal expression.
"In conclusion, both private corporations and governments conducting scientific research have advantages and disadvantages." -> "To conclude, both private corporations and government-led scientific research have their respective strengths and weaknesses."
Explanation: The revised sentence offers a more formal and structured conclusion, avoiding the use of "In conclusion" which is somewhat informal in academic writing.
"In that situation" -> "In such circumstances"
Explanation: "In that situation" is somewhat vague and informal. "In such circumstances" provides a more specific and formal transition to the next sentence.
"state subsidizes and supports private companies when conducting research" -> "the state provides subsidies and support to private companies engaged in research"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence with "the state provides subsidies and support to private companies engaged in research" enhances clarity and maintains a formal tone.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses all parts of the question by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of both government and private companies conducting scientific research. It mentions the need for a balanced approach.
- How to improve: While the essay adequately addresses all parts of the question, it could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the advantages and disadvantages of each side.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay takes a balanced stance, stating that both government and private companies have their advantages and disadvantages. The position is clear and consistent throughout the essay.
- How to improve: The clarity of the position is good; however, the essay could provide a stronger thesis statement that explicitly states the author’s position on whether government or private companies should control scientific research.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas reasonably well, offering arguments for both government and private control of scientific research. It provides some specific examples, such as the attraction of talent by private companies and the government’s role in strategic technologies.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific examples and details to strengthen the arguments further. For instance, it could mention specific scientific breakthroughs achieved by either government or private organizations.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays largely on topic and addresses the issue of whether scientific research should be carried out and controlled by governments or private companies. However, it briefly mentions "the presence of the regime," which is somewhat unclear and might not directly relate to the topic.
- How to improve: To stay more focused, the essay should avoid unclear or tangential references like "the presence of the regime." Instead, it should maintain a clear connection between the ideas presented and the topic of government vs. private control of scientific research.
Overall, this essay provides a thoughtful discussion of the topic and effectively addresses the key elements of the checklist. To enhance the essay, the writer should aim for more detailed examples and a stronger thesis statement while avoiding any tangential or unclear references. This will help in presenting a more comprehensive and refined argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It begins with an introduction that presents the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs that discuss the advantages of both private companies and government involvement in scientific research. Finally, it concludes by proposing a balanced approach. However, within the body paragraphs, there is room for improvement in terms of sequencing and clarity. For instance, the essay could have provided a more structured comparison between the advantages of private companies and government involvement.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a clear and structured comparison of the advantages and disadvantages of both private and government involvement in scientific research. Start with one side (e.g., private companies), discuss its advantages, then move on to the other side (e.g., government) and discuss its advantages. This will create a smoother and more logical flow.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph serves its purpose in presenting information and arguments coherently. However, it could benefit from more variation in the length of paragraphs for improved readability.
- How to improve: Consider varying the length of paragraphs to create a more engaging reading experience. Shorter paragraphs can be used for emphasis or to break down complex ideas, while longer paragraphs can be used to develop more extensive points.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices effectively, such as transition words like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand." These help connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the use of more diverse cohesive devices, such as synonyms or pronouns, to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, including synonyms, pronouns, and parallel structures. This will make the essay more engaging and easier to follow for the reader.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, but there are opportunities for improvement in terms of logical organization, paragraph variation, and the use of diverse cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can further enhance its overall quality and clarity.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary. It uses a variety of words and phrases effectively to express ideas. For instance, it employs words like "manipulated," "incentives," "technological breakthroughs," "production costs," "state secrets," and "social stabilization." These choices help convey the author’s points more clearly and accurately.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider introducing more sophisticated and contextually relevant vocabulary where possible. Additionally, try to incorporate domain-specific terminology or jargon when discussing scientific research to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary quite precisely. It effectively conveys the intended meaning without excessive repetition or ambiguity. For example, terms like "elite and professional talent," "state secrets," and "social stabilization" are used appropriately to convey specific ideas.
- How to improve: To further improve precision, ensure that each word or phrase used is the best fit for the context. Avoid overusing certain words or expressions and strive for variety while maintaining clarity. Pay attention to nuances in meaning to select the most suitable vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally at an acceptable level. There are only a few minor spelling errors observed. For instance, "In conclusion," the word "maintenance" should replace "maintain" in the phrase "cost-benefit analysis to maintain social stabilization."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully before submission. You can also utilize spell-checking tools and practice spelling words that are commonly misspelled. Developing good proofreading habits can significantly enhance spelling accuracy.
Overall, the essay’s Lexical Resource is at a Band Score 6 level, demonstrating a commendable use of vocabulary with some minor spelling errors. To enhance this aspect further, focus on incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary, maintaining precision, and improving proofreading practices to eliminate minor errors.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fairly good range of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there are examples of complex sentences such as: "First and foremost, strategic technologies such as weapons production can only be carried out by the government because they are state secrets." However, there is some room for improvement in terms of sentence structure variety, as many sentences follow a similar pattern.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider using more rhetorical devices like parallelism, inversion, or conditional sentences. Additionally, strive to mix sentence lengths to create a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. There are only minor grammatical issues, such as the phrase "manipulated by these businesses," which might be more appropriately phrased as "controlled by private companies" for clarity. Punctuation is generally correct, with appropriate use of commas and periods.
- How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to minor issues like word choice and sentence clarity. Always proofread to catch any remaining errors. Keep practicing to maintain a consistently high level of accuracy.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy. To improve further, work on diversifying your sentence structures and continue to fine-tune your grammar and punctuation skills. Keep in mind that these are just two aspects of essay writing, and addressing other criteria like content, coherence, and vocabulary will also contribute to overall improvement.
Bài sửa mẫu
The question of whether scientific research should be conducted and controlled by governments or private organizations has sparked controversy in online discourse in today’s society. In my opinion, both perspectives have valid points, and a balanced approach is needed to address this complex issue.
On one hand, there are several benefits to research conducted by private organizations. Firstly, private scientific institutions can attract elite and professional talent due to their generous financial incentives. This enables them to engage in cutting-edge research and achieve technological breakthroughs that accelerate scientific innovation. Moreover, competition among private companies motivates them to seek maximum profits, which, in turn, encourages further research to reduce production costs and enhance operational efficiency.
On the other hand, government involvement also plays a crucial role in scientific research. Firstly, certain strategic technologies, such as weapons production, must remain under government control due to their classified nature. Secondly, the government possesses the necessary funding to support research infrastructure, including equipment and laboratories. This support ensures favorable working conditions and allows the government to conduct cost-benefit analyses to maintain social stability.
To conclude, both private corporations and government-led scientific research have their respective strengths and weaknesses. In such circumstances, a balanced approach can be effective, where the state provides subsidies and support to private companies engaged in research. This collaboration can harness the advantages of both sectors to promote scientific progress and benefit society as a whole.