Scientific research should be funded by governments rather than commercial organizations. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, scientific research is becoming popular in the world. Scientists have found more and more evidence to prove the issue that is happening around human life. The debate over scientific research should be funded by governments than commercial organizations. In my view, I do not strongly agree with this view, and provide several compelling reasons to support my view in this essay.
Firstly, scientific research about the universe, NASA follows change about the universe, such as the moon, the sun, the earth,.. that loss of much time, and money due to commercial organizations will not enough expense to make them, and they do not support anything for the development of commercial organizations. On the one hand, governments who have benefit from this researches. Scientific research which supports for governments know change around weather, the universe,… to have suitable solutions, and better ways to support the development of their nation.
Secondly, a nation's information from the government is always most correct, and reliable. This explains why a nation needs to have the government's instruction. For example, when a nation happen a negative weather, the government who will warn and support the nation’s humans. If have many information will occur a issue is trouble, people will recognize what is right information, and wrong information. This makes it easier for the government’s manage.
In conclusion, I think that scientific research should be funded by the government is the best suitable way. Commercial organizations are too much, and do not have enough experience to report about research information, which provides incorrect information that makes nation’s human worry.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"is becoming popular" -> "is increasingly prevalent"
Explanation: "Is increasingly prevalent" conveys a more formal and precise description of the growing trend in scientific research, avoiding the casual tone of "becoming popular."
"found more and more evidence" -> "continuously uncover more evidence"
Explanation: "Continuously uncover more evidence" is a more formal and active way to describe the ongoing process of scientific discovery, enhancing the academic tone.
"The debate over" -> "The controversy surrounding"
Explanation: "The controversy surrounding" is a more formal and precise term that better captures the ongoing discussion and disagreement about funding scientific research.
"should be funded by governments than commercial organizations" -> "should be funded by governments rather than commercial organizations"
Explanation: "Rather than" is a more formal conjunction than "than," and it correctly indicates a comparison in this context.
"I do not strongly agree" -> "I do not strongly concur"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," fitting better in academic writing.
"provide several compelling reasons" -> "offer several compelling arguments"
Explanation: "Offer several compelling arguments" is more specific and academically appropriate than "provide several compelling reasons," which is somewhat vague.
"about the universe, NASA follows change about the universe" -> "concerning the universe, NASA tracks changes in the universe"
Explanation: "Concerning the universe, NASA tracks changes in the universe" corrects the awkward and unclear original phrase, improving clarity and formality.
"that loss of much time, and money" -> "that incurs significant time and financial costs"
Explanation: "Incur significant time and financial costs" is a more precise and formal way to express the financial and temporal burdens of scientific research.
"will not enough expense to make them" -> "cannot afford to fund them"
Explanation: "Cannot afford to fund them" is a clearer and more formal expression than the awkward and incorrect "will not enough expense to make them."
"On the one hand, governments who have benefit from this researches" -> "On the one hand, governments benefit from these researches"
Explanation: "Governments benefit from these researches" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"know change around weather, the universe,… to have suitable solutions" -> "gain insights into weather and universe-related changes to develop suitable solutions"
Explanation: "Gain insights into weather and universe-related changes to develop suitable solutions" is a more precise and academically appropriate way to describe the benefits of scientific research.
"a nation happen a negative weather" -> "a nation experiences adverse weather"
Explanation: "Experiences adverse weather" is grammatically correct and more formal than the incorrect "happen a negative weather."
"If have many information will occur a issue is trouble" -> "If there is much misinformation, it may lead to issues"
Explanation: "If there is much misinformation, it may lead to issues" corrects the grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, enhancing the formal tone.
"which provides incorrect information that makes nation’s human worry" -> "which provides inaccurate information, causing national concern"
Explanation: "Which provides inaccurate information, causing national concern" is more precise and formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect original phrase.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the funding of scientific research, but it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The introduction mentions a personal view but does not clarify whether the author agrees or disagrees with the notion that government funding is preferable. The body paragraphs present arguments but lack a clear connection to the prompt’s requirement to evaluate the extent of agreement or disagreement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and consistently refer back to it throughout the essay. It would be beneficial to include a clear thesis statement that outlines the extent of agreement or disagreement (e.g., "I partially agree that scientific research should be funded by governments, as…"). This clarity will help in addressing all parts of the question more effectively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a consistent and clear position. The author states they do not strongly agree with the funding by governments but does not elaborate on this stance or provide counterarguments to balance the discussion. The phrases used are vague, and the reasoning is not sufficiently developed to convey a clear position.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the author should explicitly outline their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Including a counterargument could also strengthen the position by acknowledging the opposing viewpoint and then refuting it with evidence or reasoning.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding government funding, such as reliability and the benefits of government oversight. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with specific examples. For instance, the mention of NASA and the universe lacks clarity and relevance to the argument about funding. Additionally, the points made about government reliability are not sufficiently backed by concrete examples or data.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the author should provide specific examples and detailed explanations for each point made. For instance, when discussing the reliability of government information, the author could cite specific instances where government-funded research led to significant advancements or public safety improvements. This would help in extending and substantiating the ideas presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the focus shifts to the government’s role in managing information rather than directly addressing the funding of scientific research. This lack of focus can confuse readers about the main argument being made.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing the essay, ensuring that each point ties back to the central question of funding scientific research. Additionally, using topic sentences that clearly relate to the prompt can help keep the discussion on track.

In summary, while the essay touches on relevant points regarding the funding of scientific research, it lacks clarity, depth, and a consistent position. By explicitly stating their viewpoint, developing ideas with specific examples, and maintaining focus on the prompt, the author can improve their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat unclear and lacks a logical progression. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the topic but does not clearly outline the reasons for the author’s stance. The transition from discussing the role of governments to the reliability of information is abrupt and does not flow logically. The points made are relevant but are not developed in a coherent manner that guides the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should clearly outline their main arguments in the introduction. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, introduced with a clear topic sentence. Additionally, using linking phrases such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "Furthermore" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. A clear conclusion reiterating the main points would also strengthen the overall structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is limited. The first paragraph attempts to introduce the topic and the writer’s position, but it lacks clarity and coherence. The second paragraph mixes multiple ideas without clear separation, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The conclusion is present but does not effectively summarize the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should have a clear focus. The writer should start each paragraph with a topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For example, the first body paragraph could focus solely on the benefits of government funding for scientific research, while the second could address the limitations of commercial funding. This will help create a clearer structure and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the flow of ideas. Phrases like "On the one hand" and "For example" are used, but they are not always applied correctly or effectively. The transitions between sentences and paragraphs are often abrupt, leading to a disjointed reading experience. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is repetitive and lacks variety.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "In contrast," and "Consequently." These can help clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the flow of the essay. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts can also help the writer become more comfortable with their application.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas, the lack of logical organization, effective paragraphing, and varied cohesive devices contributes to the lower band score. By focusing on these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of their writing, leading to a higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to scientific research and government funding. Phrases like "scientific research," "commercial organizations," and "development of their nation" indicate an understanding of the topic. However, the range is somewhat limited, with repetitive use of certain terms and phrases, such as "government" and "scientific research." Additionally, some expressions are awkward or unclear, such as "loss of much time, and money due to commercial organizations will not enough expense to make them."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "government," alternatives like "state," "public sector," or "authorities" could be employed. Furthermore, using more specific terms related to funding, research methodologies, or outcomes could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "the debate over scientific research should be funded by governments than commercial organizations" lacks clarity and grammatical correctness. Additionally, phrases like "the government who have benefit from this researches" are awkward and not grammatically correct, leading to confusion about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammar and sentence structure. For instance, the sentence could be rephrased to "the debate over whether scientific research should be funded by governments rather than commercial organizations is ongoing." Additionally, using more accurate verbs and adjectives would help convey ideas more clearly. For example, instead of "provide several compelling reasons," one might say "present several compelling arguments."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors and grammatical issues that detract from the overall quality. Words like "NASA follows change" and "the government who will warn and support the nation’s humans" reflect a lack of attention to spelling and grammatical structure. Additionally, the use of ellipses ("…") is inappropriate in formal writing and indicates a lack of clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring correct grammatical structures. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Furthermore, practicing writing exercises that emphasize spelling and grammar can contribute to long-term improvement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with it using relevant vocabulary. However, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, improving precision in language use, and ensuring correct spelling and grammar throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Many sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the writing. For example, phrases like "scientific research is becoming popular in the world" and "the government who will warn and support the nation’s humans" are straightforward and do not utilize more complex structures such as relative clauses or varied conjunctions. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the issue that is happening around human life" is somewhat vague and could be expressed more effectively with varied sentence types.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the government who will warn and support the nation’s humans," a more complex structure could be "the government, which plays a crucial role in public safety, will warn and support the citizens during adverse weather conditions." Additionally, using a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences can enhance the overall variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "NASA follows change about the universe" is awkwardly phrased and lacks clarity. The phrase "that loss of much time, and money due to commercial organizations will not enough expense to make them" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. Furthermore, the use of ellipses ("…") in place of proper punctuation is inappropriate and disrupts the flow of the essay. The sentence "If have many information will occur a issue is trouble" is also grammatically incorrect and lacks coherence.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For instance, "If there is much information, it will help to identify potential issues" would be a clearer and grammatically correct revision. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, such as the proper use of commas and periods, will enhance the readability of the essay. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, the limited range of sentence structures and grammatical inaccuracies hinder its effectiveness. By focusing on diversifying sentence types and improving grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, scientific research is becoming increasingly prevalent in the world. Scientists have continuously uncovered more evidence to address the issues that are happening in human life. The controversy surrounding whether scientific research should be funded by governments rather than commercial organizations is significant. In my view, I do not strongly concur with this perspective and will offer several compelling arguments to support my position in this essay.

Firstly, scientific research concerning the universe, such as that conducted by NASA, tracks changes in the universe, including the moon, the sun, and the earth. This incurs significant time and financial costs, and commercial organizations may not have enough resources to support such endeavors. Furthermore, they do not contribute to the development of society in the same way that government-funded research does. On the one hand, governments benefit from these researches, as scientific research helps them gain insights into weather and universe-related changes to develop suitable solutions and better ways to support the development of their nation.

Secondly, information provided by a nation’s government is always the most correct and reliable. This explains why a nation needs to rely on government guidance. For example, when a nation experiences adverse weather, it is the government that will warn and support its citizens. If there is much misinformation, it may lead to issues that cause confusion, making it difficult for people to recognize what is accurate and what is not. This makes it easier for the government to manage the situation effectively.

In conclusion, I believe that funding scientific research through the government is the best approach. Commercial organizations may be too focused on profit and do not have enough experience to provide accurate research information, which can lead to misinformation and cause national concern.