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Scientists assume that computers will become more intelligent than humans. Some believe this is a positive development, while others view it as a negative one. Discuss both viewpoints and provide your own opinion.

Scientists assume that computers will become more intelligent than humans. Some believe this is a positive development, while others view it as a negative one. Discuss both viewpoints and provide your own opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether the intelligence of computers will surpass that of humans and whether this will be harmful or beneficial. While the advanced technological capabilities of computers can assist humans in many ways, I am concerned about the implications of this development.
Admittedly, many people advocate the assistance of super-advanced computers, and justifiably so. This is because this equipment can significantly enhance productivity, remove human involvement from the production process, and work continuously without interruption, 24/7. However, it seems that only employers benefit from this, while it simultaneously increases the rate of unemployment in a country. In addition, computers with critical and logical thinking abilities can help humans make objective decisions. However, their increased independence can negatively impact human intelligence.
Furthermore, robot intelligence itself can come up with its own decisions, threatening the existence of humankind. For example, robots programmed with some negative beliefs and moral regulations might eliminate certain human groups or regions due to the pursuit of human benefits. Logically, humans are destroying the environment because of economic growth and development goals. If robots were to act against humanity to protect the environment, it would be a huge concern for everyone. This means that such a development is unwelcome.
In conclusion, robotic techniques and AI technology have the potential to boost the quality of human life. However, the disadvantages of unemployment and AI dependence are increasing, and these concerns could outweigh the former benefits to humanity.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Opinions are divided" -> "There is a divergence of opinion"
    Explanation: "There is a divergence of opinion" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea that opinions are varied, which is more suitable for academic writing.

  2. "the intelligence of computers will surpass that of humans" -> "computers may surpass human intelligence"
    Explanation: The phrase "computers may surpass human intelligence" is more concise and avoids the awkward construction of "the intelligence of computers will surpass that of humans."

  3. "harmful or beneficial" -> "beneficial or detrimental"
    Explanation: "Beneficial or detrimental" is a more formal and precise way to describe the potential outcomes, aligning better with academic style.

  4. "I am concerned about" -> "this raises concerns about"
    Explanation: "This raises concerns about" shifts the focus from a personal perspective to a more objective, formal tone, which is preferred in academic writing.

  5. "many people advocate the assistance of super-advanced computers" -> "many advocate the use of advanced computers"
    Explanation: "Advocate the use of advanced computers" is more precise and avoids the awkward and informal "super-advanced."

  6. "remove human involvement from the production process" -> "eliminate human involvement in the production process"
    Explanation: "Eliminate" is a more precise term than "remove" in this context, and "in" is the correct preposition to use with "involvement."

  7. "work continuously without interruption, 24/7" -> "operate continuously without interruption, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week"
    Explanation: "Operate continuously without interruption, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week" is a more formal and detailed expression, suitable for academic writing.

  8. "simultaneously increases the rate of unemployment" -> "simultaneously increases unemployment rates"
    Explanation: "Increases unemployment rates" is a more formal and precise way to express the impact on employment.

  9. "computers with critical and logical thinking abilities" -> "computers endowed with critical and logical thinking capabilities"
    Explanation: "Endowed with critical and logical thinking capabilities" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase.

  10. "robot intelligence itself can come up with its own decisions" -> "robot intelligence may autonomously make decisions"
    Explanation: "May autonomously make decisions" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "come up with."

  11. "robots programmed with some negative beliefs and moral regulations" -> "robots programmed with negative beliefs and moral biases"
    Explanation: "Moral biases" is a more precise and formal term than "moral regulations," which is less commonly used in this context.

  12. "robots were to act against humanity" -> "robots were to act against humanity"
    Explanation: The phrase "were to act against humanity" is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone.

  13. "it would be a huge concern for everyone" -> "this would pose significant concerns for all"
    Explanation: "This would pose significant concerns for all" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "huge concern."

  14. "robotic techniques and AI technology" -> "robotic and artificial intelligence technologies"
    Explanation: "Robotics and artificial intelligence technologies" is a more precise and formal way to refer to these fields.

  15. "boost the quality of human life" -> "enhance the quality of human life"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "boost," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both viewpoints regarding the intelligence of computers surpassing that of humans. It acknowledges the potential benefits, such as increased productivity and objective decision-making, while also discussing the negative implications, including unemployment and threats to human existence. However, the treatment of the opposing viewpoint is somewhat superficial, lacking depth and specific examples. For instance, while the essay mentions that computers can enhance productivity, it does not elaborate on how this might positively impact society as a whole.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should provide a more balanced exploration of both perspectives. This could involve dedicating separate paragraphs to each viewpoint, offering specific examples and evidence to support claims. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the benefits and drawbacks, along with a more thorough discussion of the implications of each, would enhance the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that leans towards the negative implications of advanced computer intelligence, particularly in the conclusion. However, the position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. For example, the introduction suggests concern about the implications but does not clearly state a definitive opinion until the conclusion. This inconsistency may confuse readers about the author’s stance.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the author’s stance. Additionally, summarizing the main argument in each paragraph can help maintain focus on the central position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the implications of computer intelligence, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported. For instance, the claim that robots could threaten human existence is mentioned but not adequately explained or backed by evidence. The reasoning behind the assertion that robots programmed with negative beliefs could harm humanity lacks depth and specificity.
    • How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the author should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve discussing real-world scenarios, studies, or expert opinions that illustrate the potential consequences of advanced computer intelligence. Additionally, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of computers surpassing human intelligence. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing the environment and economic growth. While these points are relevant, they could be more tightly connected to the central argument about computer intelligence.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central question of whether advanced computer intelligence is beneficial or harmful. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that ties back to the main argument, and any tangential points should be minimized or integrated more effectively into the overall discussion.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should aim for a more balanced exploration of both viewpoints, maintain a clear and consistent position, develop and support ideas with specific examples, and ensure that all content remains directly relevant to the topic. Additionally, addressing the under word count issue by expanding on ideas and providing more detailed explanations will also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by stating the divided opinions on the intelligence of computers. The body paragraphs logically follow, with the first paragraph focusing on the benefits of advanced computers and the second addressing the potential threats they pose. However, the transition between the benefits and threats could be smoother, as the shift from positive to negative aspects feels somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal a shift in perspective, such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main argument, reinforcing the connection between the points made and the overall thesis.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the discussion. The first body paragraph discusses the positive implications of computer intelligence, while the second addresses the negative consequences. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph more explicitly. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that directly states the benefits of computer intelligence before elaborating on those points.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, as this can improve readability and coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "in addition," and "for example," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the transition between discussing the benefits of computers and the potential threat they pose could be strengthened with additional cohesive devices that clarify the relationship between these ideas.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "consequently," "in contrast," and "therefore." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device used is appropriate for the context, helping to clarify the relationship between ideas. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can also help improve overall cohesion in writing.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "technological capabilities," "enhance productivity," and "critical and logical thinking abilities." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, phrases like "assist humans" and "human involvement" are repeated, which limits the lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. Instead of repeating "assist," alternatives like "aid," "support," or "facilitate" could be employed. Additionally, varying the phrases used to describe human involvement in processes can add depth to the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "productivity" and "unemployment." However, there are areas where word choice could lead to confusion or misinterpretation. For instance, the phrase "robots programmed with some negative beliefs and moral regulations" could be misleading, as robots do not possess beliefs in the human sense. This imprecision can detract from the clarity of the argument.
    • How to improve: Aim for more accurate descriptions of technological capabilities. Instead of suggesting that robots have "negative beliefs," consider rephrasing to indicate that they may operate under flawed programming or ethical guidelines. This will enhance clarity and precision in your argumentation.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no major errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "24/7," which is informal and could be expressed as "twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week" for a more formal tone.
    • How to improve: To ensure spelling accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread the essay carefully. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Maintaining a formal tone throughout the essay will also contribute to overall coherence and professionalism.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling can elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging with a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining formal language conventions will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, the use of "While the advanced technological capabilities of computers can assist humans in many ways" effectively introduces a contrasting viewpoint. Additionally, phrases such as "this is because this equipment can significantly enhance productivity" showcase the use of subordinate clauses. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as varied use of passive voice or inversion.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex grammatical forms, such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If computers become more intelligent, they could…") or varied sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases like "In contrast," or "Despite these benefits,"). Practicing sentence transformation exercises and reading a variety of academic texts can also help in recognizing and employing a broader range of structures.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "this equipment can significantly enhance productivity, remove human involvement from the production process, and work continuously without interruption, 24/7" is grammatically correct but could benefit from clearer punctuation, particularly the use of commas to separate items in a list. Additionally, the sentence "this means that such a development is unwelcome" could be more effectively punctuated to enhance clarity. There are also some awkward phrasings, such as "robot intelligence itself can come up with its own decisions," which could be streamlined for better readability.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring clarity in sentence construction. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers can help identify common mistakes. Additionally, practicing writing with an emphasis on clarity and conciseness can help refine the overall quality of the writing. Engaging in peer review or seeking feedback from knowledgeable individuals can also provide insights into areas for grammatical improvement.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for enhancement in both the variety of structures used and the precision of grammar and punctuation. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether the intelligence of computers will surpass that of humans and whether this will be harmful or beneficial. While the advanced technological capabilities of computers can assist humans in many ways, I am concerned about the implications of this development.

Admittedly, many people advocate the use of super-advanced computers, and justifiably so. This is because this equipment can significantly enhance productivity, eliminate human involvement in the production process, and operate continuously without interruption, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. However, it seems that only employers benefit from this, while it simultaneously increases the rate of unemployment in a country. In addition, computers endowed with critical and logical thinking capabilities can help humans make objective decisions. However, their increased independence can negatively impact human intelligence.

Furthermore, robot intelligence itself can autonomously make decisions, threatening the existence of humankind. For example, robots programmed with negative beliefs and moral biases might eliminate certain human groups or regions due to the pursuit of human benefits. Logically, humans are destroying the environment because of economic growth and development goals. If robots were to act against humanity to protect the environment, this would pose significant concerns for all. This means that such a development is unwelcome.

In conclusion, robotic and artificial intelligence technologies have the potential to enhance the quality of human life. However, the disadvantages of unemployment and AI dependence are increasing, and these concerns could outweigh the former benefits to humanity.

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