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Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

Many claim that Putting offenders into penal institutions is not the most effective and efficient manner with the aim of addressing them. The educational sphere and job creation could yield practical solutions to grant them to rehabilitate. While I acknowledge the reason for this notion because of its humanity, I would contend that it is of paramount importance to imprison people violating legislation or laws for the purpose of deterring potential criminals
On the one hand, it is understandable why a multitude of individuals want to integrate educational aspects and job training towards enlightening and facilitating criminals’ lives. Given that in this day and age, a huge number of people have lived in impoverished conditions such as residing inner-city slums, they have no choice but not to break the governmental and local regulations including but not limited to robbery. The implication of this is that it is critically vital to give them some chances to be in harmony with general citizens through enlightening them or teaching them some regular jobs providing a platform to break the repetitive distitution and poverty, and therefore declining the rate of crimes in the foreseeable future. Moreover, this procedure is a more effective and efficient manner in comparison with living in prisons since it they could communicate and learn with general citizens to fix past mistakes, meaning that it would imbue their lives with a sense of freedom
On the other hand, I am convinced that it is imperative to commit criminals to prison to ensure the well-being of the public. It is worth noting that a majority of offenders especially murderers or terrorists serve as a potentially hazardous environment for all individuals principally because they have a history of crime, inevitably leading to it being extremely dangerous among global residents when they have to be exposed to lawbreakers. This tendency is prominently seen in Vietnam, where dwellers have to be liable for any violation if they accidentally or intentionally break the laws. As a result, this practice could deter potential offenders. Considering these factors, the belief that offenders should be put in prison is valid
In conclusion, while there are justifications as to why they are imperative to send the lawbreakers to prison for the purpose of making certain community live, I would contend that incorporating environmental awareness and job creation into society for villains can foster responsible behavior and ease their frustration


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Many claim that Putting offenders into penal institutions is not the most effective and efficient manner with the aim of addressing them."
    -> "Numerous argue that incarcerating offenders is not the most effective or efficient method to address their behavior."
    Explanation: Replacing "Many claim that Putting offenders into penal institutions" with "Numerous argue that incarcerating offenders" provides a clearer and more formal expression while avoiding the awkward structure of the original sentence.

  2. "The educational sphere and job creation could yield practical solutions to grant them to rehabilitate."
    -> "Investing in education and job creation could provide viable avenues for their rehabilitation."
    Explanation: Simplifying "The educational sphere and job creation could yield practical solutions to grant them to rehabilitate" to "Investing in education and job creation could provide viable avenues for their rehabilitation" improves clarity and conciseness while maintaining a formal tone.

  3. "while I acknowledge the reason for this notion because of its humanity"
    -> "While I acknowledge the humane reasoning behind this notion"
    Explanation: Simplifying "while I acknowledge the reason for this notion because of its humanity" to "While I acknowledge the humane reasoning behind this notion" maintains formality and clarity in expressing understanding without excessive wording.

  4. "it is of paramount importance to imprison people violating legislation or laws for the purpose of deterring potential criminals."
    -> "It is crucial to incarcerate individuals who violate laws to deter potential criminals."
    Explanation: Replacing "it is of paramount importance to imprison people violating legislation or laws" with "It is crucial to incarcerate individuals who violate laws" streamlines the sentence and maintains a formal tone.

  5. "On the one hand, it is understandable why a multitude of individuals want to integrate educational aspects and job training towards enlightening and facilitating criminals’ lives."
    -> "On one hand, it is understandable why many advocate for integrating education and job training to improve the lives of offenders."
    Explanation: Simplifying "a multitude of individuals want to integrate educational aspects and job training towards enlightening and facilitating criminals’ lives" to "many advocate for integrating education and job training to improve the lives of offenders" enhances clarity and formal expression.

  6. "Given that in this day and age, a huge number of people have lived in impoverished conditions such as residing inner-city slums, they have no choice but not to break the governmental and local regulations including but not limited to robbery."
    -> "Considering that many individuals in contemporary times reside in impoverished conditions, such as inner-city slums, they often face circumstances that may lead to noncompliance with governmental regulations, including, but not limited to, robbery."
    Explanation: Reconstructing the sentence provides a clearer and more structured presentation of the argument, maintaining formality and improving readability.

  7. "meaning that it would imbue their lives with a sense of freedom"
    -> "thus imbuing their lives with a sense of freedom"
    Explanation: Replacing "meaning that it would imbue their lives with a sense of freedom" with "thus imbuing their lives with a sense of freedom" maintains the intended meaning in a more concise and formal manner.

  8. "I am convinced that it is imperative to commit criminals to prison to ensure the well-being of the public."
    -> "I firmly believe that incarcerating criminals is essential to safeguard public well-being."
    Explanation: Replacing "I am convinced that it is imperative to commit criminals to prison" with "I firmly believe that incarcerating criminals" offers a more assertive and concise expression while maintaining formality.

  9. "It is worth noting that a majority of offenders especially murderers or terrorists serve as a potentially hazardous environment for all individuals principally because they have a history of crime, inevitably leading to it being extremely dangerous among global residents when they have to be exposed to lawbreakers."
    -> "It is noteworthy that a significant number of offenders, particularly murderers or terrorists, pose a potential threat to public safety due to their criminal history, making it particularly perilous for global residents when exposed to such lawbreakers."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence provides a more precise and formal articulation of the idea, enhancing clarity and maintaining a formal tone.

  10. "Considering these factors, the belief that offenders should be put in prison is valid."
    -> "Taking these factors into account, the argument for incarcerating offenders holds validity."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence provides a more formal and succinct expression of the argument while maintaining clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the importance of education and job training in rehabilitating criminals but leans towards the necessity of imprisoning lawbreakers for public safety. Relevant sections are cited to support these points.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, the essay should provide a more balanced evaluation of the benefits of education and job training, considering the prompt’s suggestion that these methods are better ways to deal with criminals. The writer could elaborate on how these alternatives can contribute to rehabilitation and crime prevention.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position, favoring imprisonment for public safety. However, there are moments of ambivalence, such as acknowledging the merit of education and job training. Specific examples are provided to support the stance.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should consistently emphasize their position on whether education and job training are indeed better methods for dealing with criminals. A more explicit thesis statement can help in establishing a clear and unwavering stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides but lacks in-depth development. It briefly touches on poverty and the potential for rehabilitation through education and job training. The arguments for imprisonment are somewhat more elaborated, with an example from Vietnam.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, the essay should delve deeper into the implications of education and job training, providing more specific examples and detailing how these methods contribute to rehabilitation. Additionally, it should further elaborate on the potential dangers of releasing criminals into society.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the effectiveness of imprisonment versus education and job training. There is a slight deviation towards the end when the essay introduces the idea of incorporating environmental awareness.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, the writer should avoid introducing new elements like environmental awareness unless it is directly related to the prompt. Stick to the main points of education, job training, and imprisonment.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt but could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the alternatives to imprisonment. Improving clarity, depth of argumentation, and staying strictly on topic will contribute to a more comprehensive and effective response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization. It begins with an introduction stating the thesis, followed by well-structured body paragraphs presenting contrasting views. The conclusion reinforces the author’s stance. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow. For instance, the transition between the two main points could be smoother, providing a more seamless connection between paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to create a smoother flow between ideas. Explicitly connect ideas from one paragraph to the next, ensuring a cohesive progression of arguments.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. Each paragraph generally addresses a specific point, but there are instances where ideas could be better grouped. The organization within paragraphs is satisfactory, but some could be more focused and concise.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the focus of each paragraph, ensuring that it revolves around a central idea. Aim for a more balanced length of paragraphs and avoid unnecessary repetition. Consider revising sentences for conciseness to improve overall paragraph effectiveness.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices such as pronouns, transition words, and conjunctions. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of these devices. Some transitions between sentences and ideas are abrupt, impacting the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices by incorporating a mix of transitional words, synonyms, and parallel structures. Ensure that each transition serves a clear purpose, guiding the reader through the logical progression of ideas. Review the essay for instances where sentences can be better connected for a more cohesive overall structure.

Overall, while the essay displays a strong coherence and cohesion foundation, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive device usage will elevate the clarity and fluency of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to use a wide range of vocabulary. There is evidence of varied vocabulary, including words like "efficacious," "implication," "imbue," and "distitution." However, at times, the complexity of the vocabulary doesn’t always align seamlessly with the context, which can affect clarity.

    • How to improve: While the attempt to use sophisticated vocabulary is appreciated, ensure that the words chosen align contextually and do not hinder overall comprehension. It might be beneficial to prioritize clarity over complexity in certain instances. For example, consider using simpler language when expressing straightforward ideas.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "Putting offenders into penal institutions" could be refined to "Sending offenders to prison" for greater precision. On the positive side, there are instances where vocabulary is employed with precision, such as "implication" and "distitution."

    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to the precision of vocabulary. Choose words that precisely convey the intended meaning without unnecessary complexity. Review sentences for opportunities to replace vague terms with more specific ones, enhancing overall clarity.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling in the essay is fairly accurate, with minor errors like "distitution" instead of "destitution." While these errors are infrequent, they contribute to a perception of less-than-rigorous proofreading.

    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a thorough proofreading process. Utilize spell-check tools and allocate dedicated time for reviewing and correcting spelling errors before submitting the final version. Developing a systematic approach to proofreading will help catch and rectify such minor spelling mistakes.

In conclusion, the essay showcases a strong lexical resource, employing a diverse range of vocabulary. To elevate the score, focus on aligning complex vocabulary with context for improved clarity, refining imprecise terms, and implementing a meticulous proofreading routine to address minor spelling errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays an attempt to vary sentence structures. It employs complex sentences, albeit inconsistently. There’s an effort to incorporate diverse sentence structures, but the execution lacks consistency, leading to occasional awkward phrasing.
    • How to improve: To enhance variety, aim for a more consistent use of complex and compound sentences. Practice combining ideas using different structures (e.g., subordinate clauses, participial phrases) to create smoother transitions and clearer expressions of thoughts.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of grammatical accuracy. There are instances of subject-verb agreement issues ("Many claim that Putting offenders"), tense inconsistencies ("have lived" should be "have been living"), and word choice ("imperative to commit criminals to prison" might be better as "imperative to incarcerate criminals").
    • How to improve: Focus on revising sentence structures for clearer subject-verb agreements and consistent verb tenses. Also, pay attention to precise word choices to convey ideas more effectively.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is used, but there are several instances of incorrect usage, especially regarding commas. For instance, some sentences lack necessary commas for clarity ("it they could communicate" should be "it, they could communicate"). Inconsistencies in comma usage affect the flow and readability of the essay.
    • How to improve: Practice using commas to separate clauses, phrases, and items in a series correctly. Review grammar resources that specifically address proper comma usage to refine punctuation skills.

Improvement Suggestions:

  1. Sentence Structure Variety: Work on consistently employing varied sentence structures to enhance coherence and readability. Practice using complex and compound sentences to connect ideas more fluently.

  2. Grammar Precision: Focus on refining grammar skills, particularly subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. Review sentence constructions to ensure accuracy in conveying intended meanings.

  3. Punctuation Clarity: Pay closer attention to comma usage for clearer phrasing and smoother transitions between ideas. Practice incorporating commas where necessary for improved readability and coherence.

Revise your sentences for clarity and precision. Careful proofreading and practicing varied sentence structures will greatly enhance the overall quality of your essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many argue that incarcerating offenders isn’t the most effective or efficient way to address their behavior. Investing in education and job creation could offer viable paths for their rehabilitation. While I understand the humane reasoning behind this idea, it’s crucial to imprison individuals who violate laws to discourage potential criminals.

On one hand, it’s understandable why many advocate integrating education and job training to improve offenders’ lives. In contemporary times, numerous individuals reside in impoverished conditions, such as inner-city slums, where they might face circumstances leading to noncompliance with governmental regulations, including robbery. It’s important to provide opportunities for them to align with societal norms by offering education and job opportunities, breaking the cycle of poverty and reducing future crime rates. Moreover, this approach allows them to interact with the community, fostering a sense of freedom.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that incarcerating criminals is essential to safeguard public well-being. It’s noteworthy that a significant number of offenders, particularly murderers or terrorists, pose a potential threat to public safety due to their criminal history. This poses a perilous situation for global residents when exposed to such lawbreakers. Therefore, the argument for incarcerating offenders holds validity as it serves to deter potential offenders, ensuring a safer society.

In conclusion, while integrating education and job creation into society for offenders may foster responsible behavior and alleviate frustration, there remains a paramount need to imprison lawbreakers to uphold community safety. Balancing these approaches could offer a more comprehensive solution to addressing criminal behavior.

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