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Shopping online has various advantages for consumers but it may also have several disadvantages including the loss of individual privacy. Do the advantages of online shopping for consumers outweigh the disadvantages?

Shopping online has various advantages for consumers but it may also have several disadvantages including the loss of individual privacy. Do the advantages of online shopping for consumers outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people assert the benefits of shopping online thanks to the development of technology regardless of the privacy lacking. While the risk of losing private information is potential, I believe that purchasing goods on the Internet may be beneficial due to its convenient and affordable price.

It is undeniable that shopping via the Internet can be considerably faster and have a more economical cost compared to traditional ones. Evidently, instead of traveling a fair distance to the store, customers can simply browse numerous shopping sites and purchase items from the comfort of their own homes. Likewise, the e-commerce platforms continuously provide a wide range of discounts on different occasions, resulting in a more reasonable price. Consider Shoppee as a prime example, which is the largest shopping platform in Vietnam; this site has not only offered many discounted occasions ranging from Christmas Eve, and Mother’s Day to even the first day of every month, boosting the purchasing ability of buyers but also mostly giving free shipping to people’s doorstep.

While the convenient and economical aspects of online shopping are widely acknowledged, the potential of stealing private information still lingers. While providing phone numbers and house addresses for shipping purposes, could pose a threat to users, creating an opportunity for potential suspects to commit crimes such as online fraud. However, many platforms namely Amazon or eBay currently provide two-factor authentication in order to protect customer’s safety, making buyers ensure their security while shopping. Therefore, given modern technology, the risk of losing personal information is no longer a threat.

In conclusion, despite the problem related to losing privacy which is currently being solved, I believe that shopping online brings tremendous merits in terms of its convenience and reasonable cost.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Many people assert" -> "Numerous individuals advocate"
    Explanation: Replacing "Many people assert" with "Numerous individuals advocate" adds a more formal tone to the statement, using a synonym for "assert" that aligns better with academic writing.

  2. "thanks to the development of technology regardless of the privacy lacking" -> "due to technological advancements, notwithstanding privacy concerns"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "due to technological advancements, notwithstanding privacy concerns" improves clarity and formality, avoiding the informal phrase "thanks to" and using more precise language.

  3. "beneficial" -> "advantageous"
    Explanation: Replacing "beneficial" with "advantageous" enhances the formality of the sentence, offering a more sophisticated synonym that is suitable for academic writing.

  4. "It is undeniable that" -> "It is indisputable that"
    Explanation: Substituting "undeniable" with "indisputable" maintains the meaning while elevating the formality of the sentence.

  5. "considerably faster and have a more economical cost" -> "significantly quicker and more cost-effective"
    Explanation: Changing "considerably faster and have a more economical cost" to "significantly quicker and more cost-effective" improves the precision and formality of the expression.

  6. "fair distance" -> "considerable distance"
    Explanation: Replacing "fair distance" with "considerable distance" adds a more formal and precise touch to the description of the distance to the store.

  7. "Likewise" -> "Similarly"
    Explanation: Substituting "Likewise" with "Similarly" maintains coherence while using a more formal transition between sentences.

  8. "discounts on different occasions" -> "discounts on various occasions"
    Explanation: Changing "discounts on different occasions" to "discounts on various occasions" provides a more precise and formal description.

  9. "Consider Shoppee as a prime example" -> "Consider Shoppee as a prominent illustration"
    Explanation: Swapping "prime example" with "prominent illustration" enhances the formality of the sentence while maintaining clarity.

  10. "many discounted occasions ranging from Christmas Eve, and Mother’s Day to even the first day of every month" -> "numerous discounted events, spanning from Christmas Eve and Mother’s Day to the first day of every month"
    Explanation: Restructuring the phrase improves the flow and formality by presenting a clearer and more organized list of occasions.

  11. "boosting the purchasing ability of buyers" -> "enhancing the purchasing capacity of consumers"
    Explanation: Substituting "boosting the purchasing ability of buyers" with "enhancing the purchasing capacity of consumers" conveys the idea more formally and precisely.

  12. "mostly giving free shipping" -> "largely providing complimentary shipping"
    Explanation: Replacing "mostly giving free shipping" with "largely providing complimentary shipping" maintains clarity while using a more formal expression.

  13. "While the convenient and economical aspects of online shopping are widely acknowledged" -> "Although the convenient and economical aspects of online shopping are widely recognized"
    Explanation: Substituting "While" with "Although" and "acknowledged" with "recognized" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  14. "the potential of stealing private information still lingers" -> "the potential for unauthorized access to private information persists"
    Explanation: Changing "the potential of stealing private information still lingers" to "the potential for unauthorized access to private information persists" adds formality and clarity to the statement.

  15. "could pose a threat to users" -> "may pose a threat to users"
    Explanation: Replacing "could" with "may" in "could pose a threat to users" enhances the formality and certainty of the statement.

  16. "commit crimes such as online fraud" -> "engage in criminal activities like online fraud"
    Explanation: Substituting "commit crimes such as online fraud" with "engage in criminal activities like online fraud" maintains formality and provides a more detailed description.

  17. "namely Amazon or eBay" -> "such as Amazon or eBay"
    Explanation: Using "such as" instead of "namely" adds formality to the sentence while maintaining the list of examples.

  18. "given modern technology" -> "with the advent of modern technology"
    Explanation: Replacing "given modern technology" with "with the advent of modern technology" adds formality and precision to the expression.

  19. "the risk of losing personal information is no longer a threat" -> "the risk of compromising personal information has been mitigated"
    Explanation: Changing "the risk of losing personal information is no longer a threat" to "the risk of compromising personal information has been mitigated" improves the formality and accuracy of the statement.

  20. "despite the problem related to losing privacy which is currently being solved" -> "despite the ongoing efforts to address privacy concerns"
    Explanation: Substituting "despite the problem related to losing privacy which is currently being solved" with "despite the ongoing efforts to address privacy concerns" provides a more formal and concise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Many people assert the benefits of shopping online thanks to the development of technology regardless of the privacy lacking."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting your position on the topic. It is important to clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the idea that the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvantages. To enhance this, consider rephrasing the introduction to explicitly mention your standpoint, providing a roadmap for the reader.
    • Improved example: "While technology has undeniably revolutionized online shopping and many advocate its benefits, I firmly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, despite concerns about privacy."
  2. Quoted text: "While the convenient and economical aspects of online shopping are widely acknowledged, the potential of stealing private information still lingers."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your acknowledgment of the privacy concern is apt; however, the essay would benefit from a more explicit connection to the prompt. Consider specifying whether, in your opinion, the advantages outweigh this potential disadvantage. Additionally, provide a more nuanced discussion of the drawbacks to present a balanced argument.
    • Improved example: "Admittedly, the convenience and cost-effectiveness of online shopping are widely acknowledged. However, it is crucial to delve into the potential risks, such as privacy concerns. Despite these drawbacks, I maintain that the benefits of online shopping are more significant."
  3. Quoted text: "However, many platforms namely Amazon or eBay currently provide two-factor authentication in order to protect customer’s safety, making buyers ensure their security while shopping."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you touch upon the security measures taken by platforms like Amazon and eBay, the explanation is somewhat brief. To strengthen your argument, provide more details on how these security features work and how they effectively address privacy concerns. Elaborate further to enhance the persuasiveness of your point.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, leading platforms such as Amazon and eBay have implemented robust security measures, including two-factor authentication. This additional layer of protection requires users to verify their identity, assuring customers of a secure and trustworthy online shopping experience."

Overall, the essay presents a clear position but could benefit from refining the introduction, providing a more nuanced discussion of disadvantages, and elaborating on security measures for a more comprehensive argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay exhibits a clear structure with distinct paragraphs that articulate different aspects of the topic. There’s a logical organization of ideas, ensuring a progression from advantages to disadvantages and finally a balanced conclusion. Cohesion is maintained effectively through the use of transition words and phrases ("while," "likewise," "however," "in conclusion") that connect sentences and ideas. There’s coherence within and between paragraphs, providing a smooth flow of thoughts.

How to improve:
To reach a higher band score, consider diversifying the range of cohesive devices further. Additionally, refining the depth of analysis in addressing the disadvantages, especially concerning privacy concerns, could enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. Further emphasis on transitioning between paragraphs and within sentences could solidify the structural elements of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with attempts to use less common vocabulary and some awareness of style and collocation. The writer effectively uses a variety of phrases and expressions related to the topic of online shopping, demonstrating an understanding of vocabulary use. There is a decent attempt to convey precise meanings, employing terms like "considerably faster," "economical cost," "boosting the purchasing ability," and "two-factor authentication." Additionally, less common lexical items, such as "e-commerce platforms," are used appropriately. Some awareness of style and collocation is evident in phrases like "the largest shopping platform in Vietnam" and "wide range of discounts on different occasions."

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further and aim for a higher band score, consider incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary. Use more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary to express ideas. Additionally, try to utilize uncommon lexical items more consistently and accurately throughout the essay. Focus on developing more complex sentence structures and utilizing a broader range of vocabulary with even greater precision to convey ideas more effectively. Also, ensure a higher level of accuracy in word choice, spelling, and word formation to minimize occasional errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses and compound sentences. The candidate successfully produces frequent error-free sentences, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances of awkward phrasing and minor errors that slightly affect fluency and precision. For instance, the phrase "thanks to the development of technology regardless of the privacy lacking" could be refined for clarity. Overall, the grammatical range is commendable, but occasional errors and awkward expressions prevent it from reaching Band 8.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the candidate should pay closer attention to sentence structure and refine expressions for better clarity. Additionally, thorough proofreading can help eliminate minor errors and improve overall fluency. For instance, rephrasing the introductory sentence to avoid ambiguity and refining the transition between ideas can contribute to a more polished and precise essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals advocate the benefits of online shopping, attributing it to technological advancements, notwithstanding privacy concerns. It is indisputable that online shopping is significantly quicker and more cost-effective than traditional methods. Instead of covering a considerable distance to reach a physical store, customers can effortlessly browse numerous shopping sites and make purchases from the comfort of their homes. Similarly, e-commerce platforms consistently offer discounts on various occasions, such as Christmas Eve, Mother’s Day, and the first day of every month, thereby enhancing the purchasing capacity of consumers. Consider Shoppee as a prominent illustration; this platform, the largest in Vietnam, frequently hosts discounted events, largely providing complimentary shipping to buyers.

Although the convenient and economical aspects of online shopping are widely recognized, the potential for unauthorized access to private information persists. While providing phone numbers and house addresses for shipping purposes may pose a threat to users, creating an opportunity for potential suspects to engage in criminal activities like online fraud, major platforms like Amazon or eBay have implemented two-factor authentication to enhance customer safety. With the advent of modern technology, the risk of compromising personal information has been mitigated, despite ongoing efforts to address privacy concerns.

In conclusion, numerous advantages accompany online shopping, with its convenience and reasonable cost being paramount. While the potential drawbacks related to privacy are being actively addressed, the merits of online shopping make it a favorable option for consumers.

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