SHOULD PARENTS STRICTLY LIMIT TEENAGERS SCREEN TIME?

Digital devices currently play a crucial role in teenagers' lives. I strongly believe that parents should not rigidly restrict their children's screen time for the following reasons. First of all, they can be used for both research and study purposes. Students can access the Internet to download data and store information and textbooks, which saves money on paper books and reduces time. This also means their backpacks are lighter yet contain more data.

In addition, modern technological tools improve their study results because of a wide variety of useful learning applications on smartphones, laptops, tablets, and other media players such as dictionaries, spelling, translation, pronunciation and other apps. These apps are not dull but engage them with well-designed courses, funny methods and attractive content. Furthermore, students can study anytime, anywhere, as long as their devices are connected to the Internet.

In conclusion, personal electronic devices offer more benefits than drawbacks to students. It is recommended that teachers permit and encourage the use of these devices in learning both inside and outside of class.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"I strongly believe" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" introduces a more objective and formal tone, which is more suitable for academic writing than the personal and emphatic "I strongly believe."
"rigidly restrict" -> "strictly regulate"
Explanation: "Strictly regulate" is more precise and formal than "rigidly restrict," which sounds slightly informal and less specific in this context.
"they can be used" -> "they can serve"
Explanation: "They can serve" is a more formal and precise way to express the purpose of devices, aligning better with academic style.
"download data and store information and textbooks" -> "download data and store information, including textbooks"
Explanation: The addition of "including" clarifies that textbooks are part of the information being stored, enhancing clarity and precision.
"saves money on paper books" -> "reduces the cost of paper books"
Explanation: "Reduces the cost of" is a more formal and precise way to express the economic benefit, avoiding the colloquial "saves money."
"their backpacks are lighter yet contain more data" -> "their backpacks are lighter while carrying more data"
Explanation: "While carrying more data" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the relationship between the weight and content of backpacks.
"modern technological tools improve their study results" -> "modern technological tools enhance academic outcomes"
Explanation: "Enhance academic outcomes" is a more formal and precise term than "improve their study results," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"a wide variety of useful learning applications" -> "a diverse range of educational applications"
Explanation: "A diverse range of educational applications" is more specific and academically appropriate than "a wide variety of useful learning applications."
"not dull but engage them" -> "not only dull but also engage them"
Explanation: Adding "also" clarifies that the apps are not only engaging but also non-dull, which is a more precise description.
"funny methods and attractive content" -> "engaging methods and captivating content"
Explanation: "Engaging methods and captivating content" replaces "funny methods and attractive content" to maintain a formal tone and avoid colloquial language.
"study anytime, anywhere" -> "study at any time and from any location"
Explanation: "At any time and from any location" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"It is recommended that teachers permit and encourage" -> "It is recommended that teachers permit and encourage the use of"
Explanation: Adding "the use of" clarifies the subject of permission and encouragement, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by arguing against strict limitations on screen time for teenagers. However, it fails to fully engage with the nuances of the question. While it presents reasons for allowing screen time, it does not adequately consider or refute the potential drawbacks of excessive screen time, such as negative impacts on mental health or social skills. The response lacks a balanced view, which is essential for a comprehensive answer.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should acknowledge the opposing viewpoint regarding the potential harms of unrestricted screen time. Including a counter-argument would demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the topic and allow for a more nuanced discussion. Additionally, directly addressing the implications of screen time limits would provide a more complete answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against strict limitations on screen time, stating, "I strongly believe that parents should not rigidly restrict their children’s screen time." However, the position could be reinforced throughout the essay. The conclusion reiterates the benefits of digital devices but does not clearly link back to the initial argument about parental restrictions.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph explicitly ties back to the main argument. Using transitional phrases that reference the central thesis can help reinforce the position. Additionally, restating the position in the conclusion while summarizing the key points would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of screen time, such as access to educational resources and engaging learning applications. However, these ideas are not deeply explored or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, mentioning specific applications or studies that demonstrate improved learning outcomes would add depth to the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point with specific examples, statistics, or studies that back up their claims. This could involve discussing particular apps that have proven effective in educational settings or citing research on the benefits of technology in learning. Extending ideas with real-world applications or anecdotes can also make the argument more compelling.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of screen time for teenagers. However, it occasionally strays from the prompt by discussing the advantages of digital devices without directly linking them back to the question of parental restrictions. For example, while the benefits of lighter backpacks and accessibility are mentioned, these points do not directly address the issue of whether parents should impose limits.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should consistently relate each point back to the central question of parental restrictions. This can be achieved by framing each benefit in the context of why it justifies a lack of strict limits. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly connects to the prompt can help keep the essay on track.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against strict limitations on teenagers’ screen time, starting with a strong introductory statement. The points are logically sequenced, with each paragraph addressing a specific benefit of screen time. For instance, the first paragraph discusses the practical benefits of digital devices for research and study, while the second paragraph elaborates on the educational applications available on these devices. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases between paragraphs to reinforce connections between ideas. For example, at the beginning of the second paragraph, a phrase like "Building on this idea" could link the benefits of research with the advantages of educational apps, creating a smoother transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into specific benefits. However, the conclusion feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a more comprehensive summary of the main points discussed.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly restating the key arguments made in the body paragraphs. This could involve summarizing how digital devices aid in research and enhance learning through engaging applications. A more rounded conclusion reinforces the essay’s overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices effectively, such as "In addition" and "Furthermore," which help in linking ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, which may affect the overall fluidity of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Moreover," "On the other hand," or "Consequently" can add depth to the connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can enhance cohesion within paragraphs.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially moving closer to a Band 9 score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "crucial," "restrict," "research," and "engage." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the context of discussing digital devices and their benefits. For instance, the phrase "modern technological tools" could be varied with alternatives like "digital resources" or "electronic devices" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "devices," they could use "gadgets," "tools," or "platforms" to create a richer vocabulary landscape.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of vague or imprecise word choices. For example, the phrase "funny methods" lacks clarity; it would be more effective to specify what is meant by "funny" (e.g., "interactive methods" or "engaging techniques"). Additionally, the term "data" is used in a broad sense, which could be more precisely defined as "educational resources" or "academic materials."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey specific meanings. They could replace vague terms with more descriptive alternatives. For instance, instead of saying "funny methods," they could elaborate on the types of engagement strategies used in educational apps.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the provided text. Words like "translation," "pronunciation," and "applications" are spelled correctly, which reflects a solid understanding of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. They might also benefit from practicing spelling through exercises or using spelling apps to reinforce their skills. Additionally, familiarizing themselves with commonly misspelled words in academic writing could be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, using more precise language, and continuing to practice spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "Students can access the Internet to download data and store information and textbooks" effectively combines multiple ideas using a compound structure. Additionally, the use of phrases like "as long as their devices are connected to the Internet" showcases a complex structure that adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as conditional clauses or varied introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could experiment with different sentence openings and incorporate more complex grammatical forms. For example, using conditional sentences (e.g., "If parents allow more screen time, students may benefit from enhanced learning opportunities") could add variety. Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences will create a more engaging rhythm in writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "which saves money on paper books and reduces time" could be clearer if rephrased to specify what is being reduced (e.g., "which saves money on paper books and reduces the time spent carrying them"). Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "as long as" in the sentence discussing the accessibility of devices.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for clarity and precision. Paying attention to sentence structure and ensuring that each part of the sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning will help. Additionally, practicing the correct use of commas, especially in complex sentences, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical errors can also be beneficial.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Digital devices currently play a crucial role in teenagers’ lives. I strongly believe that parents should not rigidly restrict their children’s screen time for the following reasons. First of all, these devices can be utilized for both research and study purposes. Students can access the Internet to download data and store information, including textbooks, which not only reduces the cost of paper books but also saves time. This also means their backpacks are lighter while carrying more data.

In addition, modern technological tools enhance academic outcomes due to a diverse range of educational applications available on smartphones, laptops, tablets, and other media players, such as dictionaries, spelling, translation, and pronunciation apps. These applications are not only dull but also engage students with well-designed courses, engaging methods, and captivating content. Furthermore, students can study at any time and from any location, as long as their devices are connected to the Internet.