Smoked foods are popular with worldwide because of their special flavor and long life. The diagram below shows the structure of a home smokery and how it is used.

The diagram illustrates how to build a home smokery system in order to produce homemade smoked meats with the use of nature, and simple materials in the construction.
Initially, three distinct rooms are built underground with different widths and heights. The first chamber is dug deeper than the second one with a purpose of letting air flow to the second chamber by a connected path. Once the air reaches the second room, the fire starts to burn underneath a stack of logs above the entrance. At this stage, a lid is closed while the lid of the first room is opened. The sealed lid ensures smoke follows the pipe connected to the third chamber, which is built wider and closer to the ground. Some bricks are put on the exit of the pipe to create more smoke in the last room; however, a big box covers it. Subsequently, smoke is stiffed within the room to commence the smoking of the food, such as chicken and fish hung above inside the chamber.
To conclude, given smoked food’s favor and its effective preservation, a home smokery system is built underground with three chambers, using natural elements including air, and smoke from burnt fire.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"to produce homemade smoked meats with the use of nature" -> "to produce homemade smoked meats utilizing natural resources"
Explanation: "With the use of nature" is an awkward phrase. "Utilizing natural resources" conveys the same idea more elegantly and precisely.
"Initially, three distinct rooms are built underground with different widths and heights." -> "Initially, three distinct chambers are excavated underground, each varying in width and height."
Explanation: "Built" can imply construction above ground, whereas "excavated" specifies underground construction. Using "chambers" instead of "rooms" maintains consistency with the context of the smokery system.
"The first chamber is dug deeper than the second one with a purpose of letting air flow to the second chamber by a connected path." -> "The first chamber is excavated deeper than the second, facilitating airflow to the latter through an interconnected passage."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision. "With a purpose of" can be replaced with "facilitating," and "by a connected path" can be simplified to "through an interconnected passage."
"Once the air reaches the second room, the fire starts to burn underneath a stack of logs above the entrance." -> "Once air reaches the second chamber, a fire is ignited beneath a stack of logs positioned above its entrance."
Explanation: "Room" should be replaced with "chamber" for consistency. Replacing "starts to burn" with "is ignited" enhances clarity and specificity.
"At this stage, a lid is closed while the lid of the first room is opened." -> "During this phase, one lid is closed, while the lid of the initial chamber is opened."
Explanation: "At this stage" is replaced with "During this phase" for variety and clarity. "First room" is replaced with "initial chamber" to maintain consistency with terminology.
"Some bricks are put on the exit of the pipe to create more smoke in the last room; however, a big box covers it." -> "Bricks are placed at the pipe’s exit to augment smoke density in the final chamber; nevertheless, a large box encases it."
Explanation: "Put on" is replaced with "placed" for a more formal tone. "More smoke" is replaced with "smoke density" for specificity. "Last room" is replaced with "final chamber" for consistency.
"Subsequently, smoke is stiffed within the room to commence the smoking of the food" -> "Consequently, smoke is contained within the chamber, initiating the smoking process of the food."
Explanation: "Stiffed" is not the correct term here; "contained" accurately describes the action. "To commence" is replaced with "initiating" for conciseness and clarity.
"To conclude, given smoked food’s favor and its effective preservation, a home smokery system is built underground with three chambers, using natural elements including air, and smoke from burnt fire." -> "In conclusion, considering the desirable flavor of smoked food and its effective preservation, an underground home smokery system is constructed with three chambers, employing natural elements such as air and smoke from burning wood."
Explanation: "Given" is replaced with "considering" for clarity. "Smoked food’s favor" is replaced with "the desirable flavor of smoked food" for specificity. "Using natural elements" is replaced with "employing natural elements" for variety and precision. "Burnt fire" is replaced with "burning wood" for accuracy.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the process of building a home smokery system and its use for producing smoked meats. It presents and highlights key features such as the three chambers, the airflow, the fire, and the smoking process. However, the explanation could be more fully extended, providing additional details or elaborating on certain aspects to enhance clarity and completeness.

How to improve: To improve, consider expanding on each step of the process with more specific details or explanations. Additionally, ensure that all key features are thoroughly addressed and that the information provided is relevant and accurate.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, detailing the process of building a home smokery system and explaining its functionality. There is a general progression from the description of the chambers to the process of smoking food. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion. The transition between ideas is somewhat abrupt, and the essay lacks a clear overall progression. Additionally, there is a tendency towards repetition, especially in the description of the chambers and the smoking process. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some confusion in the relationship between ideas. While the essay is divided into paragraphs, the organization within them could be improved for better coherence.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas. Use a variety of cohesive devices such as transition words and pronouns to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid unnecessary repetition by using synonyms and varying sentence structures. Finally, pay attention to the logical arrangement of information within paragraphs to enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary suitable for the task. There is an adequate description of the process of building a home smokery system, with some attempts to incorporate less common vocabulary such as "smokery" and "stiffed". However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation that slightly impede communication. For instance, "stiffed" is not a common term in this context and may cause confusion. Additionally, some sentences could be rephrased for clarity and precision.

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource, focus on using vocabulary more precisely and accurately. Ensure that less common terms are used appropriately and do not cause confusion. Also, aim for clearer and more concise expressions throughout the essay to enhance communication effectiveness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating a variety of sentence structures such as compound and complex sentences. There is an attempt to use complex structures, although some of these are less accurate than simpler sentences. The essay communicates the process effectively, albeit with occasional errors in grammar and punctuation. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("smoked foods are popular with worldwide" should be "smoked foods are popular worldwide") and punctuation ("…smoked meats with the use of nature, and simple materials in the construction" could be improved for clarity). However, these errors do not significantly hinder understanding.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures and ensuring accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Practice constructing sentences with greater clarity and precision to minimize errors. Additionally, strive for consistency in tense usage and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram outlines the construction and operation of a home smokery, designed to facilitate the production of homemade smoked meats using natural elements and simple materials.

Initially, the smokery comprises three underground chambers of varying dimensions. The first chamber, situated deeper than the second, serves the purpose of facilitating airflow to the subsequent chamber through a connecting passage. Upon reaching the second chamber, a fire is ignited beneath a stack of logs positioned above the entrance. Concurrently, the lid of the second chamber is sealed while the lid of the first is opened, directing smoke through a pipe connected to the third, wider chamber located closer to ground level. Additional bricks are strategically placed at the exit of the pipe to intensify smoke production within the final chamber. Subsequently, the smoke is contained within this chamber to initiate the smoking process, with foods such as chicken and fish suspended above.

In summary, the diagram elucidates the construction and operation of a home smokery system comprising three interconnected chambers. Through the utilization of natural elements such as air and smoke generated from burning firewood, this system facilitates the production of smoked foods, renowned for their distinctive flavor and extended shelf life.