Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. What is your opinion about this matter?

Some advocate for the government to prohibit cigarettes due to their widespread use, resulting in detrimental effects on people’s well-being, even leading to taking human life. From my point of view, I partly agree with the banning of tobacco due to its consequences; however, I suppose that smoking plays a vital role in an industry around the world.
On the one hand, cigarette consumption not only causes devasted issues for the health of smokers but also has negative influences on people around them, such as their parents and children, resulting in respiratory diseases. In recent times, there has been a troubling rise in the incidence of lung diseases and fatalities linked to smoking. For instance, children who are exposed to secondhand smoke from their parents are at an increased risk of developing severe cancers such as lung, throat, or other respiratory cancers.
On the other hand, the tobacco industry in Vietnam has significantly contributed to social security and the economy by creating employment opportunities for people. Besides, if a country were to completely ban the sale of cigarettes but a considerable proportion of people still use tobacco, it would remain an addictive substance, resulting in illegal production and increased smuggling of cigarettes, causing numerous societal problems. Therefore, a complete ban on tobacco sales will affect the lives of many people who have been working in this industry and society life.
In conclusion, it is undeniable the negative aspect of tobacco has some detrimental impact on people's well-being, even taking human life; however, the positive also should be admittedly acknowledged as its donation and benefits provide people's lives and economy better. To me, a potential solution for the government is to implement comprehensive tobacco control policies, including raising taxes on tobacco products and enforcing smoke-free laws in public places.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some advocate for the government to prohibit cigarettes" -> "Some advocate for the government to prohibit cigarette smoking"
Explanation: Adding "smoking" clarifies the intended action, making the phrase more specific and precise in an academic context.
"due to their widespread use, resulting in detrimental effects on people’s well-being, even leading to taking human life" -> "due to their widespread use, which has detrimental effects on people’s well-being and can even lead to loss of human life"
Explanation: Replacing "resulting in" with "which has" improves the sentence structure and clarity. "Loss of human life" is a more formal and precise term than "taking human life."
"I partly agree with the banning of tobacco" -> "I partially support the prohibition of tobacco"
Explanation: "Partially support" is more formal and precise than "partly agree," and "prohibition" is a more specific term than "banning."
"smoking plays a vital role in an industry around the world" -> "smoking plays a significant role in the global tobacco industry"
Explanation: "The global tobacco industry" specifies the context, making the statement more precise and academically appropriate.
"devasted issues" -> "devastating issues"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "devasted" to "devastating."
"negative influences on people around them" -> "adverse impacts on those around them"
Explanation: "Adverse impacts" is a more formal and precise term than "negative influences."
"In recent times" -> "Recently"
Explanation: "Recently" is a more concise and formal alternative to "in recent times."
"troubling rise" -> "alarming increase"
Explanation: "Alarming increase" is a more precise and formal way to describe the severity of the trend.
"children who are exposed to secondhand smoke from their parents" -> "children exposed to secondhand smoke from their parents"
Explanation: Removing "who are" simplifies the sentence structure, making it more direct and formal.
"severe cancers such as lung, throat, or other respiratory cancers" -> "serious cancers such as lung, throat, and other respiratory cancers"
Explanation: "Serious" is more specific and formal than "severe," and adding "and" improves the flow of the list.
"the tobacco industry in Vietnam has significantly contributed to social security and the economy" -> "the tobacco industry in Vietnam has significantly contributed to social security and economic development"
Explanation: "Economic development" is a more precise term than "the economy," enhancing the academic tone.
"it would remain an addictive substance" -> "it would continue to be an addictive substance"
Explanation: "Continue to be" is more grammatically correct and formal than "remain."
"a complete ban on tobacco sales will affect the lives of many people who have been working in this industry and society life" -> "a complete ban on tobacco sales would significantly impact the livelihoods of many individuals employed in this industry and societal structures"
Explanation: "Significantly impact" and "livelihoods" are more precise and formal, and "employed" is more specific than "working."
"the positive also should be admittedly acknowledged as its donation and benefits provide people’s lives and economy better" -> "the positive aspects should also be acknowledged, as they contribute to improved lives and economic conditions"
Explanation: "The positive aspects" is more formal, and "contribute to improved lives and economic conditions" is clearer and more academically appropriate than "provide people’s lives and economy better."
"To me, a potential solution for the government is to implement comprehensive tobacco control policies" -> "One potential solution for the government is to implement comprehensive tobacco control policies"
Explanation: Removing "To me" removes the personal tone, making the statement more objective and suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative health impacts of smoking and the economic implications of banning tobacco products. The writer acknowledges the serious health risks associated with smoking, particularly secondhand smoke, which is relevant to the public health argument. However, the argument regarding the economic role of the tobacco industry is somewhat underdeveloped, as it lacks specific examples or data to support the claim about job creation and economic contributions.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more concrete examples or statistics regarding the economic impact of the tobacco industry. This could include data on employment figures or contributions to GDP. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments to the economic benefits of tobacco could strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, indicating partial agreement with the banning of tobacco. However, the phrase "I partly agree" introduces ambiguity, which may confuse readers about the writer’s stance. The conclusion reiterates the negative impacts of tobacco but does not clearly restate the position on banning it, which could lead to uncertainty about the writer’s final opinion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their stance in the introduction and conclusion. Using phrases like "I fully support" or "I oppose" would clarify their viewpoint. Additionally, consistently linking back to the main argument throughout the essay would help reinforce their position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the health risks of smoking and the economic implications of the tobacco industry. However, while the health risks are well-supported with examples, the economic argument lacks depth and supporting evidence. The mention of illegal production and smuggling is relevant but could be elaborated further to illustrate the potential consequences of a ban.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, discussing the potential societal issues arising from illegal tobacco trade, such as crime rates or loss of tax revenue, would provide a more comprehensive view. Additionally, using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures could enhance the sophistication of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt about smoking and its implications for public health. However, there are moments where the argument could be more focused, particularly in the discussion of the tobacco industry’s economic role, which could detract from the main issue of public health.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the central question of whether tobacco should be banned. They could also consider structuring the essay to clearly separate the health arguments from the economic ones, ensuring that each section contributes to the overall argument regarding the ban on tobacco products.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, there is room for improvement in clarity, depth of analysis, and focus on the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, indicating partial agreement with the ban on tobacco. The first body paragraph discusses the health impacts of smoking, while the second addresses the economic implications of the tobacco industry. This logical organization helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from health issues to economic considerations feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link the two paragraphs more explicitly. For example, after discussing the health impacts, a sentence like "Despite these serious health concerns, it is important to consider the economic ramifications of a complete ban on tobacco" could create a more cohesive transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main point before diving into supporting details. This would reinforce the paragraph’s focus and improve overall clarity.
- How to improve: Start the second body paragraph with a strong topic sentence that summarizes the main argument regarding the economic impact of the tobacco industry. For instance, "While the health risks of smoking are significant, the economic contributions of the tobacco industry cannot be overlooked." This would provide a clearer framework for the discussion that follows.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting points. Additionally, phrases like "for instance" and "therefore" help to connect ideas and provide examples. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow and connection between sentences and ideas.
- How to improve: Incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices to improve coherence. For example, use "furthermore" or "in addition" to add information, and "however" or "nevertheless" to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences. For instance, instead of repeating "the tobacco industry," you could use "this sector" or "it" in subsequent mentions.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "prohibit," "detrimental effects," and "respiratory diseases." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "negative influences" is somewhat repetitive and could be replaced with synonyms such as "adverse effects" or "harmful impacts." Additionally, the use of "devastated issues" is awkward and could be better expressed as "serious health issues."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. Reading widely and noting different ways to express similar ideas can help. For instance, instead of repeating "tobacco," the writer could use "smoking products" or "nicotine items" in different sections.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For instance, the phrase "taking human life" is vague and could be more accurately stated as "leading to premature death." The term "devasted issues" is also imprecise and does not convey the intended meaning clearly. Furthermore, the phrase "the positive also should be admittedly acknowledged" is convoluted and could be simplified to "the positive aspects should also be recognized."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness. Using a thesaurus can help find more accurate words, but it’s essential to ensure that the chosen words fit the context. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also aid in developing a clearer style.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy; however, there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "the negative aspect of tobacco has some detrimental impact" could be improved by ensuring that "detrimental" is used correctly in context. The word "devasted" is a misspelling of "devastating," which affects the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Regular practice with writing and reviewing can help solidify correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their overall performance in the Lexical Resource criteria of the IELTS Task 2 essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex structures is evident in sentences like "if a country were to completely ban the sale of cigarettes but a considerable proportion of people still use tobacco, it would remain an addictive substance." This shows an ability to express nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as inversion or varied clause placements, which could enhance the overall complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could practice using different introductory phrases or clauses. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," the writer could use phrases like "Conversely," or "In contrast," to introduce opposing ideas. Additionally, incorporating more varied punctuation, such as semicolons or dashes, could help create more complex sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "devasted issues for the health of smokers" should be "devastating issues," as "devasted" is not a correct form. Additionally, the sentence "it is undeniable the negative aspect of tobacco has some detrimental impact on people’s well-being" lacks a preposition ("that") after "undeniable," making it awkward. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "even leading to taking human life" in the first sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as incorrect word forms and missing prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common pitfalls in academic writing, would be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help improve clarity and flow.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the score further. Regular practice and careful proofreading are key strategies for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some advocate for the government to prohibit cigarettes due to their widespread use, which has detrimental effects on people’s well-being and can even lead to loss of human life. From my point of view, I partly agree with the prohibition of tobacco due to its consequences; however, I suppose that smoking plays a vital role in the industry around the world.

On the one hand, cigarette consumption not only causes devastating issues for the health of smokers but also has negative influences on those around them, such as their parents and children, resulting in respiratory diseases. Recently, there has been an alarming increase in the incidence of lung diseases and fatalities linked to smoking. For instance, children who are exposed to secondhand smoke from their parents are at an increased risk of developing serious cancers such as lung, throat, and other respiratory cancers.

On the other hand, the tobacco industry in Vietnam has significantly contributed to social security and the economy by creating employment opportunities for people. Besides, if a country were to completely ban the sale of cigarettes while a considerable proportion of people still use tobacco, it would continue to be an addictive substance, resulting in illegal production and increased smuggling of cigarettes, causing numerous societal problems. Therefore, a complete ban on tobacco sales would significantly impact the livelihoods of many individuals employed in this industry and societal structures.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that the negative aspects of tobacco have some detrimental impacts on people’s well-being, even taking human life; however, the positive aspects should also be acknowledged, as they contribute to improved lives and economic conditions. To me, a potential solution for the government is to implement comprehensive tobacco control policies, including raising taxes on tobacco products and enforcing smoke-free laws in public places.