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Society is based on rules and laws. It could not function if individuals were free to do whatever they wanted to do. To what extent do you agree or not?

Society is based on rules and laws. It could not function if individuals were free to do whatever they wanted to do. To what extent do you agree or not?

In contemporary society, regulations and laws are considered as the backbone, allowing them to shape and regulate the behaviors of individuals. Some segments of population argue that the functioning of society heavily relies on these regulations, and without them, chaos would happen . I agree that it is crucial for individuals to follow these society laws.

First of all, rules and laws are used by society to establish norms, maintain order, and protect the rights of its members. These rules form a framework that promotes social harmony and peaceful interactions of diverse people. For example, traffic regulations ensure road safety, theft and violence laws protect individuals' rights, and moral standards guide professional behavior. Conflicts, accidents, and injustice could become prevalent in the absence of these regulations and harm social stability. To illustrate, the presence of numerous negligent business regulations in many parts of the USA contributes to the increasing rates of theft in many markets or even in shopping malls.

In addition, laws and regulations play an important role in reducing discrimination by establishing frameworks that protect individuals' rights regardless of their social status. Specifically, these rules aim to ensure equal treatment and opportunities for every part of society in distinctive areas such as employment, education, and housing. Furthermore, rules and laws can set standards for companies and organizations in order to avoid exploitation and incentivize fairness for employees from various social backgrounds.

In conclusion, there is no denying on the important role of rules and laws. It prevents discrimination in our society as well as maintain the social harmony and safeguard human’s right.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In contemporary society, regulations and laws are considered as the backbone, allowing them to shape and regulate the behaviors of individuals."

    • "In contemporary society, regulations and laws are regarded as the foundation, enabling them to shape and govern individuals’ behavior."
      Explanation: Replacing "backbone" with "foundation" and "regulate the behaviors" with "govern individuals’ behavior" maintains a formal tone and avoids the colloquial use of "backbone."
  2. "Some segments of population argue that the functioning of society heavily relies on these regulations, and without them, chaos would happen."

    • "Some segments of the population contend that the functioning of society is heavily dependent on these regulations, and without them, chaos would ensue."
      Explanation: Replacing "relies on" with "is heavily dependent on" and "happen" with "ensue" enhances the precision and formality of the sentence.
  3. "I agree that it is crucial for individuals to follow these society laws."

    • "I concur that it is imperative for individuals to adhere to these societal laws."
      Explanation: Substituting "agree" with "concur" and "society laws" with "societal laws" elevates the vocabulary and maintains a formal tone.
  4. "First of all, rules and laws are used by society to establish norms, maintain order, and protect the rights of its members."

    • "Primarily, rules and laws are employed by society to establish norms, uphold order, and safeguard the rights of its members."
      Explanation: Replacing "used by" with "employed by," and "maintain" with "uphold" adds sophistication to the sentence while preserving clarity.
  5. "These rules form a framework that promotes social harmony and peaceful interactions of diverse people."

    • "These rules constitute a framework that fosters social harmony and facilitates peaceful interactions among diverse individuals."
      Explanation: Substituting "form" with "constitute," "promotes" with "fosters," and "of diverse people" with "among diverse individuals" enhances the formality and precision of the sentence.
  6. "Conflicts, accidents, and injustice could become prevalent in the absence of these regulations and harm social stability."

    • "In the absence of these regulations, conflicts, accidents, and injustices could become widespread, jeopardizing social stability."
      Explanation: Replacing "prevalent" with "widespread" and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and formality.
  7. "To illustrate, the presence of numerous negligent business regulations in many parts of the USA contributes to the increasing rates of theft in many markets or even in shopping malls."

    • "For instance, the existence of lax business regulations in various regions of the USA has contributed to the rising incidence of theft in numerous markets and even shopping malls."
      Explanation: The revised sentence employs more precise language and structure to convey the same message in a formal manner.
  8. "In addition, laws and regulations play an important role in reducing discrimination by establishing frameworks that protect individuals’ rights regardless of their social status."

    • "Additionally, laws and regulations play a pivotal role in mitigating discrimination by establishing frameworks that safeguard individuals’ rights irrespective of their social status."
      Explanation: Substituting "reducing" with "mitigating," "important role" with "pivotal role," and "regardless of" with "irrespective of" enhances the formal tone and clarity.
  9. "Furthermore, rules and laws can set standards for companies and organizations in order to avoid exploitation and incentivize fairness for employees from various social backgrounds."

    • "Moreover, rules and laws can establish standards for companies and organizations to prevent exploitation and promote equity for employees from diverse social backgrounds."
      Explanation: The suggested changes make the sentence more formal and precise while retaining its meaning.
  10. "In conclusion, there is no denying on the important role of rules and laws. It prevents discrimination in our society as well as maintain the social harmony and safeguard human’s right."

    • "In conclusion, there is no denying the crucial role of rules and laws. They not only prevent discrimination in our society but also uphold social harmony and safeguard human rights."
      Explanation: Correcting "no denying on" to "no denying the," rephrasing "It prevents" to "They not only prevent," and reordering the sentence for better flow improves the overall formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Some segments of the population argue that the functioning of society heavily relies on these regulations, and without them, chaos would happen."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction establishes the writer’s position, which is good. However, it could be more explicit in outlining the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Providing a clear roadmap of the essay’s structure can help readers anticipate the content and improve clarity.
    • Improved example: "Some segments of the population argue that the functioning of society heavily relies on these regulations, and without them, chaos would happen. In this essay, I will explore the pivotal role of rules and laws in maintaining order, promoting social harmony, and protecting individual rights."
  2. Quoted text: "To illustrate, the presence of numerous negligent business regulations in many parts of the USA contributes to the increasing rates of theft in many markets or even in shopping malls."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The example provided is relevant and supports the argument. However, it lacks specific details or a real-life scenario to make it more convincing. To improve, consider providing a specific case or anecdote illustrating the impact of lax regulations on theft rates.
    • Improved example: "To illustrate, consider the situation in certain regions of the USA where lax business regulations have led to a surge in theft incidents within markets and shopping malls. For instance, in [specific city or area], the absence of stringent regulations has emboldened thieves, resulting in a significant increase in theft cases."
  3. Quoted text: "In addition, laws and regulations play an important role in reducing discrimination by establishing frameworks that protect individuals’ rights regardless of their social status."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This point is well-stated and contributes to the argument. However, it could benefit from a brief explanation or example to illustrate how laws and regulations reduce discrimination effectively.
    • Improved example: "In addition, laws and regulations play an important role in reducing discrimination by establishing frameworks that protect individuals’ rights regardless of their social status. For example, anti-discrimination laws in the workplace ensure that all employees, regardless of their gender, race, or background, are treated fairly and equally in terms of promotions, pay, and opportunities."

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the task, presents a clear position, and provides relevant supporting ideas. However, there is room for improvement in terms of providing more specific and vivid examples to enhance the persuasive power of the argument and to ensure that the main points are well-illustrated.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a strong level of coherence and cohesion, which aligns with the Band 7 descriptor. Here’s how the essay meets the criteria for this band:

  1. Logical Organization: The essay is logically organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. It presents ideas in a structured manner, allowing the reader to follow the argument effectively.

  2. Cohesive Devices: The essay effectively uses a range of cohesive devices. There is clear progression throughout the essay, and the transition words and phrases used help connect ideas and paragraphs logically. For example, phrases like "First of all," "In addition," and "Furthermore" are used appropriately to guide the reader through the essay’s flow.

  3. Central Topic within Paragraphs: Each paragraph presents a clear central topic and follows a coherent structure. The ideas within each paragraph are relevant to the topic, and this contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.

However, there are some minor instances of underuse of cohesive devices (e.g., in the sentence, "I agree that it is crucial for individuals to follow these society laws"). Additionally, there’s a minor issue with sentence structure in phrases like "chaos would happen," which could be improved for better cohesion.

How to improve:
To improve further and potentially reach a Band 8, the essay could:

  1. Ensure Consistent Use of Cohesive Devices: Pay attention to consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Avoid any underuse or overuse, and make sure that these devices contribute to the overall flow and coherence.

  2. Refine Sentence Structure: Focus on refining sentence structures for better clarity and cohesion. For instance, instead of "chaos would happen," consider a more concise and grammatically correct expression like "chaos would ensue."

Overall, this essay is well-organized and effectively presents its ideas with strong cohesion, earning it a Band 7 score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It uses vocabulary related to rules, laws, society, regulations, norms, order, rights, and more. Some less common lexical items like "negligent business regulations" are used, which shows an attempt to vary vocabulary. However, there are instances of less precise word choice and occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, "in many parts of the USA contributes to the increasing rates of theft" could be rephrased for better clarity. Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "incentivize" instead of "incentivizing." These errors do not significantly impede communication but are noticeable.

How to improve:

  1. Continue to diversify your vocabulary by using a wider range of synonyms and expressions where appropriate.
  2. Pay close attention to word choice and ensure that each word fits the context perfectly.
  3. Proofread your essay to eliminate errors in word formation and spelling.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy, which corresponds to a Band 7 score. It uses a variety of complex structures effectively to convey ideas, and the majority of sentences are error-free. The essay showcases a good control of grammar and punctuation with only a few errors.

For example, "In contemporary society, regulations and laws are considered as the backbone" – The use of "considered as" could be improved to "are considered the backbone." However, this is a relatively minor error.

Additionally, the essay effectively employs a mix of complex and simple sentence forms, as evident in phrases like "To illustrate, the presence of numerous negligent business regulations in many parts of the USA contributes to the increasing rates of theft in many markets or even in shopping malls." The sentence complexity adds to the overall quality of the essay.

How to improve:
To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to reduce the few minor errors present in the essay and work on refining sentence structures even further. Using a wider variety of complex structures with absolute accuracy would push the essay closer to a Band 8.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s society, regulations and laws serve as the foundation, guiding and controlling individuals’ actions. Some members of the population argue that these regulations are vital for the smooth functioning of society, and I concur with this viewpoint.

First and foremost, rules and laws are employed by society to establish norms, maintain order, and safeguard the rights of its members. These regulations create a framework that fosters social harmony and peaceful interactions among diverse individuals. For instance, traffic regulations ensure road safety, while laws against theft and violence protect individuals’ rights. Moral standards also guide professional behavior. Without these regulations, conflicts, accidents, and injustice could become widespread, disrupting social stability. To illustrate, the absence of strict business regulations in certain parts of the USA has contributed to an increase in theft rates, even within markets and shopping malls.

Moreover, laws and regulations play a crucial role in reducing discrimination by establishing frameworks that safeguard individuals’ rights, irrespective of their social status. These rules aim to guarantee equal treatment and opportunities for all members of society, especially in areas such as employment, education, and housing. Furthermore, rules and laws can establish standards for companies and organizations, preventing exploitation and promoting fairness for employees from various social backgrounds.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that rules and laws play a crucial role in our society. They prevent discrimination and ensure social harmony while safeguarding the rights of individuals.

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