some activities to reduce carbon footprint

as we know that nowadays , more and more smoke is made by a lot of reasons and it also causes many disadvantages .but the most dangerous cons is causing more and more carbon footprint which make so many detrimental diseases to people. therefore we must need some actions to reduce it
to start with the first way i will list the reason behind being excessive carbon footprint in our world. it can be caused by using unnecessary transport such as motorbike car and so on .as a result the smoke from those lead to too much carbon footprint . consequently if people want to reduce it we will have to use fresh transports which can't make lots of smoke .for instance we can use bicycle, electrical bike ,electrical car ,.. this is the easiest thing we can do
next the second reason which brings about excessive carbon footprint is from factories and large enterprise . in my view , i think this is the significant reason .and it can be deleted by government and owner factories .in these days more and more factories are set uo without have awareness about air pollution .the more factories are established , the more smoke they cause .so i think goverment should put a stop at adverse problem
last but not least the last reason is burning rubbish from people . you know that garbage cause much harmful smoke to people and it also lead to carbon footprint grown up.therefore people should have individual awareness about this problem
to sum up excessive carbon footprint is one of the most dangerous issues nowadays and it is only reduced by people, not anything else

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"as we know that nowadays" -> "it is widely recognized that currently"
Explanation: "As we know that nowadays" is informal and lacks precision. "It is widely recognized that currently" provides a more formal and academically appropriate introduction to the topic.
"more and more smoke is made by a lot of reasons" -> "increasing amounts of smoke are generated by various factors"
Explanation: "More and more smoke is made by a lot of reasons" is awkward and vague. "Increasing amounts of smoke are generated by various factors" is clearer and more precise.
"the most dangerous cons is causing" -> "the most significant consequence is the increased risk of"
Explanation: "The most dangerous cons is causing" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "The most significant consequence is the increased risk of" corrects these issues and enhances formality.
"make so many detrimental diseases to people" -> "result in numerous detrimental health issues for individuals"
Explanation: "Make so many detrimental diseases to people" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Result in numerous detrimental health issues for individuals" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.
"we must need some actions" -> "we must take certain actions"
Explanation: "We must need some actions" is grammatically incorrect. "We must take certain actions" corrects the grammar and enhances clarity.
"to start with the first way i will list" -> "first, I will outline the primary reasons"
Explanation: "To start with the first way i will list" is informal and awkward. "First, I will outline the primary reasons" is more formal and clear.
"using unnecessary transport such as motorbike car and so on" -> "utilizing unnecessary modes of transportation such as motorbikes and cars"
Explanation: "Using unnecessary transport such as motorbike car and so on" is informal and lacks specificity. "Utilizing unnecessary modes of transportation such as motorbikes and cars" is more precise and formal.
"fresh transports" -> "environmentally friendly modes of transportation"
Explanation: "Fresh transports" is unclear and informal. "Environmentally friendly modes of transportation" is specific and appropriate for an academic context.
"electrical car" -> "electric vehicles"
Explanation: "Electrical car" is incorrect. "Electric vehicles" is the correct term and is more formal.
"set uo" -> "established"
Explanation: "Set uo" is a typographical error. "Established" is the correct term and maintains a formal tone.
"without have awareness about air pollution" -> "without being aware of air pollution"
Explanation: "Without have awareness about air pollution" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Without being aware of air pollution" corrects these issues and is more formal.
"put a stop at adverse problem" -> "address the adverse problem"
Explanation: "Put a stop at adverse problem" is unclear and informal. "Address the adverse problem" is clearer and more appropriate for formal writing.
"burning rubbish from people" -> "the burning of waste by individuals"
Explanation: "Burning rubbish from people" is informal and vague. "The burning of waste by individuals" is more precise and formal.
"garbage cause much harmful smoke to people" -> "garbage causes significant harm to individuals"
Explanation: "Garbage cause much harmful smoke to people" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Garbage causes significant harm to individuals" corrects these issues and enhances formality.
"carbon footprint grown up" -> "carbon footprint increases"
Explanation: "Carbon footprint grown up" is incorrect and informal. "Carbon footprint increases" is the correct term and is more formal.
"it is only reduced by people, not anything else" -> "it can only be mitigated through individual efforts"
Explanation: "It is only reduced by people, not anything else" is informal and lacks precision. "It can only be mitigated through individual efforts" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding activities to reduce carbon footprint but falls short in providing a comprehensive list of specific actions. While it mentions using bicycles and electric vehicles, it does not explore a variety of activities or strategies that could be employed by individuals or communities. The discussion on factories and waste burning is relevant but lacks actionable solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay should include a broader range of activities aimed at reducing carbon footprints, such as promoting public transportation, reducing energy consumption at home, and supporting renewable energy sources. Each activity should be clearly articulated with specific examples of how they can be implemented.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position on the need to reduce carbon footprints, but the argument is not consistently maintained throughout. The introduction suggests a need for action, but the subsequent sections introduce various causes of carbon emissions without clearly linking them back to actionable solutions. The conclusion reiterates the importance of individual action but does not tie back effectively to the specific activities discussed.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph reinforces this stance. Using transitional phrases to connect ideas and reiterating the main argument in each section would help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to reducing carbon footprints, such as using bicycles and addressing factory emissions. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, the mention of bicycles lacks elaboration on how this can be promoted or what challenges might be faced. The discussion about factories is vague and does not provide specific measures that could be taken.
- How to improve: To strengthen this area, the writer should aim to develop each idea more fully. This could include discussing the benefits of each suggested activity, potential challenges, and how these activities can be realistically implemented. Providing statistics or examples from successful initiatives could further support the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic of activities to reduce carbon footprints. While it discusses causes of carbon emissions, it does not consistently tie these back to specific actions that can be taken to mitigate them. For example, the mention of factory emissions is relevant but shifts focus away from individual actions, which is the core of the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every paragraph directly relates to the prompt. It would be beneficial to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each section contributes to the overall argument about reducing carbon footprints. Keeping a clear structure with defined sections for each activity will help stay on topic.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its overall coherence and effectiveness in responding to the prompt, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing specific causes of carbon footprint, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing transportation to factories lacks a clear connective statement, which disrupts the logical progression of ideas. The introduction mentions the dangers of carbon footprint but does not clearly outline the specific actions that will be discussed, which could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider including a brief outline of the main points in the introduction. Use transition phrases such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally" to guide the reader through the arguments. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. Each paragraph addresses a different cause of carbon footprint, which is good; however, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be separated for clarity. For example, the second paragraph discusses both factories and the government’s role, which could be split into two distinct paragraphs for better focus.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and follow it with supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. This will help maintain clarity and focus throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "to start with," "next," and "last but not least," which help in organizing the ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "as a result" is used, but it could be better integrated to show the cause-and-effect relationship more explicitly.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "on the other hand." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance clarity rather than create confusion.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a better overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic of carbon footprint, such as "transport," "factories," and "pollution." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive, with phrases like "more and more" and "excessive carbon footprint" appearing multiple times without variation. This limits the richness of the language used.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "excessive carbon footprint," alternatives like "high carbon emissions" or "significant environmental impact" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "green transportation" or "sustainable practices" would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "fresh transports" is unclear and does not effectively convey the intended meaning of environmentally friendly transportation options. Additionally, "the most dangerous cons" is awkward; "consequences" or "drawbacks" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: Writers should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects their intended meaning. In this case, replacing "fresh transports" with "eco-friendly transportation" and "the most dangerous cons" with "the most serious consequences" would enhance clarity and precision. It is also beneficial to review the context in which certain words are used to ensure they fit appropriately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "goverment" (government), "set uo" (set up), and "electrical bike" (electric bike). These errors detract from the overall professionalism and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing short paragraphs and using spell-check tools. Additionally, reading more extensively can help familiarize the writer with correct spellings and enhance their overall language skills. Creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and some relevant vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their overall lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using different sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("this is the easiest thing we can do") and compound sentences ("the more factories are established, the more smoke they cause"). However, the range is limited, with many sentences being short and lacking complexity. For example, the sentence "as we know that nowadays, more and more smoke is made by a lot of reasons" is overly simplistic and could benefit from more varied structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences and varied clauses. For instance, instead of saying "it can be caused by using unnecessary transport," they could say, "One significant cause of excessive carbon footprint is the reliance on unnecessary modes of transport, such as motorbikes and cars." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "but the most dangerous cons is causing more and more carbon footprint" should be corrected to "but the most dangerous consequence is the increasing carbon footprint." Additionally, there are issues with comma usage, such as in "as we know that nowadays , more and more smoke is made," where the comma is incorrectly placed before "more." Furthermore, the use of "goverment" is a spelling error that detracts from the overall accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and proper punctuation. Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading can help identify and correct these errors. Additionally, reading well-structured essays can provide insights into correct grammar and punctuation usage. For instance, the writer should ensure that sentences are complete and properly punctuated, such as changing "therefore we must need some actions to reduce it" to "therefore, we must take action to reduce it."

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, the grammatical range and accuracy require significant improvement to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical precision will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely recognized that currently, increasing amounts of smoke are generated by various factors, leading to numerous disadvantages. The most significant consequence is the increased risk of detrimental diseases for individuals due to the rising carbon footprint. Therefore, we must take certain actions to reduce it.

To start with, I will outline the primary reasons behind the excessive carbon footprint in our world. One major cause is the utilization of unnecessary modes of transportation, such as motorbikes and cars. As a result, the smoke emitted from these vehicles contributes significantly to the carbon footprint. Consequently, if people want to reduce it, we will have to adopt environmentally friendly modes of transportation. For instance, we can use bicycles, electric bikes, and electric vehicles. This is one of the simplest actions we can take.

Next, the second reason that contributes to the excessive carbon footprint comes from factories and large enterprises. In my view, this is a significant issue that can be addressed by the government and factory owners. Nowadays, more and more factories are established without being aware of air pollution. The more factories that are set up, the more smoke they generate. Therefore, I believe the government should intervene to address this adverse problem.

Last but not least, another reason for the increased carbon footprint is the burning of waste by individuals. It is well-known that garbage causes significant harm to individuals and leads to an increase in the carbon footprint. Therefore, people should cultivate individual awareness about this issue.

To sum up, the excessive carbon footprint is one of the most pressing issues today, and it can only be mitigated through individual efforts, rather than relying solely on external solutions.