Some American say that the future is important, individuals and society should pay more attention in the future than present. Do you agree with that opinion

Most people in the current society require too much from their future, but they do not want to strive hard. Specifically, the future is the result of present, tomorrow is important but today is more important. It is stupid to wait for a new bright day if people do not do their best. Firstly, human are increasingly depending on their unreal future. People, especially, students who have just graduated are concentrating on their mind dream and forget to invest in their skills. Unemployment is increasingly happening due to paying more attention to the future. Not only students are paying largely imagination to the future but also individuals and society are focusing to enhance the future. In addition, investing in their future is effective if they know where necessary. A number of parents think that they should support their children's future, however, they do not realize the children need anything now. It leads to parents get lost in their teaching. For example, in the developing technology, parents living in the morden city tend to put their children in learning English too early. Therefore, the children easily get stuck in mental desease such as hyperactivity, because they have not developed their emotional maturity. In conclusion, investing in the future is important and necessary, but the present is equally important. People should balance concentrating in the present and improving in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Most people in the current society require too much from their future" -> "Many individuals in contemporary society expect too much from their future"
Explanation: Replacing "Most people" with "Many individuals" and "current society" with "contemporary society" refines the tone to be more formal and precise. "Expect" is more appropriate than "require" in this context, as it better captures the idea of anticipating or hoping for something in the future.
"but they do not want to strive hard" -> "but they are unwilling to exert themselves"
Explanation: "Exert themselves" is a more formal and precise term than "strive hard," which is somewhat colloquial and vague. This change enhances the academic tone of the sentence.
"the future is the result of present" -> "the future is a result of the present"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "result" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more grammatically correct and formal.
"tomorrow is important but today is more important" -> "tomorrow is significant, yet today is more crucial"
Explanation: "Significant" and "crucial" are more precise and formal than "important," which is somewhat generic. The use of "yet" instead of "but" also improves the flow and formality of the sentence.
"It is stupid to wait for a new bright day" -> "It is imprudent to await a brighter future"
Explanation: "Imprudent" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "stupid," which is too informal for academic writing. "Await" is also more formal than "wait," and "brighter future" is a more precise and formal expression than "new bright day."
"human are increasingly depending on their unreal future" -> "humans are increasingly reliant on their unrealistic future"
Explanation: "Reliant" is more precise than "depending," and "unrealistic" is a more accurate term than "unreal" in this context, as it implies a lack of feasibility rather than non-existence.
"People, especially, students who have just graduated are concentrating on their mind dream" -> "Individuals, particularly recent graduates, focus on their career aspirations"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "recent graduates" is more specific than "students who have just graduated." "Focus on their career aspirations" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea than "concentrating on their mind dream."
"Not only students are paying largely imagination to the future" -> "Not only students are investing heavily in their future"
Explanation: "Investing heavily" is a more precise and formal way to describe the extent of investment in the future, replacing the vague and incorrect "paying largely imagination."
"focusing to enhance the future" -> "focusing on enhancing the future"
Explanation: Adding "on" corrects the prepositional error, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"investing in their future is effective if they know where necessary" -> "investing in their future is effective only when they know what is necessary"
Explanation: "Only when" is more precise than "if," and "what is necessary" is clearer and more formal than "where necessary," which is awkward and unclear in this context.
"parents get lost in their teaching" -> "parents become lost in their teaching"
Explanation: "Become lost" is a more formal and precise expression than "get lost," which is colloquial and less appropriate for academic writing.
"the children easily get stuck in mental desease" -> "children easily become afflicted with mental disorders"
Explanation: "Become afflicted with" is more formal and precise than "get stuck in," and "mental disorders" is a more appropriate and formal term than "mental desease."
"because they have not developed their emotional maturity" -> "because they have not yet developed emotional maturity"
Explanation: "Not yet" is more precise and formal than "not," and "emotional maturity" is a more formal term than "developed their emotional maturity," which is redundant.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the importance of both the present and the future. However, it lacks a clear engagement with the specific opinion presented in the question: whether individuals and society should pay more attention to the future than the present. The argument is somewhat muddled, as it does not explicitly state a position of agreement or disagreement with the statement. Additionally, the essay does not fully explore the implications of prioritizing the future over the present.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should clearly state their position at the beginning of the essay. They should explicitly agree or disagree with the statement and then provide supporting arguments for that stance. Each paragraph should connect back to this central position, ensuring that all points made are relevant to the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a consistent and clear position. While it mentions that both the present and future are important, it does not firmly establish which one should take precedence. Phrases like "it is stupid to wait for a new bright day" suggest a critique of focusing solely on the future, but this is not developed into a coherent argument throughout the essay.
- How to improve: The writer should choose a definitive stance on the issue and maintain that throughout the essay. This can be achieved by restating the position in the introduction and conclusion, and ensuring that each paragraph supports this viewpoint with relevant examples and reasoning.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the dependence on an "unreal future" and the consequences of focusing too much on future aspirations. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For instance, the mention of students and parents lacks specific examples or data that would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could include statistics on unemployment related to educational focus, or specific case studies of individuals who have struggled due to a lack of present-focused skills. Each idea should be clearly linked back to the central argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally stays on topic, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the discussion of parents and children. The mention of "mental disease" and hyperactivity, while relevant, feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about the balance between present and future.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made is directly related to the central argument of the essay. They should avoid introducing new ideas that do not clearly connect back to the main thesis. A clear outline before writing can help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points are relevant.

Overall, the essay requires a more structured approach to effectively address the prompt and present a coherent argument. By clearly stating a position, developing ideas with supporting evidence, and maintaining focus on the topic, the writer can improve their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that prioritizes the present over the future, which is a strong foundation. However, the organization of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing students’ focus on the future to parents’ roles in education feels abrupt. The argument about the consequences of focusing too much on the future (e.g., unemployment and mental health issues) is relevant but could be structured more clearly to enhance the logical flow. The introduction sets the stage, but the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and a more systematic progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a clear outline before writing. Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. Ensure that each subsequent sentence within the paragraph builds on that idea. For example, when discussing students’ focus on the future, follow up with specific examples or evidence before transitioning to the parents’ perspective.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. The first paragraph introduces the main argument, while the second paragraph attempts to provide supporting details. However, some ideas are crammed together, making it difficult for the reader to follow. For instance, the discussion about parents and their children could be a separate paragraph to allow for deeper exploration of that idea.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea. Consider breaking down the second paragraph into two: one focused on students and their future aspirations, and another on parental influence. This will help clarify the argument and allow for more detailed discussion of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "For example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions feel mechanical. For instance, the phrase "not only… but also" is used, but it could be more effectively integrated into the flow of the argument. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are missing, leading to abrupt shifts between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "On the other hand," and "Consequently." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "strive hard," "concentrating on their mind dream," and "investing in their future" show an effort to use diverse vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and limited synonyms, such as the repeated use of "future" and "important," which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "future," they could use "prospects," "tomorrow," or "upcoming challenges." Additionally, using more academic or sophisticated terms, such as "prioritize" instead of "pay attention," can elevate the lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "paying largely imagination to the future" is unclear and awkward; it seems to confuse the intended meaning. The term "morden" is a misspelling of "modern," which affects clarity. Furthermore, "disease" is misspelled as "desease," which can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that the vocabulary accurately conveys their intended meaning. They could replace "paying largely imagination" with "placing excessive emphasis on their dreams." Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring the correct use of terms will enhance clarity. Utilizing a thesaurus can also help find more precise words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "morden" instead of "modern" and "desease" instead of "disease." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a consistent proofreading routine. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors, as can using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial for long-term improvement. Engaging in regular writing exercises that focus on spelling can also help solidify correct forms in memory.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary usage, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For instance, phrases like "It is stupid to wait for a new bright day if people do not do their best" and "A number of parents think that they should support their children’s future" are straightforward but do not showcase a variety of grammatical forms. The use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, or more complex structures is minimal, which affects the overall impression of grammatical range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences, such as using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although many people focus on the future, they often neglect the importance of the present"). Additionally, experimenting with different sentence beginnings and varying sentence lengths can create a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "human are increasingly depending" should be "humans are increasingly dependent." The phrase "paying largely imagination to the future" is awkward and unclear; it should be rephrased for clarity. Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, affect the readability of the text. For instance, in "people, especially, students who have just graduated," the commas are incorrectly placed, leading to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical rules can help. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors before submission can enhance clarity. Reading more academic writing can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage, which can be emulated in future essays.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of the writing and potentially raise the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Most people in contemporary society expect too much from their future, but they are unwilling to exert themselves. Specifically, the future is a result of the present; tomorrow is significant, yet today is more crucial. It is imprudent to await a brighter future if individuals do not do their best in the present.

Firstly, humans are increasingly reliant on their unrealistic future. Individuals, particularly recent graduates, focus on their career aspirations and often neglect to invest in their skills. Unemployment is on the rise due to this fixation on the future. Not only are students heavily investing their imagination in what lies ahead, but society as a whole is also concentrating on enhancing the future.

In addition, investing in their future is effective only when they know what is necessary. Many parents believe they should support their children’s future; however, they often overlook that children need guidance and support in the present. This can lead to parents becoming lost in their teaching. For example, in our rapidly advancing technological world, parents living in modern cities tend to enroll their children in English classes at an early age. Consequently, children can easily become afflicted with mental disorders such as hyperactivity, as they have not yet developed the emotional maturity to handle such pressures.

In conclusion, while investing in the future is important and necessary, the present holds equal significance. People should strive to balance their focus on the present with their aspirations for the future.