Some argue that the government should play a more active role in regulating the internet to ensure online safety and protect users, while others believe in the importance of preserving online freedom and autonomy. Discuss both perspectives and provide your own opinion on the role of government in internet regulation
Opinions on whether greater government control ought to be exerted over internet use or not vary. This essay will discuss both of these perspectives, before reaching the final conclusion supporting such an imposition.
On the one hand, it is argued that Netizens’ liberty cannot be denied. Indeed, every individual reserves the right to use the internet to express their ideas or consume content of their own volition. Restricting such agency may amount to an infringement of personal freedom, causing public resentment, as exemplified by numerous protests against draconian policies imposed on one’s free speech, notably those in America, fueling reforms on a national scale. Moreover, preserving the liberty of internet use may well aid in raising public awareness of current affairs. Given the role online platforms play as a predominant source of information for society, its restrictions would likely prove disadvantageous. In fact, deprived of such a privilege, individuals may resort to more traditional means namely newspapers, which are much less efficient, thereby being less likely to keep themselves abreast of national updates.
On the other hand, this essay asserts that the authorities should impose greater limitations on internet use because of the far-reaching impacts on society and its members. On a smaller scale, this has the potential to protect users, especially impressionable demographics from pernicious content prevalent these days namely pornography. In today’s age, there has been a rising trend in juveniles being exposed to inappropriate or even mentally disturbing images, often to the detriment of their psychological well-being. For instance, they may involve themselves in pornographic websites out of curiosity, and thus viewing content considered not suitable for their age. By restricting netizens to an extent, such incidences are inclined to be less prominent, which would ensure the public’s safety in the long run. On a wider basis, this appears to thwart public disturbances, supposedly caused by social media. During an age in which misinformation abounds, the probability of evoking widespread negative reactions is inevitable, as illustrated by manifold trumped-up claims amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, giving rise to nationwide concerns. This is the reason why encouraging authority intervention in one’s online presence could prove invaluable in the struggle against falsified news and public disorders.
In conclusion, whilst individuals’ liberty to online platforms and their impacts on raising awareness cannot be neglected, it is proposed that the corridors of power assume a more proactive role in internet regulations provided the positive influences to society and its members.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"ought to be exerted" -> "should be imposed"
Explanation: Replacing "ought to be exerted" with "should be imposed" maintains formality and clarity. The phrase "should be imposed" succinctly conveys the idea of implementing control without compromising academic tone.
"Netizens’ liberty" -> "Internet users’ freedom"
Explanation: "Netizens" is a less formal term, so replacing it with "Internet users" aligns better with academic writing. Similarly, replacing "liberty" with "freedom" offers a clearer and more direct expression in a formal context.
"consume content of their own volition" -> "access content at their discretion"
Explanation: The phrase "consume content of their own volition" is slightly informal. "Access content at their discretion" maintains formality and precision while conveying the same meaning in a more academically appropriate manner.
"draconian policies" -> "stringent measures"
Explanation: "Draconian" has a slightly informal connotation. Replacing it with "stringent measures" maintains formality and precision in discussing policies without compromising clarity.
"preserving the liberty of internet use" -> "upholding internet freedom"
Explanation: "Preserving the liberty of internet use" could be more succinctly expressed as "upholding internet freedom" without losing the intended meaning but improving the formality and conciseness of expression.
"deprived of such a privilege" -> "lacking this access"
Explanation: "Deprived of such a privilege" is a bit wordy. "Lacking this access" is a more concise and formal way to express the same idea, aligning better with academic language.
"pernicious content prevalent these days namely pornography" -> "harmful content, particularly pornography, prevalent today"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence provides a clearer and more formal expression by specifying the type of content and reordering the phrasing for better clarity and formality.
"there has been a rising trend" -> "a noticeable increase has occurred"
Explanation: "There has been a rising trend" is less formal. "A noticeable increase has occurred" maintains formality while conveying a similar meaning in a more precise manner.
"mentally disturbing" -> "psychologically distressing"
Explanation: "Mentally disturbing" can be substituted with "psychologically distressing" to maintain formality and precision, especially in academic contexts discussing psychological impacts.
"evoking widespread negative reactions is inevitable" -> "triggering widespread negative reactions is inevitable"
Explanation: The replacement adds clarity and precision to the sentence by using "triggering" instead of "evoking," aligning better with academic writing without losing the intended meaning.
"supposedly caused by social media" -> "purportedly caused by social media"
Explanation: "Supposedly caused by social media" might imply uncertainty. "Purportedly caused by social media" maintains formality and acknowledges the assertion without affirming it as a fact.
"trumped-up claims" -> "baseless assertions"
Explanation: "Trumped-up claims" is slightly informal. "Baseless assertions" is a more formal and accurate term for unsubstantiated statements, suitable for academic writing.
"corridors of power" -> "authorities"
Explanation: While "corridors of power" is figurative, "authorities" is a more direct and suitable term in academic writing, conveying the same meaning with greater formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "Opinions on whether greater government control ought to be exerted over internet use or not vary. This essay will discuss both of these perspectives, before reaching the final conclusion supporting such an imposition."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction successfully presents the topic and the intention to discuss both perspectives before revealing the writer’s stance. However, it lacks a clear roadmap outlining the main points that will be covered. Consider incorporating a concise preview of the key arguments that will be explored, providing the reader with a roadmap for the essay.
- Improved example: "Opinions on whether greater government control ought to be exerted over internet use or not vary. This essay will delve into both perspectives, examining the arguments for and against increased regulation. We will explore the impact on individual freedom, potential benefits, and societal implications before reaching a conclusion in favor of increased governmental involvement."
Quoted text: "On the one hand, it is argued that Netizens’ liberty cannot be denied…"
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph effectively presents one perspective but lacks depth in terms of developing ideas. The supporting examples are somewhat vague and do not fully extend the main points. To enhance this section, provide more specific and detailed examples that illustrate the potential consequences of limiting internet freedom. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the issue.
- Improved example: "On the one hand, it is argued that Netizens’ liberty cannot be denied. Every individual’s right to express ideas or consume content freely is crucial. Restricting such agency may infringe on personal freedom, leading to public resentment. For instance, the protests against stringent free speech policies in the United States resulted in national reforms. Additionally, preserving internet liberty aids in raising public awareness, as online platforms serve as primary sources of information. Deprived of this privilege, individuals may turn to less efficient traditional means like newspapers, hindering their ability to stay updated on national affairs."
Quoted text: "On the other hand, this essay asserts that the authorities should impose greater limitations on internet use because of the far-reaching impacts on society and its members…"
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph effectively presents the opposing perspective with a clear position. However, the supporting examples, while relevant, lack specificity. To strengthen your argument, provide more concrete and vivid examples that highlight the potential harms of unrestricted internet use. This will add depth to your analysis and make your position more compelling.
- Improved example: "On the other hand, this essay asserts that the authorities should impose greater limitations on internet use because of the far-reaching impacts on society and its members. For instance, stricter regulations can protect vulnerable demographics, particularly children, from exposure to pernicious content such as pornography. In today’s age, there is a concerning trend of juveniles accessing inappropriate or mentally disturbing images online, adversely affecting their psychological well-being. By imposing restrictions, instances of such exposure can be minimized, ensuring the long-term safety of the public. Moreover, on a broader scale, regulation can mitigate public disturbances fueled by misinformation on social media, as witnessed during the COVID-19 pandemic."
Overall, while the essay adequately addresses both perspectives, it would benefit from providing a clearer roadmap in the introduction and enhancing the development of ideas by incorporating more specific and detailed examples in each paragraph.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay exhibits a clear organizational structure, allowing for a coherent presentation of ideas. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument and maintains a logical flow. The use of cohesive devices, although present, may at times lack precision or might be slightly overused, impacting the essay’s cohesion. However, the essay does manage to maintain a central topic within each paragraph, showcasing a systematic organization of information.
How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on refining the use of cohesive devices. Ensure their accuracy and precise application to better connect ideas without overreliance on certain terms. Additionally, aim for a more nuanced balance between the contrasting perspectives presented to further strengthen the logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Finally, consider refining paragraph structures to ensure a more consistent and logical flow within and between paragraphs.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8
Band Score: 8.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, exhibiting a wide range with fluency and flexibility. The writer skillfully employs uncommon lexical items, contributing to precise and sophisticated communication. Minor errors in word choice and collocation are rare, occurring as ‘slips,’ showcasing a high level of control over lexical features.
How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a few more advanced vocabulary choices strategically. Additionally, ensure consistent accuracy in word choice and collocation throughout the essay. Although rare, any minor errors that do occur should be thoroughly reviewed and corrected to maintain the precision expected at a Band 8 level.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures with a variety of complex sentences. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the essay generally maintains good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of errors and awkward phrasing that slightly impact the overall accuracy. The essay successfully presents two perspectives and concludes with a clear opinion.
How to improve:
To improve the grammatical accuracy and range, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence structure to avoid occasional errors and awkward phrasing. Additionally, a more precise word choice could enhance clarity and fluency. A thorough proofreading to eliminate minor errors and ensure consistency in punctuation would contribute to achieving a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
The discussion about whether the government should have more control over internet usage is ongoing. This essay will explore both sides before concluding in favor of such control.
Some argue that people should have the freedom to use the internet as they wish. They believe everyone has the right to express themselves online and access content freely. Limiting this freedom might violate personal rights, leading to public outcry. For instance, strict policies in America have sparked protests and led to reforms. Additionally, the internet plays a crucial role in informing society. If restricted, people might rely on less efficient sources like newspapers, potentially missing out on important updates.
However, it’s argued here that authorities should impose limits on internet use due to its widespread effects. This could safeguard users, especially young people, from harmful content like pornography. Many youths are exposed to disturbing images online, affecting their mental well-being. Limiting internet access could reduce such exposure, ensuring public safety. Moreover, excessive use of social media often leads to misinformation and public unrest, as seen during the COVID-19 pandemic. Government intervention could help combat false information and prevent social disturbances.
In conclusion, while acknowledging the importance of internet freedom and its role in spreading awareness, it’s suggested that governments take a more active role in regulating the internet. This proactive approach can positively impact society and its individuals.