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Some believe technology has made our lives too complex and the solution is to lead a simpler life without technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe technology has made our lives too complex and the solution is to lead a simpler life without technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that with increasing technological development, people's lives become more intricate. However, while technological development brings many modern issues to people, I do not agree with the idea that they should go back to a simpler era which doesn’t have technology.

On the one hand, with increasing technological development, people's lifestyles become more complex and busy, which were different from in the past. This change brings several modern issues to this epoch. Firstly, people live in a world of information explosion through the progression of the internet which leads a lot of wrong information to spread easily. Resulting in people being in a confused state that they can’t identify the information whether the truth or not. Secondly, there are many cybercrime cases, utilizing the convenience of social media to cheat people for money. These reasons lead society to an unstable state, such as in political and economic aspects.

Nevertheless, the advancement of technology still brings various benefits to human society, even outweighs those shortcomings. Firstly, the invention of many digital devices associated with AI (Artificial Intelligence) helps people to solve many problems and brings many conveniences to daily life. For example, students can just take an iPad or a laptop to school instead of many physical books, which reduces the load on the bodies of teenagers who are in the development stage. Secondly, people also can utilize the strong memory and analysis ability of the AI to help us work, such as dealing with big data quickly and handling administrative tasks more easily.

In conclusion, although some believe that technology changes people’s lifestyle, becoming more intricate. In my opinion, its benefits and valuable effectiveness still outweigh those disadvantages, making people’s lives more convenient and efficient.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "people’s lives become more intricate" -> "people’s lives become more complex"
    Explanation: Replacing "intricate" with "complex" maintains a formal tone and better reflects the nuanced nature of the changes in people’s lives due to technological development.

  2. "which were different from in the past" -> "which differ from the past"
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrase by replacing "different from in" with "differ from" improves the sentence’s clarity and removes redundancy.

  3. "through the progression of the internet" -> "due to the advancement of the internet"
    Explanation: The phrase "through the progression of" can be replaced with "due to the advancement of" for a more formal and precise expression of the idea.

  4. "Resulting in people being in a confused state" -> "Resulting in widespread confusion among people"
    Explanation: Substituting "people being in a confused state" with "widespread confusion among people" enhances formality and specificity in describing the consequence of information explosion.

  5. "cheat people for money" -> "defraud people for financial gain"
    Explanation: Replacing "cheat people for money" with "defraud people for financial gain" adds formality and precision to the description of cybercrime.

  6. "These reasons lead society to an unstable state, such as in political and economic aspects" -> "These factors contribute to societal instability, particularly in political and economic realms"
    Explanation: Replacing "reasons lead society to an unstable state" with "factors contribute to societal instability" provides a more precise and formal articulation of the idea.

  7. "Nevertheless, the advancement of technology still brings various benefits" -> "However, technological advancement continues to yield numerous benefits"
    Explanation: Substituting "Nevertheless, the advancement of technology still brings" with "However, technological advancement continues to yield" enhances the formality and flow of the sentence.

  8. "many digital devices associated with AI (Artificial Intelligence)" -> "numerous AI-powered digital devices"
    Explanation: Replacing "many digital devices associated with AI (Artificial Intelligence)" with "numerous AI-powered digital devices" offers a more concise and formal description.

  9. "helps people to solve many problems" -> "assists individuals in addressing various challenges"
    Explanation: Replacing "helps people to solve many problems" with "assists individuals in addressing various challenges" adds formality and specificity to the sentence.

  10. "brings many conveniences to daily life" -> "provides numerous conveniences in daily life"
    Explanation: Substituting "brings many conveniences to daily life" with "provides numerous conveniences in daily life" enhances formality and precision in expressing the idea.

  11. "take an iPad or a laptop to school instead of many physical books" -> "bring an iPad or a laptop to school in lieu of numerous physical books"
    Explanation: Replacing "take" with "bring" and adding "in lieu of numerous physical books" improves formality and precision in conveying the message.

  12. "reduces the load on the bodies of teenagers who are in the development stage" -> "alleviates the physical burden on teenagers during their developmental stage"
    Explanation: Substituting "reduces the load on the bodies of teenagers who are in the development stage" with "alleviates the physical burden on teenagers during their developmental stage" enhances formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the challenges posed by technological development while asserting a disagreement with the notion of reverting to a technology-free era. Relevant sections are cited to support this analysis.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider offering more nuanced insights into the advantages and disadvantages of technology. Additionally, explicitly addressing each aspect of the prompt within the essay structure will strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for the benefits of technology despite acknowledging its challenges. Specific examples are used to support the stance.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the central argument. Consider incorporating a concise thesis statement to guide the reader through the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with moderate development, providing examples to support the advantages of technology. However, some points lack depth, and the discussion on disadvantages is somewhat limited.
    • How to improve: Extend the analysis by delving deeper into the drawbacks of technology and exploring counterarguments. Provide more detailed examples and explanations to enhance the overall development of ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the complexities introduced by technology and arguing against a return to a simpler life. There is a brief mention of cybercrime, which slightly deviates from the main focus.
    • How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the main theme by ensuring that every point directly relates to the impact of technology on complexity in daily life. If discussing related issues, tie them back explicitly to the main argument.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt but can be improved by offering more nuanced insights, enhancing the clarity of the central position, providing deeper analysis of ideas, and maintaining a more focused discussion throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic and the writer’s stance. Each body paragraph discusses a specific aspect of the argument, presenting ideas coherently. The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. However, there are instances where the connection between sentences and ideas could be smoother, impacting the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on improving the transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear topic sentence and that subsequent sentences build upon that idea. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas and maintain a consistent flow throughout the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph addressing a distinct point related to the argument. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development and elaboration. For instance, the second body paragraph could expand on the consequences of information explosion and cybercrime, providing more depth to the analysis.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraphs by offering more detailed examples and explanations to support each point. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. Consider incorporating evidence and specific instances to reinforce the arguments made in each paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and precision of these devices. Some transitions feel abrupt, impacting the smooth flow of the essay.
    • How to improve: Enhance the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases. Ensure that each transition serves its purpose in guiding the reader through the logical progression of ideas. Pay attention to coherence at both the micro and macro levels, addressing transitions between sentences as well as between paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, refining the logical organization, paragraph development, and cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, especially when discussing the advantages and disadvantages of technology. For instance, phrases like "information explosion," "cybercrime cases," and "daily life" showcase a moderate lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, strive to incorporate more sophisticated and contextually fitting vocabulary. The usage of certain words, such as "epoch," is slightly awkward and may be replaced with more commonly accepted alternatives. Additionally, consider integrating domain-specific vocabulary to bolster your argument further.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, but there are instances where word choice could be more accurate. For instance, in the phrase "which were different from in the past," the use of "different from" is redundant. There are opportunities for more precise vocabulary, such as replacing "big data" with a more specific term.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision in word choice by avoiding unnecessary words or redundant expressions. When discussing technology, opt for terms that precisely convey your intended meaning. In the case of "big data," consider using a more specific term like "data analytics" or "data processing."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout, with only a few minor errors. For example, "efficientness" should be corrected to "efficiency." However, these errors do not significantly impede comprehension.
    • How to improve: Continue to pay attention to spelling accuracy. Utilize tools like spell-check to catch minor errors and consider proofreading your work to ensure complete spelling accuracy. Additionally, be cautious with word formation to avoid unintentional misspellings.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary with room for improvement. By refining vocabulary choices for precision and incorporating a wider range of terms, and maintaining consistent attention to spelling, you can elevate the lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is evidence of both simple and complex sentence constructions. For instance, there are complex sentences like "Resulting in people being in a confused state that they can’t identify the information whether the truth or not." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further, such as incorporating compound-complex sentences and varying sentence lengths for a more engaging flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences to express complex ideas. Vary sentence lengths for better rhythm and engagement. For instance, combine shorter sentences for conciseness and use longer sentences for detailed explanations.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward constructions. For example, the sentence "However, while technological development brings many modern issues to people," might be clearer as "However, technological development brings about various modern issues for people." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, like the comma splice in "For example, students can just take an iPad or a laptop to school instead of many physical books."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review sentence structures for clarity and correctness. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and eliminate unnecessary redundancies. Regarding punctuation, consider using semicolons or separating into two sentences for clarity. For instance, "For example; students can use an iPad or laptop for school, reducing the need for multiple physical books."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competency in grammatical range and accuracy, further improvement can be achieved by incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation for greater clarity and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed true that as technology advances, people’s lives become more intricate. However, while technological development brings about various modern challenges, I do not agree with the notion that reverting to a simpler, technology-free era is the solution.

On one hand, the increasing technological development leads to more complex and bustling lifestyles, differing significantly from the past. This transformation introduces several contemporary issues. Firstly, the internet’s progress creates an information explosion, causing the easy spread of misinformation. This results in people feeling perplexed, unable to discern the truth from falsehood. Secondly, the convenience of social media is exploited in numerous cybercrime cases, where individuals are deceived for financial gain. These factors contribute to societal instability, particularly in political and economic realms.

Nevertheless, the ongoing technological advancement continues to yield numerous benefits, often outweighing these drawbacks. Firstly, the creation of numerous AI-powered digital devices assists individuals in addressing various challenges and provides numerous conveniences in daily life. For instance, students can now bring an iPad or a laptop to school instead of carrying numerous physical books, alleviating the physical burden on teenagers during their developmental stage. Secondly, the strong memory and analysis ability of AI can be harnessed to handle tasks such as dealing with big data quickly and managing administrative tasks more efficiently.

In conclusion, while it is acknowledged that technology contributes to the complexity of people’s lifestyles, I am of the opinion that its benefits and valuable effectiveness surpass these disadvantages. Technology enhances convenience and efficiency, making people’s lives more manageable and streamlined.

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